It’s really late. I’m very tired. Let’s talk about a random ass wrestling show from 1995, huh?
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 93- WWF IN YOUR HOUSE 3
Written on 12/12/21
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: The title card and highlights of the competitors in the Triple Header main event as Todd Pettengill talks about the match. Owen Hart and Yokozuna are called the best tag champs of all time while Shawn Michaels and Diesel are dubbed the 2 Dudes with Attitudes. I’ve always loved that name. Then, it’s another bad theme song! I think it’s just called “In Your House” and it shows highlights of all the previous In Your House events. It’s like an ABC sitcom theme. I’m waiting to see Waldo get hit in the head with a basketball (TGIF reference challenge this early?) The song goes into the PPV in Saginaw, Michigan. Vince McMahon is joined by Jerry Lawler AND Jim Ross! He’s back on the show, but why has he gotten this random chance? King predicts Owen will win the IC Title and JR predicts Yoko will win the IC Title. To be fair, Shawn probably deserved all the hate for something he did backstage.
-Savio Vega enters to his best reaction to date. Persistence eventually works…somewhat. A clip of his debut back in May is shown and neither Roadie or Jeff Jarrett are mentioned by name. Then, it’s WAYLON MERCY time! Fuck yes! This is one of my favorite all-time gimmicks and Dan Spivey has been a bonafide surprise in the past. His famous worm promo is shown in a double feature. He walked so Bray could run. He asks for a handshake, mocks Vega’s dancing, gets the handshake and sucker punches him. MVP.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Savio Vega vs Waylon Mercy
-A couple of very weird exchanges to start including a misconstrued arm wringer. Some people are audibly cheering for Waylon. Big chops and intensity from him on the floor.
-Vince is the first LVP with his typical hyper bombastic style and typical misunderstanding of moves like the Stun Gun and typical fucking up the count/finish.
-Dok Hendrix looks undone backstage with some breaking news: Owen Hart hasn’t arrived yet.
-The sleeper is applied-Waylon’s finish-and Savio gets out of it. It gets applied again and a belly-to-back gets Savio back out.
-Vega hits a big boot and spin kicks for two. JR sounds so out of place in this three-man booth.
-DANGEROUS BRAINBUSTER by Mercy still only for two. That was sick. JR tells Vince what that move was. Savio hits a German. It’s just random moves at this point.
-One more random move and the Pearl Jam fans in the front hate it just like me.
WINNER: Savio Vega in 7:07 with a spinning heel kick
-Vince calls it an upset and the replay shows that Savio got all of it.
FINAL WORD: That was a fine enough opener for the third edition of In Your House if you know what I mean.
-Dok is with Gorilla Monsoon and the main event heels yelling about Owen. Jim Cornette could talk his way out of a paper bag. Gorilla claims that the Triple Header will happen no matter what. Dok wasn’t unkempt earlier; his shirt just sucks.
-Sid enters with Ted DiBiase. Earlier in the weekend on Superstars, Henry Godwinn slopped him and made him go berserk. Henry enters to his heel theme still, but he’s slapping hands and smiling as a true baby. He’s slopped DiBiase twice in the past, but took a powerbomb on the floor. Look at that buzzcut on a shockingly still employed Danny Davis. A close up of the slop bucket will probably be a better sight than this match.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Sid w/Ted DiBiase vs Henry Godwinn
-JR says neither man is “technically sound” so it’s going to be a slobberknocker. King and Vince jump on it right away. Meanwhile, HOG suplexes Sid back into the ring, but hurts his back in the process.
-Sid hits some long, exaggerated axe handles from the apron to the floor. He becomes an LVP candidate with more lame attacks and typically bad/awkward body language.
-After a camel clutch, Sid applies what I thought was going to be a crossface. It’s awkward, so he just reapplies the camel clutch again. JR and King are full of teeth and expensive suit jokes.
-A silly miss in the corner by Sid to turn the tide. Godwinn hits the Slop Drop (his finish), but DiBiase pulls him off the cover. He gives chase and gets nailed by his actual opponent. He fights back and gets tripped by the Million Dollar Man. One big leg drop and it’s finisher time.
WINNER: Sid in 7:23 with a powerbomb
-Godwinn is rolled out of the ring mockingly like a pig. They go to slop him, but Bam Bam Bigelow makes the save. Kama comes down to help and diverts attention away from Godwinn. He dumps the bucket on Ted’s head. A piece of ruffage gets stuck in his hair and make the commentators legitimately laugh because it looks like it’s growing out of his head.
FINAL WORD: That was not a masterpiece. I don’t think that’s a far-fetched claim at all.
-Hendrix is still with Cornette and Monsoon, finally giving options for the main event. Yoko can defend by himself or find another partner for just one night. Corny is very funny and good as you’d expect here. Then, the British Bulldog walks to the ring with all of the frills on his robe. His haircut and new attitude are on full display before the turn on Diesel is shown again. Bam Bam Bigelow is his opponent, having just been beaten up. He does a lame “it’s hot” finger touch thing on his bald head. Davey Boy has a full plate considering he’s wrestling Undertaker on Raw tomorrow.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: British Bulldog vs Bam Bam Bigelow
-All Bam Bam early while Cornette is seen talking to Sid in a hallway trying to convince him to join Yoko.
-Bulldog turned heel because he was never given number one contender status apparently. Bam Bam misses, but keeps answering back. He ultimately takes a tumble to the floor.
-Davey’s bumps are weird just like his suplex attempt on Bigelow, putting him on my LVP radar. Another one is tried back in the ring and Bigelow counters with a suplex that crotches him on the top rope. A top rope headbutt gets a two count.
-Bam Bam’s leg gets a nice work over. A “USA” chant starts and that’s odd to me as Davey is just English. An enziguri by the big guy is always impressive, but it doesn’t turn the tide.
-Fox is playing WrestleMania XI: The Special next weekend. God, what a shitty show to pick. There’s more cutoffs and rest holds to stretch this out.
-The face comeback begins, but he misses a moonsault in a rough landing. Vince does his “it’s over, 1, 2 no” spiel twice in a row when the heel pins. He’s so bad.
-That’s not the traditional version of Bulldog’s finish, but it was impressive and a clean win nevertheless. The descent for Bigelow begins.
WINNER: The British Bulldog in 12:01 with a powerslam
FINAL WORD: That was pretty boring because of the structure and the British Bulldog’s new heel persona.
-Godwinn and DiBiase are talking on the hotline, the former still covered in slop in a funny image. Vince stresses “you must have your parent’s permission” to call. Yeah, right. A commercial for the Fox special plays and I laughed out loud when I see it aired at 11 PM. Damn right you bury that shit. You know who is not buried? BOB BACKLUND WITH THE DICTIONARY!!! Some 1995 politics jokes that totally go over my head prelude Bob’s mic time. He says big words like “exacerbate” and says amazing things like “where’s your lexicon? YEAH!” He just touches my soul directly. If Mr. Feeney acted like this, there’d be less problems with the Matthews kids (one more reference to go). He earns an MVP consideration before I realize this is just an introduction for Dean Douglas. Billed from “the University of Knowledge,” his theme and look slaps in a certain way. His SummerSlam skirmish with Razor and beatdown with refusal to win against the Kid are shown. He also attacked Razor later on that night. Shane gets mic time, but just introduces Razor Ramon? What is happening??? The Bad Guy makes a beeline for the ring. His pyro set up in the ring gets pulled out. Nice red herring if anything.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Dean Douglas w/Bob Backlund vs Razor Ramon
-Boy, Douglas takes headlock takeovers very poorly and can’t keep up with Hall’s babyface fire early.
-Lots of stalling after a hip toss to the floor. Cornette is shown trying to convince Mabel who is in a stare down with Yoko already. They just had a match on Raw. Those poor people.
-The fallaway slam and arm slap occur after what would have been an impressive counter over the top of Ramon had Dean landed on his feet. He’s got an LVP chance as well. I’m still waiting for someone to challenge Waylon for MVP.
-In Dean’s defense, this is a VERZY one-sided match so far. You can tell he’s not liked. You can also tell Lawler and Ross are the team of the future because their rapport is already solid.
-Douglas finally takes over with an attack on the floor. He can barely pick Razor up to slam his back into the post. Nothing but uninspiring offense all around. He may have pulled into the LVP lead.
-I feel like Razor’s back has been hurt as long as Cowboy Bob Orton’s arm already. Even a Vader Bomb set up into a normal splash seems boring when Douglas does it.
-Very little psychology by Dean recovering from a cutoff after a broken camel clutch before Razor can. The Bad Guy’s comeback is impactful as usual.
-The ref bumps after a two count from a cross body reversal. Backlund keeps the ref preoccupied as the Razor’s Edge is hit. The Kid runs out and counts to three? What the fuck? It angers Razor, so he violently shoves him to the floor. One more ugly move and this one is done.
WINNER: Dean Douglas in 14:53 with a roll up
-Razor throws Kid in the ring, slaps him hard and they have to be separated by officials. This might be the first time I remember seeing Gerald Brisco.
FINAL WORD: Boy, that overbooked ending (complete with the Razor’s Edge still receiving a visual three count) says it all. Dean Douglas is DOA after this performance.
-An In Your House commercial for next month plays, letting us know the show will be in the Great White North. Undertaker vs King Mabel is announced already as well as the debut of GOLDUST. One out of two ain’t bad.
-Dok wears the HBK glasses and hat (effectively replacing Barry Didinsky) before being thrown a blank VHS tape as an advertised bonus. The 2 Dudes enter and they are taking nothing seriously. Shawn talks about crazy girls and Diesel does his old Vinnie Vegas voice. They say they will be “2 chaps with 4 straps.” Oy vey.
-The future PCO, but current Jean Pierre Lafitte, is in the ring. He’s shown stealing Bret Hart’s glasses from a kid at ringside and Bret’s jacket during his match with Rad Radford. He wears it all in the ring and mocks the Hitman pose. Bret is backstage and gets interviewed by Vince from the commentary table. He drops a great line about this match being Captain Cook vs Captain Crunch as well as a nice closing line about walking the plank. He’s followed out the front door for his entrance. HERE is our MVP. “WHAT AN OVATION!” Vince is right here. This starts hot with a dive through the ropes that is overshot/JLP doesn’t catch Bret.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: Jean Pierre Lafitte vs Bret Hart
-Poor JR is trying to call moves. Lawler’s history with Bret is still a talking point.
-Pierre cuts off the offense with a nice clothesline counter out of a hip toss. Lots of stalling in between the action by the pirate. He definitely takes his time.
-How did Bret never separate the buckle on that chest bump spot?
-Good spot: Lafitte lands on his feet off a backdrop to the floor, trips Hart and throws him into the steps seamlessly.
-Weird spinebuster before a rest hold. Bret is so good at realistically selling. Vince really puts Jean Pierre over as a solid and underrated talent.
-After a top rope legdrop, JLP taunts and I thought it was going to lead to a Five Knuckle Shuffle. Instead, he missed the top rope cannonball.
-The Sharpshooter is blocked, then OMG this lunatic has been doing shit like this forever: PCO misses a diving cannoball to the floor and takes a BACK BUMP. JR saying “plancha” is funny to me.
-Series of moves lead to a series of kickouts. The typical Bret formula is interrupted with a boot up during the second rope elbow.
-Rough looking roll through crucifix by Lafitte. He’s no Kennedy or Sheamus. Bret takes a second chest bump on a bulldog block.
-Things start getting a little messy near the end. Hart has a rough landing on a missed cross body into the ropes. A splash off the top rope is missed by the heel and a double clothesline double down makes me think another comeback is coming. Instead, Bret is able to apply his finish while both men are on the mat.
WINNER: Bret Hart in 16:37 with the Sharpshooter
-The Hitman gets his jacket back and celebrates briefly before we move on.
FINAL WORD: That was the best thing on the show by far (not saying much), but I was a little underwhelming with my memory and expectations. Don’t get me wrong; this was still good.
-Dok interviews Cornette’s team, now complete with the British Bulldog. Gorilla officially sanctions them as the tag champs. Jim clarifies everything and it’s blatant what will happen already. Then, Vince weirdly introduces Alundra Blayze to the live crowd to model the PPV t-shirt. Women’s roles in 1995! Why did she dump the title in the trash? I have no idea!!! She resembles a dolled-up Kimmy Gibbler to me (and the reference challenge is done). She takes her shirt off and throws it in the crowd. Don’t worry, she had a Blayze shirt underneath.
-Yokozuna’s theme interrupts this pointless segment. The tag champs enter. Bulldog has a new jacket and gear for this match. Shawn Michaels enters and Vince McMahon calls him the most resilient superstar in the WWF right after a Bret Hart match. That’s almost an insult. His pyro is interrupted by Diesel’s introduction. JR points out this as a bit of a homecoming for him. The classic pose of the two champs is even better when it takes place in front of a “Hulkamania is Dead” sign. Vince forgot his fellow commentators’ predictions because he probably wasn’t listening.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: WWF, IC and TAG TITLE TRIPLE HEADER MATCH- The British Bulldog and Yokozuna w/Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji (Tag Champs) vs The 2 Dudes with Attitudes (WWF and IC Champs)
-JR mentions HBK’s recent crazy schedule, Jerry claims it’s his self-centered nature and Vince just laughs at it all. Bulldog and Shawn get off to a good, fast paced start. Davey bumps properly for him and Yoko gets awkwardly knocked to the floor by Diesel. Oh, just look at the difference in these match ups.
-Michaels mocks Yoko’s sumo stance and they face off in it. He uses his speed and some punches before getting obliterated.
-Diesel comes in and keeps surprising me with his bumping, athleticism and energy.
-It takes two tries, but Davey finally hits a delayed vertical on Diesel. It was both of their faults.
-Nice splash off of Diesel’s shoulders by Shawn for two. Bulldog pressed HBK into the top rope and Yoko elbows him off the apron to take over.
-Dissension is discussed as a possibility for the heels on their tags. The WWF Title is really an afterthought in this.
-11:48 is Yokozuna’s designated nerve hold time. The Banzai Drop is eventually avoided amidst more “USA” chants. It makes a little more sense considering Bulldog waved the Japanese flag and bowed to Fuji earlier.
-Diesel gets the hot tag and he’s all over Davey Boy. JR lies and claims “business has picked up.” All four men enter the ring and the heels collide. Yoko falls/immersed Bulldog.
-Cornette is hit on the apron, Yoko hits a Samoan Drop on Diesel and HBK hits Sweet Chin Music to rid the ring of him before hitting a top rope elbow to stop the pin off a powerslam.
-Owen Hart runs out, leaps off the top rope and immediately gets squashed.
WINNERS: 2 Dudes with Attitudes in 15:45 to win the tag titles when Diesel pins Owen Hart with the Jackknife
-BIG pop for the victorious faces. JR tries to explain and figure out what just happened while McMahon doesn’t give a fuck. Something something “the official’s decision is final.”
FINAL WORD: That was largely formulaic, but crowd pleasing.
-The new champs celebrate with pyro going off before a recap video to the same In Your House song. I just realized it IS the Lumberjacks song again. Even audio from the show is included in this video. I prefer this version of the show compared to the full two hours.
THE LAST IMAGE: Diesel and Shawn Michaels
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Nobody has taken more chicken shit and turned it into chicken salad than Bret Hart and he does it on a regular basis. On this night, his promo and character work stood out as well as his selling and ability to even make a pirate look credible.
FINAL LVP of PPV: I give Dean Douglas the grade of “F.”
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Bret Hart vs Jean Pierre Lafitte
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Sid vs Henry Godwinn
FINAL THOUGHTS: That was our first true In Your House stinker because of its randomness, bait and switch nature and several clunky performances. If you predicate things on just a couple of people, the rest will suffer. It’s like a Hogan problem, but not that bad at the moment. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: Is this show the new trend or a one-off? It won’t take me long to find out because our next show is In Your House 4. It’s notable.