I still have COVID and I’m still in isolation. That means the warm blanket of wrestling continues to comfort me in the form of the next PPV on the docket.
I may come down with something else.
The first iteration of Souled Out is one of the most infamous wrestling shows of all time. On paper, this was a no brainer. The hottest concept in wrestling at the time gets its own PPV and tries a bunch of nutty things outside the box to make an even bigger statement on the wrestling world. Truth be told: I’ve never actually seen this whole event. I avoided it because of its reputation. In the past, when that’s happened on either end of the spectrum, I’ve had quite a few surprises. Coupled with my current medical condition, I may be in for a treat.
Or I may come down with another disease.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 123: NWO SOULED OUT 1997
Written on 8/11/22
HOW WE START: Black and white police vehicles, fire trucks and garbage trucks? It’s snowing because it’s the streets of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Eric Bischoff and Kevin Nash try to say cool stuff, but Nick Patrick is lame as fuck and Syxx is acting like a straight fool. This is already annoying. Scott Hall is probably drunk. You can see how ballooned the group has grown. Hollywood Hogan emerges when they enter the building and talks about the Dallas Cowboys. Buff Bagwell is a total douche in his first heel appearance. We finally get a title card and opening package in color with the key figures speaking at a podium. There are quick, propaganda-styled cuts which are always cool. Nash is just saying famous movie lines like “you can’t handle the truth!”
We go live in the arena and the stage is pretty cool and different. It looks and feels fresher, but it’s still Cedar Rapids. At the top of the stage, Bischoff speaks at the podium and introduces the original trio…on video with one head on each screen. Every moment of speaking is half baked. There’s awkward silence as EB and Ted DiBiase make their way to commentary with help from Elizabeth. There are big boos for this shoddy production. Ted’s headset barely works and he doesn’t face the camera at first. He’s an LVP already.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Chris Jericho vs Masahiro Chono
BEFORE THE BELL: There’s no ring announcer; it’s just the nWo voiceover guy over the P.A. making fun of Jericho without music. His hockey background is made fun of, but he’s still over with the crowd. His opponent is the first member from Japan and one of my least favorites, Chono. He walks down to the nWo B-Team song. The story is he didn’t resign with NJPW. Eric talks in an offensive Japanese voice. I’m in for a long afternoon. Nick Patrick is the referee and will be for the whole show.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Bischoff talks about the bevy of beauties at ringside. It’s old, big biker women. Why? Like how is that nWo? Sherri, Harlem Heat, Faces of Fear, Knobbs, Arn Anderson, Mongo and Debra make their way to their seats in the audience. It totally distracts from the match.
-The commentators keep talking about the event being legit sold out, but they probably gave tickets away. It’s going to be hard already to choose between Bischoff and DiBiase for LVP. They are both heel commentators and both pretty bad. Meanwhile, Jericho is the first MVP by looking great and being popular with the crowd via a great dive. Ted is worse because EB is trying to call the action and give the face some props.
-There’s a USA chant and Eric makes fun of it. Okay, good for him. The vibe is so odd. Every comeback by Chris is hugely cheered. On a German suplex, Patrick counts very, very slow. The crowd boos and knows what kind of night they are in for.
-Chono totally botches coming off the top rope and Jericho catches him, but I’m unsure what he was going for. Chono gets a table and it’s small and rickety. Chris avoids it and hits a big missile dropkick.
-The Lionsault is kicked out of, so Jericho goes back up top and he’s pushed off and through the table on the floor. I don’t remember that wild bump for 1997! Back in the ring, Masahiro finishes him off.
HOW DOES IT END:
Masahiro Chono wins in 11:11 with the Mafia Kick
FINAL WORD: That was my favorite Chono match thus far because of Jericho solely. All the dressing around it was very obnoxious.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mongo looks on disapprovingly after the replay. Ted and Eric aren’t sitting at the commentary table; they sit ON it like cool teachers on a desk or crate. It’s time to look at the lovely ladies who entered the Miss nWo contest. They literally show pictures of women who sent in letters. A LOT OF THEM. This is psychotic. Some are salacious. It’s gross. Jeff Katz (whoever that is) takes over and says to the crowd, “you like biker chicks?!?” It gets zero response. He asks some of the women simple questions and the women give one- or two-word answers. As an example: “how would you make Kevin Nash happy?” “Whatever it takes!” What the fuck?!?! I cannot reiterate how awful this is on an all-time scale.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: MEXICAN DEATH MATCH- Hugh Morrus w/Jimmy Hart vs Big Bubba
BEFORE THE BELL: Hugh comes out with a tye-dye shirt and a short ass intro. DiBiase was apparently the one who forgot music for the WCW guys. They didn’t even bother to go back and fix Bubba’s introduction because it’s still about Konnan who wasn’t able to appear. Bischoff talks about Randy Savage’s sit-in on Nitro and tells him to find another life.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Morrus looks like Big Dick Dudley and Bubba tells him to kiss his ass with a motion. I’m glad I was told the rules to this Mexican Death Match.
-After a throw into some chairs, Bubba hits two low blows. Jimmy gets cheered getting some kicks in on the floor. Bischoff gets another chuckle by calling Hart a human cartoon.
-Bubba hits a big chair punch and nasty overhead whip with a metal chain. Hugh’s moonsault gets a big pop. This is basically a last man standing match as Nick starts counting. He starts it over randomly and fans Bubba’s face. This was going too well.
-There are too many low blows, but they make their way up the aisle. Bubba’s body makes a big thunk from a slam on the stage. Morrus tries a moonsault off the steps on the stage and misses. Bubba gets on a motorcycle and RUNS HUGH OVER. He has to get back in the ring for Nick to count, but it’s okay because he will count very fast.
HOW DOES IT END:
Big Bubba wins at 9:04
FINAL WORD: Considering the parties involved, that was fairly entertaining. I’m putting qualifiers on everything.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: I didn’t need a replay of sweaty Patrick counting the finish. Back to fucking Jeff Katz aka an LVP dickbag. “Whatever it takes” continues to be a popular answer to questions. He calls a girl with a big chest “buoyant.” He offers her $1.50. This should be investigated. There are dancers in the shadows behind the screens. The website is shown and you couldn’t ask for two worse guys to discuss this. Bischoff is putting on a Andrew Dice Clay voice now?
MATCH NUMBER THREE: Jeff Jarrett vs Michael Wallstreet
BEFORE THE BELL: Bischoff rebounds a little bit by making fun of Jarrett’s outfit. More B-Team music for Wallstreet. His “baby” into the camera is the lamest thing of all time. Debra is shown swooning over Jeff and Eric says “speaking of loud” about her in a sexual way. I couldn’t hate this match on paper anymore.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-DiBiase discusses his history with Wallstreet. Jarrett constantly complains about the cadence of counts. Bischoff claims people have been calling in and asking about Syxx in the ladder match later.
-Patrick pulls Wallstreet away and Jarrett crotches himself on the middle rope. Debra’s facials are over the top and LVP worthy while Jarrett is sent hard into the rail.
-During a sleeper, Debra convinces her husband to get involved. Wallstreet cheats and Patrick takes forever to notice. Eric has no idea why anyone lives in Iowa.
-I haven’t mentioned any of the odd stick camera shots yet. They suck. Jeff applies the Figure Four and Patrick just drags Wallstreet to the ropes. Fuck right off.
-As the former IRS applies an abdominal stretch, Mongo hits Wallstreet HARD with the Haliburton. He forces Patrick to count and quickly.
HOW DOES IT END:
Jeff Jarrett wins in 9:30 after a Haliburton shot to the back by Steve McMichael
FINAL WORD: I was never going to like any of that and it happening in actuality certainly didn’t help.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Arn is shown looking on stoically. The replay calling is super awkward. Speaking of super awkward: here’s fucking Katz for only the halfway point of this contest. A member of the senior division claims her feet will help her win. One lady can’t even hear the question asked and then doesn’t understand it when she hears it. This show might not be the absolute worst ever (yet), but these segments certainly are.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Scotty Riggs vs Buff Bagwell
BEFORE THE BELL: The voice calls Riggs “the American Loser” and “number two.” What a cool guy Riggs is saying “WCW 4 Ever!” He makes the Titus O’Neil arm/hand motion as well. How many lame fucking people are on this show? Buff enters with too much baby oil, a choker and bedazzled armbands. He looks like a WBF character (how about a Vince McMahon failed project reference challenge?) He can barely get his jacket off with his muscles. Ha ha HA. What a gag.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Riggs jumps his former partner at the bell and Bagwell says he’ll leave if they won’t wrestle. Buff is heading to Japan to learn nothing.
-There’s no DQ despite Bischoff’s claim there should be after a hip toss over the top rope. Riggs hits a dive over the top rope and is really trying to get over. I think the mats on the floor are just crude carpets.
-Bischoff makes fun of people going to Connecticut. A big tumble to the rail by Riggs causes the voice on the P.A. to say “loser.” Is that really necessary?!?!
-Big “Bagwell sucks” chant and that causes him to think he’s hot shit because of it. He does have a good moment of using Riggs’ hands to mockingly do the American Males clap. He hits a good powerbomb as well. Uh-oh. Is he good? There’s another “loser.”
-On a sunset flip, Riggs pulls Bagwell’s tights down to show how tan and thonged Buff is. Those stick cameras are just overhead boom mics able to shoot video.
-Bagwell applies a long Camel Clutch and Riggs powers out with an electric chair drop. He hits a tornado DDT and Eric provides analysis to the Super Bowl the next day. He keeps talking about the game.
-Riggs gets two nearfalls off a powerbomb and backslide. Patrick’s slow counts are attributed to exhaustion. Up top, Scotty gets knocked down and Bagwell unveils his new move and wins clean as a whistle.
HOW DOES IT END:
Buff Bagwell wins in 13:52 with the Buff Blockbuster
FINAL WORD: Fine. What do you want from me?
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Buff gets pyro on the stage posing and dancing with the ladies. Bischoff references his previous career indirectly and the Blockbuster looks very smooth on the replay. Eric busts out the weird voice again to introduce Katz…again. He’s told “I can’t hear you” on another question. KILL IT ALL. He’s just asking yes or no questions now.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: Diamond Dallas Page vs Scott Norton
BEFORE THE BELL: DDP gets more “loser” taunts by the voice and he’s already a cool antihero. Scott Norton has a very gravelly voice. Page’s recruitment and history is discussed.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Dallas is unphased and smokes a cigar after getting pushed. He has an MVP presence early and chain wrestles well, too.
-DDP hits a nice neckbreaker and looks to be really trying to get something out of Flash. He hits the pancake, but wastes too much time building up the Diamond Cutter. The crowd is distracted by Sting in the audience. There’s no close up, so I’m unsure if it’s actually him or not.
-Norton punishes the shoulder and the “loser” thing has really worn out its welcome. Bischoff talks about how Norton used to be an impressive doorman. COOL.
-Nice sunset flip counter and energy on a comeback by DDP. He hits a DDT and Buff comes down with the rest of the undercard. They try to recruit Page again while surrounding him. Dallas gets a mic and says everyone, including himself, is thick headed, but it’s cool and he’s in. He puts on the shirt and Norton is mad.
-On a handshake, Norton is pulled in and dropped with the Cutter! Page hits the whole group and retreats to the rapturous audience. He rips the shirt and becomes a made man. Nick just makes the match decision into the camera.
HOW DOES IT END:
Scott Norton wins by countout at 10:20
FINAL WORD: This was all about the angle and that’s cool with me because of how great DDP was.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The replay is cut off by more Miss nWo nonsense. They want to show more, but there are children watching. There’s a chopsticks line about Chono. It’s sad that Bischoff and DiBiase can’t focus because of the Page developments.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: WCW TAG TITLE MATCH- The Steiner Brothers vs The Outsiders (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: The Steiners come out to dogs barking. We finally hear the official New World Order music for the Outsiders. They walk down like cool fucks and Hall does a suck it. Bischoff claims they do things for the community and the future of the sport. That’s a bigger lie than the claims of Oscar buzz for No Holds Barred or any other WWE film (one more to go). EB claims he made this match for the betterment of the sport.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The two Scotts start. Steiner’s back injury is discussed and DiBiase shits on the Amazing French Canadians for no reason. The first big suplex and DDT by the challengers force the champs to powder.
-Hall catches Rick mid-air with a fallaway slam and chokeslams Scott. Nash is finally tagged in and Bischoff calls him “the stuff.”
-Harlem Heat are shown looking on and Scotty drills Nash with a belly-to-belly. Rick dumps him as well. It’s crazy seeing Kevin taking these bumps.
-Rick takes the heat including a lot of blindside clotheslines and snake eyes. Nash is obviously annoyed by the stick cameras. I’m annoyed by loud hecklers yelling nonsensical shit. Rick manages to kick out of a pair of sidewalk slams.
-Scott Steiner gets impatient and gets wild with Patrick and his instructions. After a low blow, he gets the hot tag and delivers MVP worthy offense. I’ve missed him.
-Patrick is bumped on a double team attempt and Hall hits the Outsiders Edge. Rick hits a top rope bulldog and referee Randy Anderson runs in from the crowd and counts. The commentators freak out.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Steiner Brothers win the titles in 14:43 when Scott Steiner pins Scott Hall after a top rope bulldog by Rick Steiner
FINAL WORD: That’s some Dusty finish shit, but the action was still good. The coolest guys in the company losing sure is questionable.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The replay shows how cool Pee Wee is while rolling his sleeves up to count the finish. They keep showing these jacked dudes in the front row. I’m surprised they didn’t get signed. Hall and Nash slowly make their way back while Ted and Eric talk in circles.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: US TITLE LADDER MATCH- Syxx vs Eddie Guerrero (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Eddie gets a good pop, but gets called a “Mexican Jumping Bean” by the voice. The commentators laugh. Fuck this shit. Syxx doesn’t get the official nWo music? He wears the US Title out and called the ultimate swinger. Sounds like something on the back of an XFL jersey (and we’re done). Lot of tongue work by Syxx. The title gets raised really, really high.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Quick hits and loud chops by Syxx. EB says they hurt Hector Guerrero. It’s funny until he says “aye chihuahua.” Eddie hits a big top rope dive.
-Smooth flips and kicks without the ladder still being introduced. Syxx hits the Bronco Buster with a stomp afterwards. Bischoff claims Syxx’s karate is better than Glacier, JCVD and Seagal.
-No pads make a suplex from the apron to the floor by Syxx rough just like a senton dive as well. He finally gets the ladder and runs into Eddie against the apron. The ladder ends up knocked into Syxx’s face amid “Eddie” chants.” Fuck yeah.
-LOUD face first whip inot the ladder in the corner by Eddie. He’s emerged as an MVP possibility as well. Hall’s history with ladders is referenced over and over.
-After a dropkick into the ladder and superplex, both men climb. Syxx hits an incredible jump kick from the top.
-They both climb again. Guerrero falls, but bounces off the ropes and knocks Syxx off. DiBiase calls him “The Kid” and Bischoff corrects him.
-Both get back in the ring and Bischoff wants Syxx to do it for Alice in Chains. Both men grab the title, but the champ wrestles it away and hits the challenger in the head to knock him down. The belt comes down with him, but a jump and grab is good enough for the win and a big pop.
HOW DOES IT END:
Eddie Guerrero retains in 13:48
FINAL WORD: I wish that was 10 minutes longer. That was a much-needed excellent match on this shitshow.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Eddie tells Patrick to kiss his ass and Bischoff says he’ll fix this with 25 minutes at the championship committee. Guerrero celebrates with the WCW guys in the crowd and Arn gives him a sweet hug. Now, it’s finally time for the Miss nWo finals. We’re told to cheer our backsides off. Each lady is given time to do a shitty move or turn and have stats pop up. This makes the Divas Search look like The Rock’s This is Your Life. Dee is obviously the best-looking girl. The rest are all Kevin Nash fan club members. One is a legit bus driver. The semi-retired lady just waves like a grandma. All of this time should have gone to Eddie and Syxx. One woman is a grain inspector. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? The choice doesn’t belong to the crowd, but “The King” AKA Bischoff. I just noticed the music is dubbed because I can make out a live band playing something in the foreground. Eric talks forever, walks up and down the line and keeps talking about hogs. He asks a question to a couple of girls off mic and he reacts like they told him they’d suck his soul out. Flowers and a crown are given to one of the larger, older women named Becky. BISCHOFF MAKES OUT WITH HER. I HAVE NO MORE WORDS. She does a lap around the ring and I wish my COVID were worse so I could die and stop watching this. She sits on a throne and EB finally gets serious because it’s main event time.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: WCW TITLE MATCH- The Giant vs Hollywood Hulk Hogan w/Vincent and the Dallas Cowboys (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Giant has black wrist tape and poses. Hulk gets a quick cut promo on the screen that’s just soundbites. Pyro noises, thunder and a failure to set ambiance meant Hulk enters to the official New World Order music. Bischoff shits on Jerry Jarrett, Verne Gagne and Vince McMahon by claiming Hogan made them all. The Dallas Cowboys join him. I don’t recognize any of their names and that’s not good because the Super Bowl is the next day. Never mind, I recognize Nate Newton as the guy who was arrested with like 800 pounds of weed. Vincent is trying to be cool with all of them so bad. I must say that the arena is no longer that loud. Bischoff claims he even made the Cowboys buy tickets.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The P.A. voice keeps saying “biggest icon in wrestling.” After one loud chop by Giant, Hogan powders.
-There’s a double clothesline two minutes in. Vincent is ineffective helping during some lazy brawling on the floor.
-Hogan tries a crossbody or small package, but it totally fails and Giant just slams him to fix the situation. Giant takes actual powder to the face on the floor and chokes Giant with some tape so he can make stupid faces.
-After a backbreaker, Giant climbs to the top and misses a big elbow. Eric gives Hulk props for not exerting that much energy. Hilarious if it weren’t true.
- “Giant” chants during a headlock and he no sells the big boot. Hogan slams him and hits the leg drop. Giant gets right up. Whoa. Hulk taunts on each side and gets goozled. He fights, but still gets chokeslammed. Patrick claims a two count twice even though Hogan didn’t move, then “hurts his shoulder” counting again.
-Patrick is chokeslammed and Bischoff leaves the booth. Buff, Vincent, Wallstreet and Bubba all get chokeslammed. Make the group strong, huh? Hulk hits Giant in the back with a guitar and then PULLS HIS PANTS DOWN?!?! It’s thankfully blurred. The crowd chants “We Want Sting!”
-A wooden chair is broken over Giant’s back and his trunks are put back when Hulk sprays “NWO 4 LIFE” on his back.
HOW DOES IT END:
No Contest in 11:43 (I guess because there’s never an official announcement or bell)
FINAL WORD: What a fitting shitty ending to a shitty show.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: There’s more chants for Sting and Hogan cuts a promo into the camera over the seemingly dead Giant. There’s no commentary at all for this. Hulk plays the belt like a guitar and Hall dances like an idiot. Pyro goes off onstage like a cannon and the last image is complete with a simple graphic that reads “Executive Vice President: Eric Bischoff AKA King.”
THE LAST IMAGE: A wide shot of the arena
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: The only guy to benefit from this show and the future set up is DDP. He looked like a million bucks even with stiff ass Scott Norton and his character is now fully formed. He deserves every bit of the success he gets.
FINAL LVP of PPV: Look, Eric Bischoff is the correct answer because this whole thing is his fault and he was super bad on this show. After doing further research, however, Jeff Katz was also the guy that never gave us Wrestling Retribution Project and he has to fall on the sword for the catastrophic Miss nWo thing.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Eddie Guerrero vs Syxx
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant
FINAL THOUGHTS: This show made me immediately have to take a shit. It didn’t clog the toilet, but there was a turd that didn’t want to leave the bowl. How fitting. This show’s reputation is accurate: it blows and it’s terribly conceived. It’s funny: the wrestling was actually pretty good for the most part. The antics, commentary, booking and never-ending contest cause it just suck so much more that it does on the surface. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: I’m hopefully recovered and hopefully happier after watching In Your House: Final Four.