What a perfect show to try this truncated format with!
If you missed last week’s diary, you know I’m finally relenting and changing it up because I need to take more time to work on other projects and the process of converting my handwritten notes into this final product just takes too long. It’s not going to be perfect right away; I took six pages of notes compared to the usual eight to ten. As I begin typing, I’m not sure how I’m going to structure all of this. Fuck it, we are going to wing it.
I feel like that is an appropriate game plan for this specific show.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 101: WCW SUPERBRAWL VI
Written on 2/13/22
HOW WE START: All of the matches are quickly previewed with a voiceover performed by someone that probably hosted bad children’s TV shows in the 90s. The highlights: the Road Warriors are back; the TV Title match has money versus a woman on the line and the company now includes Konnan and Public Enemy. Oh yeah, there’s also going to be a Respect Match. We go live in St. Petersburg and our commentary team is once again Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan and Dusty Rhodes (in jeans). They preview the two main event cage matches before getting the action quickly underway.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: STREET FIGHT- Public Enemy vs Nasty Boys
BEFORE THE BELL: I hate the Public Enemy’s dubbed theme. They seriously just look like the hip-hop Nasty Boys. Paul Heyman is a genius. Knobbs and Sags are still very popular despite the fact that they’ve seemingly been demoted as of late.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-HOLY UNPROTECTED HEAD SHOTS, BATMAN! Very quickly, I realized that the best course of action was just start a running tally. By the end of the match, between steel chairs and trash cans/lids, I had nine shots to Brian Knobbs and Rocco Rock each, Jerry Sags with 11 and Johnny Grunge with a mindblowing 14!
-Bret Hart breaks one table on PPV in the main event of one of the biggest shows of the year and Rocco Rock just went through one with a toss from the apron and gets suplexed through a merch table and neither end the match.
-Dusty Rhodes loves the fake word “plunder” and the commentators in WCW love laughing at guys beating the shit out of one another in dangerous ways.
-The current MVP of the show is Jerry Sags because he always lays his stuff in and he gives a great piledriver on a trash can.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Nasty Boys win in 7:52 when Brian Knobbs pins Rocco Rock after Rock misses a dive from the audience through a third table and Knobbs hits an elbow drop with the broken table piece.
FINAL WORD: Bobby Heenan said it right: “eat your heart out, Dan Gable!” That was absolutely insane in bad and good ways.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mean Gene hypes the hotline and rumors of two former champs joining WCW. Gee, wonder who they could be? Konnan joins him dressed for a gaudy quinceanera and looks at the wrong camera during his entire promo. His delivery is more Rapid Fire than Rory Fox in MTV’s True Life about wrestling (oh yeah, we are still doing reference challenges). This is an LVP promo.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: TV TITLE MATCH WITH $6 MILLION AND KIMBERLY ON THE LINE-Diamond Dallas Page vs Johnny B Badd w/Kimberly (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Kimberly dances her ass off and looks like someone dressed like Marty Jannetty for Halloween. She does a LVP worthy routine that ends with a split and Badd throwing Frisbees out. The ref is holding a big check and Linda Hogan is shown in the crowd. This is detrimental to my plan of being more concise. DDP enters holding some roses.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-These two have had matches with increasingly diminished returns. This has less heat and more awkward exchanges than their previous two battles. Badd in particular earns an LVP consideration by just looking off and forcing Dallas to make a save on a sloppy leapfrog with a Stun Gun.
-I’ve always hated the multiple pin attempt spot with kick outs each time. Page just tried it five times.
-They are still doing the move grades shit and Kimberly gives her former man a zero after a DDT and distracts him into a roll up.
-Believable two counts follow a low blow spot without much of a reaction.
-“Boring” catcalls start.
HOW DOES IT END:
Johnny B. Badd wins at 14:58 to retain the title after countering a pancake with a Tombstone Piledriver
FINAL WORD: The WCW career of Johnny B. Badd ends with a definitive “thwunk” and giving someone else’s wife a fake ass check.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mean Gene interviews Harlem Heat who look to win the belts back from Lex Luger and Sting. They talk in cliches and say “sucka” even more than I expected. Boy, they are gassed up. Booker compares LOD to the Edsel!
MATCH NUMBER THREE: WCW TAG TITLE MATCH- Harlem Heat vs Sting and Lex Luger (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: Sherri doesn’t accompany the former champs nor does any real reaction for the audience. The Brain earns MVP consideration by yelling at an ugly kid with Sting make-up during the champs’ entrance.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Good lord does Lex Luger suck. His selling is insulting and his yelling is distracting. I hate to harp on it, but he’s got another chance at LVP already.
-Sting is the only thing that wakes the crowd up, so naturally he tags Lex back in to big boos. This is such a weird story.
-Stevie Ray vs the Total Package is total pain. Book isn’t much better, but that’s because of the terrible clotheslines he has to sell. Not to be outdone, Stevie hits an ABYSMAL short powerbomb.
-Dusty Rhodes makes up the word “flumergasted” amidst an eternity of Luger taking the heat from Heat before Sting just disregards the rules and starts the comeback to set up the asinine finish.
HOW DOES IT END:
Sting and Lex Luger win at 11:48 to retain the titles when Lex Luger pins Stevie Ray after Road Warrior Animal hits Stevie with a lead object
FINAL WORD: I’m torn between a boring tag match and a very boring tag match.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mean Gene immediately interviews the retaining champs and Lex is very over the top regarding their victory. Sting is totally oblivious to how it happened. The crowd doesn’t care and the commentators add nothing to the matters except some funny faces.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: US TITLE MATCH- One Man Gang vs Konnan (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: It’s insane that the former Akeem was just recently the US Champ. He looks like a guy Tony Atlas was trying to get paid on that cancelled show (and we have one more reference to go). The name plate calls your current champ “Konan” and that’s almost as silly as his outfit.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It’s a battle of bad offense by Gang and bad selling from Konnan. Then, Konnan hits some weird looking shit and Gang has no idea how to sell it.
-I think I heard 36 cents fall out of a pocket in the nosebleeds. NASCAR driver Steve Grissom is shown watching and it’s undoubtedly the best part of the match.
-Konnan has a horrific botch whiffing on a dropkick causing Gang to hit his 747 splash, but pull up the champ on the count. This is an all-time stinker.
HOW DOES IT END:
Konnan wins at 7:29 to retain the title when One Man Gang misses a second rope splash and Konnan hits a second rope flip
FINAL WORD: I’m just as angry as Konnan is when he leaves. Those two had the chemistry of a toddler on fire and a hippopotamus.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mean Gene mentions some kind of sewer leak. What the fuck is going on? The WWF rumor is mentioned again before it’s Hawk and Animal promo time. Animal does a better job than usual and Hawk is worse than usual because he focuses on jokes and body parts.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: RESPECT STRAP MATCH- The Taskmaster w/Jimmy Hart vs Brian Pillman
BEFORE THE BELL: I’m going to get very tired of the Dungeon of Doom theme. Kevin Sullivan is all business and so is a sprinting Loose Cannon.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-These two are just shooting on each other right away, Brian with stiff whips and Sullivan with attempts to single leg.
-You know what stand out here, come on! It’s the only thing people remember about this match.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Taskmaster wins at 0:59 when Brian Pillman grabs the mic and says “I respect you, booker man”
FINAL WORD: Is this the most legendary one-minute match ever? It’s somehow my favorite thus far.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The crowd is buzzing and confused as is Sullivan and the ref. The commentators try to explain and stall while the ref talks a bunch. Jimmy Hart has retrieved Arn Anderson in street clothes from the back. Taskmaster whips him and they strap up for an impromptu battle. The bell rings, so this is official.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: RESPECT STRAP MATCH- The Taskmaster w/Jimmy Hart vs Arn Anderson
WHAT STANDS OUT
-These two just beat each other up and give each other instructions on what’s happening next. What’s next is apparently low blows and hangings. For being totally off the cuff, this isn’t bad.
-After a couple more minutes of action, Ric Flair runs down and tells them to stop. He goes into overkill mode by blaming Hulk Hogan for all of this. It somehow makes everything worse and more confusing. They shake hands and all leave together.
HOW DOES IT END:
No Contest at 3:43ish (the bell never rings)
FINAL WORD: Jackson Pollock paintings are less messy.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mean Gene interviews The Giant and Jimmy Hart. It’s hard to talk about maggots and volcanoes while also mentioning the Bayfront Arena. This is more over the top than Stallone arm wrestling. The Giant’s tone and volume are obnoxious, but he gets a chuckle out of me by coming back in to scare Gene.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: WCW TAG TITLE MATCH- The Road Warriors vs Sting and Lex Luger (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: The LOD’s theme is very bad and generic. The champions reenter and Lex isn’t thrilled and tries to leave, but Sting stops him. This is classic heel stalling that takes too long. REALLY TOO LONG. It’s apparently all about the spikes of Hawk and Animal.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Sting and Hawk have absolutely zero chemistry. A neckbreaker is badly botched and they can only recover with bad looking grappling.
-Everything has been built up to Animal vs Luger and it’s not exciting at all. Everybody is just off on this show. A haphazard “LOD” chant breaks out in a simple rest hold.
-There’s no flow from one spot to the next. Sting does the unintentional headbutt to the crotch spot on Hawk. Animal blocks a top rope splash and causes a double tag before tagging back in and just locking up with Sting like it’s the start of the match again.
-Every dust up or interference is messy as fuck. The typical no selling of Animal and Sting is traded off of suplexes, but it’s too little and too late. All four men start brawling.
HOW DOES IT END:
Double Countout at 13:55
FINAL WORD: As the fight makes its way to the back, I wish that the whole match took place there so I didn’t have to watch it.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Gene interviews Ric Flair and Woman. Even the Nature Boy is off, cutting this promo in some weird voice and being unintelligible half the time. The crowd pops for the cage being lowered and it has its own music like the mood music in WWF. An Uncensored commercial covers for the fact that the cage was unevenly dropped AGAIN. Okerlund welcomes back Elizabeth and she’s interrupted immediately by Randy Savage. He reuses his recent favorite phrases. He’s the WCW Champ again, by the way. The commentators provide more long-winded analysis that’s only highlighted by Heenan being turned around for most of it.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: WCW TITLE CAGE MATCH- Ric Flair w/Woman vs Randy Savage w/Elizabeth (Champ)
WHAT STANDS OUT
-After two minutes of action, Flair sends Randy into the cage and then decks the ref for no reason at all and lands a knee drop. The ref gets up way too quickly from all of this.
-Woman is ANNOYING AS FUCK by yelling at ringside. It’s really distracting. Meanwhile, Macho Man is a new MVP candidate by selling this beatdown so well and showing good energy while recovering.
-Flair’s top rope record keeps getting worse and worse. He’s trapped in his own Figure Four and gets to the ropes, but it doesn’t matter. Flair gets back on the offensive by catching Savage in mid-air with a shot to the stomach as the Macho Man takes off from the top of the cage.
-Dusty says “motor offerendum” and Heenan asks if a dictionary in Texas only has one page. Woman’s shrill voice makes her another LVP threat.
-Ric Flair’s whole ass is hanging out from the top rope. He falls and crotches himself. That’s the loudest the crowd has been all night. It’s naturally followed by a botch with the bell ringing on a two count. Flair tries leaving again and gets pantsed once more. I’m not putting a picture here.
-Savage takes a gnarly fall in between the cage and ropes off the top. He’s the only guy giving a damn and he’s nowhere near 100% healthy. The door is somehow wide open now, so even it isn’t working properly.
-The fucking camera catches Woman talking to Randy to set up a missed powder spot. On the other side, fucking Miss Elizabeth turns heel-both literally and figuratively.
HOW DOES IT END:
Ric Flair wins in 19:01 to win the title with a shot to Randy Savage’s face with Elizabeth’s high heel.
FINAL WORD: It’s a low ceiling, but that was the best bout of the night just based on effort.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Arn comes out to celebrate and Liz joins Woman. Hogan chases Liz to the back and hits Arn with a chair as Flair escapes. Savage is helped to the back and the announcers stall so Hogan can get to the back and be interviewed by Gene. One eye is patched up and he mentions the real-life separation of Randy and Liz. This is a good, angry Hulk promo while he tapes his fists and details the difference in cage matches (his is unsanctioned, so you have to escape to win).
MATCH NUMBER NINE: UNSANCTIONED STEEL CAGE MATCH- The Giant w/Jimmy Hart and The Taskmaster vs Hulk Hogan
BEFORE THE BELL: The Giant’s entrance is completely covered in green lighting. Hogan enters with a ton of fireworks and he climbs into the ring, ripping his shirt off on the top rope. I cannot believe I’m digging him so far.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-There are notable chants of “Hogan sucks” which isn’t fair because he’s all over Giant with 20 corner punches and a top rope stomp early. I can’t help it, he’s an MVP right now.
-All of Giant’s offense is fairly simple, but he gets great elevation on a missed leaping elbow. His nice technique on a basic suplex makes me remember that he’s only had like 15 matches. He’s definitely better than that Matt douche that Les Thatcher kicks out of training (and the reference challenge is done).
-I’m ready for bed AKA there’s a really, really long bearhug spot. Hulk takes a safe chokeslam eventually and Hulks up. Sigh, here goes his MVP chances.
-Six UNPROTECTED headers into the cage by Giant causes the side of his face to start bleeding. Big boot, bodyslam, leg drop X 3 and Hulk starts leaving. Giant sits up like a badass. A chopfest breaks out on the top rope and the heel falls to the mat.
HOW DOES IT END:
Hulk Hogan wins in 15:05 by escaping the cage
FINAL WORD: That wasn’t good and that means it was better than a lot of other matches on this show.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Taskmaster is chased into the cage with a chair. The whole Dungeon of Doom comes down and experience an UNPROTECTED CHAIR SHOT SYMPHONY. Between chair shots and throws into the cage, Meng takes five, The Taskmaster takes four, the returning Barbarian and Hugh Morrus take three each, The Giant adds two and Shark eats one. One Man Gang and Zodiac avoid any. What a fucking joke. Speaking of jokes, here comes the massive Loch Ness! The Giant retreats and the rest of the Dungeon hold Nessie back from getting into the cage with Hulk. How the fuck can this motherfucker survive an eight-on-one attack AFTER a cage match? People have been leaving since the bell rang. Schiavone previews the debuts on Devon Storm and Loch Ness on Nitro before signing off. I bet Raw won that night.
THE LAST IMAGE; Hulk Hogan posing
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: The only person who seemed to give more than was asked of themselves was Randy Savage. He took some good bumps and sold his ass off.
FINAL LVP of PPV: In retrospect, the One Man Gang was probably an albatross and Johnny B Badd was already on his way out and Woman was inconsequential. The only albatross for Lex Luger is having to actually wrestle and perform.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Ric Flair vs Randy Savage
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Konnan vs One Man Gang
FINAL THOUGHTS: What a deflating show. The crowd never got into it and there were never given much of a reason to do so. The stories are stale, the matches were filled with botches and there was chaos in too many bad ways. They may be winning the war at the moment, but they aren’t doing it with this viewer. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: It’s always easy to keep it short with an In Your House and the last one without an official nickname will surely keep that statement true.