I was so focused on Shawn Michaels last week that I didn’t give the right attention to the state of the wrestling business and the future of this diary.
I’ve been foretelling the time when the period of time for each “Flairiod” would be less than one full calendar year. Of course, when it happens, it’s during the legendarily bad year of 1995. I’m not going to even pretend to blow smoke up your ass: we have set a course of some really shitty show for the rest of this year.
I’m scared, but I’m also excited because we are slowing down. I’m going to see stories and characters and developments closer to real time. The dawn of the Monday Night Wars is upon us as well and the PPVs are going to tell more of the full story of what’s going on every single time compared to missing large chunks like I have up to this point.
It doesn’t mean some of this isn’t going to really hurt.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 82: WCW SUPERBRAWL V
Written on 9/26/21
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: Hulk Hogan and Vader talking over images of themselves being awesome. This is a legit huge match up to this point in the timeline. Baltimore is lucky and sold out according to Tony Schiavone on this “SuperBrawl Sunday.” Poor Lex Luger. Tony is with Bobby Heenan and Mean Gene. Vader has been on a rampage and Bobby says Hulk is in trouble. Gene is talking to Ric Flair later in the show. Before the event began, a limo pulled up and Vader emerged in workout clothes yelling. Another limo pulls up and he thinks it’s Hogan’s, so he punches the fucking driver in an instant MVP case. He says he can smell Hogan and punches the window out only for Schiavone to come out. Why was he in a limo?!?! Then, Vader runs out during the Main Event TV telecast before the PPV and bothers Eric Bischoff and Dusty Rhodes. He runs to the ring and beats up two jobbers and Stars and Stripes. The Patriot makes sure to get the victory first. It’s absolute destruction including some badass powerbombs. This might be a wire-to-wire MVP reign.
-Gary Michael Cappetta introduces the first match and here comes Paul Roma in a singlet with Mr. Wonderful’s music to no reaction. He’s apparently mad about all of the attention the ladies have been giving DAS WUNDERKIND. Alex Wright enters all smiles and receives very little in the way of pop. He shakes absolutely everyone’s hands, but not Vladimir who I notice in another part of the crowd. I know I said I was going to GIF the dance every time, but he gets jumped before the bell and it feels wrong to do here.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Paul Roma vs Alex Wright
-THERE IS A SIGN THAT SAYS “I LOVE WONDERCUNT.” I think it gets snatched right away, but how did it even get in? And why didn’t they blur it or something? Roma mocks the dance to a big reaction. Oh boy.
-Some decent chain wrestling is highlighted with multiple kip-ups and ropewalking by Wright to escape. A good-looking ring girl distracts the crowd.
-Paul Orndorff walks out to cheer his partner on. How nice of him! Heenan has been providing good analysis with little jokes so far.
-Meng and Harlem Heat cosplayers are sitting in the front row on the hard cam. Roma is controlling the match and keeps getting positive reactions. Besides that, it hasn’t been as egregious of stealing the spotlight as the legend tells.
-A sunset flip attempt is blocked by a punch to the gut. Orndorff notably doesn’t cheat on two occasions and takes a seat instead.
-A long chinlock with some rope cheating grinds the match to a halt. The comeback is cut off and a big top rope elbow drop is followed by an even bigger celebration. Okay, now Roma has gone over the top.
-A bad hip toss botch and a weird bump on a spin kick leading to a one count makes me totally get why Paul is getting canned after this. It’s becoming really messy.
-The Pauls converse and Wright dropkicks his opponent into his friend. Just to put the cherry on top, the kick out occurs right at the count of three.
WINNER: Alex Wright at 13:22 with a roll up
FINAL WORD: A bizarro world opener that cost someone their job. What a start.
-Bobby wants a replay, but he doesn’t get one. Instead, Mean Gene interviews Harlem Heat and Sister Sherri. They are now tag champs and the gold looks great on them. Sherri is talking with some weird inflection in her voice. It’s not as bad as Gene not knowing which member is Booker T. Stevie Ray’s promo is rough and Booker T is obviously the best of the bunch, but still raw. He previews the Harlem Hangover and I think Sherri might be drunk AKA LVP.
-Bunkhouse Buck enters with Col. Parker and Meng. He looks like he should have a hook for a hand while chasing Freddie Prinze, Jr in that outfit. I guess our reference challenge is 90s slasher movie villains. Oh goody, here comes Jim Duggan. Mike Tenay and Chris Cruise are shown with Randy Savage on the hotline. God, what a scam. A brawl starts before the bell. Hacksaw is able to punch with the flag still in his hand.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Bunkhouse Buck w/Col. Robert Parker and Meng vs Jim Duggan
-Close ups of biting and scratching and slugging is ugly in about six different ways.
-Buck’s shirt is ripped and these two just can’t get on the same page. Jim is sent into the post, but is mostly unfazed. He hits a totally weird knee drop in the ring. He’s screaming “USA” and “HOOO” to the max.
-Buck sells his asshole on an atomic drop. Kill me.
-A rope to the throat turns the tide. Duggan reaches for the female ring attendant in a brawl on the floor. He’s smarter than he looks. They get close up on her and Brain launches into some chauvinistic jokes.
-I’ve seen soccer games with toddlers more coordinated that this. Duggan tells the ref to get off his ass.
-Why does Hacksaw keep slapping on rest holds? All of the action is backwards. He punches Bunkhouse and blows him while he falls. I phrased that wrong.
-Bobby claims Duggan is in great shape. That almost distracts me from Parker getting knocked off the apron and this match mercifully coming to the end.
WINNER: Jim Duggan in 11:58 with the three-point stance clothesline
-Meng runs in and absolutely nails Duggan with a superkick. That’s the best moment of the show so far. He applies a nerve hold and won’t let go. He’s finally pulled off and the replay shows he got ALL of that kick.
FINAL WORD: I yawned throughout most of that match and cringed for the rest of the time.
-Heenan repeats himself about Parker being on the apron before sending to back to Gene with the Nasty Boys all amped up. Sags continues to impress me in all facets while Knobbs continues to blow gaskets while cutting promos. They are so good.
-NOOOOO, not another special “brother vs brother” grudge match. Kevin Sullivan enters, weird as ever, with a new theme complete with an ambulance sound. He’s accompanied by The Butcher in ungodly looking pink tights. Where the fuck is the “Konk Republic?” He may no longer want to be a Hulkamaniac according to the song, but Dave Sullivan still has a red robe and looks like Hulk. He lost the magic boots and got his hair cut. Another match starts with a jumping at the bell.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: Kevin Sullivan w/The Butcher vs Dave Sullivan
-How am I so lucky? A sloppy elbow to the floor and a cartoony, shimmy sell by Butcher in the first 30 seconds. Bobby talks about “Evad” on the green trunks.
-Another bad collision before a trip by Butcher.
-A meaningless beating to the “face” with some LOUD chops if anything. Kevin loudly calls spots and Butcher throws Dave into the steel steps. He proceeds to talk trash into the wrong camera.
-There have been so many head into the buckle spots tonight. Dave throws some dogshit punches.
-Butcher on the apron and Dave is thrown right into his face that notably has screws and pins in it. They must hurt.
WINNER: Kevin Sullivan in 7:18 with a roll up
-Butcher sells huge on the floor and the commentators talk about Kevin not really caring. He eventually helps him halfway back, but then leaves him in the aisle.
FINAL WORD: Speaking of not really caring…
-The replay shows that Kevin thankfully hid Evad’s ass from the camera on the roll up. Heenan has his back to the camera while the Spanish announce team featuring Pedro Morales are shown. Tony calls them some “extra spice” for the show. Yikes.
-Gene interviews Avalanche (finally with his name on his singlet) and Big Bubba Rogers (finally reverting to his old NWA gimmick). It’s a typical Earthquake promo, but Bubba’s portion is surprisingly good. Hell yeah, it took him long enough to get into the groove.
-The Nasty Boys enter with pyro and get a good reaction. Sags is on my MVP radar as he looks more serious and focused than usual. Harlem Heat enter to less pyro even though they hold the belts. It’s crazy how important they’ve become out of nowhere. Sherri talks into the camera weirdly.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: WCW TAG TITLE MATCH- The Nasty Boys vs Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri (Champs)
-It takes forever to get this started, but Knobbs and Booker T finally lock up. A big slap by Knobbs and Booker misses a kick, crotching himself on the top rope. The crowd loves them some Nasties and so do I.
-Did they decide to work Booker’s crotch tonight?
-Sags and Stevie lay their shit in. The heel’s leg is eventually worked. Is that actual strategy in a Nasty Boys match?
-Sherri fucks up the direction of a double team on Sags, so he goes into the rail almost unprotected. She’s definitely the LVP at this point. They don’t even really need her.
-2 STIFF kicks to Sags’ face and the champs are in firm control now. Book does the Spinaroonie and I thought the crowd popped for it, but it was for Sags pursuing Sherri on the floor and a Stevie Ray cutoff.
-Tony talks about Arn Anderson successfully defending the TV Title on the Main Event earlier. That man never wins on PPV.
-Book’s athleticism really stands out and gets the crowd’s attention, most notably on a scissors kick.
-After a powerslam, Knobbs gets the hot tag. It’s a simple, but impactful one. A double DDT blows the roof off. NASTY BOYS FOR HALL OF FAME 2022 PLEASE!!!
-All four men brawl and Sherri comes off the top rope and accidentally hits Stevie Ray with her shoe. Knobbs rolls him up and gets the three. The bell rings and there’s a HUGE ovation. New champs are announced, but another ref comes down to tell the ref that Sags threw Booker T over the top rope prior to the finish. The titles are taken away, so…
WINNERS: Harlem Heat in 17:08 by DQ to retain the titles
-The replay shows the throw and Sherri’s shoe shot. There was no need to also replay the referees having a conversation.
FINAL WORD: Beyond the absolutely lazy and bad Dusty finish, that was far and away the best thing on the show thus far.
-Gene talks about Baltimore in golf club terms before welcoming in Sting and Randy Savage, who immediately says he’s not talking and paces around. Sting has a mark on his chest from Macho Man and he is still not talking, but throwing chairs. Cocaine is an amazing drug. He’s said that he’s not talking so many times and there’s a prevalent mirror behind them. It’s a good thing he wasn’t saying “Candyman.” One more reference to go.
-The commentators preview Uncensored with no rules next month. Is it sponsored by Outback? Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes is next and it’s been going on since November. Bully was put in jail and bailed out by Col. Parker. That is shown as is Bully getting a new semi and his previous battles. The Stud Stable music hits once more and the Bully enters with an obnoxious airhorn and huge walkie talkie. I’ve always hated this gimmick. Nick Bockwinkel meets the group at ringside and forces Meng to leave. Meng speaks in a foreign language and pushes the camera away. GMC explains the situation to the crowd while the commissioner escorts the bodyguard to the back. Dustin Rhodes enters and he’s stupidly lost so much momentum. Thanks, Terry.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: The Blacktop Bully w/Col. Robert Parker vs Dustin Rhodes
-Another attempted jumping at the bell before some sloppy scrapping. Dustin still kicks his ass with his jacket on.
-A chop block and jacket choke by the heel. He’s not on top long and gets kicked in the corner to the floor. He still finds time to yell back at his opponent in the ring.
-Bully’s finish is a submission called the Breaker 1-9. Okay, I dig that. A “KFC” chant is directed at Parker amid a botched leapfrog because potential LVP Bully couldn’t duck.
-Dustin is trying his best with a good back elbow from the second rope and constantly outsmarting the trucker.
-Why does the ref kick the arm off the rope on a sunset flip block attempt? Shouldn’t that be a break?
-A Bully clothesline turns Rhodes inside out and he takes over on offense. It quiets the crowd down as Bobby calls the breadbasket the “chili dog” and advocates hitting Dustin with a brick.
-Bully sucks something fierce. He sells Dustin’s comeback very poorly and gets his shirt removed unfortunately. He barely hits the ropes. The bulldog is hit, but Parker puts his leg on the bottom rope.
-The colonel is grabbed and suplexed into the ring. Dustin tries the same on Bully, but the leg is held. How sarcastically can I write the word “great?” GREAT.
WINNER: Blacktop Bully in 16:10 with a suplex counter and Col. Parker holding the legs
-The replay shows a handful of cock on the pin.
FINAL WORD: Nothing says WCW 1995 problems like an up and coming great losing to a perennial tag wrestler who is normally in the lower card.
-Increased security and Vader’s unhinged nature is discussed as a prelude to Mean Gene interviewing the man himself. He roars and throws something to start. Incredible. “WHAT TIME IS IT?!?!” He talks to his kid in a coded message. No more Harley Race because of a car accident last month, but he’s not needed here. The mic isn’t needed either for this awesome promo. He is definitely the GOAT big man. MVP MVP MVP. Bobby claims Hulk is scared as the crowd chants “We Want Flair.”
-Mean Gene is now in the entranceway and makes a bad proctologist joke before Ric Flair enters to a big pop. This is my first time seeing him since the Plane Ride from Hell episode of Dark Side of the Ring, so forgive any positive thoughts I have about him in advance. He ignores a question about Vader and talks partying and Dusty Rhodes before doing a Macho Man impression. Hulk’s name gets boos. He will sit at ringside “with five women” and says he’ll be at the Marriott after the show.
-Bootleg Earthquake music (it’s almost an exact copy) leads the big heels to the ring measuring 837 pounds. That somehow seems small. Sting’s theme leads the sad afterthought to the ring to much fanfare. Pomp and Circumstance is still around for the colorfully attired Macho Man in his WCW in-ring PPV debut. He gets about the same reaction as Sting. He slaps a LOT of hands.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: Avalanche and Big Bubba Rogers vs Sting and Randy Savage
-Flair looks on as does the Great Muta without facepaint. He’s sitting next to Sonny Onoo. Sting and Tenta start. Heenan calls Bubba “a big dumb hick” but says he’s alright now.
-Sting is double teamed early, but Macho crotches Bubba and he gets superplexed by Sting. The former Boss does the Terry Funk rope bounce. That’s good heel shit. He’s building a little MVP case by bumping around for both faces.
-Savage dominates Bubba, taunts Flair and slaps the shit outta Avalanche. That’s a quick MVP case built, too! He does one more slap and tries a bodyslam only to get squashed under the weight.
-Sting tries the Scorpion as Randy and Bubba brawl. Double Stinger Splashes, but Avalanche catches him in mid-air for a slam on another attempt. Good stuff so far. Flair talks trash and Savage gets in his face. He pulls a fan in front of him. That’s a lawsuit now.
-Sting slams Avalanche, but lands in the heel corner and eats a Rogers punch. He lands in Quake’s crotch.
-Macho tags in and goes after both heels. All four men battle and Bubba gets slammed by Randy. The elbow drop is hit, but the ref won’t count because Bubba isn’t the leg man. That doesn’t stop him from noticing that Sting wasn’t.
WINNERS: Sting and Randy Savage in 10:19 when Sting pins Avalanche with a top rope cross body
FINAL WORD: That was more lopsided than you’d imagine, but it was very crowd pleasing.
-Bobby talks with his hands like an Italian man and Tony mocks him. The hotline with Harlem Heat is pimped and Brain hard sells Hogan being terrified even more. Schiavone recaps Vader’s claim to fight for the world title since September. Tony’s head is in his hands over more Heenan annoyance. A video package complete with scary music features Vader destroying people. You like scary music? No voice changer is needed and the Vader mask is cooler than Ghostface (and the reference challenge is done). Vader powerbombed Hogan at the Clash and even hard sells the match on his exist. Legend.
-Mean Gene interview Hulk Hogan, making noises, and Jimmy Hart. It’s a pretty tame promo in terms of content and everyone is scared for the champ. His hand is where the power lies and he points Flair out ringside. Jimmy is tasked to watch out for him. This is actually a good Hulk promo in terms of making a match feel big and important.
-Vader’s theme hits and the crowd is ready. He enters wearing a BALLER ASS WHITE CAPE. He yells in the face of a kid wearing a Vader mask. American Made follows and Hogan emerges to straight noise. It’s almost totally positive. Michael Buffer is wearing old man glasses and makes his formal introductions. They face off and “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!” Big fight feel here.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: WCW TITLE MATCH- Vader vs Hulk Hogan w/Jimmy Hart (Champ)
-Big, dueling chants at the bell. They lock up and clean break in the corner. A few punches and Vader no sells it and takes his mask off. Some big slaps seem to make Vader legit mad, but he’s still unfazed. The look on his face is priceless.
-“HOGAN SUCKS” chant and he’s trying to wrestle! Vader gets out of a short arm scissors quick and hammers the Hulkster in the corner and hits a big clothesline.
-A brawl on the floor leads to Vader being whipped over the rail into Flair’s seats. Chops in the chest back in the ring and Vader is clotheslined back over the top rope.
-Hulk can’t slam him and starts taking the heat. He doesn’t take the body block like a man. Hogan says “he’s too strong” while selling. That’s a nice little detail.
-Vader Bomb for two and the Vadersault is missed because of course it is.
-On the floor, Hulk hits Vader with a protected chair shot to the face, eliciting NO DQ because the rules don’t apply to him. Another shot lands UNPROTECTED.
-What a fucking chokeslam on a rebound by Vader! He’s the MVP for drilling Hogan at least once in this match.
-The Hulk Up happens after a Vader suplex. Punches, big boot and the legdrop and Vader kicks out AT FUCKING ONE. BALLER. The ref ends up bumped and Vader hits the powerbomb. He covers Hulk and Flair comes in, livid as hell. He puts the boots to Hulk and drags the ref into position.
-Hulk kicks out at two on a splash and Flair attacks Hogan. That finally makes the bell ring.
WINNER: Hulk Hogan in 15:10 by DQ to retain the title
-Hulk chokes Flair until Vader grabs him for a double team. The Figure Four is locked on and Sting and Randy Savage run out to make the save. The heels high five and leave. Vader walks out talking trash as Hogan’s music plays and Buffer announces the winner.
FINAL WORD: Honestly? That was pretty greast. The crowd was hot and both guys put their working shoes on and left shit in the tank for the future.
-Pyro goes off and Hulk taunts. Tony claims we are all out of time. Ah yes, the Nitro era is fast approaching.
THE LAST IMAGE: Hulk Hogan, Sting and Jimmy Hart
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: This was probably the crescendo of Vader and he made it count. He is such a freaking unicorn as the big bad that feels really dangerous and cool.
FINAL LVP of PPV: Joining Ray Traylor and Ed Leslie as multi-time LVPs with several gimmicks is Barry Darsow as Blacktop Bully. Congrats?
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Hulk Hogan vs Vader
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Jim Duggan vs Bunkhouse Buck
FINAL THOUGHTS: This is a rare case of the matches dragging the show down to the bottom of the barrel. The promos and stories were there, but there were too many sloppy and bad matches. This would still be passable at best if the matches were better. The mood was right, but the execution was right. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: That no rules Uncensored show is going to keep those “FINAL THOUGHTS” very much in the conversation.