Last week, I started the conversation about wrestling show sequels. Road Wild was somehow worse than Hog Wild and that fits into the traditional narrative of sequels being weaker. There wasn’t really anything on the line with that endeavor. For ECW, every show almost has to be a home run.
Barely Legal was the breath of fresh air I figured it was, but there’s only so many fresh breaths you can take before you need to step into a new environment. The novelty, both now and in 1997, definitely has a lot of meat on the bone. Now…is that meat tasty? Am I getting lost in my analogies? Should I stop asking questions and just get to it already?
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 139: ECW HARDCORE HEAVEN 1997
Written on 12/30/22
HOW WE START: Gotta love that TV-MA logo in the top corner. It’s a poorly lit arena and “ECW” chants with Joey Styles welcoming us in the ring. We are in the War Memorial in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I know this building! I saw ROH’s WrestleMania weekend shows in 2012 there. Dan Karpel got knocked down by a Young Buck superkick into the rail (and that gives us a live ROH show reference challenge). The Three-Way Dance main event is previewed. Shane Douglas is booed; Terry Funk gets a mixed reaction and Sabu (the new champ) gets an even more mixed reaction. Jerry Lawler is also in the house and Styles is interrupted by Rick Rude with a decently dubbed theme. He received huge “You Sold Out” chants, so this must be post-rejoining WWF and DX. I didn’t know it was this early. Joey runs him down and references a “boy toy from another organization” and won’t interview him out of feat. This feels like a TV show, not a PPV. Rude does his promo schtick and gets a drink thrown at him. He ultimately introduces “No Gimmicks Needed” Chris Candido.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: TV TITLE MATCH- Chris Candido vs Taz (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Candido is on that GOODT juice. Tod Gordon and referees comes down. Gordon has anti-charisma, claiming he threw away Rude’s commentating contract and that he doesn’t have a manager one. That means he needs to get out. Rick is a MVP threat by being natural on the mic in this environment, but he’s still forced out before the count of ten. He sneaks in a “fuck you” to Tod. The opening package finally plays! Paul E. is on that GOODT caffeine. WWF attacks, the main event preview and Sandman shit all play to the familiar theme. Back live, everyone is on their feet for the champ. He is stoically awesome. This is one of three main events apparently. Candido has his fans, but Taz is super over in the formal intros.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Taz doesn’t come out of the corner at the bell and doesn’t react to pushes and slaps, but does to a spit. He no sells everything until he hits a low blow and pumphandle Tazplex. He’s an awesome MVP again.
-Candido is only 25 YEARS OLD HERE?!?!? He gets called a pussy by clutching the bottom rope, then hits a powerbomb and mocks Taz’s stance. Joey discusses both men’s neck histories.
-The crowd is definitely trying to be too smart. There are tons of scattered chants, catcalls and signs referencing people like Bruce Mitchell. I see two total women.
-A brawl on the floor keeps Chris on top as does a top rope hurricanrana and headbutt. OH NO, I see Tye Dye Guy in like the tenth row already standing up. Here’s the prerequisite LVP.
-A top rope powerbomb is countered into a second rope belly-to-belly Tazplex. Chris takes a header on both a German and T-Bone.
-The former Skip cockily turns his back in the corner and Taz slashes the throat and applies his hold to elicit the tap.
HOW DOES IT END:
Taz retains in 11:52 with the Tazmission
FINAL WORD: That was a decent little opener (no joke against their heights intended). It’s great to see Candido treated seriously and Taz working a normal match.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: There are Taz soundbites like the nWo theme in his song. That’s so funny to me. After the replay, Joey previews their next PPV in November and says you have to be live to see the stuff that happens before the show. As a bad example, we see the PPV debut of Insane Clown Posse earlier in the evening. Look how skinny Violent J is. Rob Van Dam and Bill Alfonso interrupt and J gets MURDERED with a spin kick to the head. Shaggy 2 Dope is pounded and choked. Sabu joins for a nutty dive into an UNPROTECTED shot into Shaggy’s head, then a double Muscle Buster on J.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: REVENGE MATCH- Spike Dudley vs Bam Bam Bigelow
BEFORE THE BELL: That’s one hell of a bootleg to Highway to Hell for Spike Dudley. He flails about and throws chairs like crazy. He just beat his opponent last week and this rematch was demanded. Joey calls him a “special little person.” There’s an equally weird song for his opponent, Bam Bam Bigelow. He’s slumming it in ECW and looks PISSED. The crowd treats him like God. Every match gets formal intros. The crowd is already chanting “over here.” This is apparently the lightest point in Bigelow’s career.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-OMG what an overhead throw onto Spike’s neck right away. Bam Bam gets lax early and Joey reiterates that he did that in the last match.
-Spike fires up for a couple moves, then gets caught and destroyed with a Last Ride-style powerbomb. Dudley is press slammed and chucked into the top of the ring post. Bigelow is showing MVP energy and power.
-The little guy is now bloody and he’s chucked into the fourth row. A random guy in the crowd now has blood all over himself! I love this shit! Bam Bam cartwheels in celebration.
-Jeff Jones is the ref and not a judge. The destruction continues with a Gonso Bomb. The ring mat is gross and so is the landing on the face of the finish.
HOW DOES IT END:
Bam Bam Bigelow wins in 5:05 with a top rope moonsault
FINAL WORD: That might be my favorite squash of all time. Despite getting killed, Spike looks great and Bigelow is a beast again.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Spike is attended to in-ring and the mat is crudely swept/mopped. The Sandman is shown saving ICP before the show despite a back injury and he pays for it. He takes four UNPROTECTED chair shots to the head-one from a throw, one from a Van Daminator, one from a top rope throw in a surfboard and a final one off a top rope leg drop. Good lord. He’s taken out in an ambulance. I’m surprised they even have one kayfabe.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: MONDAY NIGHT RULES MATCH- Rob Van Dam w/Bill Alfonso vs Al Snow
BEFORE THE BELL: This is a special attraction match. RVD has the generic ECW theme and his tights are BALLER because they have the WWF and WCW logos airbrushed on. Snow still dresses like Leif Cassidy, but is acting a little like the Al Snow we know. The lights blind him. Joey puts him over as Al Snow and derides past creative for him, calling him a “wrestler’s wrestler.” He also adds a nice anecdote about Fonzie still being hated in this building despite being a ref for Eddie Graham here for seven years. Rob is billed from Stamford in a great touch. This is basically heel versus heel?
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Holy fuck is that whistle annoying! I have to give Alfonso LVP for that alone. I finally get it. There’s good wrestling capped by a wheelbarrow suplex that Styles calls three different names.
-Snow hits a big running clothesline all the way from the entrance. Fonzie gets in the ring just to keep whistling and egg Van Dam on for a guardrail moonsault.
-Al hits a big superplex and starts getting chants. A guy in the audience has a sign saying “Cuban GF, will you marry me?” RVD hits a sloppy standing moonsault, but not a sloppy frog splash that’s still not his finisher.
-An equally sloppy standing moonsault from Snow and the Snow Plow only gets a two count. What are these two’s signatures right now, for crying out loud? Can we also get to them? This is a little mid to me.
-RVD takes an ugly tumble off the top into a chair and table on the floor from a dropkick. Snow hits a Plancha and takes a rough landing on the same table. Two UNPROTECTED chairs to RVD’s head. What about Monday Night Rules? After a third, Snow takes his own UNPROTECTED after a second running clothesline attempt.
-Snow kicks out of a Van Daminator on the rail and the crowd tries to rally. He spikes Rob with a DDT, but takes one more UNPROTECTED shot with Fonzie’s throw to help to finally end it.
HOW DOES IT END:
Rob Van Dam wins in 13:42 with the Van Daminator
FINAL WORD: It got better, but that wasn’t very cohesive or exciting. Mr. Monday Night’s matches are as rough as the lighting in the building.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Alfonso claims RVD is on HBO? Styles cuts to a helicopter chasing an ambulance. THERE AIN’T NO WAY THAT HELICOPTER COMPANY GOT PAID FOR THIS! Lance Wright is in the “Extreme Chopper” and he blows total chunks. He’s a full blown LVP by being completely unclear as to what is going on. The Sandman is lost? This is Miz giving Diva Search numbers levels of live TV speaking. Joey has to spell out the actual story afterwards: Sandman commandeered the ambulance and is trying to come back to the building. Then, Jerry Lawler cuts a promo with some Kevin Dunn directing because the camera keeps zooming into his face. He cuts a great WWF “rah rah rah” promo and claiming Undertaker wants him to Tombstone, Bret Hart wants him to Sharpshooter and Stone Cold wants him to open a can of whoop ass on Tommy Dreamer. That was an MVP promo.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: TAG TITLE MATCH- PG-13 vs The Dudley Boyz w/Big Dick Dudley, Sign Guy Dudley, Joel Gertner and Jenna Jameson
BEFORE THE BELL: You read that right: JENNA JAMESON is in the ring with the Dudley clan. There’s an immediate “Show Your Tits” chant. Gertner’s promo is bonkers as usual. How much money with Heyman blow on this show? Speaking of blowing, don’t worry-there will be a Jameson pic at the end of this section. Gertner is very funny and Sign Guy gets bleeped. Big Dick is called phallic and metallic. The ref is called bald. The champs are finally introduced. The Gangsta couldn’t work, so Joel calls them three-time champs now? They are XXX, but they have to wrestle PG-13. WOW, really? JC Ice and Wolfie D come down and look like walking flea market booths. Jump Around is thinly veiled as their entrance song. Is this another odd heel versus heel battle? Joey tongue-in-cheek hates them obviously. JC talks and calls Mama Dudley a ho. Why does Wolfie D carry a hubcap? Jamie Dundee has some good disses and reminds me of early Enzo Amore. He gets over with his time on the stick, that’s for sure. Is their name a joke on Jerry Lawler? They are the current USWA tag champs. Without a shirt and hat, Ice is a sight in five different ways. But I already made you a deal…
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Wolfie and D-Von start. PG-13 botch their first double team. JC looks like Chuck Liddell, but now. I also think he has jizz painted on his back pockets? He forcibly kisses Jenna and she spits for the first time. Meanwhile, Wolfie isn’t bad on offense.
-Nice comedy spot with D-Von confused on who he is arm wringing and naturally does it to Buh Buh. The crowd is shockingly into this. Jameson trips JC to turn the tide. The crowd chants “bounce” and she obliges. MVP? I’m kidding, but I had to make the joke. Besides, that’s awful heel work.
-Wolfie gets the hot tag and hits a great double dropkick on his own and a powerbomb for two. One dive is caught, so Wolfie dives on everyone to “ECW” chants. What happened? They got over and I don’t think we’ll ever see them again! Back in the ring, the finish comes out of nowhere.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Dudley Boyz retain in 10:58 when Buh Buh Ray Dudley pins Wolfie D with the 3D
FINAL WORD: A solid tag match is a nice surprise here! PG-13 earned their spot with me
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Gertner announces them as winners and JC calls Mama Dudley a ho one more time. There’s an ambulance update and more of Lance Wright apparently afraid of heights. Sandman apparently stopped and bought cigarettes and booze. This is absurd. Does this guy even know words? If so, it’s barely. Back live, there’s a merciful blackout.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: Jerry Lawler vs Tommy Dreamer w/Beulah McGillicutty
BEFORE THE BELL: Lawler promotes Ground Zero in the middle of the ring and calls the ECW roster “dope headed derelicts.” This is great heel shit. He repeats most of his promo from earlier sadly, but the live crowd doesn’t know that. Styles says he won’t be able to stay impartial. Tommy enters with Beulah and there’s a chase before the bell where the face gets the advantage.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-King takes two UNPROTECTED items to the head and comes up bleeding already. I won’t count the shot with a cup of beer. I’ll have to just begin a tally because there’s a third UNPROTECTED shot and now, they’re going through the stands.
-Lawler is dragged all over and through the crowd while being choked with a belt amid big chants. I’m waiting for a worker that has been impersonating a homeless dude to get thrown through a section sign and beat up by the Briscoes (one more to go). He sells desperation to get away so well. He crotches Tommy on the top rope to avoid a chair shot and throws him into an open chair before an UNPROTECTED throw to the head to totally take over.
-I’ve never seen a blurred sign before! King mocks the crowd urging Dreamer on and whips him with the belt. A burger and crown get used and Dreamer is tied to the buckle. The audience starts singing something about Lawler and a 14-year-old girl. WOW.
-Dreamer kicks out of the piledriver without much heat. The crowd is distracting themselves. Dreamer’s shirt is ripped off and I don’t think I’ve ever seen his bare chest in this era. Lawler wipes his ass with the shirt and Joey criticizes Memphis storylines. Tommy starts firing up and no selling before a “fuck you, motherfucker” and punching to a forward Flair flop for the heel.
-There are tons of random bleeps following a double axe to the balls. If other shit isn’t bleeped, what the FUCK IS? The ref is bumped, then hit with a DDT for good measure. The lights go out before a ring post nut attack and more bleeps. It’s Rick Rude to deliver two UNPROTECTED trash can shots to Dreamer, bloodying him. He still kicks out of a pin.
-The ref is stomped and the lights go out AGAIN before a Dreamer piledriver. This time, it’s Jake Roberts and he clotheslines Dreamer. Lawler is shocked and scared. Tommy is hit with the DDT and Jake cuts a baller mini promo about God into the camera. He short arm clotheslines Lawler for good measure and he lands on Dreamer who STILL kicks out. Just blow him up at this point!
-For a third time, the lights go out on a Dreamer DDT attempt. It ends up being Sunny?!?! She sprays Dreamer in the eyes and Beulah takes her down for the first “CAT FIGHT” on PPV. Lawler goes to piledrive Beulah and she’s almost hit with a chair, but a low blow and finisher finally does the trick.
HOW DOES IT END:
Tommy Dreamer wins in 18:51 with the DDT
FINAL WORD: A candidate for the most overbooked match ever, but yet somehow still enjoyable. It did get laughable to a point, though.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Sunny looks so dirty for some reason. Joey doesn’t dwell or let the moment of this big ECW victory sit at all because it’s main event time. The first match in February 1994 is only shown for the triple sleeper spot because we need another chopper update! There are audio/visual issues, but Sandman has finally made it to the building and Lance will hopefully stop talking. He swings the cane at tons of security dudes outside.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: ECW TITLE THREE WAY DANCE- Shane Douglas w/Francine vs Terry Funk vs Sabu W/Bill Alfonso (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: The Franchise and his “head cheerleader” are out first. Styles calls her a gold-digging bimbo. Shane gets mic time just to say “bring it on.” I don’t get the hype for him AT ALL. Funk is next at 53 years old with a WILD song that has lyrics like “ride, stallion, ride” and “it’s the end of the line.” Francine randomly offers him money and he slaps it away. Sabu is last without music, but with fucking Fonzie. The famed Barbed Wire match just happened eight days prior. These loons. All three are formally introduced and we begin.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-This has elimination rules. Sabu and Shane start while Funk wisely watches. All three brawl on the floor before you know it. Funk is sent into the rail and hit UNPROTECTED with a trash can twice.
-Terry is double teamed and Styles mentions he’ll be retiring at the end of 1997. Fucking hahahahahaha. Sabu’s arm is all taped up and he sells/seems to be in real pain constantly. A couple of Air Sabus can’t get a pin, so Shane finally hits him with a chair to end the partnership.
-A triple jump into the crowd looks like a flying nothing, but it’s impressive nevertheless. Funk throws a chair at Sabu still in the crowd. Sabu is bouncing and flying around like an MVP Wildman.
-Great neckbreaker/powerbomb combo to Sabu on two open chairs. I start my UNPROTECTED tally because it’s getting tiresome. At least Terry is blocking shots and yelling things like “you motherfucker.”
-Francine has to help Douglas bring a guardrail into the ring. Wimp. He’s obsessed with that thing and gets whipped and backdropped into it.
-Franchise answers back with two patented belly-to-belly finishers, but both guys get right up to lock in the triple sleeper for a callback. It feels shoehorned, though, especially with the finisher no sells beforehand.
-Sabu’s springboards are all super on point and right as I write that down, a chair gives way and he slips lol. Everyone is starting to slow down to sell the damage of the match, but Sabu flawlessly hits a springboard on both men for a two count. A table is brought into the ring and Styles gives Sabu credit for popularizing it.
-Tod Gordon runs in and saves Terry from a Fonzie attack? After punches and headbutts, Gordon ends up on the table, but Funk does the same to Alfonso and Sabu moonsaults onto both men. WHAT THE FUCK? I mean that in a good way. Everyone in the crowd is standing.
-Sabu’s pants look like he’s auditioning for the Heartbreak Express in 2009 (and our reference challenge is oddly complete). A ladder is used by Sabu until Sandman comes out to beat the shit out of the champ including a senton on the ladder, but Sabu is still kicking out.
-Security escorts Sandman out while SABU is eliminated at 19:34 by both Terry Funk and Shane Douglas rolling him up. It basically gets lost in the chaos until Sabu jumps out onto the cops and Sandman.
-The roster comes out to help separate the two on the floor. There’s a great spot of Terry bouncing Shane’s head down the whole apron until Francine helps.
-Nine UNPROTECTED trash can shots to Shane are ended by 12 UNPROTECTED shots by Terry TO HIMSELF. Amazing. The roster stays to watch the end of the match. Funk kicks out of the belly-to-belly and Joey puts it over huge. A bloody Terry hits a piledriver and sets up a table before getting slapping in the face by Francine.
-Dory Funk appears and uppercuts Douglas to oblivion and a big pop. A roll up gets a good near fall for the Funker. Shane calls for the end on the apron and they both awkwardly fall through a ringside table. Why the fuck is the ref counting?!?!?!
-Terry kicks out of another unceremonious belly-to-belly. He kicks out of a third. Is he the Fiend in Hell in a Cell? He gets a good hope spot from a small package, but the fourth time is the charm.
HOW DOES IT END:
Shane Douglas wins the title in 26:32 with the belly-to-belly suplex
FINAL WORD: Certifiably wild, insane and all of the like synonyms. It was also very fun.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: The crowd is not very happy. Funk holds onto Shane’s foot and gets kicked and hit with the title. “Bullshit” chants ring out as Joel Gertner slithers in with the Dudleyz to talk and beat up Terry at the same time. He pitches joining forces instead of using the Triple Threat. Bam Bam and Candido (in a neck brace) come down to start a brawl. The roster that stayed joins in/tries to separate. I guess that’s why the other poster is just a bunch of dudes all over.
-This is Paul’s Achilles’ heel: these big, messy endings. The Triple Threat sneak off and Big Dick chokeslams everyone as the crowd chants for New Jack. They get Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten instead for an UNPROTECTED party. Funk is still fighting. FINALLY, the dubbed Natural Born Killaz (called “In the Ghetto”) means New Jack runs out along with John Kronus. I shit you not: the first thing New Jack does is throw an ARM DRAG. I cackled. There’s more madness and UNPROTECTED shots all around, but Dick hits both men with a chokeslam. Saturn comes out and breaks a crutch UNPROTECTED over Dick’s head and dishes out some Stunners. This is on one leg, by the way. He even nails a top rope elbow drop. There’s a fan cam shot (hopefully not with Rob Feinstein holding it) and my hand is cramping trying to keep up with everything. Kronus is diving off the top like a lunatic. This version of “In the Ghetto” is a little different than the Elvis one. Gertner gets cornered and punched. Jack is so charismatic as they fight over who beats up Joel. Ultimately, Jack wins and LAYS IN a chair shot UNPROTECTED. The music finally fades and Kronus hits a 450 to boot. The heels leave Joel and the faces scurry into the crowd. Funk is bloody in front of Tye Dye Guy. Chanting fans and wrestlers end it.
THE LAST IMAGE: A wide shot of all the carnage in the arena
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: The power and actual wrestling ability of guys like Bam Bam Bigelow and Taz might have been better, but Jerry Lawler shined with his character work and ability to be loathed. The King knows his shit and made the crowd froth despite it being a sports entertainment match.
FINAL LVP of PPV: Whose kid was Lance Wright and why did he get so much air time? He made Mike Adamle sound like Gordon Solie.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Shane Douglas vs Terry Funk vs Sabu
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Rob Van Dam vs Al Snow
FINAL THOUGHTS: What a loud, bloated, messy, problematic sequel that I still somehow enjoyed. This was ECW at its purest and it’s not for everyone. The matches and booking were fueled by drugs and fan service, but the live crowd and myself were still appropriately served. They can’t keep this up, though, especially with how the show looks and sounds. It’s a questionable decision, but MULLET RECOMMENDS
NEXT TIME: We go from sequels to series getting longer editions as In Your House moves to three hours with Ground Zero.