The wrestling business is notorious for retirements and farewells being looked at with a grain of salt. Even poor Shawn Michaels had his dream send-off ruined for the love of the almighty dollar and the need of evil people. I honestly don’t know if that was always the case, but I sure didn’t know it when I was a child. That’s why today’s PPV is notable beyond the fact that it’s another WrestleMania.
This show is supposed to be Hulk Hogan’s farewell.
Since the start of this project, we’ve had Terry Bollea and this won’t be the last time. However, there is a small sense of sadness in me because it’s really the end of an era. He will never be the same. Early on, I could see the superhero. I could see the excitement. I got it. I remembered why I loved him.
From here on in (and already recently), I’ll have to deal with the knowledge of politics, shitty personal choices and a general lack of caring about anything except his agenda and pockets. It’s sometimes hard to watch a show when you already have a bad taste in your mouth. Hopefully, this show will cleanse my palette because it feels pretty red and yellow right now, brother.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 49- WWF WRESTLEMANIA VIII
Written on 1/5/21
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: The WWF graphic accompanied by the old WrestleMania theme and a city scape that’s very 90s. Cheap looking graphics (considering this is the biggest show of the year) preview the double main event like a sitcom. It’s mentioned that this could be Hulk Hogan’s final match. We go live in the Hoosier Dome and it looks great and loud. Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan welcome us and I can’t look away from Bobby’s bolo tie. Bobby can’t look away from the ceiling because he’s trying to find Liz’s centerfold and he’s already been warned not to start.
-The Fink introduces Reba McIntire to sing the National Anthem. It’s hard to watch her and not wait for her to say “I’m REBA” or just be Kenan Thompson. It’s early, but I’m claiming little known SNL Digital Shorts as my reference challenge. To be honest, I’d rather Kenan sing here because he might be better. It’s an LVP level performance. Also, no America the Beautiful? Vince must have been high as fuck here thinking about what he’s going to do with Hogan. Heenan calls her Tito’s sister: Arriba McIntire, then WOOOs. He’s the MVP already.
-Right on cue, El Matador enters to a decent pop. He bows to Reba on her way out. Gorilla is so pissed at Bobby already. Then, for the first time, Sexy Boy! It’s the Sherri version, but I’ll take it. Shawn Michaels walks to the ring and his vest has a stale reference about being too sexy for the crowd. The announcers say there’s a traffic jam and time change causing thousands to still be trying to get in. In other words, some empty seats were caught on camera and they need to explain it.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: El Matador vs Shawn Michaels w/Sensational Sherri
-The first 45 seconds is HBK taking his shit off and Sherri kissing him. Gorilla claims her makeup was done by Helen Keller.
-The pace is fast as expected to start as they hit the ropes a lot. Tito hits Shawn with a big clothesline over the top. Bobby and Gorilla argue over Matador knowing English.
-Michaels barely leaps over Tito in the corner and they redo the spot. Meanwhile, the referee has a really bad bowl cut and an even more annoying voice.
-Heenan is a true highlight by claiming he’s won with a side headlock pin before and once making his opponent submit during instructions.
-Tito is thrown over the top rope to turn the tide.
-Chin locks keep showing empty seats in the nosebleeds.
-It’s so weird seeing Sweet Chin Music as a move used to simply cut off a comeback. Monsoon calls it a crescent kick. It still gets a big reaction.
-Tito hits the flying forearm, but HBK flies out of the ring. They brawl on the floor and Santana hits a slingshot shoulder block a la Jim Neidhart.
-HBK rolls out again after Tito’s new finish. He’s picked back up from the apron, but he can’t be held for too long and falls on top of a weird ass finish.
WINNER: Shawn Michaels in 10:38 with a lateral press
-Bobby is good covering the crappy end by claiming Matador hit his head on the mat and ants a replay, but Gorilla says no as he’s irrationally angry over this outcome.
FINAL WORD: A decent opener that is only a minor prelude of what’s to come from Shawn Michaels at Mania.
-Mean Gene is on the arena floor and introduces the Legion of Doom alongside Paul Ellering. They get a great pop, but Hawk fucked them out of a booking on this show. Bobby is excellent again by saying “Oh no…” as he notices Paul. Ellering introduces himself as the “bad apple” and talks with big and ominous words. He’s…just not needed with their WWF schtick. It’s an LVP level promo. Animal shouts his usual stuff and it’s better than his manager. He undersells the crowd by claiming 25K are there, then overshoots it by saying 75K. Hawk calls them a runaway train and look who is driving it now. It’s so odd they get all of this time when they are technically being punished. This is a long promo. Ellering talks again and everyone, even Gene, seems bored. Even Animal and Hawk talk again! What a Rush and let’s move on.
-Earlier today, Sean Mooney interviews Jake Roberts seemingly high as he plays with his hair. He starts talking and he’s fine. Nope, now he’s rubbing himself. Jake gonna Jake. A recap of the Funeral Parlor plays as Undertaker’s hand gets stuck in a coffin while Paul Bearer is DDT’ed. I love that we are in face mode Taker already. He takes two chair shots to the back as Jake gives us one last “Trust Me” and evil snare.
-Trust Me theme and Jake enters without a snake again. He looks mad. This is another farewell performance for all intents and purposes. A bell and tremendous ovation for the Undertaker and Paul Bearer. He was so good, they had to turn him. Nobody yells “THE UNDERTAKER” better than Howard Finkel. Some random shots of women and kids looking on because that’s all Kevin Dunn knows and we are off.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Jake Roberts vs The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer
-No sold punches to start. Jake hits Taker over the top, but he lands on his feet and pulls the Snake to the floor. He throws him into the post and this has a good, deliberate pace early.
-Jake’s tights are something: they are all white with a naked, airbrushed lady covered by a snake.
-The commentators argue over their status as broadcast journalists and speculating over what’s in the urn.
-Nice, leaping clothesline by Taker that pops the crowd. Jake bounces back with a DDT to another loud reaction. He celebrates, but Taker sits up.
-Short-arm clothesline and another immediate sit up. A second DDT and Bearer is upset, calling his charge to get up. Jake grabs him and punches him as the Dead Man pops up again.
-Tombstone on the floor! There was enough room for his head that even Hulk Hogan couldn’t claim it hurt him. Undertaker is now batting .400 at killing his opponents.
-Jake is rolled in and that’s all she wrote.
WINNER: The Undertaker in 6:42 with a Tombstone on the floor
-Bobby is great again as he puts over Taker’s dominance. In the background, I catch my man, VLADIMIR, with a Macho King tank top on.
FINAL WORD: Short, but sweet. Baby Taker is off to a good start.
-Mean Gene is backstage with Roddy Piper and Bret Hart. Piper puts over the Hart family, then claims Bret wasn’t’ potty trained until seven. He’s so obnoxious and loud. Bret is cool and collected listening to this, all business. Hands are not kept to themselves and things escalate into some good tension and words at the end. Piper is so loud over Gene as he wraps it all up. All things considered; it was a good face vs face promo.
-Bret Hart enters as a weird rewinding tape noise plays at one point. Bagpipes lead Piper out and he’s all serious here. Both men get equal reactions. Hart gives his glass to a cute little girl. I’m such a softie now. Why does the bell keep ringing before they are ready? The ref has the title in his hand and it hasn’t been shown to Bret yet and the bell rang 30 seconds ago. They go nose to nose as the bowl cut ref gives instructions. Bobby is on fire, making fun of the Golden Gloves and saying it’s “two ugly people looking at each other” during the face-off.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: IC TITLE MATCH- Bret Hart vs Roddy Piper (Champ)
-Wrestling holds to start as the commentators analyze the strategy of each man.
-Bret pushes, Piper spits and the crowd is amped.
-It’s so odd and refreshing to see Piper actually wrestling. Like, he’s doing British counters and shit. Meanwhile, the commentators agree on something and they both say “uh-oh, get out of here” at the same time.
-Bret hits a dropkick, but immediately sells his shoulder. Piper gives him a second to recover, but Hitman is playing possum and gets a small package for two. He gets a BIG slap afterwards. Good tactics.
-A cross body sends both (eventually) over the top to the floor. Piper holds the ropes for Bret, then sucker punches him in the ring. The crowd is with this one every step of the way.
-Bret came up bleeding after that punch. He doesn’t lie: it looked like it was hardway even though he bladed. Piper continues the assault with a bulldog and kneelift for several two counts. Bret is really bleeding.
-Double clothesline and the audience is split 50/50. Piper is up top and Bret lures him again and yanks him off the top by the head. He launches into his series of moves. The crimson on his pink tights looks cool.
-Piper gets his boot up on a second rope elbow attempt as Bobby really puts the match over as great.
-Roddy throws Bret into the ref on a headlock and they brawl on the floor. Hart goes into the steps and Roddy gets the ring bell as the crowd shrieks and begs him not to attack. Nowadays, they’d be cheering him. It was a simpler time.
-He ultimately has second thoughts when looking at the crowd and throws it away to cheers.
-Heenan calls Roddy a wimp as he locks on the sleeper. Bret kicks up in the corner for the first time I’ve seen and finally makes Piper lose clean.
WINNER: Bret Hart in 13:51 to win the title with a bridging cover on a sleeper reversal
-Piper grabs the titles from the ref and drapes it on Bret’s shoulder. He helps him up and finally puts around his waist. Good sportsmanship.
FINAL WORD: An excellent face vs face affair that was Roddy Piper’s best match in ten years.
-Bobby has a surprise: new WBF star LEX LUGER in his home! This happens that quickly! He uses way too many words to compliment Brain, then calls Gorilla fat. His Atlanta abode looks like a cheap hotel room. It’s another bad promo. I mean, it’s a bodybuilder promo by Lex Luger! What a debut, huh? Vince even fucked WCW guys up back then. Lex is most his own doing, though. An actual quote from him: “what’s lurking beneath your top?” He takes his shirt off to unveil a tank top and his roided body. He snaps his fingers and chugs a smoothie. That was an LVP segment.
-Eight-man tag preview time with The Mountie and the Nasty Boys laughing. Repo Man sneaks in and squeaks his words out. The babyface team cut a promo backstage and Virgil has such a STUPID noseguard on. Sgt. Slaughter blabbers, Big Boss Man yells, Virgil mumbles and Hacksaw looks serious and straight-eyed for once.
-Fink introduces our special guest ring announcer: Ray Combs from Family Feud. All 8 men are already in the ring as Combs does a long survey schtick. It does get good as he makes fun of the heels. Mountie is called a dumb stooge, Repo Man is called an ugly girl and the Nasty Boys are called lucky and stupid. Knobbs goes after him and he bails, but he still eats shit falling from his belly on the apron to the floor.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: The Nasty Boys, Repo Man and The Mountie w/Jimmy Hart vs Big Boss Man, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Sgt. Slaughter and Virgil
-A quadruple clothesline by the faces to start! “USA” chant begins as Bobby sells the WBF vs WWF episode of Family Feud coming soon.
-Heenan announces that Shawn Michaels has left the building and Gorilla says “who cares?!?!?” Sags vs Duggan starts the match officially with HOOOs, then a sneak attack. Duggan is throwing some big clotheslines.
-Sarge’s fall from grace continues here, but he hits a good gutbuster and double stomp. Knobbs is getting the shit kicked out of him.
-Repo and Boss have a good back and forth with Boss Man rolls over to counter Repo with a punch to the dick.
-Virgil’s nose was broken by Sid. Repo botches by not kicking out of a cross body when the pin break up comes late. The ref just ignores it.
-This has broken down into a sloppy mess two or three times already. It was good initially. Mountie yells at the crowd and gets caught by Boss with a spinebuster. All eight guys come in to make an even bigger mess.
-Why does HE get the pin and why does HIS theme play?!?!
WINNERS: The babyface team in 6:31 when Virgil pins Brian Knobbs after Sags accidentally hits Knobbs with the noseguard.
FINAL WORD: Get the guys on the show, I guess? Only one or two really deserve it.
-Sean Mooney interviews Mr. Perfect, Ric Flair and a poster of Liz (facing away from the camera). Ric Flair cutting a Mania promo? Chef kiss. He’s so damn good.
-Mean Gene is outside Macho Man’s dressing room as he’s not giving interviews. Gene breaks down the nerves of the match and the centerfold possibly being shown. There’s a unfortunate tint of potential slut shaming here.
-The Fink introduces the WWF Title Match. The crowd seems surprised this is now. Ric Flair enters claiming “this is the big show, baby” and a future conquest is shown smiling in the crowd. Bobby is so over-the-top annoying here. It’s a battle of classical themes as Pomp and Circumstance brings out the Macho Man running to the ring in all gold. Flair bails and the crowd is loud. Savage keeps chasing the champ all the way to the aisle. The bell rings as they brawl on the floor. Mr. Perfect grabs Savage and drags him back to ringside, violently throwing him down. No DQ here?!?!
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: WWF TITLE MATCH- Randy Savage vs Ric Flair w/Mr. Perfect (Champ)
-Flair is bumping like crazy early on clotheslines, knees and elbows.
-AMAZING backdrop over the top and I’m really glad I didn’t see the bump Savage took there.
-Flair hits a series of suplexes for two counts as Heenan is disgusting wanting to see Liz’s pictures.
-Apron attacks to Savage’s back as Heenan asks Gorilla to spit his banana out before WOOOing. A delayed vertical for two and I’ve never seen Flair so dominant for an extended period of time.
-A Love Connection reference dates this. Randy starts a comeback with some punches and a neckbreaker. The Brain wants water again.
-Flair on the top rope and he is CAUGHT off the top with the biggest slam he’s ever taken from there. Good lord, he gets air. More bumps as Savage goes to town. Flair is hitting MVP territory again.
-Flair’s bump in the corner, runs to the other buckle and get CAUGHT, but it’s in mid-air. Per the past rules, that counts as a success. All time: 11 for 25. He takes a clothesline over the top, then eats a double axe on the floor. The crowd is apoplectic. Flair flop and we are only 10 minutes in.
-Flair goes into the post and he’s bleeding. I missed the blade there, but he gets fined because of it. He takes a suplex on the floor to boot.
-Good near fall on a top rope axe handle. The crowd really wanted it.
-Flying elbow nailed, but Perfect comes in to drag Savage off behind the ref’s back. A chase ensues, the ref gets bumped and a foreign object is passed to the Nature Boy. He gets a shot in, passes it back, but still only gets a two count.
-Perfect hits Savage with the edge of a chair behind the ref’s back which has been turned more than Big Show.
-Liz runs out despite Shane McMahon and other officials trying to stop her. Why? She’s allowed!
-Flair focuses on the leg and locks in the Figure Four as more agents yell at Liz. She’s apparently not allowed? Savage kicks out of a pin while Perfect was helping with leverage. Bobby is shouting while Gorilla correctly calls this crazy. It’s the right amount of crazy.
-Savage reverses the Figure Four into a good small package near fall (basically the Steamboat Mania spot). Flair starts taunting Miss Elizabeth. “THIS IS FOR YOU, BABY!”
-Savage catches Ric’s foot and swings him into a roll up. Gotta love a babyface hooking the tights.
WINNER: Randy Savage in 18:01 to win the title with a roll up holding the tights
-The crowd goes bananas as the heels complain. Flair yells at Liz and forces a kiss on her. She goes crazy and slaps away. Macho is even angrier and attacks. It’s a big scrum with agents getting in the way and go flying. Perfect is kicking and blood is all over suits. What a scene.
FINAL WORD: This had a textbook big match feel while keeping the heat and story going. Just pros being pros.
-Savage is finally announced as the new champ on one leg. The same crying lady from last year is shown with a Liz sign in the front row. Is she the female Vladimir? Our favorite couple celebrate with a big explosion of pyro in the ring followed by some shitty pyro above the ring.
-Sean Mooney is waiting for Flair and Perfect. Bobby joins them and he’s cracking. Flair is calm at first, then gets locked in. He calls Liz a jezebel and claims to still be the real world champion. “One time means nothing!” Perfect makes some crazy claims as the replay shows the tights pull. Flair wraps it up by threatening to kiss her moist, wet lips every time.
-Mean Gene interviews the new champ and his wife. He doesn’t care about questionable win and he still wants all of the Nature Boy. It’s an awesome promo, even better than Flair’s. Gene asks Liz about the allegations and Randy doesn’t let her answer while giving her the title. He keeps shouting like a madman after he leaves the scene. He’s in the MVP hunt now, too.
-The WrestleMania press conference clip is played. This made me legit cry as a kid. Sid stands as Hulk Hogan is announced as the title contender. Sid rips his paper while wearing his windbreaker. Hulk acts heelish to me, then Sid cuts a promo rightfully complaining. Then, the recap of their tag match during The Main Event plays as Justice leaves Hulk against Taker and Flair. Brutus Beefcake’s dumbass is ringside. Brutus and Hulk definitely think it’s not gay if it’s in a three-way (and we have one more SNL Digital Short to go).
-Now it’s Wrestling Challenge and Sid destroys the Barber Shop window that was just fixed. What a true jobber, that window. The whole set is destroyed and some shaving cream explodes in Sid’s face for a hilarious visual.
-Highlights of Sid killing jobbers as his theme plays. One crazy guy took a 360 on a clothesline AND Oz’s crucifix throw. Virgil also gets beat up and another guy is thrown over the top rope onto a gurney. Man, I hope these guys got a bonus. This whole package is awesome at putting Sid over.
-Native Americans dance and sing in the ring for Tatanka. Mooney interviews Rick Martel backstage and he has “reservations” about being beaten. That’s followed by more bad scalping and Indian jokes.
-The Model theme leads Martel to the ring in complete silence. Ouch. The crowd is thoroughly exhausted. Heenan returns to the table as Gorilla needles him and even WOOs as Tatanka’s theme hits. He runs out and gets a small reaction as he’s brand new and Indiana is probably racist. The tribe loudly leaves.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: Rick Martel vs Tatanka
-Bobby talks about Flair’s game plan going forward as Tatanka has the early advantage.
-Bobby says he’s not going to be upset increasingly more upset each time, then says he will do his job. He’s right back into the MVP lead with a ten lumpy Indians joke.
-A Cleveland Indians joke as Martel takes over and the crowd grows restless. Heenan launches into his classic, but offensive, “hey, how are you” joke.
-Loud chops by Tatanka on his comeback. It’s so odd seeing him in good shape. I’m used to seeing him bloated.
-Martel comes back over, then the pin comes out of nowhere. The crowd barely notices.
WINNER: Tatanka in 4:33 with a running cross body.
-Buffalo dances around the ringside in celebration after the bell.
FINAL WORD: That was filler that almost killed me.
-Sean Mooney is with Money Inc and Jimmy Hart. Ted DiBiase’s back must be killing him carrying IRS even in promos. Mean Gene is with the Natural Disasters who are babyfaces because Hart passed over them for the new champs. Typhoon is really mad and he outshines Earthquake for once. They are very jacked. Audibly, not physically.
-The champs enter first and they only do that with the heels. A guy with a mullet shows off some $1 bills in the crowd and Heenan rightfully calls him out on it. The Disasters enter to a decent pop and Quake looks ready to kill.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: TAG TITLE MATCH- The Natural Disasters vs Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart (Champs)
-LOL moment: Gorilla points out a sign about the Disasters ruling and Bobby makes fun of the woman holding it by saying she should spend time doing the dishes instead of making signs. Then, he calls her a bimbo under his breath. He’s the MVP.
-Quake vs Ted equals a lot of lock ups and push offs.
-Quake is a house of fire with clotheslines to both heels. Typhoon comes in to help and the heels bail.
-Jimmy Hart’s Money Inc. jacket is gorgeous.
-Quake is so crisp in what he does as a big man. He’s miles ahead of Typhoon, who I can already tell will fall through a wall.
-Typhoon is an LVP threat with some awkwardness on a Ted counter, then lumbering over the top rope and barely getting over. THEN, he barely sells as the face in peril. FINALLY, he takes a shitty bump on a double clothesline. That was 60 straight seconds of suck.
-The ref misses the hot tag, then a lumbering double clothesline double down.
-Lukewarm tag to Quake who dishes a unique jumping kick in the corner. All four guys come in and the heels are whipped into each other.
-IRS takes the Typhoon splash, then Hart pulls him out before the Earthquake splash. The heels grab the titles and retreat.
-How many times can the Disasters win, but not win the titles? Also, isn’t this like the fourth straight WrestleMania that a DiBiase match has not had a definitive finish?
WINNERS: The Natural Disasters in 8:38 by countout
FINAL WORD: That left a lot to be desired. The crowd’s wind is blown like a natural disaster.
-Mean Gene curls his lip to call Brutus Beefcake an all-time great that’s out due to his stupid fucking boating injury. Here’s another crappy promo on this show. He’s there to support Hulk in his possible last match. That’s a lot of nothing.
-Owen Hart is announced and he backflips into the ring and right into Skinner spitting chaw in his face. What the fuck? This is the most random thing ever. Did someone go short?
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: Skinner vs Owen Hart
-Skinner hits a shoulderbreaker, then his reverse DDT finish. Owen kicks out at two. For a second, I thought they were strapping the rocket to Skinner.
-Nope, looks like a rocket strapped to the Rocket because this is a random ass squash.
WINNER: Owen Hart in 1:09 with a roll-up
FINAL WORD: Like…for real. I’m never going to be mad at an Owen Hart match. But a 70 second one? Why does Mania have to include these? It’s a nominee for not only most worthless match in WrestleMania history, but wrestling history. That’s three clunkers in a row as this show continues to lose momentum. And I’ve succeeded in making this final word longer than the match itself.
-Mean Gene interviews Sid Justice and Harvey Wippleman. Sid interrupts and calls him a “fat, bald-headed oaf” and claims the match won’t be a barn burner. He doesn’t lie. “You are but the learner!” ENGLISH BY SID! He claims it will be his last match before cutting to Vince McMahon’s sit down with Hogan from the previous week. It’s so subdued and includes talk of Hulk’s personal life. The close up of Vince looks like he’s about to puke, cry and yell all at once. Hulk claims he won’t know if he’s done until he leaves the ring. Vince thanks him and shakes his hand in a seemingly real moment.
-Back to Sid yelling and telling Gene to shut up. His insanity and intensity is pretty good, to be honest. Now he’s gotta wrestle.
-Gorilla talks and Bobby listens before one last quip as Fink disgustingly introduces Harvey Wippleman (who is a doctor??!?!) in the main event of WrestleMania. He announces Sid Justice and Gorilla calls him “straight jacket” material. I thought he said “straight jacking” material like he’s gonna jerk it to Sid. His theme is a banger. Real American plays and the crowd wakes up, but not like I’d expect. He comes out grinning and saluting and faking emotions. Another shot of Vladimir as Hulk points at Sid and gets jumped at the bell. The ref does nothing as Real American keeps playing and Hulk drops down and knocks Sid to the floor. Why is the music still playing?!?! They’ve basically started already!!! Oh, he has to rip his shirt and taunt BEFORE his last match. The music stops and the bell rings again as Sid is halfway up the aisle. Oy vey.
MATCH NUMBER NINE: Sid Justice w/Harvey Wippleman vs Hulk Hogan
-Bobby clinches MVP by saying Hulk is cheered for like God, but he’s just a human being…”an annoying human being.”
-Sid pulls at Hulks’ face to start and Hulk crudely spits near the camera.
-The crowd is loud for hardly anything. Another drop down, punch and bail halfway up the aisle by the heel. WORK RATE!
-Of course, there’s a long tease leading up to a shitty test of strength spot. We Like Sports is more athletic than this so far (and our challenge is done).
-We are approaching two minutes of this test of strength. Hogan has powered up several times, but finally counters and gets backed into the corner.
-Sid hits a chokeslam and the camera purposely doesn’t show what little air Hogan gets. Justice talks right into the camera with some shitty “do unto others” line IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MATCH.
-A shot to the lower back with a MEDICAL BAG as Sid is called “psycho” by Bobby for the first time. Sid is overheard saying “I’m loving every second of this.” I’m glad someone is having fun as a NERVE HOLD is locked in.
-I’d like to apologize to the WrestleMania 1 and 7 main events. They are New Japan G1 finals compared to this.
-I laugh my goddamn ass off at Sid’s tone as he yells “GIVE IT UP, HULK!” He’s an unintentional comedy MVP.
-Hulk’s arm stays up on three in the nerve hold, battles out, then takes a safe sidewalk slam.
-The powerbomb is called for, hit and Sid comes down with him instead of the release version. Naturally, there’s a kick out at two and a Hulk up.
-Bobby and Gorilla rightfully sell the crowd being insanely into this. Big boot, body slam, leg drop. Someone is late for their cue, so Sid kicks out and Harvey gets into the ring. The bell rings. This is messier than a Burger King handjob. Exactly what you want for the MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA
WINNER: Hulk Hogan in 12:28 by DQ
FINAL WORD: How can a WrestleMania main event be worse than the 70 second match that preceded it? End it with a DQ, that’s how.
-Harvey is press slammed into Sid’s arms as Papa Shango is shown coming down the aisle. Where the fuck were you?!?! Hulk gets double team choked against the ropes. Shango’s punches and kicks suck. The Ultimate Warrior’s music hits and Heenan goes ballistic. He sprints to the ring and clotheslines Papa out of the ring before eating a Sid chair shot. He sells it, then doesn’t. He keeps shaking and Hulk grabs the chair making the heels retreat. The faces hug and I can see how people thought that was Kerry Von Erich because Warrior is noticeably smaller and his hair is odd. The crowd is loud and happy. I guess that means something.
-Hulk holds up a “Bring Back the Warrior” sign that he probably planted. Posing, flexing and posing, flexing. We couldn’t give Owen and Skinner a couple more minutes instead of this shit? Heenan: “every one here is crazy.” Pyro goes off in the ring like the WrestleMania VI sparklers as two egomaniacs continue to show off. Heenan says he’s leaving as Gorilla signs off. The faces raise their arms, but it cuts to…
THE LAST IMAGE: A wide shot of the arena
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Bobby Heenan might be untouchable. He’s so funny, but never detrimental. He adds so much to good matches and stories, too. I’m so happy he is better than I remember.
FINAL LVP of PPV: There was a lot of bad talking on this show, but Typhoon was so far behind his partner in-ring that it can’t be ignored.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Randy Savage vs Ric Flair
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Hulk Hogan vs Sid Justice
FINAL THOUGHTS: Holy hell, what a tale of two shows. The first half is one of the better Manias so far, but the second half falls off of a cliff. Last time, the good was THAT good for a Mania to tip it over. This time, the good isn’t THAT good and it is surrounded by TOO much meh and bad shit. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: While we wait to see how WWF will move on without the red and yellow, we just get a lot of red inside War Games at Wrestle War 1992.