In 2022, it feels like every franchise or entertainment avenue wants to dabble in the concept of the multiverse. Creating a never-ending stream of creative options through the concept of space and time being limitless has provided a lot of fun, fantasy scenarios for the world to enjoy. Sometimes, I wish there was a way for this to extend to the wrestling business.
I’m personally shocked that Lucha Underground and Impact Wrestling never did anything like that, but I don’t even mean that I want this extended as a way to tell stories. I wish I could visit wrestling in a different level of the multiverse to see how things have shaped up differently.
If there was one multiverse I’d like to see first, it would be the one that doesn’t have Stone Cold Steve Austin dropped on his head by Owen Hart at today’s event. Sure, he’s still about to become the biggest start in the history of the business, but he does it as a shell of his former self.
Would he somehow be even bigger and better without the Tombstone? Would Owen Hart’s push or trajectory change at all without that hanging over his head? Would the Montreal Screwjob happen? It’s riveting to think about.
It’s arguably more riveting than the show itself.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 137: WWF SUMMERSLAM 1997-HART AND SOUL
Written on 12/8/22
HOW WE START: The national anthem is played over the P.A. and people lifelessly listen to it with their hands on their hearts. The commentators are shown as well. Jingoism! After the opening titles, the opening video talks about “in a perfect world, there are no villains.” Our heroes last forever, life is fair, etc. Bret Hart is a fallen idol and public enemy #1. Undertaker is unable to revel in his victories. Shawn Michaels might still be champ. So many big words are used. Ed from Good Burger knows some of them (and that’s our reference challenge for the day-the movie specifically). This is a good video, though. The stipulation about leaving the USA if Bret loses gets mentioned at the end. Stridex presents the show and there’s pretty tepid pyro in the ring and stage until a plethora of it at the end. We are live in New Jersey. Jerry Lawler mentions the ass kissing stipulation for the semi-main.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: CAGE MATCH- Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna vs Mankind
BEFORE THE BELL: Hunter gets big boos for his entrance. You can only win by escaping the cage. Their Canadian Stampede brawl is shown as well as Mankind’s impersonating a cameraman to sneak attack before Chyna helps. Trips posing at the top of the cage is a good image. Mankind gets a good pop and he seems very happy with the type of match he is about to step into. He crawls into the cage.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Hunter dives for the door right away in a great character move. He’s thwarted multiple times and gets beaten down and grounded to cheers. A random BANG BANG gets a good pop.
-I love Foley’s piledriver. He applies the Mandible Claw and Chyna climbs the cage and chokes him with a belt. He hits a spinning clothesline anyway, but gets crotched on top of the cage and takes a HELLACIOUS superplex off the top. HHH could leave, but goes back for more punishment and throws into the unforgiving cage.
-Six UNPROTECTED throws headfirst into the cage for Mankind. Trips tries to leave, but hangs by his leg over the top when caught and brought back in. Chyna is constantly getting involved and that sure doesn’t help the match concept.
-Nice tree of woe against the top of the cage. I’ve never seen Triple H do that before. It’s a cool visual.
-I physically winced as Mankind is backdropped into the cage and he slides down the ropes. That was gross as fuck. They brawl on the to rope and Hunter falls and gets his leg caught in the ropes. Mankind crawls to the door and JESUS CHRIST gets the door of Big Blue slammed on his head by Chyna.
-The ref is knocked down by Chyna and she throws a chair over the top to her man. The Pedigree is blocked and he’s slingshot into the cage and into Chyna on the other side.
-This feels like the face underdog story as opposed to a heel dominating, so Triple H is not the guy here. Chyna is more of a focus and gets into the cage, trying to pull Helmsley out and failing. Mankind is one step away from winning, but takes his mask off and climbs back to the top. The crowd totally gets the Superfly reference. He opens his shirt to reveal a faded heart and hits the big elbow to a big pop. He’s the MVP thus far.
-Mankind climbs up again and Chyna hits her cue this time to start pulling Hunter to the door, but it’s to no avail.
HOW DOES IT END:
Mankind wins in 16:25 by escaping the cage
FINAL WORD: What a great opener. The chemistry of these two are off the charts.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mankind’s victory music stops and Dude Love’s starts as does his toe tapping. Incredible stuff. People eat it up and he awakens wonderfully before strutting away. Vince McMahon is the first LVP by obnoxiously spelling out the story and calling him a “hurting puppy.” The Stridex air ship takes me back. Then, Todd Pettengill introduces the woman that brought NJ and WWF back together: Gov. Christie Todd Whitman. She gets big boos and is accompanied by Gorilla Monsoon and the Headbangers. Something about the athletic commission and taxes made this the first show in the state in eight years. The news clipping of Taker is hysterical. Mosh makes faces in the background. Whitman gets a title card called “Tax Crusher.” This is just time killing to allow them to disassemble the cage. She’s given a WWF Title and still gets booed. She’s not bad on the mic, but it’s a total waste. Vince calls her a possible presidential candidate and I’ve never heard of her. There’s a NOREEN 3:16 sign behind the announcers. That’s my mom’s name! It totally distracts me from the build to the next match. Tiger Ali and Tiger Jeet Singh are shown in the crowd. King says “nice hat.” Beach party highlights are also shown AKA Mosh stage dives and Shawn Michaels poses with the American flag.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: DRESS MATCH- Goldust/Marlena vs Brian Pillman
BEFORE THE BELL: Goldust is no longer bizarre, but glamorous instead. Pillman beat him down on Raw and Marlena jumped on his back. Vince says “splendor” weird. God, I hate Pillman’s crazy Loose Cannon music. Nice Marilyn Monroe shirt, though. His earlier promo focuses on Marlena getting in his dress even if he loses.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The crowd completely WOOs on chops now. Brian jumped Goldust at the bell, but the face comes back quickly with a lip lock.
-Pillman chases Marlena on the floor and takes a big clothesline from Dustin. It’s sad seeing Pillman resorting to just brawling and staying grounded. He goes up top and takes an ugly spill off to the ropes when he meant to crotch himself.
-Marlena is used as a shield by the heel and then he hits a top rope clothesline. His crazed eyes are focused on during a rest hold.
-Punches and the “flip flop fly” into the bulldog gets blocked. A sunset flip by Goldust is totally botched because they end up too far away from Marlena to land her shot. Bad ending.
HOW DOES IT END:
Goldust wins in 7:15 with a sunset flip pin after a purse shot by Marlena
FINAL WORD: That would not have been as sad five years ago. Hell, even two years ago.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Marlena immediately puts the mannequin wearing the dress in the ring. Pillman destroys it and angrily leaves. The attendance record is shown after the replay.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: The Godwinns vs The Legion of Doom
BEFORE THE BELL: That backwoods, heel Godwinn theme is something just like those Confederate flag shirts under the overalls. This match came about from Henry getting his neck broken on Shotgun Saturday Night from the Doomsday Device and tons of beatdowns in retaliation. LOD yell threats without their catchphrase in a backstage interview, then enter. Vince calls them “American originals”. Vladimir is amped in the crowd as they chant “LOD.”
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Phineas fucks up the first Irish whip and the heels are beaten up to the point of bailing. PIG fucks the apron skirt up, too. LVP.
-Animal vs Phineas leads to Animal BACKFLIPPING out of a double team and hitting a double clothesline. Vince mentions Hillbilly Jim still technically being their manager and they should have turned him into a gross giant, too.
-Boy, this is ugly. There’s no flow to the match at all. Shots are errant, tags come whenever and Phineas is too sloppy.
-Capt. Lou Albano in the front row gets camera time after Animal hits the rail. Like this match needed to be any crazier. A slog of a bearhug and bad double team on Animal makes things worse.
-Hawk eventually gets the tag and hits a neckbreaker on an isolated HOG. He’s saved from the Doomsday Device, but not another double team finish. Henry is a dick and kicks at 3.5.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Legion of Doom wins in 9:51 when Hawk pins Henry Godwinn after a spike piledriver
FINAL WORD: I would rather break my neck so I don’t have to watch that match again.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Some kid is shown coming into town for the Million Dollar Contest, then some bald guy as well. They are live with Sunny in an AMAZING outfit and Sable. Discovery Zone is the sponsor!!! There’s a big board with 100 keys. This is explained so poorly. They are also calling people live for a chance at the money. My god, Sunny…sorry, I have a job to do. Pettengill sneaks a look and nobody answers the first dial. He calls the next and continues boob schtick. Sunny plays into it and Sable blocks them. The second number is disconnected. WHAT AWFUL LIVE TELEVISION. King says someone smarter than an eggplant should do this. Vince laughs. The third guy answers, but isn’t watching the show because his cable company doesn’t carry it. They try to unlock the casket with the key he picks, but it doesn’t work. It’s Sable turn to be objectified. Todd is almost okay here. Everyone is getting a $5,000 savings bond. God, no wonder WCW is winning the war; WWF is trying to give money away AND producing bad programming. The kid live tries and loses. Sable hugs him and that gets a pop with Todd saying it’s better than the money. I want Brock Lesnar to watch this. The bald dude doesn’t win either. The winning key was #3 WHICH IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE PICKED. The casket is filled with nothing but ones. This was a total waste of everything.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: EUROPEAN TITLE DOG FOOD MATCH- Ken Shamrock vs British Bulldog (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: An arm-wrestling contest on Raw lead to Bulldog cheating and hitting some UNPROTECTED chair shots to Ken and dog food shoved into his face. This is the first European Title defense on PPV and Bulldog enters first. His match with HBK at One Night Only has already been announced. Ken means business.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Shamrock is a house of fire with a belly-to-belly and throws into the post and steps already.
-This is another match with a lack of cohesion. Davey bumps weird and Ken is still green. It thankfully settles into being rest hold heavy because Ken’s lip got busted somehow.
-The ref stops a throw with the steps after a big throw into them. A low blow is ignored and both men fall on a suplex botch.
-Davey throws dog food into Ken’s face again and it causes him to totally lose his mind and hit Bulldog with the can. That’s enough for a DQ.
HOW DOES IT END:
British Bulldogs retains by DQ in 7:27
FINAL WORD: That was a messy affair even before the dog food.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Refs are thrown down and Ken locks in a rear naked choke. Officials can’t separate him and it’s locked in until Bulldog turns a different color. Shamrock finally lets go and suplexes Pat Patterson, Gerald Brisco, Jack Doan and Mike Chioda. This gets the crowd amped and this is better than the match itself. The commentators shut up and let the moment of people accepting him breathe. Next, Pettengill interviews Shawn Michaels backstage and he denies any issue with Bret since he beat him at Mania last year. OH SURE.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: The Disciples of Apocalypse vs Los Boricuas
BEFORE THE BELL: The commentators analyze the faction war before the recap video where Faarooq fires Crush and Savio and Crush immediately has a biker gang with the Harris Brothers and Brian Lee. Savio rolls up in a low rider with his boys and give the worst four-man powerbomb on the ramp to Crush. There’s so much trashy brawling in the ring and in some kind of garage. Los Boricuas don’t even have their dope theme yet, but they do have Puerto Rican flags all over themselves. Miguel, Jose, Jesus and Savio all shake Tito’s hands at the commentary table. D.O.A all come down next on their barely moving Harleys. The entrance is way too short and it’s a tight squeeze at ringside. Just go to Road Wild. They park them by the entrance and run down to start the brawl.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Jose Estrada and Skull start. How lucky am I? Skull fucks two things up right away. 8 Ball can give a decent sidewalk slam at least.
-Miguel makes A-Train look like a five-year old and receives the first “shave your back” chant. Chainz unleashes some fast work on Jesus and he’s already moved more than his Summerslam appearance as Fake Undertaker. Skull is an LVP, so he naturally takes the heat and slowly hits the ropes and corner to kill the crowd.
-From the crowd, the Nation walk down complete with Ahmed Johnson. Welcome back, Kama! They look more Afrocentric than the entirety of Mr. Wheat (one more to go). This takes the focus off of Jesus and Skull stinking the joint out. Ahmed raises the pad on the floor and makes faces at the “sucks” chant directed at him. His choker has his name on it.
-Skull is still isolated and falling poorly. Chainz gets the merciful hot tag and actually might be on the MVP radar with power and speed. All eight men brawl and fall to the floor. Chainz takes the Pearl River Plunge on the exposed floor and it looked like shit. He’s thrown back in to thankfully wrap this up.
HOW DOES IT END:
Los Boricuas win in 9:07 when Miguel Perez Jr pins Chainz after an elbow drop
FINAL WORD: Can we get to the West Side Story part where there are causalities?
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Everyone fights and the crowd makes general noise at it all. Boricuas slip out victorious. The optics of Nation vs DOA are NOT great. Crush drives his bike through the fight twice and then just leaves his team one man down.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: IC TITLE KISS MY ASS MATCH- Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Owen Hart (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: The recap video has Owen repeatedly bragging about beating Stone Cold and claiming to be better than him. The promo where Austin offers up the ass kissing if he loses is shown and it’s a good overall video. The champ comes out first again and seems legit mad about something. He’s walking with a purpose. Holy shit, it’s the PPV debut of Michael Cole! He tries to interview Austin on the walk out and won’t leave him alone and gets verbally destroyed. Glass shatters and an OVATION makes Vince claim to not get it again. He’s the man already. Austin gets instant MVP consideration for the double bird to Owen, who takes his knee out before the bell.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Thesz Press and punches before the corner chest bump to get things started really hot for the unlikely face. He grounds Owen with wrestling, but still pokes the eyes and scratches.
-Austin is pulled into the post and Owen works over his hand on the floor. He bites, pulls and stomps the fingers. Steve manages a counter with an old school Stun Gun and hits a powerbomb, too. He’s still a great technical wrestler for the next ten minutes.
-Jim Ross: “Austin might be having problems with his neck” while in a vise. He mentions his previous problems. This is eerie as all fuck. This isn’t as good as a Bret vs Austin match, but it’s still good. Hart hits a nice German into a camel clutch.
-Dueling sleepers into a jawbreaker by Stone Cold. The crowd always thinks it’s a Stunner. JR notes Austin is still a tag champ. I’m guessing it’s still with Dude Love, but Mankind didn’t bring the title out with him. I guess he’s technically a different guy.
-Almost out of nowhere, Owen does the tilt-a-whirl into the sitout Tombstone. It’s disgusting every time I see it. Earl Hebner does nothing to help or figure out what happened. Owen talks trash and buys time. The announcers get it and the crowd does, too.
-Owen tries a “Canada” chant so Austin can roll to his side. I still can’t believe he manages to fucking crawl into the worst roll up ever.
HOW DOES IT END:
Stone Cold Steve Austin wins the title in 16:15 with a roll up
FINAL WORD: This is a candidate for most infamous match ever. It was pretty good, but forever has the stigma of the accident to it.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: You can see the pain and anger in Austin’s face and body language. He sits up and goes right back down. With three refs help, he gets to his feet and insists on walking by himself and holding the title up to keep his character strong. That’s an MVP if there ever was one. You can tell Vince is concerned.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: WWF TITLE MATCH WITH SHAWN MICHAELS AS SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE (AND CHALLENGER WILL LEAVE AMERICA IF HE LOSES)- Bret Hart vs The Undertaker (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: The preview video shows Bret’s promise to never wrestle in the USA if he loses. Shawn’s unhinged, stuffed crotched Canadian flag promo is shown because he makes the same promise if he’s not a fair ref. Vince and Bret scuffle at the announce desk. The Patriot is somehow involved now and beat Bret on the go home show thanks to Shawn’s interference. Pettengill’s last words on PPV is over a sign with Bret’s expired passport. Back live, there’s no update on Austin and Lawler calls out the lack of care about Henry Godwinn’s neck. More analysis and tone setting before Fink introduces Bret to boos. He gets mic time and asks for respect while the Canadian anthem is played and horribly booed. HBK gets the girls shrieking and isn’t wearing his short shorts. This is his first time being a ref according to Ross. GONG and Taker comes out with a faster gait than usual. The bang for the lights coming back on is always good. Bret makes a great face when Shawn checks him and gets called Mills Lane (RIP). JR mentions that each man only has one loss at Summerslam. Bret attacks before the bell.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Taker overpowers quickly and the fight makes it to the floor. He’s thrown into the steel steps, but Bret is sent into the post. Shawn is a good, vocal ref early.
-Vince confirms that Stone Cold was sent to the hospital. Taker locks in a bearhug, but misses an elbow and Bret starts working on the leg. A Figure Four brings out more WOOs. Paul Bearer walks out and Kane has been revealed to be alive by this point.
-Paul is attacked, but Hart blindsides the leg again. He applies the ringpost Figure Four and lets go right before Shawn DQs him. Owen and Pillman come out and talk to Shawn. The leg attack continues and this is starting to get long in the tooth like the 1996 Rumble.
-Taker punches Owen and Pillman (who noticeably no sells it) and Michaels makes them leave. Bret is chokeslammed in the ring, but HBK is distracted. The champ grabs him and gets rolled up for two. The drama is good even if the action isn’t.
-More grounding offense by the challenger with spurts of a comeback by Taker answered by Bret’s patented moves sprinkled in. The Sharpshooter is blocked by a goozle, but we are still grinding out this slow back and forth.
-Undertaker hits an inside out chokeslam for two. Old School is blocked and a superplex is temporarily botched by a tripping Taker, but it’s eventually hit. Bret locks in the Sharpshooter, but Taker power out of it and JR makes a big deal out of it because Hart flew to the floor.
-Bret tries a convoluted Sharpshooter around the pos and Taker breaks it, causing Bret to fall into Shawn. He gets a chair and hits Taker UNPROTECTED in the head without Shawn seeing. He still kicks out at two and Bret is irate about Shawn, who notices the chair. Accusations are thrown, so Bret spits on Shawn and says “FUCK YOU.” One swing and one more UNPROTECTED shot to Taker. Shawn begrudgingly counts and this all gets a huge reaction.
HOW DOES IT END:
Bret Hart wins the title in 28:10 after a chair shot from Shawn Michaels
FINAL WORD: The story telling was much better than the action. It’s like Ed’s Sauce winning over Mondo Burger (and we are done). So much is set up from this.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Taker storms after Shawn and Bret celebrates with garbage thrown at him. Taker rolls his eyes in the aisle before leaving and Bret kisses the belt. JR puts over the happiness in Canada. The replay shows the spit and chair shot. Bret’s little shimmy after winning was great. The Hart Foundation minus Neidhart come out to celebrate. So many people have already left and the commentators don’t get what happened with Shawn. Bret’s theme restarts as we sign off and the heels walk to the back.
THE LAST IMAGE: Bret Hart, Owen Hart and Brian Pillman
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Even breaking his neck won’t stop Stone Cold Steve Austin. There’s this seismic shift happening in his life, his character and his work from here on, but he was still at the top of his initial game here and the most popular person by far.
FINAL LVP of PPV: On the other end of the bald spectrum, Skull is so obviously bad compared to his brother. You cannot convince me that he’s actually be trained.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Mankind vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Legion of Doom vs The Godwinns
FINAL THOUGHTS: That was not a successful follow up to an all-time classic show like Canadian Stampede. There was too much dreck and shitty booking on the undercard and the two big matches were dampened by the injury and focus on story versus action. Most guys just felt off the whole show. Mix that with the bonkers contest and New Jersey ads and this wasn’t very fun at all. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: I wish I could travel to the multiverse where I don’t have to watch Road Wild or any show in Sturgis ever again.