Today is the first part of a two-part opener related to sequels. It’s not anything extensive, just a little funny coincidence that we have back-to-back show that follow up very different predecessors. This week, it’s the second annual trek to Sturgis during their disgusting motorcycle rally for a WCW event that stokes Eric Bischoff’s biker fetish. We’ve changed the name to Road Wild because some company probably threatened to sue.
You can sense from my tone that I’m not the biggest fan of this event. Last year’s was heatless and boring and tough to watch, but I attributed that to the fact that the crowd wasn’t hip to the recent events of the New World Order launching at all. Now, in 1997, the product is on fire to the point where everybody should know what’s going on plus they’ve established the event with the regular attendees in South Dakota.
So, it can’t get any worse, right?
Right?
RIGHT?!?!?!
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 138: WCW ROAD WILD 1997
Written on 12/19/22
HOW WE START: “Everything is rumbling” at Road Wild! The nWo propaganda is crumbling with Lex Luger’s title victory on Monday. Will it last or will it fall short in Sturgis? A helicopter shot live in SD means Tony Schiavone blatantly lies about 20,000 people being on hand to watch the big event on the last day of the rally. Everything is lit better, but all three commentators still look silly in their denim vests or hats. If all the WCW guys can win, it will apparently be all over for the New World Order? There’s revving while Bobby Heenan tries to talk. These three are so lame in this environment.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Vicious and Delicious w/Vincent vs Harlem Heat
BEFORE THE BELL: There are cool license plate graphics before each match. The B-Team music brings out Buff Bagwell and Scott Norton along with Vincent. Buff is the first MVP by climbing on Flash’s back and acting like such a shithead. The camera fades away when Vincent tries to do the “4 Life” into the camera lens. Booker T and Stevie Ray are next and the older brother trips over his own feet in the dirt right away. Book has a Yankees hat on. There’s no more Sister Sherri, but they have a surprise later. Dusty calls the group “NWA” instead of nWo. How can this be a clusterfuck before the bell?
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Hearing a “Harlem Heat” chant is nice compared to the racist overtones of last year. Booker versus Buff to start and Buff’s dropkick is much better than his hip tosses.
-Norton vs Stevie is precarious, but okay. Both Ray and Book impressively slam and suplex Norton. Bagwell keeps acting like a face when fighting off double teams and showing oddly placed energy. The tone is all off when Buff takes a rest hold and tries to fire up the crowd.
-During another helicopter shot, Schiavone becomes the first LVP with the hyperbole that ruined his reputation. He claims it’s jam packed and that Luger’s win was WCW’s greatest moment ever already.
-Jacquelyn walks down and gets the engines revving to stand at Harlem Heat’s side. Vincent is mad and everyone in the booth claims she can take him in a funny moment.
-Buff hits a powerbomb cutoff and hot tags Scott. What the fuck? He goes nuts on both guys. I would expect them to be cheered when the crowd didn’t know anything last year, but does this year. After a shoulderbreaker by Norton, Jackie jumps on his back. The ref is distracted and Book gets a sneak attack in. Norton is kept strong in three different ways taking the fall (his foot is under the rope, it’s held down, he kicks out at 3.1).
HOW DOES IT END:
Harlem Heat wins in 10:18 when Booker T pins Scott Norton after a Harlem Side Kick
FINAL WORD: That was booked totally backwards. Was Sturgis the first Bizarro World?
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: After the replay, we see the Steiners on AOL with their new manager, Ted DiBiase. Nothing better than a BABYFACE TED DIBIASE.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: MEXICAN DEATH MATCH- Konnan vs Rey Mysterio Jr.
BEFORE THE BELL: The B-Team music is going to get a lot of play, I see! Mike Tenay joins the booth thankfully. Konnan has moved from the Dungeon of Doom to New World Order. The rules to this match are simply no DQ and there must be a winner. Rey enters gingerly. His heart is 100% though. I thought we only used 10% of those? That’s a Wedding Crashers reference challenge.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Rey is all over Konnan with a springboard dropkick until a counter into the buckle.
-Clotheslines and leg holds cause Rey to scream. Konnan uses the ropes, but Rey gets to them and causes a break. No one ever notes the rules in WCW the right way. Mysterio is doing some MVP selling and still trying his high-flying shit, hitting some of it.
-The crowd is dead quiet for this. Nice leg trip into a scissors while bumping by Konnan. He unties the mask and finally elicits a response. K-Dawg powerbombs Rey and keeps working on the mask to cheers. It comes off, but Rey holds onto it and hides his face, quickly getting it back on.
-Rey hits bad leg drops and a double spring moonsault off the ropes, awkwardly landing on his opponent’s head. He keeps selling the leg. This is falling apart.
-Mysterio gets a little hope spot, but gets destroyed with an overhead belly-to-belly. He keeps battling back and barely climbs to the top before getting caught in a cradle DDT. He finally can’t take it anymore. Not sure why this photo I found is black-and-white, but here you go!
HOW DOES IT END:
Konnan wins in 10:55 with a Tequila Sunrise
FINAL WORD: That was a better match than the crowd gave it credit for.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Konnan won’t let go of the hold after the bell and finally does so he can flash the West Side symbol. Trainers comes help Rey and it takes forever for a replay. Downtown Sturgis is shown and Tony and Bobby are terrible with numbers. Mean Gene shows off a sword/flower tattoo he apparently just got. Can you have a mid-life crisis at that advanced age? He’s got manager news on the hotline.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: ELIMINATION TAG MATCH- Chris Benoit and Steve McMichael vs Dean Malenko and Jeff Jarrett w/Debra McMichael
BEFORE THE BELL: How can this be one fall, but it’s a tag elimination match where everything but countouts count. Huh? The Horsemen come out first. Dusty calls out no Debra because she’s coming with Jarrett next. Poor Dean having to walk out to this honky tonk music. They’ve squandered his momentum so much. I don’t even remember the last time he was on PPV! Debra throws flowers in the crowd and Dusty becomes “flubbergasted” over some biker lady’s chest.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Malenko looks JACKED. Jarrett and Benoit start. After one arm drag, Jarrett struts and tags out. I hate him. Chris and Dean are used to wrestling this well in front of South Dakota silence. They bust their ass, yet one tag to Mongo gets a pop. He’s the most over thing on the show thus far.
-More bad speaking by Debra into the camera and the people are rightfully hating Jarrett even though he’s just on the apron. Malenko is totally dominated by both Horsemen. He’s taking so many slaps and bumps.
-The Iceman dodges the three-point stance and rushes to tag Jeff to a pop. He doesn’t want it, takes Mongo down and puts him on top of himself. JEFF JARRETT is eliminated at 7:11. That was great heel heat.
-Malenko is still fighting while Tony continues to question happenings “in the history of our sport.” Benoit hits a Tombstone, nails the headbutt and tags in McMichael to hit his own leaping version (not of the headbutt thankfully).
HOW DOES IT END:
The Horsemen win in 9:36 when Steve McMichael pins Dean Malenko with the Mongo Spike
FINAL WORD: What a great 10-minute squash showcase. Oh…that wasn’t what it was meant to be? Well, shit. I least you couldn’t tell what’s going to happen to Benoit for only the second time.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The winners talk shit in the camera before the replay that shows how stupid and silly everything Jarrett did was. Schiavone claims he was in a parade instead of a match. Huh? Then, it’s the annual wrestlers riding their motorcycles montage! Scott Steiner is always the coolest. At least it was only 60 seconds.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH- Chris Jericho vs Alex Wright (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Jericho, now the challenger, is still rocking Basketball Highlights #2. Everything just seems to happen on Nitro. Tenay rejoins the team and gives an update on Mysterio. It seems to be serious. That Lionheart vest is always baller. Out of nowhere after a year of nothing, here’s heel Alex Wright as champ! He gets total silence doing the dance in lime green. The nerve of him! There’s one “Alex Wright is the Man” sign and Tony shits all over it.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-There’s a very loud chant of a certain homosexual slur. Jericho thinks it’s for both of them at first, but then eggs it on when he realizes there isn’t a plural on there. Didn’t want to remember that. I hate that I know it now. Once it gets started, it’s chain wrestling with the heel bailing schtick early.
-Jericho has a good ear to what the crowd wants by crotching Wright and hitting a nice springboard dropkick. Then, he hits a crossbody over the top and slams Alex on the hard platform. That’s enough for MVP consideration, especially by taking a suplex on the platform and being sent into the ring steps.
-Shout out to the dude in the front row on the hard cam smoking a cigarette that looks like Alan Moore. Wright has some grounding offense mixed with little dances. Dusty is reaching LVP levels of loud and nonsensical insight.
-A missed moonsault leads to a comeback and the crowd is with Jericho for it. He hits the Lionsault for two. He gets raked over the coals by Heenan for the double powerbomb spot and wasting time.
-There’s plenty of reversals and two counts before one counter does the trick.
HOW DOES IT END:
Alex Wright retains in 13:01 with a roll-up holding the tights
FINAL WORD: The crowd didn’t eat them alive. That’s a win?
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Some guy with huge glasses and a Charles Manson shirt on a bike is shown before the Mayor of Sturgis is shown in the crowd. I guess that’s the only transition we need.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: Syxx vs Ric Flair
BEFORE THE BELL: Syxx gets the regular nWo music now. I should mention that his gear says “thug” in the font like 2Pac’s tattoo. WHY AM I SEEING CHILDREN IN THE CROWD?!?! The bikes rev for 2001 and Flair’s entrance. His license plate graphic is pink. Bobby predicts there will never be another 13-time champ like him. Oh, Brain, the business is changing…
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Karate taunts are met with a strut. There are tons of crotch chopping after one shoulder tackle.
-Both guys are trying, but there’s not much to this but chops back and forth. The crowd is sleeping and I don’t really blame them. A weird spin kick to the head ends Ric’s dominance.
-Syxx applies a long rest hold and hits a top rope leg drop for two. Then, it’s back to that rest hold. Boy, this is a slog for no reason. Flair is blatantly calling spots.
-One top rope senton misses and the Figure Four is attempted, but Syxx is right in the ropes. The Buzzkiller is blocked as is the Bronco Buster with one boot low and…that’s it?
HOW DOES IT END:
Ric Flair wins in 11:04 with a low blow boot counter of the Bronco Buster
FINAL WORD: That was a full-blown stinker between two good wrestlers for no reason at all.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Tony is still harping on the fact that this could be it for the nWo. Besides that, we are keeping the pace as brisk.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: Curt Hennig vs Diamond Dallas Page w/Kimberly
BEFORE THE BELL: Holy bad stock music for Curt Hennig. Bobby picks him because he’s still undefeated (except for that tag match thing). The black singlet makes him look less bloated, so that’s a win. Everyone keeps saying he’s in great shape like we are lying to him as a group. Never mind that shit, here’s Kimberly in a bikini top and skirt. Put her in the Shout dance compilation please (one more to go). Page is still over and gets chants here. He chases Hennig and won’t be allowed in the ring with knees until he’s dragged out and beaten up before officially starting.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-DDP hits a hair swing. Five years ago, Curt would take a super bump on that. He can barely crawl into the bottom post for his crotch spot. LVP once again. His underwear is almost fully exposed on a singlet pull.
-A towel is used to choke Dallas. Hennig hits his usual offense like the neck snap and it has some crispness to it. I’m full-blown working and passively watching this now. DDP’s selling of his leg makes me look up because it’s loud and vulgar sounding.
-I can’t believe DDP is too spry and quick for Curt legitimately. A whip into the ropes is messed up and a tilt-a-whirl sunset flip almost did as well. The engines revving is so obnoxious.
-On a kickout, DDP elbows the ref on accident. Curt takes the turnbuckle pad off and unceremoniously smacks Page’s head into the buckle. It takes forever for the ref to be revived to the point where I’m expecting a swerve and I get one because Dallas kicks out of the PerfectPlex.
-DDP blocks a second try and sends him into the buckle. He can’t do the bounce out of the corner and it’s sad as fuck. The ref is bumped AGAIN on a flapjack.
-Ric Flair runs out and successfully comes off the top rope, but was punched and hit with the Diamond Cutter. Two stat updates at once! Hennig hits another finish and it can’t be kicked out of this time. Makes no sense.
HOW DOES IT END:
Curt Hennig wins in 9:43 with the PerfectPlex
FINAL WORD: This show might hold the record for the best card compared to the actual match quality of said card. This was another entirely blah affair.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mean Gene talks about Raven and Stevie Richards to preview the hotline. Save your money. A Fall Brawl commercial shows Wrath, Public Enemy and High Voltage battling in War Games. Then, the New World Order gets their own Sturgis commercial AKA Buff Bagwell riding a motorcycle and Eric Bischoff talking shit to Lex Luger. There’s a little Voodoo Child in the background. Are these the only two guys that can ride/actually made the trip like that?
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: Randy Savage w/Elizabeth vs The Giant
BEFORE THE BELL: Schiavone claims the next three matches are the biggest in the sport’s history. If you’re going to say that, don’t go right into a random ass match with zero stakes. David Penzer starts introducing Giant before Savage’s music even ends. I still hate Giant having no music. The bell rings as Macho won’t get in the ring.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-After 45 seconds of avoiding contact, Giant teases a dive and turns his back to get hit. Savage tries a slam and gets squashed. What is happening?
-They go right into hiding behind Liz after a few punches. Giant picks her up and moves her. A decade ago, Randy would have lost his mind about that. Giant press slams Savage back in over-the-top rope.
-The match grinds to a halt after one chop block with slow, plodding selling and hitting of the leg. He gets a two count off a top rope crossbody. Macho is caught trying a second one and gets gingerly dropped and finished.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Giant wins in 6:06 with the chokeslam
FINAL WORD: I won’t keep sounding like a broken record, but that was totally passable. I don’t mean passable like okay. I mean passable like skippable.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The commentators are all happy and cocky being up 3-1 and talking in buzzwords obnoxiously (“THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN WCW”) before the replay. The sunset isn’t even called properly. It’s beautiful, but I’ve seen a lot better.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: TAG TITLE MATCH- The Steiner Brothers w/Ted DiBiase vs The Outsiders (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: The champs come out first again. It’s a rare case of Nash letting himself look older. These same two ladies are trying to flash their bras in the front row. Dusty wants to hug Bobby after a good line? DiBiase walks out first for his group and the Steiners ride motorcycles out with big pyro. Nick Patrick is pointed out as the ref.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The Scotts start. The toothpick throw is met with a slap. Scott Steiner looks like Josh Brolin from No Country for Old Men. Suplexes and the patented double powder into a post happens early.
-Nash versus Rick continues along with the hyperbole when Nash is called one of the most dangerous men in the world. Nash takes a belly-to-back well enough. A big boot cuts off the faces and it really connects.
-Scott takes plenty of heat including a fallaway slam, cheating behind the ref’s back and the sidewalk slam. Ted keeps getting on the apron and complaining and arguably making things worse. Nash’s “dive” with a double axe to prevent a tag is LOL funny.
-The tag is dramatically cut off on three occasions. This has good tag team structure and Scott is taking an MVP beating. Rick hits a Steinerline behind the ref’s back and tells them to suck it. He finally gets tagged and dumps both Outsiders easily.
-They hit the Doomsday bulldog, but Nash pulls the ref out and Patrick calls for the bell right away. They celebrate like crazy like they won the titles. DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM LEX IN 1993, YOU IDIOTS?
HOW DOES IT END:
The Steiner Brothers win in 15:29 by DQ
FINAL WORD: Even with the totally bullshit ending, that was the best match on the show just by following a formula that I’m not even a big fan of.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Ted freaks, the people yell bullshit and the announcers are bad like the whole time. This kills what little momentum the show was gaining. The replay doesn’t help and Nick Patrick is given the benefit of the doubt. There’s a LOT of sweeping camera shots and analysis that is worthless before LEATHER BERET MICHAEL BUFFER.
MATCH NUMBER NINE: WCW TITLE MATCH- Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs Lex Luger (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Buffer is an LVP once again just from looks alone let alone the nonsense he says. Hogan barely has any facial hair and he’s all alone. Tony keeps shilling huge and there’s a ton of fireworks for the new champ wearing the belt without the nWo on it for the first time in a year (there are some shadowy remnants). Buffer, his move isn’t called the Torture Rack of Doom for the 100th time! They push before the bell. That might be the most action of the whole match.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Hulk’s hair looks painted on. It was a gift, Todd. He’s taking it with him (and we’re done).
-Two shoulder tackles and the bumping looks horrible. Lex flexes after each one and we are two minutes in. The wrist locks and arm drag by Lex look better than last month. Hulk bails and asks for time out amidst a “Hogan sucks” chant.
-Scratching, clawing, punching and overselling. Oh goody. All of the choking and flailing looks utterly preposterous.
-Cable choking on the floor. Tony says Nitro was the greatest night of his career. He just can’t stop, can he? Of course, we settle into a bearhug.
-We move into a test of strength. The workrate in this match can best be described as “I guess…” A low blow stops the rally.
-Hulk hits the big boot for two. I think it look Luger longer to bump for it than the count. Hulk hits a suplex and it’s no sold and used for a fire up. Why? It was the best move of the match!
-Lex avoids the leg drop and hits lariats. God, I’ve seen Mae Young bump better in 2022. The nWo come out and Lex handles them all like Nitro. Both guys are so gassed. A bad Sting impersonator comes out and hits Lex in the back with a bat and the announcers have to play dumb AGAIN and call it wrong, then act all devastated. THAT STING HAD A FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOW AND A WIG, YOU MORONS.
HOW DOES IT END:
Hollywood Hulk Hogan wins the title in 16:16 with the leg drop
FINAL WORD: If I can use a motorcycle/vehicle analogy, that was a full set of flat tires.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Garbage is thrown into the ring and Hulk cowers and they leave. I don’t believe that was the plan. Dusty and Tony sound like buffoons saying Sting turned his back on them and showed their true colors. “How did this happen?” The Steiners and Hennig (still a HEEL) come check on Lex. “I don’t know what Sting’s thinking” and didn’t see when he was hit in the back means Dusty is fighting Tony tooth and nail for this LVP last minute. Lex is helped to the back and nobody got the word they’re supposed to leave. The whole front row is shown as they kill time because they ended early. Tony hangs his head and we finally watch the backstage celebration. Konnan is holding the title, Dennis Rodman is randomly there (why wasn’t he doing anything else?!?!) and they repaint the belt with Voodoo Child playing in the background. This is very impromptu and poorly staged. Tony just says “see ya” and “bye.” Good riddance.
THE LAST IMAGE: A wide shot of Sturgis
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Sometimes, whoever was the best wrestler on the show is enough and that’s the case for Chris Jericho here. His “yeah baby come on” routine is perfect for these people and he worked maybe the hardest of anyone on this show (not that it’s saying much).
FINAL LVP of PPV: The “greatest night in the history of our sport” meme may have started on this night for Tony Schiavone. I just wanted to yell “SHUT UP!!!” At what part? All of them.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: The Steiner Brothers vs The Outsiders
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs Lex Luger
FINAL THOUGHTS: How can you make Hog Wild worse? Raise expectations with better stories and matches on paper and put in LESS of an effort. Almost everyone treated this like a full off night and it shows. The crowd was marginally better, but the aesthetic and action were not conducive for a wrestling show. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: This was the Caddyshack 2 of sequels. Let’s hope ECW’s second foray into PPV, Hardcore Heaven, is more like Top Gun: Maverick.