I’m probably looking at this project too deeply at times, but one of the factors I feel like I need to really start looking at is my environment. Outside of writing this silly diary, I work more than full-time in an important job in commercial banking. I have my aforementioned daughter and wife whom I love very much. Life is busy and sometimes I’m struggling to watch my shows and get this typed and posted.
This is not one of those times.
Following up my trip to Ohio, my wife has taken my daughter on a mini-vacation to visit family for a birthday. I went to MegaCon for two days and had some extra time off from work because of it. I took advantage of this opportunity and watched two PPVs. It was supposed to be three, but even when you have nothing to do, you get interrupted and busy. I will say that the reason there isn’t a third PPV diary from this weekend is because I recorded a very intoxicated Podswoggle episode instead, so you have that to look forward to.
Without any distractions, without any obligations and without any expectations because this is a very random show: does it make the event better or worse? Let’s see!
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 77: WCW FALL BRAWL 1994
Written on 8/20/2021
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: Some war radar? Is this what that Command and Conquer game looks like? Some 1990 graphics show match highlights and some decent moving graphics for the matches. They counted the number of title bouts wrong. Hey look, The Patriot is here! We go live in Roanoke, VA with Tony Schiavone introducing Martin Del Ray to sing the National Anthem. Are they ever going to get anybody notable for this again? This cowboy rushes his way through it, but it’s serviceable. Big pyro over the two rings. Bobby Heenan is wearing a neck brace and joins Schiavone alongside Mean Gene. Brain is not his best, saying not much of anything. Gene goes right into his hotline schtick and promoting Hulk Hogan on it. His name gets booed immediately. An injury in the U.S. Title match is mentioned and alternate plans are being made.
-GMC is still our announcer and he introduces Johnny B. Badd, all business for five whole seconds. How many chances is he going to get? Tony actually brings that up, but then forgets how his last match with Regal actually ended. Both men are off their games and LVPs so far. Lord Steven Regal enters with a Colonial wig and jacket, looking GOOFY AS FUCK. It’s like Fozzie Bear in The Muppet Christmas Carol. How about a Muppet outfit reference challenge? Sure, why not? Bobby claims it’s better than Badd coming out looking like a gumball machine. Sir William’s hair is disheveled, Nick Patrick’s haircut blows, everyone is just blah.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: TV TITLE MATCH- Johnny B Badd vs Lord Steven Regal w/Sir William (Champ)
-Bobby is amazed everyone in the crowd has their shoes on? Some simple holds and breaks start us off. The pace quickens and Badd shines with his crispness.
-An airplane spin forces Regal to the floor and Badd dives onto him from off camera to become our first MVP. A big miss into the ropes turns the tide.
-The Blacktop Bully is shown, but not named, in the front row complaining about being forced to sit down by security. It’s way too early for his shenanigans. Meanwhile, grinding submissions on Badd continue.
-Johnny livens up with punches. His Lordship sells an atomic drop funny and takes a great headscissors for a long one count.
-The heels try their cheating cane spot but get thwarted for two. William gets nailed and another roll up is still a two count.
-After a couple strikes, a simple reversal leads to an anticlimactic end for such a long and important reign.
WINNER: Johnny B. Badd in 11:09 to win the title with a backslide
-Badd and the crowd are over the moon while Tony puts over the accomplishment.
FINAL WORD: An okay opener that felt like they could do better.
-The commentators wonder who the Queen of England will take Regal’s loss before pivoting to the Hulk Hogan/Ric Flair/masked man situation. Flair has been indefinitely suspended and the crowd chants “WE WANT FLAIR.” What year is it? The Clash of the Champions attack is shown. Cue flashbacks to this shitty Nancy Kerrigan reference with Hogan stretchered out with a bum knee. Bockwinkel says he’ll have to forfeit the title if he can’t compete. He naturally stumbles out leaning on Brother Bruti. Schiavone claims his heart is as big as the USA. Yuck. He starts fighting Flair. Man, what a way to make people pay to relive what they saw for free. The masked man comes back for a beatdown. Flair applies the Figure Four and the clip ends. Back live for analysis of who the masked man could be. Mean Gene mentions G. Gordon Liddy’s radio show and it naturally pivots to the hotline.
-It’s time for a Loser Leaves WCW match and Cactus Jack enters to a big pop. He looks more like his indy self, rocking a leather jacket. Kevin Sullivan follows to indifference alongside Dave Sullivan. Evad is rocking a red and yellow shirt and Hulk autograph book. He’s not there, so that’s mildly funny. The brawl starts and Jack is pushed backwards over the rail to the hard floor already. He’s dumb already.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: LOSER LEAVES WCW MATCH- Cactus Jack vs Kevin Sullivan w/Dave Sullivan
-Some weak sauce strikes and low blows in the ring before Sullivan takes an awful bump to the post. No bell officially rings.
-Dave holds Jack’s leg right in front of the ref and it leads to Kevin slamming Cactus from the second rope to the concrete. Fucking gross.
-Kevin works what’s left of Cactus’ ear. One BANG BANG and the crowd loves them some Mick Foley.
-A piledriver is blocked into a back drop on concrete. SPOILER ALERT: I know you’re leaving dude! Stop taking bumps for this company on the floor!
-A chair is thrown in and Dave stops a swing attempt by Jack. Kevin grabs one from a lady in the front row and Dave also stops him. A weak collision follows and that’s a wrap on Mick Foley in WCW.
WINNER: Kevin Sullivan in 5:29 with a roll up after a collision with Dave Sullivan
-The crowd hates this and Kevin laughs. Cactus sells shocked disbelief on how shitty of a way this is to wrap up his WCW career. It’s almost too appropriate, though.
FINAL WORD: For what it was, a mess is fine.
-The Stud Stable discusses War Games backstage. Bunkhouse Buck talks absolute nonsense. Col. Parker is being forced to compete by Bockwinkel. They are still trying to get Meng in War Games. Parker is very over the top and hilarious. Terry Funk calls their opponents the FBI- Fat Boys Incorporated. Arn Anderson talks some sense and earns an MVP case by putting over the dangers of the match and the need of manhood. Meng freaks out at the end.
-The U.S. Title is discussed again and Ricky Steamboat’s second reign seems to be ending sadly. GMC mentions an important announcement as Steve Austin walks to the ring. His title card reads “S.S. Austin” and it shouldn’t. You can just tell from his body language that he is pissed. Several signs in the crowd for him indicate others will be mad, too. Steamboat walks down the aisle in street clothes. Nick Bockwinkel takes over and bores everyone by announcing that the champ is unable to wrestle possibly forever. Austin fake cries, then laughs as he’s handed the title. You can hear Bully annoyingly yell in the crowd. Some MVP level facial expressions by Steve while Ricky cuts a promo and vows to rehab. Austin says a few words as well and claims to be done for the night, but Bockwinkel disagrees and asks GMC to announce his opponent. FUCK HERE HE COMES. Jim Duggan appears as the Washington Post March blares and the place comes unglued. Heenan yelling “OH NO” is my spirit animal. The bell is called for.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: US TITLE MATCH- Jim Duggan vs Steve Austin (Champ)
-Austin freaks out while the bell is rung over and over. He’s begging Bockwinkel not to do it. The commissioner grabs him and seems to pull him into Hacksaw.
-One backdrop and one shitty Warrior impression later and I’m quoting Super Humman because FUCK THIS SHIT
WINNER: Jim Duggan in 0:49 to win the title with a splash
-Austin continues his MVP case by bouncing and complaining like a legend.
FINAL WORD: Remember when Ultimate Warrior squashed Honky Tonk Man and it made him? That’s basically what this is…but with Hacksaw Jim Duggan past his prime against the future biggest star in the history of the business. He was never a champ in WWF and now he’s winning the second biggest title in less than a minute. What a fucking joke. I get that he’s the United States Champ and he loves the country and all, but it still sucks. I’ll step off the soapbox now.
-Mean Gene interviews Duggan and he says this is the greatest night of his life. It’s a promo I can live with even though it’s just jingoist shit. He proceeds to cut a promo on Ric Flair and gets booed. Read the room, moron!
-USA themes transition from one to another for Stars and Stripes AKA Marcus Bagwell and The Patriot. In other words, Scorpio sadly got fired. Bully yells at them with an oversized phone and security finally forces him out. Pretty Wonderful enter wearing matching sunglasses. COOL. Bagwell somehow looks like Sam Eagle but lamer at the end of Disney’s Hollywood Studios MuppetVision 3D attraction (and we have one more reference to go). Bobby continues his sad LVP case by claiming this is already the greatest PPV he’s been a part of already. It takes forever to start as the faces stretch and the heels disrobe.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: WCW TAG TITLE MATCH- Stars and Stripes vs Pretty Wonderful (Champs)
-Two full minutes of working the “Paula” chants. Once the action starts, Roma and Bagwell are okay together.
-Patriot doesn’t do much on Orndorff before Bagwell tags back in for more wristlocks.
-The mask and identity of Patriot are discussed. I cannot overstate how bad Bobby Heenan has been on this show. He keeps repeating himself and is way off the mark. I wonder if he JUST got surgery or something. Bagwell is pulled from behind to put the heel in charge. They get some cheers for their antics.
-Paul Orndorff’s dancing elbow is so great. Bobby thinks a kid in the front row is “a midget.” Then, he rehashes his Bruce name joke about Marcus without any of the humor.
-Paul Roma frequently acts over the top as well and it’s the most I’ve ever liked him. There is a “personal drink cooler” next to Brain that Bagwell gets thrown into it. Gee, I wonder how much alcohol is in there. We found out quickly because Mr. Wonderful dumps it and there’s nothing but water and Hi-C. Bullshit. Only thing I can think of is that he drank all of the booze already.
-Good spot where Marcus blocks the piledriver and Roma has his back turned on the apron because he’s celebrating. He turns around and gets surprised, so he has to rush to get the tag and cut off the tag.
-Patriot eventually getting the tag is missed, but still unleashes a full hot tag of offense. Meanwhile, Bagwell takes a piledriver on the floor. Roma takes the Uncle Slam (you read that right), but his legal partner is thrown in the ring to get pinned.
WINNER: Pretty Wonderful in 12:59 to retain the titles when Paul Roma pins Marcus Bagwell after a Paul Orndorff piledriver on the floor
-Bobby Heenan: “Paul Roma is my idol!” Yep, LVP.
FINAL WORD: Sometimes, a decent and simple tag match is all you need.
-Mean Gene interviews the Rhodes boys and the Nasty Boys. I really like that “Nasty Dream” Dusty is wearing. I miss heel Nasty Boys already. Dusty finally talks about all of the types of games there are, but there’s nothing like the War Games. He quotes Woody Harrelson in Natural Born Killers by saying “you ain’t seen nothing yet” before claiming to make Col. Parker squeal like a pig.
-Schiavone promotes Halloween Havoc in Detroit and mentions Muhammad Ali being in attendance to accept the proceeds being raised for his charity. The Triangle match is previewed as a first of its kind occurrence. Man, both of these Vader feuds have been going on forever. They really break this concept down and speak about the Guardian Angel and Sting facing off.
-The Guardian Angel walks out like an idiot as usual in that jacket and beret combo. Vader is next claiming it’s Vader time. Sting is last with a pep in his step and big pyro. Apparently, all of that triangle shit was BS. There’s a coin toss to determine who gets a bye. So, it’s a gauntlet match. Sting wins and Vader and Angel will wrestle a one fall, 15-minute time limit match.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: TRIANGLE MATCH TO BECOME NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TO THE WCW TITLE- The Guardian Angel vs Vader w/Harley Race vs Sting
-These rules are bonkers. There is a five-minute overtime if needed. Sudden death is first man left on his feet. Bobby calls the Angel “Boss Man” constantly and Vader is taunting the crowd like crazy. After bouncing off a tackle, Guardian yells like an insane person in Vader’s face.
-Some nothing action until Angel misses an attack in the ropes and Stun Guns himself like a doofus. He’s an LVP in kayfabe, not actuality.
-Nice clothesline by Vader sending both men over the top rope. Race gets accidentally decked by his man and Angel hits a nice enziguri in the ring. It’s followed by an impressive body slam.
-The ref gets bumped before the Boss Man Slam. Harley comes in and headbutts the face. That allows time for the Vader Bomb. Vader wins the first round at 7:08. The finish is replayed during the rest period as Sting comes back down. Bobby calls the Guardian Angel “donut breath” a bunch.
-The bell rings for the second part and Sting surprises Vader with his no selling and resilience early. They have a rare miscue and redo a spot.
-The Vader Bomb is hit, but the second one is stopped with kicks to the butt. The Mastodon answers with a STIFF lariat that seems to knock Sting legitimately loopy. He still avoids the third Vader Bomb attempt.
-Race gets suplexed on the floor. The timer is way behind as Sting hits a delayed suplex on Vader. There’s another miscue on a top rope splash that was supposed to be blocked. They redo it with a simple splash that gets blocked.
-The Vadersault is missed, but it’s still beautiful. Sting hits a second rope suplex/DDT hybrid. He’s reaching MVP levels following an impressive fireman’s carry pick up and Samoan drop.
-Sting hits a fucking fold up German suplex. Vader keeps kicking out in an odd way.
-Harley attacks again and Vader pounds away. The crowd wills Sting to feel nothing once more. Vader roams around the floor and goes to the other ring. Sting hits a flying clothesline and a big splash for two.
-Vader gets caught in a mid-air powerslam as the time ticks down. The Scorpion Death Lock is applied, but the heel wiggles out as time expires around 26 total minutes.
-The five minutes of overtime starts without a bell to Tony’s dismay. They work a very slow and deliberate pace at every step because both men are exhausted.
-This gets really sloppy and rough in parts until Sting back drops Vader off the top rope.
-During the final minute of OT, Sting keeps kicking out of stuff including a powerbomb as time expires. The sudden death rules are basically shit on by the live crowd. I keep lapping my poor stopwatch.
-Punches are laid in and the crowd is on their feet. Sting absorbs all of the blows and relies on the ropes. High drama before Sting punches back. It is crazy that this is still ongoing.
-Race distracts and the Angel pulls him to the back. The ref inexplicably follows them and Vader is naturally knocked down. The masked man appears and hits Sting in the leg. The ref returns to see that and the crowd is now livid to the point where it looks like someone tries to legitimately fight the masked man upon his exit.
WINNER: Vader at 34:23 overall
FINAL WORD: That was way too long and way too complicated and way too sloppy. Somehow, it was still the best match on the show thus far.
-Brain seems to be legitimately exhausted and in pain, so Tony makes fun of him. They collectively make fun of Cactus Jack leaving and begging for food outside. Butts in the seats version 1?
-Mean Gene talks about the Flair/Hogan rivalry and they are standing by in Las Vegas and Bel Air, FL respectively. Hulk has a big bandage on his knee while he lifts weights and receives a very mixed reaction. They cut the crowd sound for this obviously prerecorded bit of Jimmy Hart running in with Flair on the phone. Some random women answer and this segment already SUCK SOMETHING FIERCE. They argue about who the real champ is and Flair claims to be retired. They can’t seem to tell what the other person is saying. Nature Boy has a bad, fake belt on the table. Hogan seems to indicate that he actually gave up to the Figure Four at the Clash? Again, this back and forth is very bad and Hogan’s constant smirk doesn’t help. Eventually, a match where the champ’s career is on the line is proposed. Ric takes forever making three points before agreeing. They briefly impersonate each other before hanging up.
-Hulk reveals he lied about his knee and does the worst Hindu squats I’ve ever seen. Lying about an injury is such a Belichick move. He laughs to Mean Gene who goes to find Nick Bockwinkel and make the match official. Heenan rightfully questions this master plan. In retrospect, Hulk is a potential LVP. Gene has already cornered Bock and he has a prepared statement about it happening at Halloween Havoc with the imposed stipulation of a steel cage. Gene loses it and asks what he’s smoking. All of this is blowhard bullshit.
-Michael Buffer in all black talks about the Armed Forces before pivoting to War Games. Pyro shoots off and the cage is lowered while a clip from Saturday Night is shown of Gene asking Col. Parker about his health and telling him he has to take Meng’s spot in the match. His hilarious retorts are “I don’t even own no pai of tights” and “my face blushing red???” Meng explodes again and Parker is so good here. Arn’s betrayal is focused on once more and Dusty’s great, emotional promo asking to team with his son and seal the deal with a hug and kiss is shown. The match at the Clash features Meng being hit in the head UNPROTECTED with a wooden chair and he doesn’t sell it, applying a nerve hold with the chair hanging off his neck.
-Dusty goes to Nastyville to pitch the Boys to join his fight. They get insulted over his doubts and they beat up everyone in the bar to convince him. This is where their WCW theme came from, it seems. We finally go back live and are still waiting to start. Mean Gene handles the pre-recorded rules, so all Buffer gets paid for is the nonsense he did earlier. I’m correct because GMC handles the formal introductions. The Stud Stable walk out and Parker is definitely a potential MVP with his little reactions to everything. The Rhodes Family and the Nasty Boys come out to Dustin’s song. He starts the match with Arn.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: WAR GAMES-The Stud Stable w/Meng vs The Rhodes Family and the Nasty Boys
-Arn’s head and back are bounced on the cage, then his head is trapped in between rings like it was in 1992. Bobby calls it a reverse MRI as Parker is beside himself.
-Dustin does a great leap over both rings for a clothesline. He looks a little chunkier, but it’s nothing crazy or impactful. The timer is one minute behind as Anderson nails a DDT.
-Arn trying an enziguri is a sight. He misses as the countdown ends and the ref misses catching the coin on the flip. He finds it on the ground and the heels naturally win. Bunkhouse Buck runs in and double Dustin, sending him into the cage.
-After a weak double submission, Jerry Sags enters with an odd double clothesline, some strong throws into the cage and a piledriver on Buck.
-Terry Funk hilariously tries to throw a chair into the ring, but there’s a roof. He takes his boot off and runs in swinging it, falling over the ropes when going from one ring to another. He’s so damn great. Very safe, working head shots into the cage are met with chants for blood. This match needs it.
-Sags piledrives Funk in between the two rings and he slides to the arena floor. That’s unique.
-Brian Knobbs comes in and all three heels meet him at the door, but he fights through it. Arn gets his face washed and Funk takes three UNPROTECTED head shots, one into the cage and two with his own boot. Buck takes one UNPROTECTED shot before Funk gets two more UNPROTECTED, becoming an MVP threat with his lunacy.
-Parker: “I can’t even walk! I ain’t going in there!” The timer runs up and his shirt is already drenched. He slowly enters the cage and hurts his hand punching Dustin. Man, I underestimated him.
-Parker whips Sags in the chest while he’s held and Funk and Dustin trade belt shots. This is getting good with the addition of Parker and the anticipation for Dusty.
-The colonel starts getting whipped and Meng is trying to rip into the cage. You can’t even hear the countdown for the American Dream. He gets smothered upon entry, but elbows his way out. He grabs his crotch and chases after the manager.
-The Nasty Boys knocked Robert down and open his shirt. Meng climbs the cage and Dusty applies the Figure Four. The heels are fought off while Parker gets elbowed and splashed repeatedly by Knobbs and Sags. The bell is called for.
WINNERS: The Rhodes Family and the Nasty Boys at 19:03 when Dusty Rhodes makes Col. Parker submit to the Figure Four
FINAL WORD: The last five minutes were the best thing on the entire show and made it a watchable War Games despite the lack of blood.
-MENG HEADBUTTS THE CAMERA getting into the cage to check on Parker, who is clutching his chest like he had a heart attack. The faces exit victoriously while Meng cradles his fallen leader like they’re Uncle Ben and Spider-Man. “Oh my god, they hit me!” “My chest!” So good. Bunkhouse Buck resembles a litany of extras from Muppet Treasure Island (and the challenge is complete.) The replay shows Parker getting destroyed again. Bobby claims you can’t tell what’s happening because it’s just bodies and also that Parker had an accident. There is a rumor that it is true. Maybe that’s how it started?
-The commentators recap the show and are joined by Gene to talk about the Flair and Hogan announcement. Bobby talks as Tony acts like he’s getting word on his headset. Apparently, there’s a disturbance backstage that Meng causes, but they’ll show it on Saturday Night because fuck you if you paid. Okerlund and Heenan dick around as Schiavone conducts business and talks about the masked man. A clip of Sting and Vader is shown as they sign off and show Meng’s crazy anger in the cage once more. He headbutts the camera into the credits.
THE LAST IMAGE: Meng
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: It’s not easy to go from LVP to MVP as easily as Col. Robert Parker, but he went from nuisance to vital very quickly. He was so enjoyable and committed to the humor and heel antics so well that he stood out amongst several candidates.
FINAL LVP of PPV: I hate that this day has come and it’s so early in his tenure, but Bobby Heenan is just not a fit in WCW and he doesn’t seem to care to fit. Everything that people shit on Tony Schiavone for in a few years, Heenan is doing worse here.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: The Rhodes Family and The Nasty Boys vs The Stud Stable
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Jim Duggan vs Steve Austin
FINAL THOUGHTS: That was a surprising turd. On paper, stuff was just not very good and the best stuff was passable at best. There was too much time spent on people not in the building and not enough attention to making sure the live crowd was seeing good action. The leftover attention was spent on bad ideas and wrong creative decisions. No distractions did not help. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: I don’t have to wait to find out what happens between Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair because it’s Halloween Havoc 1994. I think I have another experiment on my hands.