Last week, I discussed trying new environments and experimenting with different ways to watch these events. In that case, I was all alone at home without distraction from wife and child.
In this case, that fact is still true. However, I have to do it one better. I watched today’s PPV later on the same day as I watched Fall Brawl 1994. Two PPVs in one day is a time commitment, but also an exercise in patience and attention. It’s also a task considering we haven’t been on the greatest streak of shows in WCW.
That is despite the best efforts of WCW’s all-time legend, Ric Flair. He finds himself in the main event and spotlighted in this show. I spoke about his career being on the line and feeling like a big deal at Starrcade 1993. 10 months later, that well is revisited and it feels totally different. You could probably chalk that up to Hulk Hogan making everything feel different lately. It’s also the notion that Flair is a heel, Flair is not trusted to steer the ship anymore and Flair hasn’t looked the same as of late.
Bundle this all together and I’m very excited to see how it all shakes out.
I may regret saying that at the end of the night when I’ve spent six hours of my life watching Ted Turner’s wrestling company when I have freedom and a day off.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 78- WCW HALLOWEEN HAVOC 1994
Written on 8/20/21
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: What I can only described as a venetian blind video effect with clips of Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair with dubbed music. We get nothing spooky at all and go live in the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit. Muhammad Ali shown at ringside and Bobby Heenan has a legit neck brace on alongside Tony Schiavone and Mean Gene. Heenan puts Detroit over huge and he claims all of its history pales in comparison to Hulkamania stopping tonight and making Gene laugh about a Tonya Harding joke. He’s gravelly 90 seconds in! He’s our first MVP after being our last LVP. Sting is on the hotline and isn’t booked for this show. Why is Sting Dennis Stamping Halloween Havoc?!?! Good grief.
-The National Anthem is sung by T. Graham Brown who resembles a Fred Schneider impersonator that sings country tunes. It’s a weak version. Speaking of which, this song is followed by Honky Tonk Baby and the fucking Honky Tonk Man. He’s billed from “Honkyland USA” in the same blue outfit we know. The flood gates of Hogan friends have opened. Poor Johnny B. Badd has to deal with this shit after finally getting the strap. I don’t feel so bad because he enters with vampire teeth. Nothing makes a champ look sillier than fake fangs. This has a 10-minute time limit. That’s probably for the best. The crowd loses their goddamn mind for the Badd Blaster. Insanity. I shouldn’t have watched two shows today. This takes forever to get started.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: TV TITLE MATCH- Honky Tonk Man vs Johnny B Badd (Champ)
-Even when it starts, it’s Honky stalling and just working a hold. Badd responds with an atomic drop and messes his hair up. Mike Tenay is shown talking to Sting in a ridiculous suit backstage.
-Bobby mentions he doesn’t want to see the main event and Tony misses the point. We are approaching overkill with the main event hype already. Honky hits a big elbow and takes over. Ali is shown watching this with a smile.
-Five minutes have already past and bursts of offense are snuffed out before Honky cuts him off for good and slaps a chinlock back on.
-On the third rest hold, an older lady wearing a very Vegas outfit is pointed out. I’m paying more attention to her, too. Honky over relies on an axe handle as a threat.
-Honky is an LVP for poor bumps and sells in the last minute. Both men choke and scrum with one another as the timer ticks down.
WINNER: Time Limit Draw at 10:00
-Honky tries to sneak attack after the bell, but Badd avoid it and just misses the KO punch.
FINAL WORD: I’m very glad that was only ten minutes.
-The commentators are all the way in the back of the building instead of ringside. Tony mentions it’s career versus career tonight and I hope they show how Flair’s ended up being on the line, too. The sneak attack at the Clash is shown again. The “Humanity, Understanding, Loving, Kindness HULK” sign is one of the biggest horseshit things ever. Gene claiming Hulk walked two blocks to make the match happen is almost bigger. On the Main Event LIVE, Hulk beats up the masked man alongside Evad Sullivan in a tag match and tries to unmask him. Another masked man comes out. Is he the Black Scorpion now? Some amateur video show Mr. T and Ric Flair leaving Michael Jordan’s restaurant. Oy, all of these angles and I don’t care.
-It’s tag title time and Pretty Wonderful enter as challengers and no sunglasses. They are all business. Non-patriotic music for Stars and Stripes running to the ring. They won the belts right after Fall Brawl. Tony points out Bagwell losing the tag titles last year.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: TAG TITLE MATCH- Pretty Wonderful vs Stars and Stripes (Champs)
-The Patriot and Paul Orndorff start. Bobby claims the Patriot is Al Gore because they are the same size. Now I want the Patriot vs Manbearpig (and we have begun a South Park reference challenge).
-Roma shows great agility jumping to the top rope and turning around only to hit an odd flying nothing punch on a prone Bagwell.
-Orndorff has earned another MVP chance for working his ass off as usual. Marcus is credited for saving a blown spot, but it was all Mr. Wonderful.
-Bagwell is double teamed for heat, but gets the Patriot in. He’s very loud. Bobby keeps talking about the main event. Nice wind-up elbow by Paul.
-Heenan makes a bad Superfly joke and Bagwell is gassed off the ropes with a cross body that’s called a headscissors. Roma hits a bad dropkick because he elevated too high and doesn’t connect. Orndorff throws a decent dropkick himself.
-The Patriot is again a dolt and comes in without a tag to distract the ref as Bagwell fights Orndorff. This is a really bad and heatless stretch with bad refereeing and psychology. This naturally leads to the heels winning.
WINNERS: Pretty Wonderful at 13:47 to win the title when Paul Orndorff pins Marcus Bagwell after a Paul Roma top rope elbow drop.
FINAL WORD: The Patriot is a fucking cuck. That match was pretty cucky.
-Mean Gene interviews Ric Flair and Sherri backstage. The Nature Boy cuts a distracted promo that isn’t his best. He’s too flighty talking about butts on the line and doesn’t take the retirement stipulation seriously. He involves Sherri and they yell at each other like they probably did having sex with one another. Tony wonders what Ric meant by “the right price” and Bobby keeps hard selling him like crazy.
-This pivots to the brothers Sullivan battle. Kevin is shown yelling at his stammering, borderline offensively challenged brother. Dave punches Kevin per Hulk’s instructions and rubs his nose. Jimmy and Timmy have more subtlety than Evad (and we already have one reference to go). GMC announces this “special” contest and Kevin walks out making noises and being billed from some republic. Schiavone mentions a new song for Dave and it’s “I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac” from Hogan’s terrible album. He looks just like one of those impersonators in the crowd. I could be doing something else with this time.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan
-Kevin tries to jump at the bell, but Dave turns the tables. The heel chops like crazy soon and Dave’s bumps are the shits.
-Dave is under with the crowd as in the opposite of over. He’s an LVP while getting kicked and thrown into the post in total silence.
-The bandana is shoved in the mouth and the double stomp is hit. Kevin taunts the crowd with the Hulk hand to the ear. He gets caught off guard and clotheslined before refusing to bump off a big boot.
-Kevin begs off with the bandana and Bobby knows it’s a sucker job. It still fucking works because hahaha he’s dumb. Mind boggling shit here. They start brawling on the floor and Evad is thrown into the post and rolls back into the ring. The deliverer of the move doesn’t and loses.
WINNER: Dave Sullivan in 5:19 by counter
FINAL WORD: Some people pay good money for this type of torture.
-More analysis of Hogan’s injury and Dave Sullivan in between some Gunsmoke jokes I don’t get. I’m going to get a drink. It’s time for Dustin Rhodes vs Arn Anderson and another long recap of the same clips we’ve seen leading up to this. I just noticed that Bunkhouse Buck kisses Arn Anderson on the neck at one point. Arn enters with Col. Parker and Meng and he’s wearing a Barry Windham-like leather vest. Dustin enters in an outfit that did NOT need stirrups.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Arn Anderson w/Col. Parker and Meng vs Dustin Rhodes
-It’s great seeing a grudge match start with a lock up. Hitman Hearns is shown in the crowd. Arn complains after some good chain wrestling about a hair pull and Tony asks, “what hair?”
-Dustin hits a top rope lariat. Nothing has any life or meaning, it seems. I’m not trying to be hard on purpose. This is good, but it’s very empty.
-One thing that I do like is how badass they’ve made Meng look. Heenan helps with that and he looks cool, too. He apparently destroyed the Nasty Boys recently.
-Rhodes has his usual big miss over the top and onto the steps into the aisle.
-Nice spot where Dustin counters with a body scissors, but Arn turns it into a slingshot to the throat into the bottom rope.
-Another nice spot where Anderson catches a ducking Dustin, but he holds the top rope to block the DDT.
-A piledriver is blocked and a sunset flip by Arn causes him to hold the ropes. The ref catches him and it causes the end of the match. Bobby says, “this stinks” and he’s right.
WINNER: Dustin Rhodes in 9:52 with a roll up
-Arn immediately clotheslines Dustin inside out before hitting the DDT and beating him down.
FINAL WORD: Eighth verse as same as the verse, no matter how solid it is.
-Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan, Jimmy Hart and “Big Brother” AKA Brutus Beefcake. He talks about the previous night and MAN is this promo somehow more obnoxious and louder than usual. He talks about slamming Andre (“god rest his soul”) as if he killed him. Mr. T’s intentions are discussed, but Hulk knows he’s on his side. He no sells the celebrities in the crowd. God, this is an insufferable LVP promo.
-The crowd is buzzing at something, but we get MORE main event talk from the commentators. Heenan overblows all of this. The US Title scene from Fall Brawl is recapped. I used to want these recaps during the older NWA shows, but I thought they would be more than just FULL VIDEOS OF THINGS I HAVE ALREADY SEEN. I also didn’t think they’d eat up so much time. Back live and Stunning Steve Austin is on his way to the ring. Jim Duggan enters to a pop that makes me grit my teeth. Schiavone claims Detroit is his town because of the motor city work ethic. Bobby is great at making fun on his boring life based on his stories tonight.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: US TITLE MATCH- Steve Austin vs Jim Duggan (Champ)
-The challenger jumps Duggan at the bell and makes fun of HOOO, but eats a clothesline and slams soon. This is already better than I was dreading.
-Little Steve buttcrack on a roll up before he starts really grounding the champ and working on the legs.
-Prolonged stretch of Steve selling his butt off on the floor so Duggan can HOOOOO for a while.
-Hacksaw runs the ropes so fucking slowly. He catches Austin with a clothesline coming off the second rope. As the great heel that he is, Steve sneaks a low blow and begs off as the ref yells down at him.
-Jim hits a preposterous punching combo that all misses. He makes typical Duggan noises when he does it.
-Austin misses big off the top and bounces around for Duggan’s offensive offense. The champ goes for the three-point stance and ends up getting backdropped over the top rope. In 1994, that’s still somehow the end of the match.
WINNER: Jim Duggan in 8:03 by DQ to retain the title
-Steve beats Duggan up after the bell until the 2X4 is retrieved and he is chased around like Benny Hill, ultimately bailing amidst a big swing and miss.
FINAL WORD: How was that as bad as it was and still somehow surprisingly better than I was fearing?
-Gene shills the hotline. I’m going to call 1-900-909-9900 one day, I swear. Hacksaw walks by before Sting is introduced in a tuxedo and no facepaint. He is parking himself ringside to see who will lead wrestling into the 90s. What year is Sting in? Boy, this show is killing me.
-Tony sets up the Guardian Angel vs Vader YET AGAIN. END THIS!!!!! We are taken back to Bash at the Beach. I’m surprised we don’t start at SuperBrawl IV. Fall Brawl is shown and more Angel damage by Race and Vader on Saturday Night. We do get an awesome shot of the Vadersault. Later, Angel snaps and cuffs Harley and tries to attack him with a broken chair. “Whatever happens happens,” he claims. He finally enters with other Guardian Angels accompanying him to the ring. I’m sure they are a hidden sex cult or something. Vader enters holding a small, weird object. Sting is sitting next to Ali and whispering in his ear. The Greatest absolutely digs Vader taunting in his face. Before the bell, Race gets beaten up by Angel.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: The Guardian Angel vs Vader w/Harley Race
-Slaps to Vader are met with clubbing blows and cheers. He’s impossible to truly hate.
-Angel gets Vader into the rail and then throws Harley into the ring to beat up some more. Tony claims he’s broken bad right as he struggles to pick Vader for a slam onto his manager. Poor Harley Race.
-Angel is a real LVP for struggling to pick up Vader all of the time. Because of that, he gets DESTROYED in the chain with jabs, making Vader a potential MVP. The back-and-forth cases continue with a weak ass headbutt from the tope rope and a totally botched clothesline spot where both men are tanked and fall.
-The Vader Bomb only gets a two. Another one is met with knees up. A shitty splash and spinebuster both get near falls. His Boss Man slam means Harley distracts the ref. He’s suplexed back into the ring, but Angel is met with his real opponent out of nowhere.
WINNER: Vader in 8:18 with a splash
FINAL WORD: The type of match that made wrestling fans seek out ECW and other shit that’s much better.
-After a long replay, Mean Gene shills the hotline again. We see Jimmy Hart backstage with Chris Cruise and Mike Tenay before Hitman Hearns is introduced in a Jalen Rose suit. He cuts a promo! He has a graphic! What is this fucking show?!?! What a worthless waste of time. It’s time for the Stud Stable vs the Nasty Boys. Dusty recruiting the Nasty Boys is followed by Meng attacking both men after War Games. Knobbs with no shirt, make it stop!!! They get revenge on Saturday Night while Meng is held back. Terry Funk and Bunkhouse Buck enter and it’s about time I give a shout out to the Havoc entranceway and set. Sags enters holding a pumpkin and Knobbs enters holding Beavis and Butthead masks that he ends up throwing into the crowd.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: The Stud Stable w/Col. Parker and Meng vs The Nasty Boys
-A big, ugly brawl to start and Funk and Buck roll out together and beat each other up on accident. Bobby sincerely puts the Funk family over.
-Funk and Knobbs officially start and Bobby does a Porky Pig impression when discussing Beavis and Butthead.
-Sags invents the Stinkface on Funk, but it was literally his asshole in Funk’s face. I’m sure he’ll be shitting out of his mouth after that (and our reference challenge is done).
-Fuck, the Nasty Boys are fun.
-I CANNOT MAKE THIS UP: TERRY FUNK GIVES HIMSELF 9 UNPROTECTED CHAIR SHOTS TO THE HEAD. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! He makes himself woozy and enters the crowd. Unbelievable. I have to say MVP.
-Buck chokes Sags with a noose, but a double team is quickly fought off. Knobbs tags in and things gets messy. Buck loads a glove and gets caught. The ref admonishes him while Meng hits Funk on accident.
-There are no words here that work as well as the image itself.
WINNERS: The Nasty Boys in 7:58 when Brian Knobbs pins Terry Funk after a Sags piledriver onto a pumpkin
FINAL WORD: So messy, but ultimately okay. That’s the best compliment I can give on this show.
-The replay shows how clean that pumpkin broke and it’s finally time for the main event. First, we talk Ali’s charity. Bobby claims this is the best PPV ever even before the main event. He says that every month, so he’s off my MVP list now. In ring, President Bill Shaw stumbles over his words while presenting Ali with a check. Boy is he bad at talking. Eric Bischoff should have handled that. Ali inspects the check to make sure it’s on the up and up. EB is announced as a Detroit native and called out as the Senior VP. Wow, I didn’t know they actually did that. He presents Muhammad with a plaque and it’s wrapped up in a timely fashion.
-The commentators pick different people in the main event and Brain goes NUTS about Flair, almost too much. A “HOGAN SUCKS” chant starts as Mr. T walks to the ring wearing a Tigers hat and Red Wings jacket. Bobby is getting back into MVP form just from being so damn good in these moments related to Flair. BIG pyro and crowd reaction for the challenger. American Made hits and the crowd is admittedly LOUD in every way. Hogan is accompanied by Hart and Bruti. He taunts and Michael Buffer can’t get his words out because Hulk is all over the place and his person. Great, final intro by Buffer as the cage is lowered and pyro blasts off. The cage is CROOKED AS HELL. It has to be pulled down and fixed. It’s laughable and an analogy for this show.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: WCW TITLE RETIREMENT STEEL CAGE MATCH WITH MR. T AS THE SPECIAL GUEST REF- Ric Flair w/Sensuous Sherri vs Hulk Hogan w/Jimmy Hart
-The mood and tone is already the best thing on this show. Immediately, T pulls Hulk off of a punching attack on Flair.
-Hulk stomps on Flair from the top rope and T jaws at him. Ric has already been sent into the cage twice.
-Flair works on Hulk’s leg and gets into it with T again as Bobby is talking up Flair like a storm. Everyone is shown looking on as Hulk is sent into the cage.
-Flair is sent into the cage like a battering ram. I love that this is so back and forth at random so far. Ric comes off the top rope with help from the cage and succeeds! He’s still over .500 lifetime and turns the tide.
-Our first cover after a Flair suplex and T’s counts suck. This is paced so differently than their usual matches and it works. Both men are on top fighting because Ric tried to escape. He ends up crotched on the top rope.
-They rerun the Figure Four small package spot from the Bash and Hulk starts no selling chops. It’s so odd to see Flair’s face washed into the cage and there’s no blood.
-Great spot with Ric hanging over the top of the cage and Hogan bashing his head on the other side over and over again.
-The Hulkster’s leg becomes the focus and his knee wrap is pulled off. T pushes Flair down as 15 minutes is called before the 13-minute mark. Why is there a time limit in a retirement cage match? Do both men have to quit if it’s a draw?
-The Figure Four is slapped on and T’s not counting the down shoulders, so Hogan just has to get up. There’s an incredible vibe all around and the hold is reversed. Mr. T gets accidentally bumped harder than I’d expect by Hogan.
-The former BA Baracus is unable to count, so Ric stomps on him and it gives Sherri time to try and climb in, but she gets pulled down by Hart. Her lingerie underneath is exposed and she knocks him into the camera in retaliation. Sting stops her on the second attempt. The masked man appears from under the ring and destroys Sting with a bat.
-Sherri comes off the top of the cage with an axe handle!!! Hulk no sells it. Sherri looks like she’s in Rocky Horror. T gets handcuffed to the ropes and the masked man holds the bat up on the other side of the cage.
-After a suplex, Hogan jumps right up as both heels beat up the downed ref. The champ hits a double clothesline and slam. Jesus, Hogan! This is wild to see a woman get beat up in 1994 like this. She’s even press slammed off the top rope like Flair. The Man does his trademark flop off the top rope in a funny moment. I have to count that as a failure in the all-time tracker.
-Sherri eats a big boot and Flair starts taking the usual sequence. He gets dragged over to the handcuffed T and Flair watches the count while Bobby begs and cries and the crowd loses their mind.
WINNER: Hulk Hogan in 19:26 to retain the title and retire Ric Flair after a legdrop
FINAL WORD: That’s almost certainly the best thing Hulk Hogan has ever done in the ring. That lived up to the hype.
-Flair and Sherri leave, the former’s career ending being an afterthought besides Heenan’s crying. Ali “gives” Hogan the belt as he celebrates in the ring. Tony claims it’s the greatest moment of his career while giving George Napolitano a handshake. Ali escapes as people are already leaving. Those that are staying are earth-shatteringly loud. The masked man sneaks out and prepares to hit Hulk, but gets caught. He’s punched and Hogan teases unmasking. Heenan thinks it’s gonna be Arn Anderson, but it’s BROTHER BRUTI. Tony acts like he just saw JFK shot and Bobby claims he’s “butchered a friendship.”
-Kevin Sullivan comes out and Schiavone forces a line about the building rumbling and an “Avalanche” approaching. In other words, Earthquake enters with a new name to triple team the Hulkster. Bobby hits the Butcher line hard and rightfully acts crazy while the champ gets squashed. Mean Gene joins them as Sting runs out to help and leaps onto the trio to fend them off. Bobby basically has no voice left and analyzes, making me start to really forget the bad stuff he did on this show and lead the MVP charge late. It just may work. Sting tries to help a very badly hurt Hogan while Heenan calls the long replay and cracks his voice explaining the Brutus turn.
-The commentators are on screen and Bobby is a visible wreck. Yeah, all of the bad is outweighed by the good because he’s killing this closing. Okerlund makes fun of him, but he thanks Ric Flair for everything sincerely. Schiavone does the same as they sign off, Brain walking away in sadness.
THE LAST IMAGE: Tony Schiavone, Mean Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: In a first for this project, the previous LVP has become the MVP and it’s what I expect out of Bobby Heenan in WCW: bad one show and awesome the next. He pulls this out despite a few other great performances because of the impact he had on the main event and the overall dud nature of this show.
FINAL LVP of PPV: Dave Sullivan sucks as you’d expect, but you shouldn’t expect The Guardian Angel to look bush league at times. Consider that it’s in a high-profile feud eight months deep and there’s no excuse for his performance on this night.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Dave Sullivan vs Kevin Sullivan
FINAL THOUGHTS: Take away the main event and this is an all-time stinker. It’s still abysmal, but it’s saved by the grand finale to a point. The negative influence of Hulk Hogan and the bonkers books surrounding it is mixed with some uninspiring in-ring action. That means dire times for WCW and this reviewer. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: You know a show is bad when you’re excited for Chuck Norris on the next one. It’s Survivor Series 1994. You’re never alone when you’re watching a wrestling show with Walker, Texas Ranger.