I’m sitting in a hotel bed in the second city I ever lived in: Stuart, Florida. I’m here for a work trip and I was thinking that I had another one of those retrospective intros about my time as a youth as it relates to wrestling.
Then I stopped and remember that this show took place in December 1996 and I didn’t move here until February 1998.
I’m tired and busy, okay?
Let’s just get to the show!
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 120: WWF IN YOUR HOUSE-IT’S TIME
Written on 6/12/22
HOW WE START: Bret Hart gears up and talks about getting his title back. Chaotic clips of him in action are intercut by Sid doing the same thing. Then… “It’s Time!” This was obviously going to be a show themed to Vader. Poor guy. We go live in West Palm Beach (that’s probably why I was making that incorrect connection earlier) and the acoustics SUCK. It’s a tiny ass venue. Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross welcome us. There’s a third guy with Hugo and Carlos on the Spanish team. JR thinks Sid submits tonight and King warns everyone about Shawn Michaels’ presence.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Leif Cassidy vs Flash Funk w/The Funkettes
BEFORE THE BELL: No more Rockers music for the angry and lonesome Cassidy. He’s such a good lower card heel. There’s big surprising pyro and a lame “I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT” from first LVP Vince on Flash’s entrance with his girls. I love that purple gear on him. He should have been a megastar. Vince dances with Flash and JR rips him to shreds. This song and dance routine is really long. It’s like Fiddler on the Roof (how about a random musical reference challenge?) I guess that makes Scorpio Topol?
WHAT STANDS OUT
-During some chain wrestling, Vince mentions that Rocky Maivia won with a leg scissors on the Free for All. I would love to see that.
-Flash shows his typical smoothness on a leapfrog, backflip and other offense because grounding Leif again. He’s our first MVP. Later on, we get the first Armageddon Rules match. It sounds just like WCW’s Texas Death Match.
-Funk badly botches a springboard crossbody and overshoots a second one to reset. Cassidy hits a good face forward powerbomb to take over.
-Okay, fuck Flash Funk because Leif is the MVP with a sweet overhead belly-to-belly over the top rope and a plancha off a springboard. Get it, Al Snow!
-Flash confuses Leif with a dance to counter a powerbomb and punches him. He gets hit with a Sky High powerbomb soon afterwards anyway.
-Cassidy misses a double jump moonsault and Funk hits an odd handspring kick and a big dive over the top rope. His own high angle moonsault only gets two.
-After a fish out of water spot, the face hits a Ghetto Blaster kick, belly-to-back and calls for the grand finale. It’s mostly knees, but gets the job done.
HOW DOES IT END:
Flash Funk wins in 10:34 with the 450 splash
FINAL WORD: The wrong guy stood out, but it was still the definition of a good opener.
THE STUFF IN BETWEEN: A young Tye Dye Guy is dancing way too close to a young girl! Stop it! A commercial for the Royal Rumble is just clips of the 1996 event (it’s the home video commercial).
MATCH NUMBER TWO: TAG TITLE MATCH- “Diesel” and “Razor Ramon” vs The British Bulldog and Owen Hart w/Clarence Mason (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: JR is already mad when people boo his boys. Like last time, Razor is an LVP on looks alone. They are still giving them the pyro, huh? Kevin Kelly interviews the champs and their manager. There’s a random arm in the shot. Their lack of teamwork and continuity is mentioned and blamed on Bulldog’s feud with Stone Cold. Owen sticks up for him. A clip of Davey going after Austin on Superstars leading to a jumping from the challengers is shown. They are oddly positioned as the faces again.
WHAT STANDS OUT
--Owen and Diesel start with the speed versus power cat and mouse action. JR shits on older wrestlers with artificial body parts. Subtle.
-Cibernetico and Pierroth distract the crowd and elicit zero response. Great start to the AAA partnership. It’s Razor and Bulldog now and they take forever to lock up. Man, Razor is a LVP level wrestler.
-Stone Cold walks to ringside and Bulldog makes a beeline for him. They have a big fist fight on the floor and officials separate them. Hart takes over on Razor until Diesel pulls the rope down on him.
-I have to give the future Kane props: at least he’s good at replicating Kevin Nash. Meanwhile, Razor just cannot do the fallaway slam without almost killing his opponent. Thankfully, Owen took care of himself.
-The Rocket gets beaten for awhile and there’s a “Diesel sucks” chant until an enziguri leads to the hot tag. Davey is all over both imposters until everyone is in the ring.
-Diesel and Owen go over the top and the big powerslam is blocked. The Edge is set up, but Owen sneaks in with a spinning heel kick and makes JR very mad about the ending of the match.
HOW DOES IT END:
The British Bulldog and Owen Hart retain in 10:45 when Bulldog pins Razor Ramon with a victory roll
FINAL WORD: Boy, that was a waste of time because of the fake characters that are already out the door, but the professionals involved did their best.
THE STUFF IN BETWEEN: Stone Cold chop blocks Bulldog from behind and gets forced back by the refs. The replay shows how slow Owen is to help and Ross is the only one mentioning it. The Nation of Domination are on AOL and their aesthetic is great besides Crush and PG-13. Lawler’s mic sounds like shit. Vince is in the ring to do a big introduction for Ahmed Johnson. He’s rocking a blue Rawlings track suit and fanny pack. He will get his match with Faarooq at the Royal Rumble. He says he’s lost his girlfriend, house and car because of his injury. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Does he live with Roger and can’t afford Rent (one more to go)? His life has been over a long time ago and he’s only living for the people now. This is obviously a sloppy LVP promo that gets interrupted by the rapping of NOD in the crowd and Faarooq threatening to put his foot up Ahmed’s butt. He calls him an Uncle Tom (yikes) and runs out of things to say, so he hits the catchphrase early. Ahmed starts a “you’re going down” chant. That’s DJ Khaled’s least favorite chant of all time. Rough segment.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: IC TITLE MATCH- Marc Mero w/Sable vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: HHH gets a video along with bootleg Erasure music. It’s VERY bad. Mero’s athleticism is put over and their story is shown all the way back to WrestleMania. Mr. Perfect’s involvement and the title victory were all part of some big plan of Hunter’s and it includes an UNPROTECTED shot to Mero’s head from the manager who supposedly was taken out when he wasn’t needed anymore. Todd Pettengill calls him “Triple H” for the first time and the video definitely makes him seem like a big deal for once. The Wildman enters and Vince mentions satellite transmission issues. Sable sure is getting a lot of whistles now. Trips now has “Ode to Joy” as his theme and a red entrance jacket to boot. It’s a great presentation. He apparently made an offer to Marlena earlier in the evening. King hypes his Karate Fighters final with Sable on Raw the next night.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-JR makes a joke at H’s expense when they go nose-to-nose. There’s an early botched sequence when Helmsley stumbles over Mero before they mistime a hip toss and running the ropes.
-Hunter uses Sable as a shield to take over on the floor. He attempts a chair shot, but the ref stops him. A whip into the steel steps is not stopped.
-A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker is a new one for Trips. He cheats in the abdominal stretch and Earl Hebner catches him. They run their patented push back and forth spot and the crowd reacts to Hebner bigger than anything on the show thus far.
-Marc comes back with a headscissors and hurricanrana. The ref is pushed into the ropes to knock Mero down on a shooting star press attempt.
-The Merosault always impresses, but Hunter still kicks out. The ref is bumped from a Mero clothesline. The champ gets his belt, but the challenger blocks and gets a roll up with tights. The ref is slow to count, so there’s a kick out. A somersault plancha clips Hunter and brings Goldust down with a belt. He aims for Triple H, but hits Mero on accident. He still hits Hunter before leaving and it impacts the finish.
HOW DOES IT END:
Marc Mero wins in 13:12 by countout
FINAL WORD: It got better, but these two just don’t gel in a way that’s beyond fine.
THE STUFF IN BETWEEN: Mero puts Hunter in the ring and destroys with an impactful SSP. He takes the IC strap for no reason. The Fink announces Hunter as the champ during the replay and Goldust comes out to attack again. All of these shades of gray characters are very interesting, but they confuse the crowd. Dok Hendrix interviews Sid with a backwards white hat. He brawled with Shawn Michaels outside earlier and Bret got involved and blindsided in it. He cuts a pretty good promo surprisingly considering he's doing that unintelligible whisper talking at the end. It’s an MVP presence.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: ARMAGEDDON RULES MATCH- The Executioner w/Paul Bearer vs The Undertaker
BEFORE THE BELL: Executioner has Papa Shango’s old music and a look that screams community theater Les Miserables (and the challenge is done). His debut at Buried Alive is shown. Pettengill is so good at these voiceovers. The rules to the match are shown and the gong makes the place go nuts. Now he has the look down! The leather outfit in the blue light is baller. Terry Gordy looks on with his mouth agape.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-It’s all Taker early. It’s sad to see Gordy so out of shape (for his standards) and sloppy with bumps, selling and bouncing around. He’s quickly an LVP threat. Both seem gassed and lost 90 seconds in.
-Bearer hits Taker with the urn on the floor and Executioner slowly throws him into the posts and tables.
-The concrete gets exposed and Undertaker tries a Tombstone, but Mankind runs out and falls over the pad and faceplants on the concrete. The dumbest thing Mick Foley has ever done sometimes can be funny. He still manages to trip Taker and the Dead Man fights them off. They battle up the aisle and over to the set. Foley is thrown through the house screen, then the front door. Is he just working the match now?
-The house almost comes down and some lame ass security people come down with mace to take Mankind away. What the fuck is going on? Taker and Terry go backstage and out of the building. People run after them to see, but the camera doesn’t follow and stays on some steps for a minute. Mankind is put into a straitjacket in the ring.
-Outside, the Executioner rolls down the auditorium embankment into some water. Taker enters the ring once again and boots Foley. Executioner comes back all wet and continues to get beaten up.
-Taker’s clothes are ripped, Executioner’s boots are dripping and a non-lethal Tombstone lands. He’s pinned and the count begins and ends. This is always stupid.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Undertaker wins in 11:32 with the Tombstone
FINAL WORD: Armageddon the movie was more coherent.
THE STUFF IN BETWEEN: Paul evades Taker before a slow celebration and walk to the back.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: WWF TITLE MATCH- Bret Hart vs Sycho Sid (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Hendrix interviews Bret while the battle in the morning is shown again. It’s used as an example of Bret losing his cool. His glasses are different and so is his attitude. He gets especially mad at Shawn’s music interrupting the promo. It’s an MVP segment and one of his best considering it foreshadows his heel turn. HBK enters all disheveled and casual, but hits his posing in the ring. He joins the commentary team when Bret enters. His pop is close to Shawn’s and the former champ mocks him as high and mighty. Oh, this is good shit. The hatred is so visible. Sid gets some boos, but remains very popular. Michaels calls him expensive luggage that gets carried. We shooting, huh? I’ve missed this guy we are getting on commentary right now.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Bret jumps Sid at the bell, but gets overpowered shortly. Sid is grounded while Shawn puts over the technical prowess of his rival, but calls him vanilla and different and there’s nothing wrong with that.
-The pad is raised on the floor again, but Hart avoids the powerbomb and pushes Sycho into the post three times.
-The back of the champ is focused on and the pace becomes methodical. There’s plenty of split screens of Shawn talking and watching the action.
-Bret exposes the buckle, but Sid blocks the attack. Bret is still on the offense with a belly-to-back and other moves. He’s caught from the top and Sid starts his comeback while selling the back. He’s been particularly good even if the match hasn’t been as exciting as his one with Shawn.
-Sid kicks off the Sharpshooter and Stone Cold chop blocks Bret out of nowhere. Bulldog and Owen chase him off. Bret gets back in the ring, limping and struggling as Sid sells concern and confusion before going right after him. They probably botch a buckle spot and just start it over until Bret hits it. It kills the momentum. The commentary is also oddly low energy.
-A chokeslam gets a two count and the crowd pops for it huge. A clothesline over the top sends both men to the floor and Bret takes Shawn’s chair. He’s leveled from behind and Sid pie faces Michaels. He gets on the apron and ends up colliding with Bret and sent absolutely flying. The champ takes advantage.
HOW DOES IT END:
Sycho Sid retains in 17:09 with the powerbomb
FINAL WORD: Despite the good story being told and both men being on point, that was a disappointing match.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Sid celebrates on the second rope and Bret’s nose is bloody. He decks HBK on the floor and unleashes a hockey attack in a last-ditch effort to wrench MVP. Shawn gets up and threatens a fan on exit. The replay shows HBK hitting the chair on his fall. Sid fist bumps people and looks like the coolest guy in the world on his exit. Shawn tries to talk on the headset, but he’s barely audible. The same fan woos in his face when leaving. Sid hits a Jericho pose and Vince signs off with an “unbelievable.”
THE LAST IMAGE: Sycho Sid
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: I can’t believe Sycho Sid is a two-time MVP now. He has stepped up as champ and wrestled a flawless match and had an energy about him. I wish he kept it up.
FINAL LVP of PPV: The Executioner was sad, but wrestled a glorified squash. “Razor Ramon” is Renegade levels of bad as both a wrestler and impersonator.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Flash Funk vs Leif Cassidy
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Undertaker vs The Executioner
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was another banal In Your House for the record books. Audio issues plagued the show again. The booking was intriguing because new people were given chances and the heel/face dynamics were blurred, but it felt like a special Raw and not a very good one. It’s time they pick it up. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: 1996 ends with a face Roddy Piper vs a heel Hulk Hogan at Starrcade. That was NOT in the cards at the start of the year.