It’s weird to consider wrestling a warm blanket, but part of the reason why I wanted to do this project was to be nostalgic about my childhood. This particular era will be filled with anecdotes and stories about my life at the time. If I’m not mistaken, I watched this show recovering from pneumonia and missing two weeks of school. That entire time was spent in my PJs in bed or on the couch watching VHS tapes of wrestling to make me feel better.
As I sit to watch this PPV, I did so the same day I received my COVID booster shot. I don’t feel too great, but I could feel worse. Instead of suffering without comfort, I decide to relive in the best way possible. I’m snuggled on the couch in a very comfy blanket. I got my notebook and pen. Let’s analyze the last WWF PPV of 1995 and maybe I’ll feel better by the end of it all.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 98- WWF IN YOUR HOUSE 5
Written on 1/8/22
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: After our standard title card, some Christmas images before the typical Hart family drama. It’s Bret Hart vs British Bulldog in the main event and highlights of SummerSlam 1992 are shown. Bret has never beaten Davey. Todd Pettengill says it will be “Season’s Beatings.” Pyro live in the Hershey Park Arena. Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are our commentators without Jim Ross. Santa is promoted as being in attendance and he’s shown throwing presents in the crowd with the Smokin’ Gunns. Look at Billy Gunn’s STUPID ASS FACE. That’s a Bitchcakes record! King has a big surprise later.
-Vince says “here comes Scrooge McDuck” AKA Ted DiBiase and his team of Sid and The Kid. An overhead shot shows the Arkansas Hog Pen. The previous altercations with all the parties involved at Survivor Series is recapped. I don’t remember that many laughs in DiBiase’s theme. Razor Ramon and Marty Jannetty enter with some matching leather jackets that are NOT a good look. Goldust looks on and claps while feeling himself up and blowing a kiss. That’s a really lame “Razor and Marty Rock the House” sign typed out on computer paper.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Sid and The Kid w/Ted DiBiase vs Razor Ramon and Marty Jannetty
-Goldust has his own little box with an usher to watch this. They are getting the little touches right. Marty and the Kid start with some fast-paced action. Kid avoids Razor at all costs. This is just like MJF avoiding CM Punk right now (I’ve done bad AEW moments as a reference challenge. Why not current AEW moments?)
-Ramon finally tags in and wastes time so he doesn’t get his hands on his rival. Kid finally gets slapped and takes an atomic drop, but Sid blind tags and cuts off the face.
-Vocal “Sid” chants continue to boggle my mind. Kid kicks and slaps Razor who tries to no sell, but Sid helps out.
-A double down into a double tag lets Marty get all the offense. There’s a sign in the crowd that reads “MARTY MUST DIE.” Was he the first Rocky Maivia? He hits a “somersault bulldog” AKA the Diamond Dust AKA a CUTTER. Jannetty is our first MVP.
-Todd tries to talk to Goldust who is fanning himself with the WWF Magazine with himself on the cover. He talks affairs, machismo and hairy chests. He loses his words, then asks Todd to deliver a golden letter.
-Marty gets some big kickouts of a catching powerslam and frog splash. Sid and Kid have good team chemistry.
-Marty is isolated for way too long, making the crowd flat. He finally evades Kid and ridiculously stumbles into a tag. Razor hits a couple moves and then wins out of nowhere.
WINNERS: Razor Ramon and Marty Jannetty in 12:24 when Razor pins Sid with a second rope bulldog
-I honestly didn’t remember this result! Razor goes for the Edge on Kid after the bell, but Sid makes the save. Goldust is still hot and bothered. Sunny and Ray Rougeau are waiting for them on the Superstars Line. Ted and charges join Sunny.
FINAL WORD: That was a very pedestrian opener.
-The announcer totally botches the announcement of “Nature Boy Buddy Rydell.” Ouch. Lawler enters the ring and rightfully calls him an idiot. He introduces a returning Jeff Jarrett to a very muted reaction. His outfit is NOT muted. Good lord. What about Buddy? Jarrett does his tired catchphrases and struts. His music keeps playing like a New Jack match. His “Greater Than Great” tour is upcoming. King gives him a gold record…sorry, CD. That’s how you know it’s a sham. The theme fucking loops as Jeff cuts a meandering LVP promo. He messes his words up and declares himself the first participant for the Royal Rumble. Boy, his time off made him turn into the Double J I hate and sucks. He finally leaves the ring and joins the commentary team.
-Dean Douglas’ music plays and now he’s introduced. So that announcer REALLY screwed up. You can tell Shane is in pain as he walks out. Jarrett says he’s been in the studio, so he doesn’t know who this is. Douglas cuts a promo about not being cleared. He’s holding his “board” of education. I’m so glad this is the end of the line for this gimmick. His new student is taking his place: Buddy Landel. He finally walks out to Ric Flair’s fucking WWF ripoff theme. I hate all of this. Vince cums when Ahmed Johnson’s music hits. Jarrett still has no idea what’s going on. He sounds like fucking Art Donovan.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Buddy Landel w/Dean Douglas vs Ahmed Johnson
-An “ECW” chant breaks out. Buddy blindsides Ahmed and nothing gets sold.
-Catching spinebuster, finisher, good night.
WINNER: Ahmed Johnson in 0:42 with the Pearl River Plunge
-Ahmed paddles a disappointed Dean with his head down on the butt.
FINAL WORD: That was an awesome squash and presentation of Ahmed, but nothing else.
-Vince says that’s a record for shortest match in In Your House history. Lawler calls Johnson over for an interview and does an awkward “good side” bit with the camera. Jarrett is not impressed and dishes insults before Ahmed calls him an “Achy Breaky Heart” wannabe and Urban Cowboy. He yells at King in mostly unintelligible words before eating two UNPROTECTED shots to the head with the record frame. Then, he’s whipped UNPROTECTED into a chair and hit over the head with another UNPROTECTED chair shot. God damn, he takes some beatings. He starts no selling punches and chases Jarrett to the back. A very clumsy skirmish in the aisle closes this angle out.
-Pettengill talks to Razor Ramon in the AOL room and previews his IC Title defense against Yokozuna on Raw the next night. The Goldust letter is delivered and Razor reads it in increasing disgust before leaving in a huff.
-HOG BUTTS! Some dubbed music means Hillbilly Jim is back and the special guest referee. His mic time is cut off for Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s entrance. He has great apprehensive faces and body language. This is some MVP character work even before the bell rings. Henry Godwinn enters with a weird theme calling pigs amidst a banjo strumming. He tries to slop Hunter, but it’s avoided and Tony Chimel/the front row takes it all. Gross. Vince calls Chimel “a young man” in a hilarious moment. There’s no bell rung.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: ARKANSAS HOG PEN MATCH WITH SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE HILLBILLY JIM- Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Henry Godwinn
-There’s a hilarious “HOGAN” sign in the crowd. HHH takes a big backdrop and gets tied into the ropes before a handful of slop gets shoved into his mouth to a big pop.
-Vince gags while Hunter takes over. A brawl on the floor leads to a running headlock into the steel steps by Godwinn (that mostly misses).
-They go over to the pen and Godwinn is whipped into the steel gate. The Pedigree is set up, but is countered by a back drop. Trips avoids going into the pen and hits a flying elbow drop from the top of the pen. I’ve never seen him do a flying elbow drop, let alone from the top of a hog pen.
-This feels like the live version of a cinematic match or something crazy like Mimosa Mayhem. I don’t think that counts for the reference challenge. Lawler does some very lame Jeff Foxworthy jokes about Bitters, AK. HOG hits a nice reverse powerbomb back in the ring.
-Triple H is a bump machine! He just did two corner flips like Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels, then sells slop thrown at him. He avoids the Slop Drop on the floor, but is thrown into the gate HARD before ultimately taking the Slop Drop. He’s definitely the current MVP.
-HHH’s back is immediately bloody. That’s gotta be gross with all that pig shit. He gets back up and manages to finally hit a back drop of his own to send the hog farmer into the hog pen and remain undefeated.
WINNER: Hunter Hearst Helmsley in 9:15
-Hunter pushes Hillbilly when he raises his hand, so he gets pushed back into the arms of Henry and a big press slam face first into the slop. Godwinn riles the pigs up towards him, then he takes a fucking body slam in this match. That poor cut. He stands up and slips/back bumps three times. Yeah, he just gets it and looks like the fucking guy. One pig throws something at him!
FINAL WORD: That was a star-making match and a fresh stipulation match.
-A sophisticated Rumble commercial is actually a swerve because an ice cube gets spit down a woman’s cleavage. Vince claims people will never expect who will be in that match…or so he thinks because Dan Severn, Sabu and the Ultimate Warrior haven’t said “no” yet. Then, we get a recap on Diesel since Survivor Series. He doesn’t apologize for his actions, puts his shades on and claims to be back. Shawn Michaels’ collapse is shown and Owen Hart takes credit for it. Diesel isn’t talking about it, but does destroy Rad Radford. Who didn’t? Owen is already in the ring getting booed. Diesel enters to a positive reaction and a definite attitude. He will slap anyone’s hand with a black glove. The camera focuses on that. Nice work, Dunn. Some smart marks in PA brought signs reading “Call 911” and “Oz.”
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Owen Hart w/Jim Cornette vs Diesel
-Lawler is an LVP candidate with so many lame jokes. Owen gets his ass beaten early including a BIG sidewalk slam. Hart also gets pushed off in the corner right onto the back of his head.
-The signs are being confiscated by someone! It gets noticed and booed as Owen hits a missile dropkick. The rebellion has begun.
-Cornette has an AWESOME racket cover with Santa’s face. Owen works the leg like his brother, but doesn’t have the advantage for long.
-Snake Eyes, big boot, signal, Jackknife. Diesel puts his foot on the chest, but gets off at two. The ref admonishes him and gets pie-faced. He hits one more Jackknife and the bell rings. “This is for you, Shawn.”
WINNER: Owen Hart in 4:37 by DQ
-Diesel gestures for the belt as Owen is out like a light.
FINAL WORD: That was very odd all around, but Diesel looks cool again. So…okay???
-The Hog Pen participants are on the hotline. Sunny has been around worse. Santa Claus and Savio Vega walk down the aisle giving out shirts. Ted DiBiase is in the ring and says “bah humbug!” Everyone has a price, even Savio. The faces get in the ring and Lawler makes a racist comment about Savio’s price being two tacos and a burrito. Ted shits all over the kayfabe nature of Santa and Vega cuts a bad promo in two languages about believing. Lawler continues his LVP charge with a Ricky Ricardo impression. This naturally leads to Santa turning heel. It gets no reaction as Savio gets the boots put to him. Vince: “say it isn’t so!” Boy, Xanta Claus’ start is as DOA as you’d expect. Savio catches him in the aisle and rips his beard off to reveal the future Balls Mahoney.
-King Mabel gets a video package about not being scared of the Undertaker and brags about being the first person to pin him (wrong) as well as injure him (right). That means he will also be the first person to beat him in a casket match (wrong again). The remnants of the urn were stolen and the casket was vandalized. Brother Love is also back. Sir Mo pushes a graffiti covered casket down with “BSK” painted all over it. Jeff Hardy is one of the guys carrying Mabel out. Dok Hendrik is selling the SNES version of WrestleMania: The Arcade Game backstage for SEVENTY DOLLARS?!?! The Genesis version is $65 and the PlayStation one is the cheapest at $55. Insanity. GONG and Undertaker enters in purple light. There is so much smoke on this show and single letter spelling signs. It’s better than random video game jokes (one more AEW reference to go).
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: CASKET MATCH- King Mabel w/Sir Mo vs Undertaker w/Paul Bearer
-After some punches by Taker, Mabel hits a lazy slam and Taker immediately sits up.
-A second rope splash misses. Boy, Mabel spits a lot. Mo trips Taker into another belly-to-belly. The leg drop hits and the Dead Man can’t sit up. A splash further flattens him.
-Mo picks Taker up and puts him in the casket. They don’t shut the lid, crowning Mabel instead. Taker blocks the lid slam and the King is surprised. He’s gotta be an LVP candidate with his exaggerated selling of strikes. They manage a chokeslam.
-A running kick sends Mabel into the casket. Mo interferes, but is totally no sold with a choke by the urn chain and a chokeslam. He’s rolled into the casket as well.
-Taker stops closing the lid to retrieve the urn chain, then does the deed.
WINNER: The Undertaker at 6:10
-He finally has the urn back after a fucking year and poses with it alongside Bearer. He hands it to its rightful owner, then indicates that he wants to go for the WWF Title like Diesel did earlier. That’s a nice evolution moment for his character by caring for that sort of thing.
FINAL WORD: At least it was short, but still painful because of everyone but Taker himself.
-Jim Ross is backstage and talks about the Wembley battle before the Smiths and Jim Cornette enter. Corny delivers a great, historical promo dating back to 1981 and Davey becoming Diana’s hero and gaining Stu’s attention. Diana gets bad mic time, but it’s thankfully brief. Bulldog keeps it short, too. Pettengill interviews Bret Hart and he has random stuff written on his glasses. It’s a typical Bret Hart promo. Bulldog enters, jacked to the gills. Hart enters to a great response and pyro. He gives his glasses to a kid with a dad who looks like denim Diesel. Lawler is always at his best in Bret match, talking about his hate for him and pointing out Bulldog’s tights as being the same as SummerSlam.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: WWF TITLE MATCH- British Bulldog w/Jim Cornette and Diana Smith vs Bret Hart (Champ)
-Good chain wrestling with Davey more impressive early. More faint “ECW” chants.
-There’s a very awkward, possibly legit, ref bump where Bulldog inadvertently hitting Earl Hebner in the throats. Even more signs are taken away and distracts the crowd, so Bulldog slaps a hold on. More “ECW” chants. This is becoming more prevalent than King of the Ring.
-McMahon announces that Undertaker will wrestle the winner at Royal Rumble. Cornette gets a cheap shot and complains about the camera in his face. He’s a quiet MVP now. Davey gets a nearfall on Bret after his patented corner chest bump.
-Bulldog relies on headlocks too much and Diana is shown watching the match too much. Bret comes back with a good series of moves highlighted by a piledriver. Lawler is mad about it.
-I’ve never seen this spot before: Bret’s superplex is blocked by Davey front suplexing Hart onto the top rope, crotching him and sending him to the floor. There’s a “table” chant when Bret is sent into the steel steps. Bret comes up bloody. There’s nothing like a bloody face champ, right Hangman? Our AEW reference challenge is done.
-Bret Hart is VERY bloody. There’s a “He’s hardcore” chant and look at that puddle.
-Davey hits a piledriver and Bret barely kicks out. Vince doesn’t want any close ups of Bret’s face. He’s probably mad Bret gigged himself.
-Dynamite Kid-style headbutt to Bret’s butt. Hart explodes out of a bow and arrow (accidentally kicking poor Earl) and tries to apply to the Sharpshooter to a great pop, but he can’t do it. He’s got another MVP chance. Vince is begging for the match to be stopped.
-Nice false finish off of a German suplex followed by a double down clothesline. Backdrop to the floor and a dive with punches by the champ. He tries a weird, backwards slingshot and gets caught in a powerslam on the floor. That’s another unique spot. The ring mat is gross.
-A suplex on the exposed floor, but Bret blocks with a crotching on the rail. Those Union Jack tights are covered in blood.
-What a bounce in the corner, causing Bulldog to land on his head before a superplex. Diana and the ring announcer are grossed out. After that two count, there’s a very believable two count off of a roll up with shades of Wembley. Great call back.
-After a boot in the corner, we have another out of nowhere match finish.
WINNER: Bret Hart in 21:10 to retain the title with a La Magistral cradle
-Diana is devastated, but the crowd is not. Davey leaves exhausted and dejected.
FINAL WORD: That was not as good as Wembley, but it was pretty damn close down the stretch.
-Vince puts over Bret hard as pyro goes off and we get sent to an “In Your House” extra with Todd Pettengill backstage in the locker room with Bearer and Taker. Paul thanks Gorilla for the title opportunity and Diesel interrupts angry. He grabs Bearer’s tie and Taker interjects. They have immediate cool chemistry by facing off and jawing at one another while Bret’s music plays. The IYH recap video plays with highlights from the show. Audio is included in most of this for a nice touch. The face off closes us out.
THE LAST IMAGE: Diesel and The Undertaker
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Here is the first of who knows how many for Hunter Hearst Helmsley. He busted his ass and back to get over in a ridiculous situation and he did just that.
FINAL LVP of PPV: I’m tired of guys coming back and resting on their previous laurels and not knowing what’s going on with the product. In other words, Jeff Jarrett wins this.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Bret Hart vs British Bulldog
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Undertaker vs King Mabel
FINAL THOUGHTS: This show has a bonafide classic and a forgotten gem surrounded by short, story-driven matches in front of a restless and vocal crowd. It made for one hell of a watch, but I’m not sure it was a good watch. By the end, I felt better, but I think that was the Tylenol. The classics were as classic as I was expecting, so it’s a very close “no” for me, dawg. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: WCW had a fever like me and decided to make their biggest show of the year filled with another show-long gimmick once again. It’s NJPW vs WCW at Starrcade 1995.