I’m not sure if there’s a better consolation for getting sick than a cozy blanket, my trusty pen and notebook and a PPV from my childhood that I watched way too much.
I’ve been fighting a random bug for some time (after taking several negative COVID tests) and taking time away from home responsibilities and legitimate work gives me the opportunity to get a little ahead in this project for the first time in a while.
We’ve tackled this concept before and we’ve tackled the idea that watching old wrestling shows while under the weather being impacted one way or another before.
I’ve never tackled either with a show with this many matches and this sick. What could go wrong?
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 106: WCW SLAMBOREE 1996
Written on 3/14/22
HOW WE START: Some Power Plant assholes in black and white fight as Battlebowl and the Lethal Lottery is explained as well as three title matches. I love this show theme. We go live in Baton Rouge with tons of pyro and Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan and Dusty Rhodes welcoming us. They focus on teammates paired against one another and Randy Savage and Ric Flair not being able to work together later on.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND: Animal and Booker T vs Hawk and Lex Luger
BEFORE THE BELL: It’s so odd that they announced the teams in advance. I’m so happy we get to hear this bad LOD theme twice. Luger is still popular because my life is hell. He’s slapping hands, too. His character will never make sense. Bobby goes to share something and doesn’t because Dusty is listening. Tony says, “Yeah and 100 MILLION OTHER PEOPLE.” That hyperbole earns an immediate LVP.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-You know what helps this convoluted concept in its fourth incarnation? Multiple rounds and more moving pieces! Animal and Lex trade powerslams and awkward strikes.
-Booker comes in, pushes his partner and works the crowd before getting beat up. The Spinaroonie is called the “Whirly Bird” by Dusty and he lands a big sidekick, becoming the first MVP.
-Hawk saves Lex and he’s mad about it? All four men start fighting randomly and the crowd goes wild for it. The bell rings and the Road Warriors never fought. COOL.
HOW DOES IT END:
Double Countout at 6:53
FINAL WORD: What an auspicious start.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Nothing because we have to get through like 600 matches!
MATCH NUMBER TWO: BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND: Publix Enemy vs The Taskmaster and Chris Benoit w/Jimmy Hart
BEFORE THE BELL: Public Enemy’s theme is dubbed over, but they are still popular. The Taskmaster is not popular and his partner trails behind him with his own theme.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Rocco Rock and Benoit start as the commentators talk “plunder.” Rocco acts heelish, but hits a nice headscissors. Schiavone: “boy, Benoit has a temper.” That tone is all knowing, which means I count it on my tally.
-Benoit shows some rare personality by mocking Rocco’s dance over him. A brawl develops soon afterwards on the floor. Sullivan dangerously throws a chair at Rock several times. A table spot is teased, but stopped. Benoit does get suplexed on the floor.
-Taskmaster holds the Crippler on the table before the “Big Poppa” hits. Taskmaster sells an “injured leg” and leaves his partner high and dry as the actual team wins.
HOW DOES IT END:
Public Enemy win at 4:44 when Rocco Rock pins Chris Benoit after the Big Poppa table dive
FINAL WORD: That was totally batshit for under five minutes
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Keep it rolling!
MATCH NUMBER THREE: BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND: Sgt. Craig Pittman and Scott Steiner w/Teddy Long vs The Booty Man and Rick Steiner w/Kimberly
BEFORE THE BELL: Pittman is now a tepid face managed by an incredibly doughy Long. BOY HAVE I MISSED LEAVING MY CAPS LOCK ON FOR SCOTT STEINER. He is entirely too jacked. I feel the exact opposite for having to sit through Booty Man as he’s billed from “the Big Apple.” Kimberly jiggles out and Dusty is hilarious saying, “Hello, America! How are ya! Someone bring me my medicine!” Rick Steiner is still somehow the biggest boob involved.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The non-Steiner starts. Heenan puts Teddy over well and then says he looks like Montel Williams. Boy, that’s a name I haven’t thought about in quite some time. My mom loved the psychic Sylvia Browne that always appeared on his show. How about a bad psychic reference challenge?
-Scott hits one Tiger Bomb and tags back out. Pittman and Rick bark at one another before a big German by the sergeant that causes Rick to settle him down.
-The brothers get tagged in together and the place erupts. It’s rightfully put over as a big deal. Heenan makes some MVP jokes about animosity and hand-me-downs. It’s mostly amateur shit until Scott dumps Rick on his head and it’s answered with a Steinerline.
-Full nelson and second rope suplexes are traded before Booty tags back to boos. He gets stuck in the Code Red by Pittman and the ref allows for a tag in between the ropes. Bobby complains, but it’s already over.
HOW DOES IT END:
Rick Steiner and Booty Man win in 8:22 when Rick pins Craig Pittman with a German Suplex
FINAL WORD: Boy do I wish that was longer and without Ed Leslie.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Rapid fire matches, bitches!
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND: The Blue Bloods (Lord Steven Regal and Dave Taylor) w/Jeeves vs Jim Duggan and VK Wallstreet
BEFORE THE BELL: The preexisting team berate their servant. Finlay was supposed to be Regal’s partner, but was taken out beforehand. Duggan is stupidly over and his archenemy follows him. He’s called “one of the richest men in wrestling.” He gives me such bootleg Million Dollar Man vibes. This will probably be painful. At least we get good Regal facials as he’s almost hit with a 2X4.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Regal earns an MVP case with his schtick of pushing his bicep up. He’s openly not wrestling Duggan and they just work the crowd. Dusty loves the word “soliloquy.”
-VK and Taylor bore and tag back out soon. Hacksaw decks everyone, including his partner when he walks away from a tag. He tapes his fist up because that’s his gimmick now and good night.
HOW DOES IT END:
Jim Duggan and VK Wallstreet win in 3:48 when Duggan pins Dave Taylor with a taped fist punch
FINAL WORD: When Jim Duggan hilariously taping his fist up is the sole highlight, you know what the deal is.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Boy, this is exhausting.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND: Dick Slater and Earl Robert Eaton w/Col. Parker and Jeeves vs Alex Wright and Disco Inferno
BEFORE THE BELL: Slater’s theme is way too epic and cool for him. Eaton’s gimmick now is that he’s the Blue Blood that’s nice to Jeeves. Wright’s music is delayed and there’s no dancing. Disco’s dancing gets big heat. Look how fucking young Glenn Gilberti is here!
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The Giant’s run as champion is discussed while Slater and Disco have anti-chemistry. Eaton and Wright try to pick it up.
-Macho Man and Ric Flair’s situation is discussed instead of the match and that’s a good idea. Disco gets a hot tag and dances like a buffoon as a cowboy boot comes off and gets used.
HOW DOES IT END:
Dick Slater and Earl Robert Eaton win in 2:57 when Slater pins Disco Inferno with a boot shot to the back
FINAL WORD: Is that the most inconsequential tag match in PPV history? I’m not even putting a picture in!
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: I’m a sucker for structure.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND: DDP and The Barbarian vs Hugh Morrus and Meng
BEFORE THE BELL: There’s our first instance of bootleg Nirvana! It’s dubbed, but I’ll still take it. DDP has his mystery benefactor and took advantage of an injury to Bobby Walker to get back into the scene. His partner is Barbarian against two of his Dungeon brethren.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-DDP is very mocking and cocky, but Hugh laughs at it all. Morrus hits a big shoulder tackle and attempts a dive. Who is this version of Bill DeMott?
-The Faces of Fear go right at it with LOUD chops and eye pokes being no sold. I’m for this! Great teamwork by Page and Barb on a lifting splash.
-An odd top rope elbow drop was supposed to be blocked and it finally happens on the second attempt. Barb hits an impressive top rope overhead belly-to-belly on Hugh.
-Picture perfect moonsault by Hugh and all four men start to brawl. Stereo Mafia kicks and stereo pins, but one man’s leg is under the ropes.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Barbarian and DDP win in 5:15 when Barbarian pins Hugh Morrus with the Mafia Kick
FINAL WORD: I wish the crowd appreciated that as much as I did.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: We are almost done with Round 1.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND: Big Bubba and Stevie Ray vs Fire and Ice (Ice Train and Scott Norton)
BEFORE THE BELL: I’m so tired of the Dungeon of Doom theme already. Bubba is in it now. I love that, even as heel, Heenan needles him by saying, “is that a goatee or an otter?” Stevie is wearing a different color singlet than his brother earlier. Fire and Ice is another team that survived the lottery. Train is back and Norton is a face, huh? Sometimes, you don’t want big meaty men slapping meat.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-It’s weird seeing Norton have to be the coordinated one. Everything LVP Stevie does looks anticipated and odd. I love Dusty calling him, “Big Bubber” by the way.
-I take back everything positive I just thought about Norton because he just failed at popping up Bubba so bad. The highlight thus far has been Train butt dropping Bubba’s dick.
-The ending spits in the face of coordination. Bubba runs into Stevie, but it’s not that bad. Stevie still doesn’t make the save. Bollocks.
HOW DOES IT END:
Fire and Ice wins at 3:33 when Scott Norton pins Big Bubba after a double shoulder tackle
FINAL WORD: I cannot write the word UGLY in bigger letters sadly.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Bobby Heenan says, “Poor Eddie Guerrero” at the end of the replay.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND: Eddie Guerrero and Arn Anderson vs Ric Flair and Randy Savage
BEFORE THE BELL: This is a great spot for Eddie, though. Arn looks like he’s just wearing underwear. 2001 plays, but The Man doesn’t appear. The commentators are convinced something has happened backstage. Macho enters instead. Flair’s music plays again and he peeks out after Arn attacks Savage from behind. The heels immediately pummel Randy together. I always feel a certain way about these matches.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Eddie goes right after Arn to save Macho. Woman and Miss Elizabeth slowly creep down. Flair elbows Savage to tag him in and then forces Guerrero to tag Arn. This is totally nuts.
-Randy battles back and the crowd wakes up after several down matches.
-Flair tags back in and chops the shit out of his partner. Eddie pokes the eyes and goes wild with a dropkick, tornado DDT and other moves. Macho Man finally gets at Ric, but Arn attacks his own partner.
HOW DOES IT END:
Ric Flair and Randy Savage win at 4:08 when Flair pins Eddie Guerrero after an Arn Anderson DDT
FINAL WORD: The bout was good crazy, but the whole situation was almost too crazy.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: There’s finally stuff! The Horsemen pummel Savage at ringside. Flair brings Liz over to slap him on the floor and then Arn lands a DDT. The Nature Boy is so unhinged. He’s an MVP threat despite bringing his ladies flowers. The commentators explain at a random draw will take place for the next round with one team getting a bye. Heenan is so great at getting angry and testy at Dusty. After a Great American Bash commercial featuring Rick Steiner as a kid and Sting just hanging out, Mean Gene is joined by some Hooters girls. There’s boob gags and Gene is almost as much of a douche as John Edwards in these moments (one more reference to go). The team with the bye is Fire and Ice to no reaction. The first match announced is Slater and Eaton vs Duggan and Wallstreet. What boring presentation.
MATCH NUMBER NINE: CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH- Brad Armstrong vs Dean Malenko (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: It’s time for the first Cruiserweight Title match in PPV history! It’s funny that the challenger is the last WCW Light Heavyweight Champ: Brad Armstong. Shinjiro Otani won the tournament, beating Brad in the final, but already lost the belt to the current champ, Malenko. THAT’S a man! Bobby always puts him over so well.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Mat wrestling and technical excellence by both men early. Heenan thinks “Psychosis” is that dry stuff on your elbow. He still has his bad habits.
-Great focus on the knee by the Iceman. The crowd is quiet, but respectful. He hits a dropkick to the knee out of the Tree of Woe and a Stump Puller.
-Tony and Bobby get into a spat during an ad read. Armstrong turns the tide and hits a missile dropkick. He puts Malenko in his own Cloverleaf. All it takes is one mistake for the Man of the 1,000 Holds, though.
HOW DOES IT END:
Dean Malenko wins at 8:28 to retain the title with a top rope gutbuster
FINAL WORD: Very simple, but a nice start to this era in PPV history.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: A BLOOD RUNS COLD COMMERCIAL!!! Inject this shit into my veins. Gene follows it up with more Hooters comedy and picks the next match: Public Enemy vs Flair and Savage. He sells it like a shock. This is another LVP performance by Okerlund. You can figure out the other match.
MATCH NUMBER TEN: BATTLEBOWL SECOND ROUND: Dick Slater and Earl Robert Eaton w/Col. Parker vs Jim Duggan and VK Wallstreet
BEFORE THE BELL: So many of the people that have advanced aren’t over AKA here comes Slater and Eaton. Wish I could say the same about fucking Hacksaw.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The rivals brawl to start because of course they do. Then, they randomly show teamwork with a double Irish Whip and a square off. A knee to the back sends Duggan out. He’s always so stupid.
-Hacksaw refuses to help VK cheat. The commentators all laugh about something Dusty said that I didn’t get. It’s the most exciting stuff in the match.
-Wallstreet accidentally hits Jim twice and it costs him the match. At least it’s over.
HOW DOES IT END:
Earl Robert Eaton and Dick Slater in in 4:04 when Eaton pins VK Wallstreet with a roll up
FINAL WORD: Just a total waste of time. Just look at who is already in Battlebowl!
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Duggan beats Wallstreet up after the bell. More time wasted.
MATCH NUMBER ELEVEN: BATTLEBOWL SECOND ROUND: Public Enemy vs Ric Flair and Randy Savage
BEFORE THE BELL: Why does PE have their actual theme now??!?! Is this just an oversight? I’ll take it! Macho’s theme plays first, but no Macho. Flair’s theme plays and he comes out with the girls. They throw Savage’s money into the crowd. Randy runs down and can’t be held back by all of the security, the American Males and Craig Pittman. I guess this could be considered a countout, but I’ll just go with the actual announcement. The bell is actually rung.
HOW DOES IT END:
Public Enemy wins by forfeit
FINAL WORD: This cannot count as worst match, but it was still somehow better than a couple we’ve seen tonight.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The crowd is mad because they are seeing who is left for Battlebowl.
MATCH NUMBER TWELVE: BATTLEBOWL SECOND ROUND: DDP and the Barbarian vs Booty Man and Rick Steiner w/Kimberly
BEFORE THE BELL: No luck on a dub for Page’s theme. The Barbarian is still sweating from his match earlier. Kim may be the closest I come to giving an MVP based on looks. Heenan breaking down her and her man is funny: “who lives next door to you? The Bootys!” Rick comes down very quickly
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Dallas is bumping all wild and gets stuck in some cords on the floor.
-Rick is just picking MF’ers up and throwing them however. He may be an MVP as well. He gets isolated by the surprisingly good team of Page and Barb.
-Booty hits the…sigh, High Knee, but gets interrupted. One more coy move and we have the worst 8-man field in PPV history.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Barbarian and DDP win in 5:08 when Barbarian pins Booty Man after a DDP elbow.
FINAL WORD: Thank God these tag matches are finished.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: “I did it all by myself!” Man, DDP is another possible MVP just by being a great asshole. Mike Tenay joins the booth for our next contest.
MATCH NUMBER THIRTEEN: US TITLE MATCH- Jushin Thunder Liger W/Sonny Onoo vs Konnan (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: This is a first time ever match. The challenger enters with much fanfare. The champ enters with a bad hat and typically horrendous looking outfit. Bobby makes fun by saying if “he puts a light in the closet, that won’t happen!”
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Great wrestling back and forth. Heenan makes fun of Konnan’s hair, then doesn’t want to hear Tenay’s explanation. Onoo gets some kicks in and causes a distraction for a dive.
-Tenay’s knowledge is so valuable, talking about Liger’s love of Ric Flair and his own Horsemen stable in Japan during a sweet surfboard. Brain hurts his great overall show performance with a stretch rickshaw joke and constant jokes to the detriment of the two wrestlers in the ring.
-They trade great palm strikes back-and-forth and Liger is caught in mid-air with a dropkick on the floor. Some good nearfalls and Konnan gets three from an Alabama Slam out of the corner, but Liger did kick out before the ref’s hand hit.
-More kickouts and drama until Konnan hits the “Power Drop.”
HOW DOES IT END:
Konnan wins in 9:30 to retain the title with the Splash Mountain Bomb
FINAL WORD: That was the best Konnan match by far and a breath of fresh air for this show.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mean Gene introduces Ric Flair, Arn Anderson and the ladies. He’s immediately off with his words and mood while claiming Randy Savage is gone, arrested and being psychologically evaluated. He announces the party at the Radisson later and pivots to Steve McMichael. This might be the worst Nature Boy promo of all time. He brings up Debra and Mongo interrupts. This leads to a tag team challenge and former teammates being invoked. Kevin Greene enters to a pop? I guess people remember him from the Super Bowl the previous year. Funny that Flair name dropped LT as an option. The Horsemen freak out because they wanted someone retired. Greene cuts a decent white meat promo at the end of this decent angle.
MATCH NUMBER FOURTEEN: BATTLEBOWL BATTLE ROYAL FOR THE LORD OF THE RING AND WCW TITLE SHOT- Dick Slater vs Earl Robert Eaton vs Ice Train vs Scott Norton vs Public Enemy vs DDP vs The Barbarian
BEFORE THE BELL: I’m sure the audience is thrilled to see all eight of these guys again. This is the first time so many of them are getting pyro in their careers. Tony mentions the unlikely field. There are barely any faces!
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The title show is supposed to take place at the Great American Bash, Mindless battle royal action starts this one. Rocco is trying his best to make things exciting.
-Barbarian kicks Page over the top and he hangs on, but both his feet hit the floor. He sneaks back in without a ref seeing him. The refs are in the ring to count pins, by the way.
-Dusty calls the double feature a “duel deal” and its’ really unnecessary in a small battle royal. Rocco Rock is the 1st man eliminated at 3:46 by Barbarian. Earl Robert Eaton is the 2nd man eliminated at 4:05 with an errant Dick Slater boot. Eaton hits Parker for a pop and this causes Dick Slater to be the 3rd man eliminated.
-Scott Norton is the 4th man eliminated at 4:45 thanks to DDP. Ice Train starts a powerslam flurry before Page goes on a Diamond Cutter spree. Johnny Grunge is the 5th man eliminated and Ice Train is the 6th man eliminated, but the Barbarian kicks out.
-What a spike Tombstone by Barb! These two are kinda money together both as a team and as opponents. A low blow can’t keep Barbarian down. Page is kicking out of crazy powerbombs and still taking an MVP beating. You always have to remember that it can come from nowhere…
HOW DOES IT END:
DDP wins at 9:40 by pinning The Barbarian with a Diamond Cutter
FINAL WORD: That was not a good battle royal, but it was a good showcase for the reinvigorated DDP.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Tons of pyro goes off and Page gets his ring. Bobby makes fun of Dusty for not knowing the difference between the outhouse and the penthouse. Mean Gene interview Jimmy Hart and the Giant. Jimmy will be handcuffed to Lex and he’s worried. The new champ cuts another odd promo, talking under his breathing the whole time and saying something about a cockroach in apple pie. His material doesn’t match his aura. Gene’s laissez faire attitude doesn’t help either.
MATCH NUMBER FIFTEEN: WCW TITLE MATCH- Sting w/Lex Luger vs The Giant w/Jimmy Hart (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Sting enters and I’ll never get used to his hair. It’s as odd to me as Gary Spivey’s, but for different reasons (and the reference challenge is complete). The big screen has the wrong match graphic up while Giant enters. Michael Buffer handles the introductions and talks about Sting’s five world titles when I can only remember three. Let’s Get Ready to Rumble and he carries the title out of the ring. He probably charged more for it.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Sleepers and dropkicks can’t phase Giant early. Sting works the crowd up so impressively. He can’t slam the champ and starts taking the heat.
-Giant has so much work to do. That said, he has a good feel for the flow of a match and how to work heel.
-The chokeslam is set up on a table, but Lex drapes Hart on it to block in a nice spot. Then, he saves Stinger from a Giant dropkick. You read that right: a Giant dropkick.
-The ref gets accidentally knocked down and Sting rallies. Splashes in the corner keep going on, but Lex is grabbed and Jimmy ends up in the corner. He slinks down and causes a missed splash. Sting’s head lands in Giant’s crotch. Boy, he loves that spot.
-A big top rope splash by Sting and the Giant’s kickout squashes the ref again. The Scorpion is applied and Luger and Hart start fighting over the megaphone on the apron. Of course, Sting ends up getting hit with it and it costs him the win.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Giant wins in 10:40 to retain the title with a chokeslam
FINAL WORD: No complaints here; that was a solid main event style bout.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: The Giant spits buckets into the camera celebrating. The replay shows that megaphone shot was UNPROTECTED. Dusty doesn’t believe Luger isn’t strong enough to wrest the object away from little Jimmy Hart. Tony sides with Bobby. They recap the show and the color analysts bicker as Tony pimps Nitro and signs off.
THE LAST IMAGE: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan and Dusty Rhodes
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: There was a late case for Sting and Bobby Heenan was solid throughout, but DDP made the most of his three appearances, played his character to perfection and got his ass beat in a great manner.
FINAL LVP of PPV: When Mean Gene Okerlund is on, he adds so much. When he’s on the sauce and not giving a fuck, he can be very detrimental like he was during this show.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Konnan vs Jushin Thunder Liger
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Fire and Ice vs Stevie Ray and Big Bubba
FINAL THOUGHTS: 15 matches revolving around a sloppy tournament will always make it rough to make me happy. The singles matches were all very good and would have helped the overall score of the show if the rest wasn’t so scatterbrained and uninspiring. Please let the Lethal Lottery die. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: It’s a lights out In Your House with Beware of Dog. You’ll get it then.