In the long history of wrestling PPVs, it’s absolutely shocking to me that nature hasn’t fucked things up beyond today’s show. I’m not counting COVID, I’m talking about weather. Vince McMahon has always prided himself in rain or shine, but this show is the one blemish on his record.
I still vividly remember this. My mom was on the phone with our cable company trying to figure out what was going on because this was before you could just get on your fucking phone (and maybe even the Weather Channel) and find out that there were thunderstorms impacting the area of the show. Like a psychopath, I think I made us stay on the channel waiting for the show to return. I remember it did at one point briefly just for Vince to tell us they are working on getting the lights back on in the arena. They just manage before the main event and I was a happy little boy. My mother was also happy because she was getting her money back for this show.
This show is notable for this once-in-forever occurrence, but does it have anything else going for it? Let’s find out!
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 107- WWF IN YOUR HOUSE: BEWARE OF DOG
Written on 3/18/22
HOW WE START: After the title card, hype for Shawn Michaels is spliced with claims of wrecking homes and Diana Smith’s wooden claims of “I know you want me.” Everyone’s delivery is piss poor. Another animated opening featuring the In Your House logo on a chain coming out of a doghouse. Vince McMahon welcomes us in South Carolina with Jerry Lawler. He gives us a nice Memorial Day message before getting things started.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Rosemarie Lynn vs Marc Mero w/Sable
BEFORE THE BELL: This valet just doesn’t fit with Hunter at all. I think she’s wearing a short wig? That would be a good “down on your luck” gimmick: your random valet gets uglier and uglier as you lose. Last weekend, Bob Backlund locked Mero in the chicken wing and led to a Pedigree. Dok Hendrix interviews Mero and Sable. God, Marc’s face and tone are so bad. It’s almost as bad as Dok whistling when Sable walks away. Here’s an LVP for the Wildman’s character work and an MVP for Sable walking to the ring with a whip.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-There’s a brawl before the bell and a quick dive with feigned “wildness” afterwards. Lawler reveals the valet’s name. Hunter sends Mero’s shoulder into the post twice.
-These two have bad chemistry on their fundamentals. Vince mentions the storm and claims they “won’t leave you long” if technical issues happen. Sure…
-Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young are sitting behind the commentators. Concealed farts look better and I said that NOT just because it looks like they’re wearing windbreakers (and thus begins a Botchamania joke reference challenge which feels appropriate for this show).
-WAY TOO MUCH arm work by the heel. I don’t think I’ve ever seen HHH do Alberto Del Rio’s cross armbreaker before.
-Some cool, fat fans at ringside flash Trips the “Too Sweet” sign. This is post Curtain Call, so they’re hip. Meanwhile, I’m going to take a nap.
-Mero finally rallies with a Frankensteiner off the top rope, headscissors and a one-armed comeback complete with bad yelling. He goes for a dive and misses, selling his knee exaggeratedly right away,
-The Pedigree is stopped so Hunter can force Sable to watch as she fake cries. This naturally leads to his defeat.
HOW DOES IT END:
Marc Mero wins in 16:23 with a slingshot into the ring post
FINAL WORD: What a snoozer. Hunter didn’t look like the guy as a bland heel and Mero plays an awful, manic face.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: McMahon mentions the Smokin’ Gunns winning the tag titles on the Free for All. Curt Hennig interviews Camp Cornette in the locker room. Clarence Mason has a neck brace AND a sling. Diana’s face is permanently petrified and that makes her an LVP. Owen Hart has a manager’s license for the night and the card to prove it. James E is the first MVP with his words as always. Steve Austin’s music plays in the arena, but that’s going to be a big NOPE.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: WWF TITLE MATCH- The British Bulldog w/Clarence Mason, Diana Smith and Owen Hart vs Shawn Michaels w/Jose Lothario (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: How in the blue hell does this show have a better edit than so many others when there was a FULL-BLOWN POWER OUTAGE?!?!?!?! Vince thanks us for sticking around as Bulldog walks down with his entourage. This was naturally the main event of the initial broadcast. Dok interviews HBK and Jose. The champ is focused, references Melrose Place and he’s contractually obligated to say “anything can happen in the WWF.” The camera follows him and he bumps into Mr. Perfect on the way out. They give each other a look before the champ enters without his usual energy. He’s probably pissed about the power outage. Vince claims an encore of the show will take place Tuesday including the matches we missed. Yep, coming soon for you as a reader! Playgirls is mentioned for the first time. Clarence gets on the mic (that doesn’t work at first) and even annoys Lawler by taking forever to serve HBK a summons. That’s an LVP moment and naturally Shawn rips it up.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Quick, fine action early highlighted by a dive. And they say modern times have too many of them. We’ve already had three in two matches.
-Shawn loudly calls stuff in a long headlock. YOU TALK TOO MUCH (homeboy you never shut up/one more to go). This leads to a long arm lock. The poor crowd was stuck in darkness and now have to sit through boring mic work.
-Marty Jannetty recently turned heel and supports Diana’s accusations. I’m not touching that one. Bulldog gets the advantage and applies…gasp…a chinlock and backbreaker submission.
-The cutoffs are exciting, but end up right back in rest holds. Owen tries to yell at ringside to drum up excitement. Both men run the ropes and Michaels trips and stumbles out. He sells it like it’s meant to happen. He gets beat up on the floor for a reset.
-The champ kips up on a second double down and his comeback leads to a Earl Hebner ref bump to the flood. He always takes that sick. Owen eats a Sweet Chin Music interfering after the top rope elbow. The second ref comes down during a powerslam attempt that’s thwarted. A German Suplex with a bridge gets a three count and the challenger’s hand is raised and music played immediately?
-Cornette comes down ecstatic and the heels celebrate, but Earl comes back in and raises Shawn’s hand, changing the music. Fink finally makes the announcement.
HOW DOES IT END:
Draw at 17:22
FINAL WORD: That was a rare total borefest from my boy. Was it circumstances or attitude?
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Diana tries to leave with the title and holds it up in the aisle and looks HILARIOUS doing so. Gorilla Monsoon snatches it away. The replay shows everyone’s shoulders down and King notes a minor Davey twitch like a kick out.
Fade to black and Beware of Dog 2 begins in Charleston. Jim Ross and Mr. Perfect are now the commentary team. How was this transition handled so well?
MATCH NUMBER THREE: CARIBBEAN STRAP MATCH WITH SERVITUDE AND TED DIBIASE’S CAREER ON THE LINE- Steve Austin w/Ted DiBiase vs Savio Vega
BEFORE THE BELL: Austin still has the Million Dollar Title. Clips of these two in the dark from Sunday are shown as is Ted putting his career up on Raw if Savio will put up being a chauffeur. The rules are shown and Savio enters. Steve won’t let him get in the ring because he swings the strap, but they finally get tied up.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-It’s a calculated start and Savio pulls Austin into the apron before chopping and brawling on the floor.
-The lashes start and they are real. Austin tries to bail and takes even more. God, the stomach ones have to suck. That’s an MVP beating. The first attempt to win is stopped with a low blow and flip.
-This feels like a legit fight. Hennig and JR’s commentary helps.
-Stone Cold’s first attempt to win ends with a great spin around the ring right into the corner. Then, Savio is backdropped over the top and Austin is pulled along with it. So good.
-JR puts over the damage and effort of both men so well. Maybe this broadcast earned his job back? A great spinebuster stops Savio’s attempt on the last buckle.
-JESUS, Steve goes to the top when Vega is on the floor and gets yanked down to the rail. Imagine how big Stone Cold would get if his body holds up. He’s MVP again. Then, a great false finish where Savio barely gets the third buckle and is viciously cut off.
-DiBiase forces Austin to try a second piledriver and it’s blocked. The Million Dollar Dream is applied, but Savio starts touching buckles while in the hold and the crowd is fully into this one. He has to break the chain to break the hold, though.
-Vega is dragged by his neck and quietly touches corners after Austin does. Ted freaks out, a tug-o-war ensues and one pull leads to a HUGE pop.
HOW DOES IT END:
Savio Vega wins at 21:24
FINAL WORD: Start to finish, this is one of the best wrestling segments we’ve seen on PPV up to this point. SEEK IT OUT
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Stone Cold walks out on Ted immediately. It’s crazy that Savio Vega ends the long WWF career of the Million Dollar Man. He asks for new music to be played: Na Na Na Na. Is that the first use of this? DiBiase sells it beautifully. JR talks about AOL and Shawn Michaels is chatting with his Kliq with the biggest laptop keyboard I’ve ever seen.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Vader w/Jim Cornette vs Shawn Michaels
BEFORE THE BELL: Vader Time means a big pop. The Yoko leg break from seven weeks ago is shown and Perfect questions “slobberknocker.” No Fuji for Yoko.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-They throw punches right away and the heels stall after a shot to the throat. Then, there’s a sumo faceoff and some yelling. Whatever to avoid contact.
-After three separate instances of stalling, they finally collide and Yoko wins by taking Vader down and clotheslining him to the floor. At least it all built to something. Back in, the Mastodon starts clobbering.
-Yoko does a single leg takedown and elbows the leg twice. Vader tries a slam and cannot do it. Yoko hits a Rock Bottom.
-The Banzai Drop is stopped by Cornette and gets pulled into the ring and headbutted. Another Banzai is set up on Corny and Vader makes the save. After two elbows to the leg, it’s time to go home.
HOW DOES IT END:
Vader wins in 8:53 with a Vader Bomb
FINAL WORD: It wasn’t pretty, but we knew that. It was never boring like some other matches.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The King of the Ring commercial has Jerry Lawler dying and going to heaven, but gets beaten up by other kings (like Elvis and Don King, who I think was still alive then.) In other words, it ends up being hell for him. JR and Perfect announce the HBK/Bulldog rematch, Godwinns/Gunns rematch and Warrior/Lawler for King of the Ring. They also show the tournament bracket and Vader is somehow already in the semis.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: IC TITLE CASKET MATCH- The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer vs Goldust w/Marlena (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: A golden casket is ringside for Goldust, who enters with Marlena. Last night on Raw, Ahmed Johnson interfered when Goldust tried to leave from Ultimate Warrior. Later, Owen causes Ahmed his first loss and Goldust gives Ahmed mouth to mouth. Oh boy. JR’s repulsive selling is bad. Ahmed’s freak out is legendary and he destroys a jobber through a door. GONG, blackout (complete with good JR joke) and Taker is already behind his opponent.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Goldust is beaten up the first 90 seconds, thrown into the casket and naturally scared of the damn thing.
-Old School keeps the face on top. They totally botch the dropdown uppercut and Goldust hits the world’s slowest Tombstone. He’s a possible LVP, but I may cut him some slack because he’s recovering from injury still. He rolls Taker into the casket, but he fires out of it.
-The champ catches Taker with a sleeper. I’ve seen enough of those and may fall asleep myself. He tries to win again and Taker gets him arm out. Goldust gets on the lid and Taker powers him off, causing the lid to break off. Uh-oh. They might want to get that back on.
-Good on Ross and Perfect for putting over Goldust’s toughness and prowess. A big powerslam and clothesline takes him off the LVP list.
-Taker’s glove comes off blocking an attempt of Old School on him. He hits the Tombstone (and it looks like death well enough from that angle). He tries to win, but Mankind is in the casket! He applies the Mandible Claw and makes weird noises.
HOW DOES IT END:
Goldust in 12:36
FINAL WORD: That eventually turned into a decent brawl.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Mankind locks Taker in the casket, sits on it, squeals and pulls his hair out. It’s good to tally the dumbest thing for Mick Foley again. Smoke emerges from the casket. Goldust stumbles out and Mankind follows. What a random PPV debut. Paul Bearer and referees don’t seem that concerned. The casket gets opened and the Dead Man is gone with a GONG. Bearer is shocked and sad. The lights go out and his theme plays. The commentators have nothing, so they sign out.
THE LAST IMAGE: Wide Shot of the Arena (Dark)
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: You can tell from his performance here that nothing was going to stop Steve Austin from making it in WWF. He beat himself up and got over.
FINAL LVP of PPV: Marc Mero’s character blows, but his moves are fine. On the flip side, every time Diana Smith is on screen, her face and attitude was totally off and she’s completely unnecessary as a character.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Savio Vega vs Steve Austin
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Marc Mero vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley
FINAL THOUGHTS: The situation is unique, but the show was not nevertheless. This is a one match show and most of the rest is dull and uninspiring. Were there factors to blame? Maybe. It doesn’t change anything. This is all set up for the future besides Ted DiBiase and Mankind’s debut, but it’s all still technically set up. They should have kept the lights off. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: Never mind all of this shit! Here comes Mongo! (You forgot I can finish the reference challenge in this section). It’s the Great American Bash 1996!