There have been plenty of times in this project where I felt the writing on the wall or a systematic shift. I’d like to say that it was always positive, but it’s definitely skewed more in the negative realm than anything else. That’s not to say that it wasn’t at an apex and the downswing came because it didn’t seem like it could be sustained or get better. There have been other times when the trend just won’t cease to nosedive.
This is the final show of 1994, an incredibly famous and notable year in the world of professional wrestling. I can’t say that the entire period was the landmark for PPVs I was expecting, but it felt important.
What I can say, without a doubt, is that 1995 is regarded by almost everyone with half a brain that’s followed wrestling for a decent period of time as the worst year in the sport’s history. It is the epitome of an industry stuck in its ways, trying “new” things that are staler than the ideas they are replacing and failing to produce a product that engages the casual fan and the diehard all at once.
That’s wild to me because it’s the direct prelude to the hottest period in wrestling history. I can see it on the horizon, but it still feels so far away because we are about to get smaller shows at a more regular pace and that glut isn’t going to be easy to get through.
I definitely feel like the 1994 Starrcade, the event that started it all, is a foreshadowing event for what’s to come. I’ve been proven wrong before. I hope that I am.
Spoiler alert: I am not.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 80- WCW STARRCADE 1994
Written on 9/2/2021
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: A very standard opening with the WCW voiceover guy talking about the tradition of the event and recapping the matches. The highlights: “European” starts Alex Wright and JEAN PAUL LEVESQUE, Sensuous Sherri being paired with Harlem Heat now, Honky Tonk Man hitting Johnny B Badd with a guitar and Randy Savage debuting to either shake the hand or slap the face of Hulk Hogan. We go live in Nashville and Tony Schiavone wishes us Happy Holidays. He’s joined by Bobby Heenan with old man glasses and Mean Gene Okerlund. Bobby gets boos for making fun of pick-up trucks. Dave Sullivan is in the crowd as Santa two fucking days after Christmas. Brilliant.
-Aaron Tippin sings the National Anthem. All of these Southern white fucks look alike. Nice Tampa Bay Lightning jersey, though. He feels his singing at the end and he shouldn’t have. After some big pyro, Tony talks about the main event and Gene mentions Randy’s promise. Some arguing over what he’ll do before the promo from Saturday Night is shown. It’s crazy seeing him in WCW. This era is officially on. He doesn’t seem to know Hulk is champion and when he can meet up with him. Gene spells it out. I don’t judge people by things that have already happened, but he’d be an LVP if he did. He’s all over the place, skewing heel and feeling totally off.
-Back live for more talking and Gene shilling the goddamn hotline. I should have tracked how often he does that. Schiavone talks about the PWI Awards and Heenan just rips it apart. BILL APTER is on the screen now talking about Hulk Hogan’s year at some ceremony. I think I read somewhere that WCW paid for this recognition. He worked like five matches! UGH, instead of the usual plaque, he receives a big ass trophy. I’m glad the biggest show of the year has all of these clips to start the show. Hogan talks about Thunder in Paradise as much as anything else. He claims 1995 will keep running wild. That sounds like a threat. Tony finally says it’s time to stop talking.
-Gary Michael Cappeta is STILL the announcer as I fear Dave Penzer’s start any show now. Vader emerges like a badass, barking and growling. Harley Race looks like he’s aged 10 years since the last time I saw him. Jim Duggan follows wearing the US Title and I hate the image. There’s so much fanfare and fireworks for him. Vader meets him in the aisle and they are throwing blows already. Duggan really lays in the forearms and throws him into the rail. Duggan beats Harley up in the ring and taunts with the 2X4. Tony mentions that the US Title used to technically be considered the number one contender for the WCW Title, but the triangle match at Fall Brawl makes it Vader. After a hard whip into the rail that Vader sells great as usual, we officially get underway.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: US TITLE MATCH- Vader w/Harley Race vs Hulk Hogan
-Of course Vader is our first MVP by selling his ass of for Hacksaw. Both seem exhausted already.
-Nice cross body and slam by the champ. Nick Patrick’s shitty counts ruin a good near fall, so he’s the first LVP.
-A poke to the eyes almost turns the tide and Duggan sells silly. He fights back, but gets his ears clapped.
-An ugly ass backwards elbow from the second rope doesn’t find the mark for Jim. Then, he is clotheslined over the top rope and unrealistically flies into the railing.
-Vader Bomb hits, but Duggan’s leg lands on the rope to break the pin. Race chokes him before a slugfest develops. Vader wins it.
-The Vadersault misses. Both men are moving slow. Hacksaw hits a clothesline and his finishing three-point stance. Harley rakes his eyes in the pin. The face catches the heel with a second rope powerslam, but Race distracts the ref. I hate that Vader needs this much help against this buffoon.
-Duggan goes after the ref like a goof and launches into an absurd attack until he is ran into Race holding the 2X4. One new move later and we have a winner.
WINNER: Vader in 11:13 to win the title with a reverse powerbomb
-Vader’s celebration is almost cute before he yells about being number one. The replay shows how safe this new reverse powerbomb is.
FINAL WORD: That was pretty ugly, but sadly the best case scenario considering the parties involved.
-Mean Gene interviews The 3 Faces of Fear AKA Kevin Sullivan, Avalanche and the Butcher. They have a tombstone that reads “Hulkamania Rest in Agony.” Butcher is absolutely NOT a believable main event villain. His tone is all over the place. He claims to be “sky high” and I don’t doubt that. It’s an LVP worthy promo. Avalanche yells about Sting’s insurance and simply appears to be cashing that check. Sullivan makes dumb faces and talks ominous things that I don’t care about.
-Here he is…billed from FRANCE…JEAN PAUL LEVESQUE. His music doesn’t fit the character at all, but his attitude is fitting because he doesn’t kiss a woman’s hand because it smells. Fuck…this guy was always going to do ANYTHING to make it, huh? I know I have to do some kind of career tracking stat for him, but I’m not sure what yet. Maybe I look for what he won’t do to be the boss’ daughter every show? It’s a work in progress. Speaking of works in progress, here comes DAS WUNDERKIND Alex Wright! He’s 18 freaking years old here. Give me the dance! Heenan claims he can’t. HE CAN! I’m dropping the GIF every time baby! It’s not going to be from this show, but I don’t give a fuck!
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Jean Paul Levesque vs Alex Wright
-Heenan accidentally calls him the “Wonder Coon.” Ouch. Both men are undefeated. Paul curtsies and keep his hand behind his back to seem dignified.
-There is so much motion in the crowd getting up to go anywhere except where they are AKA watching this match. Wright hits a nice dropkick and a headscissors.
-Wright leapfrogs the ref to try and get at Jean. That’s different.
-The commentators talk about Paul hanging with Lord Steven Regal and the potential of a future team. The match slows with an armbar. Let’s talk about Paul’s big ass boots. They are the opposite of Roderick Strong’s shitty little boots. There’s our reference challenge: PWG crowd references.
-The future HHH does a handstand out of a headscissors and delivers a big punch to wake the crowd up. People dig him. I think I just found what my test will be every time he has a match: is he “the guy” or the guy that wrestles the guy like Jim Cornette claims.
-Immediately afterwards, I have another test: does he do something that I haven’t seen him do before? Because I just saw a Triple H spinning heel kick!
-Bobby has so much German shit all the way down to Hogan’s Heroes jokes. Wright really bridges trying to execute the sunset flip, but gets stopped by a punch. Heenan claims Levesque will be a superstar in 1995 and beyond. Yep, once he meets Shawn Michaels.
-Good dropkick and Heenan is on my MVP radar making fun of country western music and Wright is a LVP for being green on some things. Paul gets a big reaction on a backbreaker. He delivers too many bows to be MVP.
-Alex launches a comeback, but their heads collide for a double down. Both men get back up and Das Wunderkind hits a back flip off the top. Sometimes, legends start 0-1 and dancing Germans start 1-0.
WINNER: Alex Wright in 14:03 with a roll-up
-Slow-mo Wunderkind dance on the replay! Don’t make me GIF this again!
FINAL WORD: It didn’t need the length it got and the crowd was up and down for it, but it was ultimately fine.
-The Clash of the Champions at Caesar’s Palace is promoted and Heenan says some convention will be in town. It sounded like NAMBLA and I got scared for a minute. He claims to not know who Frank Sinatra, continuing his strong performance.
-It’s TV Title time and Honky’s music starts, then stops. Instead, Arn Anderson comes out with Col. Parker and Meng to no music. The commentators are confused and so is the crowd. Evad Sullivan gives the fans buttons in the front row. Johnny B Badd enters in some kind of sequined suit, a tame look for him. The commentators try to explain the no-show as being scared versus stuck in traffic. Urban legend has it that he didn’t want to do the job and got fired. You know Arn will do it. Badd Blaster streamers get stuck on the camera lens. Heenan claims they should have bombed Nashville instead of Hiroshima. Good lord. Tony tries to make him repeat it and he does. The definition of giving no fucks.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: TV TITLE MATCH- Arn Anderson w/Col Robert Parker and Meng vs Johnny B Badd (Champ)
-Arn throws Badd down a bunch as the commentators talk about Parker representing the Blacktop Bully now. Oh, goody.
-They spend a lot of time working arm holds and the heel claiming the face is pulling the hair. They also engage in some back-and-forth one upmanship.
-Random spinebuster from the master after some Badd punches.
-Parker yells at Badd and Anderson lazily cheats in an abdominal stretch. Bobby puts over his fundamentals right as I was about to complain about that fact that it’s all the match has been.
-Heenan incredulously says that people eat grits here. This is the closest he’s been to WWF MVP form tonight. Badd starts his comeback and gets a good two count on a top rope sunset flip.
-How many Arn Anderson matches are going to end with him getting caught cheating only to lose right away?
WINNER: Johnny B Badd in 11:22 to retain the title with a roll-up
FINAL WORD: It was paint by numbers, but that’s fun sometimes.
-Tony talks about the Nasty Boys winning Tag Team of the Year in PWI and Heenan doesn’t like it. We go back to the press conference and Apter awarding them the aforementioned simple plaque. Sags cuts a nice promo before Knobbs yells like a living heart attack. Then, Schiavone hawks Stock Yard Restaurant because everyone is paying for stuff tonight. Bobby is golden talking about it’s his head when shaking it and it’s his fingers when whistling for Sherri. They unload double entendres about Sister Sherri’s figure upon her entrance with Harlem Heat. They finally have their regular names. The Nasty Boys enter while stealing the 2 Live Krew’s album name as their deal. Who the fuck are the tag champs right now and why are the Nasty Boys one of the groups that sing their own theme?
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri vs The Nasty Boys
-All four men brawl at the bell. Good energy with the crowd and a Sags pumphandle on Booker T. The ref misses the pin and the heels bail, calling the audience “stupid rednecks.” I hold my breath and prepare to start a “that was racist” chant like Adam Cole’s ACH announcement for Cedric Alexander. One more reference to go.
-Spirited offense by Sags prior to another four-way brawl and battle to heat up the crowd.
-Booker is thrown up the stairs outside and Knobbs is knocked over the top to start taking the heat. He doesn’t have much chemistry with Stevie Ray. Stars and Stripes have finally been name dropped as champs.
-Lot of work on Book’s arm by the faces until Sags takes a Brogue Kick by Stevie in the aisle and an ugly ass drape on the rail that hits his shins.
-My positive thoughts on this match dwindle amidst this Stevie Ray nerve hold followed by almost five minutes of bearhugs and rest holds.
-Sags turns Book inside out with a clothesline, then a double DDT as Knobbs accidentally disrupts the ref. Knobbs finally tags in and Stevie earns LVP consideration with his sloppy bumps.
-All four men brawl and Sherri takes forever to spray her own man with some substance out of a can. Sags hits the top rope elbow, but Sherri comes off the top to splash her own man on accident again. The bell gets called for.
WINNERS: The Nasty Boys in 17:48 by DQ
-Sherri takes a trip to Pity City and she rolls around in agony. This poor woman. Knobbs wishes everyone a Nasty Christmas two days late.
FINAL WORD: Speaking of which, this match was like a relative still at your house two days after Christmas in that it totally wore out its welcome with me.
-The hotline must quietly pay for so much stuff because it’s promoted like crazy. Hogan talks to Chris Cruise as Bobby complains about more PWI stuff. Sting is named Most Popular Wrestler of the Year and looks really fucking cool wearing a leather jacket and no face paint accepting it at the banquet once more. He cuts a pretty different promo and ends it a little bit like Jim Carrey. Then, he’s interviewed by Gene backstage. He keeps talking about all shapes and sizes and yells that he’s a giant killer. Two good promos might make him an MVP threat.
-Kevin Sullivan does his weird, twitchy Popeye mouth on his way to the ring. Man, I don’t like him. Mr. T gets generic music and he’s wearing referee stripes for this fucking match. He’s also wearing a stocking cap? Heena calls him a zebra with a beard and says he was too close when the bars were being painted. He’s shockingly quick. Why is this match happening?
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: Kevin Sullivan vs Mr. T
-Hip toss by T give him all kinds of confidence. Evad Claus walks out while T throws some bad looking punches and headbutts.
-T is thrown to the floor and moves so oddly. These two go together like a chipmunk and Peter O’Toole. The camera guy keeps getting knocked down in this mess. T just starts LAYING ON TOP of the camera guy. There’s a close up shot of Kevin’s taint and Tony points it out.
-A fan grabs Sullivan’s hand and tries to help T’s bad selling self. Jimmy Hart comes out with the “Hulk-a-Phone” and gives it to Kevin’s brother. Good on the babyfaces for clearly cheating like it’s nothing.
WINNER: Mr. T in 3:50 after a Dave Sullivan megaphone shot
FINAL WORD: Nothing says WCW is out of touch like Mr. T winning a match 10 years after he was popular.
-Kevin beats up his brother including a piledriver and whips to the face after the match. Nobody bothers to help him. The crowd barely cares. Brain recaps the events and really seems at ease in this environment finally. He’s also probably sober.
-Gene is backstage and talks about people running around in the buff before welcoming Hulk Hogan in. There’s still one hour left in this show. I honestly don’t listen to most of this promo. He tries to use the personal differences in real life between him and Savage to drum up interest. Jimmy Hart is so odd as a face and claims he’ll never turn on Hulk. It makes it sound like he’s turning tonight. Hogan is mean to Gene when he stutters and interrupts. Bobby laughs and tells Tony to shut up because Hulk is scared to death.
-Very bootleg Earthquake music leads Avalanche to the ring. He’s billed from Mt. Everest, Washington. You couldn’t slap a logo on that singlet? Sting comes out to the pop of the night by far. Just run with him on top, for crying out loud.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: Avalanche/Kevin Sullivan vs Sting
-Nothing but crowd work with stomping, chest beating and repeated pushing. WRESTLING!
-Test of strength and chest headbutts and shoulders in the corner keep Quake on top.
-Big elbows and a leg drop keep Sting down. He mounts a little comeback and the match just lacks any oomph or momentum.
-Sting is repeatedly manhandled up and down with sloppy tosses and pushes. Half of the match has been that and long stretches of being held and finally dropped in a bad move.
-Sting tries a slam, but collapses under the massive weight. He sets up a splash and gets too cocky, allowing Sting to get up. A dropkick knocks the heel into the ref and the Stinger Splash squashes him in the corner. Avalanche is finally slammed and locked in the Scorpion Deathlock, but Sullivan enters. He sandbags Sting’s press slam attempt, so it looks he’s just passed to his stablemate.
-After the Avalanche Drop, Hulk runs out with a chair. Another ref follows to ring the bell.
WINNER: Sting in 15:26 by DQ
FINAL WORD: That was a chore to watch.
-Hulk checks on his friend as the replay recaps the end. Heenan echoes my thoughts about how sick he is of Hogan. More PWI talk setting up Jimmy Hart winning Manager of the Year. After Bobby wants to be Beavis and Mean Gene Butthead, Hart speaks about his award and calls it the greatest day of his life. It’s his first win since 1987. What the fuck did he win that for? He sucks Hogan off about changing his evil ways. Back live and Heenan has his feet on the desk pretending to be nauseous from the syrupy speech.
-Tony puts over Butcher becoming so dangerous so quickly. Yeah, ain’t that something? We go into a recap of Hulk’s WCW entrance and Brother Bruti being by side. The masked man attacks when it’s obvious Arn Anderson. Butcher is finally revealed at Halloween Havoc and attacks Hogan with a sleeper at the most recent Clash. He won’t let go and Hogan is out in his Sting face paint. God, the match graphic just says it all. The main event of Starrcade has come down to this.
-Butcher enters doing some asinine hand chopping motion in his hand. He looks so bush league. He spits on and rips up a Hulk shirt. American Made plays and Hogan enters holding the same chair. Two cheap looking blonds are shown rooting for Butcher. They are probably his wives. Michael Buffer handles the intros and Nick Bockwinkel is in the ring for some reason. Stupid close ups of the funny faces Butcher makes. Buffer calls it “Hulkmania” and his theme starts playing again? What the fuck?!?!? Pyro explodes like he already won. I mean, I’m fine with that if I don’t have to watch this. The commissioner sends the other two Faces of Fear to the back.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: WCW TITLE MATCH- The Butcher vs Hulk Hogan w/Jimmy Hart (Champ)
-Three lock ups and pushes until Butcher finally strikes on the fourth one.
-Back rakes and mic cord choking on the floor because wrestling moves would be too difficult. Hart grabs a chair from Butcher and takes an atomic drop.
-Hulk rakes his former friend’s belly, then hits Butcher fucking twice including once UNPROTECTED. No DQ is called! Come on! There were two DQs less egregious than this one!
-Tony is calling every move like Butcher’s high knee as if he’s watching Steamboat versus Flair.
-Butcher hits a slam, but doesn’t follow up. Hulk gets right up and bites. He hits the Axe Bomber and Butcher takes such a slow, LVP caliber bump. Hogan does some karate shit? Butcher is stuck making a dumb, groggy face while not selling the 10 punches in the corner.
-Nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve hold. My favorite.
-During a shitty little comeback, the crowd is standing up and looking at something else off camera. The sleeper is applied and nobody is watching. The arm is raised and drops three times, but Butcher basically releases it on three. Hogan wags his finger and plays possum. Gag me.
-Two count. Hulk up. You. Punches. Boot. Before the final move in the sequence, Avalanche and Sullivan jog to the ring and get hit. He takes out the big, scary heel group singlehandedly. Now here’s the final move.
WINNER: Hulk Hogan in 12:06 to retain the title with the leg drop
FINAL WORD: Only this show could be bad enough to make this bout not even the worst one.
-All three heels come in and stand off with Hulk as he holds a chair. Macho Man runs down and directs traffic, shaking the heels’ hands. He naturally helps Hogan. Hulk dishes out an UNPROTECTED chair shot to Avalanche and one so soft to Butcher than I won’t even count it. Heenan loses it over the Savage development.
-Savage stares a hole in Hulk as the posing begins. Hands are extended and shaken. Somewhere, Satan gets a boner. Savage does the poses as well. Imagine Sofia Vergara posing at ringside to this instead of Mount Rushmore carnage. She’d probably enjoy it more (and our reference challenge is done).
-THERE IS TEN MINUTES LEFT. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! The post match replay shows Macho gave Hogan a signal that he was going to help him. They finally leave and people are exiting in the crowd. Hulk waits to enter the locker room for a celebration with Jerry Sags, Johnny B Badd, Alex Wright, Dave Sullivan and two random Armstrong brothers. Hogan says “OH YEAH” a bunch and Macho says “oh well” about the promises made to the heels. Hulk is still sad that he couldn’t turn Butcher around.
-From outside the room: “HOGAN!!!!” Vader kicks the door in and challenges the champ. Oh man, can he regain his MVP from the start of the show? He claims Hogan is afraid for the first time. The camera focuses on Hulk’s face as Vader is INCREDIBLE here. He calls him out and Hulk pushes him, leading to Vader knocking Doug Dillinger down. He’s forced out, but storms back in. Hogan’s face behind everyone is very telling. Bockwinkel claims his demands are legitimate despite his actions. Gene seems ready to have a heart attack.
-The commentators recap the scene and apologize for Vader’s actions. Heenan says we will see what happens in 1995 as the credits roll.
THE LAST IMAGE: Bobby Heenan and Tony Schiavone
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Vader almost stole this in the final moments, but this was WWF Bobby Heenan in WCW. He was funny, engaged, witty and easily stood out in this shit show.
FINAL LVP of PPV: There are several candidates, but The Butcher was just not meant to get a run as a main event heel or even just a roster spot as a wrestler at this point. His promo and match proved that.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Johnny B Badd vs Arn Anderson
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Mr. T vs Kevin Sullivan
FINAL THOUGHTS: Honestly, just reread my introduction because I nailed it on the head. This show foreshadows 1995 with a wretched end to 1994. Nothing was even good. Everything was drab, absurd, heavy-handed and messy. It wasn’t AS bad as I was thinking to start, but the main events sure were and killed any hope this show had of being anything but a legendary turd. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: It’s that time once again for our recap. It’s the fifth ever Flairiod and it couldn’t come at a better time. I need a break from watching wrestling. After that, it’s the 1995 Royal Rumble and the birth of a love affair.