I told you this next Flairiod wouldn’t take that long.
In 2020, a lot of shitty things happened to everyone, myself included. One thing that didn’t suck was reinvigorating my love of watching old wrestling PPVs and making stupid jokes and observations about them. These Flairiods, conducted every 16 shows in an homage to Grantland’s Birdmesters, are one of my favorite things to do as a way to gauge where we’ve been, where we are going and what is the best and the worst in the world of wrestling past.
This might be the last true Flairiod because the PPV model will change forever in the next 16 shows I watch. Soon, the WWF will permanently add King of the Ring and WCW will increase its yearly output. Before we know it, this recap won’t even encompass more than 8 months of a year.
For now, we can cover some decent ground and some major changes. In the past 16 shows, major characters were introduced, legends changed companies and so many bad ideas happened. Let’s see who was the best of the best and the worst of the worst.
Here is my Top 5 Overall MVPs for the Third Flairiod
1. Ric Flair- It probably shouldn’t have taken his switch to WWF, but the namesake finally makes this list and in the top spot, no less. He joined the three-time MVP club, absolutely owned every moment he was in and had his name chanted in anger during shows from his former employer. Needless to say, he’s valuable. (Ranked in disappointments during Flairiod 1, unranked in Flairiod 2)
2. Rick Rude- Another man who made the absolute most out of his change in scenery. As a heel, a ring general and a character, he’s firing on every cylinder. He makes the absence of Ric Flair seem not so bad. (Ranked in disappointments during Flairiod 1, ranked number one in Uncrowned MVP during Flairiod 2)
3. Bobby Heenan- Our third three-time MVP winner, it didn’t take the Brain long to equal Jesse Ventura’s numbers in this field as well as equal his wit, charm and skill with the headset on. (Unranked in Flairiods 1 and 2)
4. Scott Steiner- I feel like I have to justify this every time I talk about him or bring him up, but I wish more people realized that he was a revolutionary talent during this time period. He is somehow stronger, more explosive and just as crazy here as he is known for in the modern era. (Unranked in Flairiod 1, ranked number one in Surprises during Flariod 2)
5. Earthquake- This almost went to the Undertaker, but ultimately, he will have more chances. In terms of value, Quake has been an incredible heel presence that goes above and beyond in ring and overachieves everywhere else. (Unranked in Flairiod 1, ranked number three in Uncrowned MVPs during Flairiod 2)
Here is my Top 5 Overall LVPs for the Third Flairiod
1. El Gigante- Some people don’t live up to their reputation. Trust me when I say that El Gigante doesn’t disappoint if you were expecting him to be the worst wrestler of all time. You know how hard it is to get BACK-TO-BACK LVPs?!?! (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
2. Roddy Piper- It seems sacrilegious today, but we should really reexamine the Hot Scot’s nonsensical decisions, commentary and promos during this time. He could do whatever he wanted and he really needed an editor or writer to rein him in. I’m not sure what I struggle to believe more: that he’s a two-time LVP or that he should probably have even more at this point. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
3. Sid Vicious- I hope the wrestling world’s biggest softball enthusiast prays every night and buys every fan he meets lunch because only the man above and the people who keep cheering for this guy are keeping him popular and employed. For a brief moment, I thought I might get it. Then, he just kept putting in awful performances. (Unranked in Flairiod 1, ranked number five in Surprises during Flairiod 2)
4. Eric Bischoff- You always want to give someone the benefit of the doubt. You’d think that watching Easy E in his earlier roles would justify his position later on. Now, I want to know how bad he was at selling meat in Minnesota. It can’t be any worse than he is announcing or analyzing or interviewing. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
5. Van Hammer- I’ve been pretty verbose about all of these individuals. I don’t have it in me for this one. Van Hammer just sucks. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
Here is my Top 5 Uncrowned MVPs for the Third Flairiod
1. Bobby Eaton- Story of his life, right? Probably the most underrated worker of all-time, Bobby Eaton always delivers and ultimately ends up barely getting trumped. That doesn’t diminish the fact that he is so damn good and I wish more people knew it and remembered it. (Unranked in Flairiod 1, ranked number two in Uncrowned MVPs in Flairiod 2)
2. Cactus Jack- I’m certain that Mick Foley will earn this eventually just by sheer reckless abandon. There’s nobody like him, for better and for worse. I can’t wait until people see the value in him so he gets enough to do to get off of this list. I’ll feel a lot better about what I’m watching him do to himself. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
3. Shawn Michaels- Another person not long for this specific list, we now have HBK in our diary. Even before that, he was surpassing former MVPs like Mr. Perfect, Brian Pillman and Ricky Steamboat in athleticism, selling and fire. That was just as a silly fringe-wearing tag team wrestler! (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
4. Jerry Sags- Speaking of silly tag team wrestlers, I would’ve never dreamt that Brian Knobbs would be the WORSE Nasty Boy at this point. I almost want to go back in time and eliminate buffets so Jerry Sags remains a standout wrestler with innovative moves and brash attitude. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
5. Bret Hart- This was another close call as I wanted to go with Barry Windham for some time. This isn’t a ringing endorsement for either, as I feel like they have still underperformed to this point. I went with Bret based on the strength of his tag team performances, the sympathy he generates and his overall popularity. That combination will allow him to really go places soon and that combination also probably should have resulted in an MVP at some point. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
Here is my Top 5 Uncrowned LVPs for the Third Flairiod
1. Kevin Nash- The biggest travesty of 2020 is the fact that Kevin Nash didn’t earn a LVP while being THREE all-time shit gimmicks. We didn’t even get to see Master Blaster Steel because of the weird Halloween Havoc 1990 edit, so that’s why I put that picture instead of the big, green goof and the big, pink goof. This is one big foul on me. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
2. Michael Hayes- I’m starting to get actively angry that this hairy prima donna is still employed as an important agent as of press date. He’s never been any good. His wrestling mind may be good, but his wrestling wrestling is not. Plus, the character and attitude are all over the place. Let’s let this bird run free already. (Unranked in Flairiod 1, ranked number 3 in Uncrowned LVPs in Flairiod 2)
3. The Gobbledy Gooker- I know it’s one performance, but COME ON!!! What was I thinking?!?!?! I’d like to formally apologize to the Warlord. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
4. Missy Hyatt- I’m not sure if the character or the person is more grating to watch and she’s supposed to be a babyface! I almost feel bad because she’s obviously made to be a joke most of the time and she’s had to deal with some shitty comments. That said, she honestly is not good at the job she’s given over and over again. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
5. IRS- It’s gotten better now that Mike Rotunda has a gimmick draped over him instead of his old, boring self. However, the gimmick he has just started and already feels boring and old. He is ultimately so unimportant that he may be a mainstay on this particular list for quite some time. (Unranked in Flairiod 1, ranked number 1 in Uncrowned LVPs in Flairiod 2)
Here are my Top 5 Surprises in the Third Flairiod
1. Ron Simmons- I’ve always been a fan, but I assumed he may suffer in this retrospective as being overrated or sluggish. He has surprised me by being so explosive and popular and charismatic. He totally deserves what’s about to happen to him. His partner, Butch Reed, was featured in this section in the last recap. I hope this isn’t an omen for the Doom boys. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
2. Danny Spivey- The only actual MVP in this list because I wanted to make it a point how out of nowhere he was in this time period. For a guy his size, he does a lot and it doesn’t seem out of place. I wish he got his head screwed on at any point or came up with Waylon Mercy before his knees went to hell so he could have a sustained run. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
3. Marty Jannetty- I know what you’re thinking: really? Look, I don’t like doing it months after he admitted to murdering someone. That’s not my job in this process. My job is to give props to the people who exceeded expectations. As much as I gushed about Shawn Michaels earlier, it’s important to note that Marty Jannetty is not THAT far behind right now. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2).
4. Dustin Rhodes- His booking aside, the Natural has earned his elevated spot by being a great newcomer in passion and ring prowess. I didn’t expect someone confident and popular so early in their career, especially someone who is assumedly there because of his father. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2).
5. Pat Tanaka- In the long term, he’s going to be a blip on the radar and I feel that’s really unfortunate. As a role player tag team specialist, he is a standout. He also carries whatever partner he’s saddled with and makes every opponent that’s going to beat him up look so much better than they actually are. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
Here is my Top 5 Disappointments in the Third Flairiod
1. Gorilla Monsoon- It pains me to say this because I’ve been a vocal supporter in the face of historical criticism of him…but this stretch finally let me see what others do. He can be aloof, rest on cliches and rely on his partner to be entertaining too much. As much as I’m going to miss him, I’m excited to hear Vince McMahon be just as bad soon enough. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
2. Diamond Dallas Page- Speaking of cliches, let’s welcome DDP to the Flairiods! His first 60 seconds were fantastic and he’s done nothing but the same shit since then. He’s only had one match, so that hasn’t helped either. Good God…is he disappointing live and in color. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2)
3. Hulk Hogan- Here we are…the period of time when Hulk Hogan became a full-blown problem. When things aren’t going his way, you can tell. When things are going his way, they are ridiculous and at the expense of everyone. He lulled me into a false sense of security in previous shows. Now, I see the creative control, brother. (Ranked in surprises during Flairiod 1, unranked in Flairiod 2)
4. The Berzerker- HUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (that’s Viking for this big brute is more awkward and sloppy than a handjob from a double amputee and it doesn’t matter what limbs are missing.) (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2).
5. Steve Austin- More blasphemy! I know this time for him is regarded highly because he’s more of a technician than his later years and he has all this potential and I GET THAT. However, there isn’t even a glimpse of what could be later on and that’s disappointing. (Unranked in Flairiod 1 and 2).
Here are my Top 5 Matches during the Third Flairiod
1. The 1992 Royal Rumble Match
2. Ultimate Warrior vs Randy Savage at WrestleMania VII
3. Brian Pillman vs Jushin Thunder Liger at SuperBrawl II
4. The Steiner Brothers vs Lex Luger and Sting at SuperBrawl I
5. War Games at WrestleWar 1991
Here are my Top 5 Least Favorite Matches during the Third Flairiod
1. PN News and Bobby Eaton vs Steve Austin and Terrance Taylor at Great American Bash 1991
2. Van Hammer vs Doug Somers at Halloween Havoc 1991
3. El Gigante vs Sid Vicious at SuperBrawl I
4. Team Russia vs Team Canada at Starrcade 1990
5. Battlebowl at Starrcade 1991
Here are the Top 5 Win Totals in Retro Diary History
1. Hulk Hogan- 18
2. Hawk- 15
3. Animal, Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Sting and Rick Steiner- 14
4. Bobby Eaton, Lex Luger and Scott Steiner- 12
5. Ricky Steamboat and Ultimate Warrior- 11
Here are the Top 5 Loss Totals in Retro Diary History
1. Hercules- 16
2. Tito Santana- 15
3. Greg Valentine- 14
4. Barbarian, Bret Hart and Terry Taylor- 12
5. Haku and the Warlord- 11
Like last time, I wanted to note the significant undefeated records and winless records. Itsuki Yamazaki is 3-0 and The Beverly Brothers are 2-0 and that’s as good as it gets right now. On the flip side, Jimmy Snuka has the worst record at 0-8, Boris Zhukov is 0-7 and Cactus Jack is 0-5.
This period was a fucking doozy. I’d like to think that it won’t get as up and down as this period, but I know that’s not the case. For crying out loud, our next Flairiod might be even nuttier. I can’t wait.
Join me for Hulk Hogan’s departure TWICE, Ric Flair’s Wild Ride, Bill Watts’ attempt to kill WCW and all of its employees, Lex Luger’s debut TWICE, Bret Hart getting the ball and running with it and monster heels dominating on top TWICE.
CURRENT PPV RANKINGS (BOLD is recommended, * is from this Flairiod)
1. WrestleMania 3
2. Royal Rumble 1992*
3. Survivor Series 1987
4. Great American Bash 1989
5. SuperBrawl 2*
6. Survivor Series 1988
7. Starrcade 1986
8. Royal Rumble 1990
9. Chi-Town Rumble
10. WrestleMania VI
11. WrestleWar 91*
12. Starrcade 1983
13. WrestleWar 90
14. SummerSlam 91*
15. Starrcade 1988
16. Halloween Havoc 1990*
17. WrestleMania VII*
18. Great American Bash 1990
19. Survivor Series 1991*
20. WrestleMania 2
21. Great American Bash 88
22. WrestleWar 89
23. SuperBrawl I*
24. This Tuesday in Texas*
25. The Wrestling Classic
26. Starrcade 1987
27. Royal Rumble 1991*
28. SummerSlam 1988
29. SummerSlam 1989
30. Starrcade 1989
31. Survivor Series 1989
32. Survivor Series 1990*
33. Halloween Havoc 1989
34. Starrcade 1985
35. Bunkhouse Stampede
36. The Big Event
37. Royal Rumble 1989
38. SummerSlam 1990*
39. WrestleMania V
40. Royal Rumble 1988
41. Halloween Havoc 1991*
42. WrestleMania 1
43. Starrcade 1991*
44. Starrcade 1990*
45. WrestleMania IV
46. Capitol Combat
47. Starrcade 1984
48. Great American Bash 1991*