Gimmick shows are always a good change of pace from the standard events that are broadcasted. If the theme is solid, then you have a show that stands out because it’s inherently unique. Sadly, I don’t feel like we’ve had many success stories with this idea thus far. Battlebowls and Iron Man Challenges and Pat O’Connor tournaments have all come and gone without really sticking.
What has stuck are events like King of the Ring and Royal Rumble and Survivor Series. You may notice the trend here. The WWF sticks with their ideas and the ideas that they have are just naturally better. WCW/NWA’s concepts have just not had the staying power.
That changes with Uncensored, a precursor to the Extreme Rules/One Night Stand shows a decade or two later. Having an event filled with matches without rules or with stipulations definitely feels like something that didn’t start in 1995, but it sure did. We will be addressing who really should be credited for that idea in a few weeks, but WCW Uncensored 1995 is undoubtedly a first of its kind spectacle.
Notice I’m specifically not using positive or negative adjectives.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 83- WCW UNCENSORED 1995
Written on 9/30/21
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: Some “edgy” graphics and action with a voiceover talking about unsanctioned and unauthorized action. This is just the TV commercial because it says “card subject to change.” Scott Steiner is shown suplexing Sting! Don’t tease me! All of the match types are previewed before we go live in Tupelo, MS. Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan are joined by Mike Tenay. Mean Gene was probably busy drinking somewhere. Vader vs Hulk Hogan in a strap match tonight makes Bobby claim this is the most important week in sports history because Michael Jordan is back, Mike Tyson is out of prison and this event. Sure. Tenay talks about The Renegade and a brief clip is shown of Hulk talking while someone obviously not the Ultimate Warrior stands behind him in smoke. All of the other dumb matches are talked about. You get one minute on the hotline for free for the first time ever tonight. Oh hey, what’s that on the screen? It’s a fucking match in a truck. Why would you start with this? Just to kill the crowd?
MATCH NUMBER ONE: KING OF THE ROAD MATCH- The Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes
-How do I recap this shit? Dustin is trying to climb up the truck and ring the horn. The commentators claim they are going 55 MPH and it’s obvious that they are going like 20 and they still can barely stand up.
-SO MUCH HAY! HELICOPTER SHOTS! SHOTS OF THE HELICOPTER ITSELF!
-Yo, Barry Darsow is terrified of hanging off the top of this moving vehicle. He takes a fence post in the gut after Dustin climbs up the wrong end of the truck.
-A piledriver. Really. God, I loved this bad shit as a kid. A bale of hay to the head and I think the announcers are calling this to the live crowd? Bobby is the first MVP by fucking trying his damndest.
-The MVPs are really the crew for trying their best to shoot this. Kevin Dunn’s team would be making me throw up. Dustin is bleeding AKA losing his job.
-TRUCK TURN! They’re just falling over one another. There’s a god-awful belly-to-back and Tony can’t even feign enthusiasm for this anymore. Bully is bleeding now, too.
-Another turn and Bully takes a stupid fall. The sun is setting because this probably took hours to film. UNPROTECTED something shot to Bully’s head. I think it was a crate.
-Bobby has a great line about Mississippi condos as the truck passes a trailer park. Bully gets hit with a trough and the truck has to slow down because of a church bus. God, let me get on it.
-Some temporary microwave interference. Who thought to give this over 10 minutes?!?!?!
-A water bucket is thrown at Rhodes. Both men climb up and the heel gets his eyes raked, but also gets one good shot in and makes the Natural tumble down. HONK HONK
WINNER: The Blacktop Bully in 13:14
-The truck slows down and you can see Dustin back on top of the truck. You couldn’t even edit this properly?
FINAL WORD: Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb X 10000
-Pyro goes off to wake the crowd back up. Bobby and Tony talk about the main event again. Have they been standing this whole time?!?! Tenay interviews Col. Parker, Arn Anderson and Meng. A clean sweep is claimed in an MVP promo by Arn. Meng with his back to the camera looks badass. Parker is happy over Bully’s win and Meng turns around as his boss breathlessly talks about Duggan. This is probably going to be the highlight of the whole show as Parker points out Duggan’s cross eyes. A recap of the set up to the next match is played to Rey Mysterio’s future theme.
-Gary Michael Cappetta is still rocking and rolling as he introduces Meng and his oriental music. What an entrance attire. Hacksaw Jim Duggan enters dressed for a street fight. He looks like that fucking friend from Bloodsport. The special guest referee is Sonny Onoo. Oh boy, Heenan has already made a Cher and Benihana’s joke. Duggan chants like an idiot and won’t follow any of the formalities. Sonny yells at him for not bowing. This is just rude. You know the rules are going to be different! Just do it and get on with it! Now he’s crossing into LVP territory for mocking the culture of martial arts. He finally bows after HOOOing like an asshole. GET ON WITH IT. He bows again and gets kicked. There’s no bell. I guess it’s started?
MATCH NUMBER TWO: MARTIAL ARTS MATCH WITH SPECIAL GUEST REF SONNY ONOO- Meng w/Col. Robert Parker vs Jim Duggan
-Onoo doesn’t hit the mat when he counts. So, he’s somehow worse than Nick Patrick.
-Duggan has his boot off and swings it. Sonny tries to stop him, but just stands there. Tony emphasizes that there’s no rules or breaks.
-Nerve hold number two leads to a USA chant. There’s a close up of Meng’s feet. I still have two hours to go.
-Duggan cannot, will not and won’t not take a proper back bump. LVP. People on the hard cam already look bored.
-Nerve hold number three and Duggan is barely selling. Ric Flair’s presence is discussed as being allowed because Nick Bockwinkel is not there. It’s Uncensored. Fuck me, right?
-Onoo warns Jim during some corner punches and almost gets thrown out of the ring. The three-point clothesline connects and Meng gets right up. Parker gets on the apron and gets punched. Sonny grabs Duggan and he’s wide open for a kick to end this.
WINNER: Meng at 7:00 with a savate kick
FINAL WORD: I honestly don’t know what’s worse: a match on a truck or a martial arts match with Jim Duggan. Decisions, decisions.
-Tenay interviews Johnny B. Badd and his trainer, Rock Finnegan. Badd’s promo is his last name. His trainer is a blatant Mickie knock off. This is followed by a special look at Arn Anderson coming out of a Mercedes. This is a dope video package for a deserving individual. Will he pull out a glock here? I guess my reference challenge is current wrestling memes from wrestlers on this very show. Lot of buzzwords and cliches in this and Arn is seen wearing Zubaz beating up someone from a couple years ago.
-The Stud Stable theme keeps rolling as Arn enters. Badd enters and this fucking Finnegan guy is a riot. Bobby points out the obvious Burgess Meredith joke as GMC explains the ten round rules and the ways to win (pin, submission or KO)
MATCH NUMBER THREE: BOXER VS WRESTLER MATCH- Arn Anderson w/Col. Parker vs Johnny B Badd w/Roc Finnegan
-As soon as the bell rings (the first bell of the night), Tony starts talking about where Jimmy Hart could be. Way to focus on the match.
-Body shots make Arn bail. I always hate these matches because they always look so hokey.
-Round one ends with Badd downing Anderson in the corner. There’s a rest period and Tony mentions the Ali/Inoki fight in the most blasphemous moment of all time.
-Round two begins and Arn jumps Badd, hitting a DDT. Arn goes off on him and Badd gets picked up by Roc. Arn jumps him again and no DQ is reiterated as Round three starts with a throw over the top rope.
-A whip into the stool in the corner and a classic Spinebuster. Finnegan jumps on the back of Anderson. Insanity. Tony talks about Hart again as this gets as close as passable as possible.
-The round ends and Badd is thrown into his trainer. The gloves cut off and Arn jumps again. Roc gets threatened and round four starts. A bucket is put on Arn’s head and Badd connects with his glove. Then he connects with his taped fist.
WINNER: Johnny B Badd in 12:40 by KO
FINAL WORD: It says something about this show that this mess was the best so far BY A COUNTRY MILE
-Another special look, this time of the Macho Man. I’m happy we get these now, but they are very general. Tenay interviews Macho Man in some rare white, yellow and pink gear. He calls Arn “buckethead” and then threatens to knock Tenay out while claiming to not know what he’s saying. Sounds about right.
-GMC introduces Randy Savage as “one of the most exciting and charismatic performers.” It’s probably in his contract to get these special announcements. He sneaks in an “OH YEAH” on mic before Avalanche enters. He runs in (sorta) and eats some boots.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: ANYTHING GOES MATCH- Randy Savage vs Avalanche
-Rinse and repeat action from their SuperBrawl encounter before Quake tumbles over the top and Macho hits a cross body from the top to the floor.
-A slam is tried in ring, but ends with a squash. An elbow and leg drop follow. Avalanche is moving very slowly. He hits a nice belly-to-belly, though.
-DROPKICK by Avalanche. Hell yeah. Bobby makes a George Wendt reference I don’t get.
-Savage is repeatedly not allowed back in the ring. He finally yanks his opponent’s throat on the ropes and hits a sloppy top rope attack for one. He ends up getting say on.
-Splash, powerslam and tremors. Savage rolls away. A hope roll up comes from nowhere for two.
-A second rope splash with zero air is missed. Avalanche rolls out before the top rope elbow drop, so he takes an axe handle on the floor.
-Some lady comes out of the audience and it’s RIC FUCKING FLAIR IN DRAG. It will never get old. People WOOO as Tony plays dumb. Heenan knows who it is and the wig finally comes off. The ref gets taken out and the Avalanche Drop is hit.
-Hulk Hogan comes out to make the save and Nick Patrick waves the match off. UNCENSORED!
WINNER: Randy Savage in 11:48 by DQ
FINAL WORD: Ric Flair in a dress and mascara will always pop me. That sounds bad. All things considered, that was tolerable.
-After Hogan helps a basically dead Savage out, Tenay interviews Sister Sherri and Harlem Heat. She’s acting stupid again. Stevie Ray calls Tupelo hicks and Booker T talks in circles. Whatever he’s saying is still smarter than claiming CM Punk’s AEW debut wasn’t very good (one more reference to go). I hate the way they hold the straps on their shoulders. Sherri talks too long, so Tony interrupts to take it back to the commentators to discuss the next match.
-Sting and Big Bubba’s issue daying back to the Triangle match are highlighted and their fight at the Clash with Bubba reverting to his name is shown. Tenay is a busy man interviewing Sting. It’s a cocaine fueled nothing promo. This show is so bad that it makes Sting third on the MVP list because of it. Big Bubba walks out looking like CM Punk on the side of John Cena’s car at WrestleMania 22, but on a six-month food bender. Sting enters jacked to the gills.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: ANYTHING GOES MATCH- Big Bubba Rogers vs Sting
-Finger biting and stomping to start. Sting puts Bubba’s hat on and chokes him with his jacket. After a tease, he does a leaping leg drop to the hat and throws it into the crowd for a big pop.
-Bubba is so much better as a heel in peril. He’s got great energy on his selling. His ass gets kicked for four solid minutes. Bubba takes a punch and launches spit into the crowd for a big reaction.
-I’m not sure if this leapfrog spot is a botch or planned for Bubba to take over. His head clips Sting’s knee.
-Leg work grounds Sting and Tony is out of words on Bobby’s comments. I’m just checking out new action figures on Instagram. I start paying attention on a random Captain Planet reference.
-A leg scissors is applied AKA UNCENSORED. Rogers goes to the top and his foot slips. They just run with it like Sting countered and takes over. This show is cursed. The crowd is quiet until Sting slaps on a sleeper. The tie is used to pull off a jawbreaker.
-Sweet German by Sting as Bobby reminds us it’s Uncensored for the 700th time. Stinger Splash for two and the knee is still being sold. Bubba hits the ropes to fall down and inadvertently chop blocks Sting.
-Sting tries a slam, but his leg can’t hold and then it’s over. Really?
WINNER: Big Bubba Rogers in 13:46 with a slam counter into a press
FINAL WORD: Boss Man loses all the time, but he beats Sting clean? Fuck off. That was very boring despite both men putting in decent work.
-Slamboree is previewed before The Renegade is literally called the “Ultimate Surprise.” Bobby says the Tornado Tag match is Falls Count Anywhere in the building before immediately listing the parking lot. Sherri being the mystery person on Harlem Heat’s phone is recapped. SNES music accompanies this. Knobbs cuts an apoplectic promo and Sags is more of the same. A trash can is used to show where the champs will be stuffed. Another video feature showcases the tag champs and it’s pretty cool, I guess. Bad urban music accompanies it. Sherri enters with the tag belts, but no Harlem Heat. The Nasty Boys enter to a muted reaction because this show has depressed the audience. Sherri bails and gestures to the aisle, but the champs come from behind naturally.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: TORNADO TAG MATCH- Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri vs The Nasty Boys
-All four men just brawl and scrum without rhyme or reason to start. The heels are all on offense.
-WORST SPIKE PILEDRIVER EVER. Ray’s butt hits the ground and Knobbs is nowhere close to follow.
-Stevie Ray is an LVP with a pulled big boot and his typically sloppy work. The Nasties start coming back.
-Sherri is thrown in and takes Pity City after a wardrobe malfunction I missed. Sags puts Ray in a trash can and kicks him in the dick.
-All four guys make it up the aisle to the concession stand. Booker takes an UNPROTECTED trash can shot. Cotton candy is used as a weapon and drinks are spilled. It’s a literal mess. Everyone is slipping and sliding on the wet concrete.
-Stevie takes an UNPROTECTED something to the head. Everybody is falling down and covered in mustard. Bobby is just a pile of jokes. There’s not an ounce of grace.
-Knobbs gets sent into the funnel cake booth. Sags almost pulls Sherri’s top down on accident. I can’t even track this or write about it.
-I won’t count a wicker basket as an unprotected shot. The funnel cake booth totally explodes under Knobbs and it falls on Booker.
-The camera isn’t even focused on the final move of the match!
WINNERS: The Nasty Boys in 8:38 when Brian Knobbs pins Booker T after a slam onto the funnel cake wall.
-One last tumble by Sherri and they leave as the replay actually shows the finish.
FINAL WORD: I had such high hopes for this one.
-Vader immediately pushes Tenay out and cuts a promo like a madman AKA true MVP. He talks 23 world titles between himself and Ric Flair in his corner. Looking like Alice Cooper, Flair appears unhinged. Why did he do his nails?!?! Ric shouts his promo while Vader throws chairs in the back. This all makes me feel more comfortable than Ric Flair’s Twitter excuses (reference challenge done). These two are the absolute best together. Thank God for them.
-The SuperBrawl match and a Saturday Night skirmish following a match with the Patriot is shown. Hulk introduces the strap. A pre-taped Hulk promo emphasizes the “Ultimate Surprise” over and over. Back live for Michael Buffer doing his typical bullshit. Vader enters with his “new special advisor.” Hulk walks out and rips his shirt immediately. That’s how you know he means business. Buffer is still calling it “Hulkmania.” What a goof. Tony makes sure to point out that the rules are dragging your opponents and touching all four corners. That’s important to remember. The ref gets pushed down before the bell rings and Vader straps up. Bobby is good talking about Ric’s sad mental state because of Hogan. Hulk gets intimidated and won’t put the strap on. Finally, the most BOOTLEG everything (look, music, gear) leads The Renegade to the ring. The crowd pops because they can’t tell from afar…yet. He chases Flair near the back and the match has started without the combatants connected to the strap. Whatever.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: STRAP MATCH- Vader w/Ric Flair vs Hulk Hogan w/The Renegade
-The ref is nowhere to be found as Hulk chokes with the strap and bites Vader’s head. The Renegade won’t let Flair get involved several times.
-Flair still gets whipped with the strap and then can’t faze Renegade at all with punches and chops. More backing down the aisle. Renegade keeps letting out stupid screams that the Ultimate Warrior wouldn’t even do.
-Tony throws the “Uncensored” line back at Bobby as Renegade helps throw Vader back into the ring.
-Vader hits a body block, then a Vader Bomb and chokes with the strap to take over.
-AS Hulk is whipped, Jimmy Hart runs out with ripped clothes. That’s it? After all the talk about it? COOL! I’ve waited the whole show for that. I’m pretty sure a fan just called Hogan the f word on the floor, by the way.
-Jimmy stops Vader from hitting Hulk with a chair and waits forever for Hulk to hit him with it four times, twice UNPROTECTED.
-Hulk pulls the strap to launch Vader into the post twice. Hulk seems to smile at one point before hitting one more UNPROTECTED shot. Renegade continues to make Flair look like a jackass.
-Vader gets slammed on the floor and the longest game of Tom and Jerry continues. Hulk begins pulling Vader and touching the posts on the floor. Nothing matters anymore. I don’t want to be around anymore.
-Vader hauls off and slugs Renegade. He no sells it once more. Fuck that fucking bullshit.
-Chokeslam, splash and Tony finally points out there’s no ref because “UNCENSORED!!!” I wish I’d knew this would be a thing because I’d honestly tally it.
-Hulk gets right up after a suplex and lashes Vader with the strap. Big boot and leg drop follow. He drags Vader and touches three corners. The masked man comes out and nails Renegade with a wooden chair HARD. My hero. Flair hits Hogan in the back with a chair and begin the double team.
-The Renegade is back up already, so Flair hits him with a wooden chair and a piece goes flying into the crowd. Vader starts touching the posts and gets to three, but Flair stops him because he wants more damage.
-A shitty second rope somersault is missed. It was like my four-year-old daughter’s tumble at gymnastics.
-More wooden chairs are destroyed, the strap gets detached at some point and Hulk is no selling everything. Flair gets whipped, beat up, big booted and whipped again. He gets attached and the buckles are touched. Bobby’s complaints are on deaf ears.
WINNER: Hulk Hogan at 18:23 BY DRAGGING RIC FLAIR AND TOUCHING ALL FOUR CORNERS
FINAL WORD: There is no God.
-Renegade and Jimmy just watch and pace on the floor as Hulk takes both heels on in the ring by himself anyway. Another masked man runs out and sides with the heels. Arn Anderson comes out dressed like the masked man, but makes a goofy MVP face as he’s tied up. The masked man attacks the heels in ring with the chair and reveals himself to be Randy Savage.
-Hulk’s music plays and the faces celebrate amidst no official word of a winner. Posing and high fives as audience members are shown, I guess. Heenan claims Jordan will be on the back page of the paper because of this event. A little kid doing a Hulk pose in the front row is probably taking a shit. The replay shows the asinine finish in slow motion. I have to relive this shit again? Tony points out all four corners were touched and Bobby talks about a legal man in a singles match. The faces all finally leave and pose in the aisle once more. Hart has the title belt and yells in the camera about Hogan being champ forever. The commentators sign off as Heenan says something about heading to a rubber room.
THE LAST IMAGE: A wide shot of the arena focusing on the Uncensored banner
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: The only person who totally saves face throughout this entire debacle is Arn Anderson. It’s fitting that he’s the best part of one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen considering how underrated he is.
FINAL LVP of PPV: It’s even more fitting that Jim Duggan finally earns his second LVP on this show because he gives zero effort beyond saying the same two phrases over and over.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Randy Savage vs Avalanche
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes
FINAL THOUGHTS: Without question, this was the worst PPV I’ve watched up to this point. As a kid, you really get distracted by all of the stipulations and noise. As an adult, this was torture. This was such a waste of time and there was no effort to be coherent or make sense. My notes are barely legible because I’m just so frustrated writing about this fucking disaster. I just made a random shade in anger. I’m going to fucking bed. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: What better way to follow up the worst PPV ever than watching possible the worst WrestleMania ever?!?! It’s WrestleMania XI. Help me.