I think one of my favorite things in wrestling is the double turn. Hell, I just used this show’s famous one as the basis for a scene in my current screenplay. When it’s done right, it’s beautiful.
When it’s done in this context, it’s the greatest wrestling story ever told. When you stop and think about it, this is not just a double turn. It’s a double turn two ways. I’m not trying to make a Steak N Shake joke. I’m trying to put over the importance of the Bret Hart and Stone Cold Steve Austin double turn.
As WCW reigns supreme, the WWF is on the ropes. By this time next year, we are basically dead even and it all really starts on this night. The tide, however so slowly, begins to turn. WCW fully becomes the heel in the situation and WWF, the rebellious underdog, starts getting cheered thanks to the future Rattlesnake.
Now, all of that said, this two-way double turn is more of a simmer than the one that plays out here. It’s also taking place in the midst of a show that will mostly turn your stomach
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 127- WWF WRESTLEMANIA 13: HEAT
Written on 9/14/22
HOW WE START: It’s the grandest night in WWF and we see images of the past in serious tones…but it’s a darker time and the voiceover uses ridiculously large words about the situation. Undertaker and Bret Hart’s recent actions, the Nation and Ahmed’s war now featuring the returning LOD and Bret versus Austin basically being treated as the main event are all highlighted. Tonight, none of these men are smiling. This is SUCH a different tone and vibe than past Manias. We go live in Chicago and Vince McMahon is sadly back on the call. There are so many signs. Tis the era. It just feels like a regular show. No National Anthem or America the Beautiful by the way.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: 4 WAY ELIMINATION TAG MATCH- The Godwinns w/Hillbilly Jim vs The Headbangers vs Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon vs The New Blackjacks
BEFORE THE BELL: See, told you this was a regular show: the Godwinns are opening. Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross join Vince at commentary. Hugo Savinovich at the Spanish table acts like a big idiot. The Headbangers are out second in their PPV debut. The rules for the match are shown and the winners receive a tag title show on Raw the next night. Furnas and Lafon are next and even the smart crowd don’t care about them. The original Blackjacks are shown in archival footage before the new, ridiculous ones are interviewed by Todd Pettengill. They look like idiots and think they are hot shit. When they get in the ring, Barry’s hat doesn’t make it through the ropes and the eight guys brawl right away.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Bradshaw and Henry begin and hit each other hard and recklessly. Thrasher tags in and eats a big boot. He was apparently a big hit at something called Fashion Mania the previous day.
-The Headbangers are tagged in together and they haphazardly punch each other before moshing and tagging out. That’s always stupid. Lafon is double teamed and he rattles off awkward offense. Furnas hits a sick Frankensteiner on Windham.
-Bradshaw and Furnas awkwardly tumble to the floor and their teammates join in a random brawl. A ref gets pushed down and the bell rings. THE NEW BLACKJACKS and FURNAS/LAFON are eliminated at 4:47 by disqualification. There’s no official announcement. The crowd sort of boos.
-Thrasher is dominated by the Godwinns and they botch a little. Phineas and Thrasher trade spit in a gross moment. Eventually, two dives on HOG give the newbies the advantage and they show good personality.
-Lawler hilariously asks if Vince owns any White Zombie CDs. After a missed moonsault, PIG gets the hot tag. It’s crazy that his finish is the same as Sting’s right now. During a scrum and Hillbilly distraction, Mosh makes the most of an opportunity.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Headbangers win in 10:41 when Mosh pins Phineas Godwinn with a Stage Dive
FINAL WORD: That wasn’t even Backlash worthy, let alone WrestleMania worthy.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: We see an In Your House commercial without a theme yet. The Honky Tonk Man is in the ring AGAIN. There’s hopefully context this time. Capt. Lou Albano and Arnold Skaaland are shown already loaded in the front row. Honky joins commentary and JR makes a cousin joke about King. He sings his song on headset. Yuck. Speaking of yuck!
MATCH NUMBER TWO: IC TITLE MATCH- The Sultan w/Iron Sheik and Bob Backlund vs Rocky Maivia (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: The heel trio entered and Sultan is favored because of the champ’s rookie status. He even gets weird little pyro. Rocky’s theme gets total crickets. WOW, Chicago really hates him and it’s the first time it’s been really noticeable. He’s running, smiling, trying and looking more confident, but totally outclassed. If the match follows, he definitely smells like Baywatch. The boos start as soon as his song end. Tony Atlas is ringside as well.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-After a faceoff, Rocky gives a finger twirl to get the crowd cheering, but it just looks lame as fuck. A dropkick calls a heel powder and there is the infamous “ROCKY SUCKS” chant. He clotheslines the post on accident and Honky is constantly shouting on commentary. That makes him the first LVP because of his misplaced energy.
-More chants against Rock and Sultan locks in a trapezius hold. Rock puts his hand over his mouth to try and cover up the fact that he’s blatantly calling spots. Sultan hits a top rope headbutt that looks weird, a belly-to-belly that looks better and the same old rest hold he just had on.
-Lawler is the first MVP with an inappropriate Christopher Reeve joke and making fun of Rocky Johnson. The boo birds rise for a long chinlock and the comeback. Maivia has to be an LVP with his awful gestures, strikes and offense. His float over DDT and top rope crossbody are unpolished. Sheik distracts, but Rocky doesn’t bite until a superkick by Sultan for two.
-A piledriver gets a delayed two count. It’s straight to the end after that. Whatever.
HOW DOES IT END:
Rocky Maivia retains in 9:46 with a roll up
FINAL WORD: These are the worst two starting Mania matches back-to-back ever.
THE STUFF IN BETWEEN: JR tries to interview Rocky, but he’s attacked right away with his own belt by the Sultan. It even knocks JR down. He hits a top rope splash and Sheik locks in the Camel Clutch. He looks ready to croak. Rocky Johnson runs down and does his punching schtick to help. The crowd is indifferent and he’s hit with a flag. Why does get such significant post-match time? Maivia gets back up and punches Sultan out. Sheik takes a bodyslam and stupid double punch. The Johnsons hug and it finally ends.
-Pettengill interview Ken Shamrock who will guest ref the Austin/Hart match later. Last Monday, he made Billy Gunn look like a total BITCHCAKE with an ankle lock. Glad to have him back. He won’t be intimidated later on and has a different energy than anyone else on the show in a good way.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna vs Goldust w/Marlena
BEFORE THE BELL: Dok Hendrix interview Triple H and Chyna and asks about Chyna’s unclear role. There’s no answers and Trips is giving off a different vibe than usual, too. He’s still trying something with his accent. He enters and I just sigh loudly at a sign that is focused on referencing Chyna with a willy. There’s thankfully no Captain Winky reference. Ace Ventura challenge? Allllrighty then! Lawler comes off the MVP list by joining in the Chyna slams even though he’s a heel. The Slammy winners for Best Couple of Goldust and Marlena enter next and get a good pop. This feud is indicative of the problem with the whole show: this feud has gone on too long. The other problem is that others have no real feud at all.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Goldust displays great fire early. He’s the first person acting like it’s WrestleMania and that earns an MVP from me. He sneaks a kiss, too. There’s plenty of nose jabs- both physically and on commentary.
-On a superplex tease, Goldust takes a gnarly spill to the apron to turn the tide. His outfit is pulled open and chopped.
-The match grinds to a halt with Hunter on offense. He hits a neckbreaker, abdominal stretch and more, but he’s outshone on this night. Meanwhile, Ross calls Chyna a horse.
-Vince calls out too many DDTs on the show on a Trips cutoff. A series of moves mean nothing and a double down prelude what Vince can only call a “keister clobber” AKA Goldust catching Triple H off the top with a hip attack.
-The bulldog lands for two and the Curtain Call is set up. Chyna advances on Marlena and causes the Pedigree to get set up, but it’s blocked. Goldust notices Chyna and pulls his girl up on the apron, but he’s kneed into her and she’s viciously thrashed around. In the ring, less exciting things happen.
HOW DOES IT END:
Hunter Hearst Helmsley wins in 14:26 with a Pedirgree
FINAL WORD: The finish was good, but it was nothing that we haven’t seen before.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Goldust checks on Marlena as the heels leave. He picks her up and falls to his knees upset as people applaud his efforts. The slo-mo replay shows just how great Terri makes Chyna look. Forget all of that, though. Vince McMahon has to laugh at Shawn Michaels on AOL! I’m glad he’s found his smile in time for this throwaway comedy gag. This is a pretty famous image.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: TAG TITLE MATCH- Vader and Mankind w/Paul Bearer vs British Bulldog and Owen Hart (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: Speaking of throwaway things, here’s this match! It’s sad that Vader and Mankind were so vital over the past year and just put as random challengers here. The champs enter and Owen now has his second Slammy. JR interviews them in the aisle and Owen won’t let Bulldog answer the question about being called stupid. Not to be outdone by Owen’s 2 Slammys, Bulldog has two belts because he’s European Champion. Owen claims to be the leader of the team.
WHAT STANDS OUT:
-Owen and Vader start. It’s mentioned Owen pushed Vader into a waiter at the Slammys. He gets pummeled, but lands a spin kick to knock the big man down. He’s grabbed in a slam, then hit with a totally random powerbomb without a cover. No mention of Camp Cornette either.
-All four men are in the ring. Bulldog double clotheslines and Owen double dropkicks leading into Davey Boy versus Mankind. Bulldog hits a disappointing delayed vertical on Mankind and can’t even hold Vader up like he used to. He’s either too big now or Davey is too gassed.
-Brian Pillman and Sunny are interviewing Shawn Michaels on the Superstars Line. Show me that! It’s probably just a salacious three-way. Mankind is hit with a drop toe hold onto the urn on the floor, but Bulldog is blindside with the urn by Vader.
-Bulldog kicks out of a second rope Vader splash. He just keeps getting beat up by both heels and finally catches Vader off the second rope with a powerslam. Owen is a house of fire on the hot tag before getting steamrolled with a body block. They hit Demolition’s finish on the floor off the apron.
-Owen is beat up in front of Stu and Helen Hart, so King naturally lights up. He does the Bret chest bump in the corner, but Mankind follows and cracks his head on Owen’s. The match starts dragging and gets repetitive.
-Forget what I just said! After a belly-to-belly on the floor, the camera focuses on Stu and he jumps. I legitimately laughed out loud.
-Bulldog gets the hot tag after an Owen enziguri. He goes for his finishing powerslam, but gets locked in the Mandible Claw instead. A convoluted fall is caused by the other two men. The hold is reapplied and the ref keeps counting.
HOW DOES IT END:
Double Countout at 16:08
FINAL WORD: Even a decent match on this show makes no sense and ends like crap. I guess they didn’t want anybody to be a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOSER (one more to go)
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The Claw is still locked in after the bell and Davey is out. Vader beats up Owen and finally pulls Mankind off. Owen and officials help Davey in a very uninspiring bow on the scene.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: SUBMISSION MATCH WITH KEN SHAMROCK AS GUEST REFEREE- Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Bret Hart
BEFORE THE BELL: The pre-match video is dope. Bret’s walkaway and return to everything being different is attributed to his bitching now. Negative signs about him and Austin being a catalyst for change are all discussed. On the flip side, Austin 3:16 signs are shown. Bret’s profanity filled tirade on Raw is the tipping point. Vince calls him dirty and rotten when hitting Pat Patterson in a brawl. Pettengill is good as usual on the voiceover. Back live, Shamrock gets a good pop in the ring. The glass shatters and Austin is followed from backstage until the “Austin 3:16” glass breaks for his entrance and he walks over the shards. Vince plays into the crowd response even though Steve doesn’t want to be bothered by any fans. This feels like Heenan spoiling Hogan’s turn. The place is electric. Austin owns the room and jawjacks Ken. Bret’s theme gets immediate pyro and gets a “mixed reaction” that sounds pretty positive to me. He still gives glasses out and a tackle starts us quick.
WHAT STANDS OUT:
It’s a brawl and slugfest on the floor right away. Austin loudly smacks into the post and rebounds to crotch Bret on the rail and clothesline him into the audience in front of the legends.
-The fight goes into the crowd; Austin throws a soda and they make their way up the steps. Some dad in a leather jacket tussles Bret and Austin’s heads! EPIC. Austin is backdropped on the fucking steps! They make their way back to ringside and Bret is thrown into the steps hard. Austin tries to throw them and gets stopped. HOT start.
-They finally go back into the ring and Hart takes over. Vince is still on Bret about his excuses. The knee is focused on and Shamrock asks Stone Cold if he gives up and receives two middle fingers back while selling. You knew it was coming, so here’s that Stone Cold MVP.
-Bret misses an attack and eats a Stunner. He’s still back on the attack before Steve can respond. The Figure Four around the ring post is always cool and the crowd is so loud. Austin won’t give up.
-Bret gets a chair and the ring bell. He sets up a Pillmanizer and it takes too long, so Austin hits Bret in the shoulder on the second rope, causing the place to explode. They do the same on two more shots to the back. Everything matters and means something. After a low blow, Bret’s daughter is shown unable to look.
-Austin busts out a unique submission straight out of the Dungeon, then a Boston Crab. Why are there still rope breaks? A throw to the outside leads to Austin being whipped into the timekeeper’s area roughly and headfirst. He comes up bloody. PROFUSELY BLOODY. Bret doesn’t let up. He’s now DRIPPING in the ring.
-The Hitman launches into his typical series of moves and attacks Austin’s knee with a chair. JR is so much better than Vince at selling the match. The Sharpshooter is avoided with a dick kick. Stone Cold fires up with a whip to the buckle, mudhole stomps and double birds. The crowd is rapturous and Ross calls him a tough SOB.
-Stone Cold gets an extension cord and chokes Bret on the apron. Bret smashes him UNPROTECTED with the ring bell overhead. He’s finally caught in the Sharpshooter. There’s an actual PUDDLE of BLOOD on the ring mat. Austin yells in the iconic shot, starts passing out, but pushes up to a deafening roar and temporarily breaks the hold. It’s reapplied, Austin reaches for the ropes and he finally passes out.
HOW DOES IT END:
Bret Hart wins by knockout at 22:05
FINAL WORD: Legitimately one of the best matches ever. Everyone (even Shamrock) shined and we aren’t done yet.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: JR insists “Austin never gave up!” Bret stalks around and Austin is unconscious. Commentators ask for medical assistance and Bret continues the attack after the bell. The boos rise and Shamrock waist lock throws him to a great pop. People want it, but Bret leaves to solidify to turn amid a chorus of boos. He flicks off one fan while leaving and receives one from a young Colt Cabana. Austin wakes up and refuses help, stunning Mike Chioda in the process. He limps out to “Austin” chants and Colt touches him. Vince puts him over huge and the blood on the mat is shown in a gross close up. The commentators break it all down and Vince claims they weren’t proud to show that.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: CHICAGO STREET FIGHT- Faarooq, Crush and Savio Vega w/The Nation of Domination vs Ahmed Johnson and The Legion of Doom
BEFORE THE BELL: Todd interviews the Nation backstage and recaps all of the weapons they have. This leads right into their introduction. PG-13 gives their best performance when it counts. Crush has a giant street sign and Faarooq is rocking a full Black Panther street look (the group, not the hero). Vince announces next year’s Mania will take place in Boston. I’ve missed the Road Warriors pop and it’s good that they’re back. Ahmed gets his own spikes and they do the Nation taunt in a cool ass visual. I love the black and silver look. LOD might get the pop of the night thus far. They literally brought the kitchen sink! The heels jump at the bell.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-PG-13 and D-Lo Brown run in and get beat up right away. Clarence Mason is punched on the apron by Ahmed. In the aisle, Colt Cabana fake punches Hawk’s back. He’s been through a lot lately. He’s an honorary MVP.
-Ahmed hits a somersault Plancha over the rail to Crush and the UNPROTECTED shots start on poor Faarooq with a trash can. I’ll have the final tally at the end of this craziness. Hawk misses a 2X4 shot and catches it mid-air off a bounce.
-Animal totally botches a piledriver off a table on Faarooq, who gets hit with fire extinguisher smoke. That shit is now everywhere.
-This is impossible to keep up with. Ahmed slams Faarooq through a table. Why didn’t this open the show to keep it away from the submission match? The extinguisher is used again and it’s cloudy as hell.
-A noose has been introduced and I’m uncomfortable. The heels beat down LOD while D-Lo chokes Ahmed. Marlena’s chair is retrieved from under the ring. D-Lo is working more than Crush in this match. The road sign clangs against Faarooq’s head twice. Hawk is now being hung.
-Faarooq is taking an MVP ass kicking and gets pulled from the second rope by the noose onto the floor. Savio is using a nightstick like crazy.
-Crush receives smoke ad nauseum. The Pearl River Plunge is set up, but the Nation rushes it. Out of nowhere, Crush is hit with the Doomsday Device. Ahmed rids the ring of the rest of the Nation. The following triple team is weaker than the Doomsday Device, but it gets the job done.
HOW DOES IT END:
Ahmed Johnson and the Legion of Doom wins in 10:46 when Animal pins Crush after a 2X4 clothesline
FINAL WORD: That was the right amount of nuts, but I wish it was a little more organized.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The fight continues after the bell. D-Lo takes the Plunge and PG-13 get eaten alive by the Road Warriors including a double Doomsday Device. Fuck they are so cool still. I’ve missed them. I will probably regret saying that enough. Ahmed’s music plays them out and he puts on the hat and chain of the downed rappers.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: WWF TITLE MATCH- The Undertaker vs Sycho Sid (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Vladimir and Rob Zombie guy are still rocking! Shawn Michaels’ music plays and he walks out docile, but slapping hands. He keeps getting pulled from both sides, hugged and he seems miserable. He does a full lap slapping hands and I notice a gross RF Video sign. He throws up a secret Wolfpac sign before posing in the ring with his typical pyro. Pettengill interviews Sid backstage before his preposterous second Mania main event. He immediately screws up some words while yelling, so he starts whispering. He’d be better talking out of his butt (and the reference challenge is done). He is not scared of the darkness and Undertaker. GONG and the Dead Man enters in his retro look. I wish he did this one more time before calling it a career. He gets a great response as expected. JR brings up his undefeated streak at the big show. Shawn has joined the booth and picks Taker to win. Sid gets big boos, but still fist bumps some people. He knocks some hands away.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The bell rings and Bret immediately walks out and into the ring. On mic, he shits on Shawn right away and calls his injury “pussyfoot.” Vince holds a mocking Shawn back. He claims to not be friends with Taker anymore and calls Sid a fraud. He really comes off as delusional and annoying. He gets powerbombed to cheers and Sid tells him to get his ass out on mic.
-Taker hits Sid as he keeps yelling about kicking ass and the bell rings again. A slam, Old School and corner splashes are all sold oddly by Sid. Taker is caught and locked in a bearhug. ALREADY?!?
-Breaks, couple punches to the back and the hold is reapplied. HBK is pretty good on commentary. A big boot sends Taker over the top, he lands on his feet and pulls Sid. He’s kicked off and sent over the announce table with a nasty landing on his neck. Shawn claims he’s on vacation? Vince mentions that Gorilla Monsoon just made this No Holds Barred. A slam on the table doesn’t break it.
-I always wonder where Sid supposedly pooped. Is it the Camel Clutch or the second rope axe handle? He tries three covers after a lazy powerslam. It’s mentioned that Austin is still refusing medical help backstage.
-Sid goes over the rail, punched and thrown into the steps. Taker misses an elbow and Sid locks in a chinlock. This is an LVP effort from the champ (or misplaced energy like his bad selling of Taker’s punches). Now there’s a trap hold.
-Stereo big boots for a double down. This sure does drag, but it’s not AS bad as people make it seem. For a Mania main event, I get it. It’s sure interesting seeing Sid come off the second rope so much (as HBK point out) considering his future injury.
-Sycho is thrown off the top and Taker ascends and hits a flying clothesline for two. The throat is slashed, the finish is set up, but Sid counters and hits his own sloppy Tombstone complete with crossed arms for the count of two.
-They fight on the floor and Bret comes back out and hits Sid in the back with a chair twice. He forced back by officials and Vince calls him a loser. Back in the ring, Sid kicks out of a chokeslam. The first real botch of the match happens on a clothesline/duck miscommunication.
-The powerbomb is set up, but Hart runs out yet again and drops Sid on the top rope. That gives the challenger the opportunity he needed and makes it look GOOD. The count is slow as hell.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Undertaker wins the title in 21:20 with the Tombstone
FINAL WORD: You know what? I didn’t hate it! Sure, it was a little plodding. That said, it felt like a big deal even if it didn’t always look like one.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: You can tell Taker is a little emotional and says the title is for the people while holding it up. Shawn says we are in for a wild ride and earnestly mentions how deserving Taker is. He poses in purple light to thunder and lightning. It’s mentioned how fitting it is at WrestleMania 13. Vince says the title is in its rightful place when Taker holds up the title one last time as we fade out.
THE LAST IMAGE: The Undertaker
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Stone Cold Steve Austin. Nuff said.
FINAL LVP of PPV: It’s fitting that the MVP of this show will main event Mania in two years with the LVP of this show. This is the first time I’ve seen Rocky Maivia where he’s earned the hate. He’s blatantly not ready and floundering with all of his character work and motions.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Bret Hart vs Stone Cold Steve Austin
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Rocky Maivia vs The Sultan
FINAL THOUGHTS: I wish the first half was anything resembling even a PPV let alone a Mania or else I could give this entire show a score than Bret vs Austin’s efforts deserve. You can almost recommend the show just off of that bout and its importance. However, MAN does the first hour suck ass and you can feel the company’s struggle in it. The “attitude” is coming out, but there’s still a lot of old shit happening. 13 is an unlucky number for the biggest show of the year. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: The only other Spring Stampede was an all-timer. This one has a lot to live up to. Outlook not good.