The very first articles that I ever wrote for Podswoggle.com was about the obsession that the wrestling business has seemingly had over its modern history with the movie business. There have been countless attempts to be mainstream and get some rub from Hollywood by fusing the two worlds. I believe the quote I used was Heath Ledger’s Joker: “I’m like a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do if I ever caught one. I’d just do.”
It’s been several years since I made that connection and it’s no different. WWE Studios will still throw up another bland sequel to some direct to DVD franchise with a couple Superstars in the hopes that it sticks and makes some money or gets some attention. Guest stars and hosts still appear to plug their projects and WWE or AEW will happily put that celebrity over to look like they are big time and not a carny sideshow. However, it doesn’t seem as egregious as it used to.
Namely, it doesn’t seem as bad as WCW at all times.
Between Oz and Chucky and Ready to Rumble, the other major company for most of the 1990s had a hard on for cross promotion and gimmicks that never really worked. Today’s PPV is the first example of it and maybe the worst, if you can believe that. Or so I’ve heard.
I’ve watched this show when I was a child, but it wasn’t in heavy rotation in my VCR. I don’t remember much besides the WrestleCrap article. I’ve disagreed with WresleCrap on a couple of shows previously. Maybe I’ve been wrong about Ted Turner’s group and the silver screen this whole time?
Yeah…about that…
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 31- NWA CAPITAL COMBAT: RETURN OF ROBOCOP
Written on 5/26/2020
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: Some top-secret computerized files with more bad music and technology as the NWA tries to be hip so badly. This show is nicknamed “Return of Robocop” and I’m scratching my head. He’s wrestled before? It has to be in reference to the movie sequel coming out. Tony Schiavone is BACK and he looks so different already after 4 months. Jim Ross is ringside with fucking Bob Caudle. The DC crowd is fairly subdued and the Armed Forces play the national anthem. The entrance has a weird scaffold like set up. There are a LOT of empty seats again. Caudle looks senile and out of place. He no sells JR’s first question about Jim Cornette being locked in a cage later, then about Doom’s chance in the Tag Title match later. He’s earned another LVP candidacy quickly and early. They also promote Sting and RoboCop being there.
-An actual theme, as odd as it is, plays for Oliver Humperdink who is NOT WEARING A SHIRT. Come on, man! He leads Bam Bam Bigelow (naturally), Kevin Sullivan and Cactus Jack sans Manson to the ring. Some bodyguard who just works for the building is with them, too. What a group of ugly fucks. When did Bam Bam come in? No music, but more motorcycles for The Road Warriors without Paul Ellering. Following them on a little scooter is Norman. What a combo.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Bam Bam Bigelow, Kevin Sullivan and Cactus Jack w/Oliver Humperdink vs The Road Warriors and Norman
-A sign in the crowd says “Cactus Jack for Mayor.” The bell rings twice in 20 seconds and Jack starts with Animal, who hits 2 nice leapfrogs and a powerslam to start. Fans are still filing in. How poor is the crowd management in the NWA?
-A botched boot by Animal and a STIFF clothesline by Hawk causes Bam Bam to tag in.
-Hawk hits a dropkick, Sullivan tags in, takes one shot and immediately tags Cactus in. Now it’s Jack vs Norman again. Yippee.
-Norman and Bam Bam square off. Luna Vachon was probably sitting at home wet with anticipation over their storyline love triangle in a few years.
-Cactus goes for a clothesline and misses, taking a big spill over the top rope. I was about to say it was the official Dumbest Bump, but Hawk immediately ups it. Hawk whips Jack HARD over the guardrail and Mick Foley lands on the concrete, 2 security guys and some plastic chairs that should be in a school somewhere. THEN, he gets the entire set of heavy, wooden steps thrown on top of him. I’m so happy I’m keeping a list of the Dumbest Bumps Mick Foley takes and it hasn’t disappointed me two matches in.
-Norman takes the heat and Bam Bam hits a nice suplex on him. I felt that. Sullivan follows it up with a bodyslam. Fuck off, that wasn’t necessary.
-Cactus Jack runs the ropes and jumps over them to hang Norman’s throat on the top. That’s enough to be our first MVP. So many of his cases will also be mental LVP cases if you think about what he’s doing.
-Norman takes a back body drop. He’s working hard at least.
-Animal gets the hot tag and unloads on all three heels, but mostly Cactus. All six men are in the ring and Hawk is somehow legal now.
-Nobody ever wanted to take the Doomsday Device, huh?
WINNERS: The Road Warriors and Norman in 9:20 when Hawk pins Kevin Sullivan after a top rope clothesline
FINAL WORD: I already miss Buzz Sawyer. He would have made this so much better.
-HO. LY. SHIT. Some bad, bad BAD surfer music plays for Johnny Ace, wearing a shitty ring jacket. JR has the nerve to call him a popular individual as nothing but scattered groans and boos greet him. The Skyscraper music leads Mean Mark to the ring. GMC says Teddy Long is accompanying him, but he doesn’t arrive until Mark is basically ringside. Nothing ruins the mystique of a 6’9, 320 pound badass like JR telling us Mean Mark graduated with a degree in sports management. It’s People Power vs Rest in Peace!
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Johnny Ace vs Mean Mark w/Teddy Long
-Apparently, Mean Mark uses the heart punch as a finish. Oh goody.
-This is amazing. The amount of money and power these two have held over wrestling for the past 20 years coupled with the lack of fucks anybody gives about this match right now is incredible. Mark gets a good reaction clotheslining Ace, who hits a worthless dive sometime soon after.
-Something called the Slam-O-Meter will happen later. Say it with me like John Oliver: cool.
-Ace hits a top rope crossbody as JR talks about the duress Lex Luger has been under over the past 10 days. What, is he under audit or something?
-Long gets three shitty kicks in on the floor as JR talks more degrees and Ace being the prototype of a 1990s wrestler. That’s going to get an LVP for me.
-Mark hits a savate kick. Wow, it’s so interesting to see the differences in him in just a few months.
-I’m not sure what is worse: Ace having a “good looking face”, Mark’s sole glove or JR using the WCW Profile book for hobby facts.
-Mark gets great elevation on a leg drop and Caudle is disgusted with his lackadaisical cover.
-This…is…boring. The crowd catcalls “Peanut Head” at Long and we find out what’s left of his hair is on the line later. Caudle says he could be a skin head. Yeesh.
-Ace’s comeback includes dropkicks, a monkey flip and then a missed top rope clothesline that the crowd is happy about. Mark hits the heart punch, but doesn’t go for the cover.
-He even walks the ropes as Mean Mark!
WINNER: Mean Mark in 10:39 after a rope walking top rope elbow drop.
-The awful Slam O Meter graphic comes up on the replay. It takes forever before getting a rating of 8.2.
FINAL WORD: That was the most recent wrestling match I’ve seen, that’s for sure.
-Gordon Solie is backstage approaching the locker room of Sting and RoboCop. Poor Gordon has to deal with this hogwash. Why does RoboCop’s locker room need guards?!?!?!?! Is he Superman in Jon Peters’ mind? That might be too obscure, but fuck it. My reference challenge is now An Evening with Kevin Smith stories.
-Schiavone is with the Rock N Roll Express before their Corporal Punishment match. That is apparently just a double strap match. Robert Gibson struggles with his words, but does manage to say hello to all of the people. Ricky Morton is much better in his delivery, but all over the place in context. He talks about wanting the tag titles, not liking Ole Anderson and Lex Luger getting out of the hospital.
-GMC acknowledges some sweepstakes winners and HOLY BOAT CAPTAIN. Mike Rotunda runs out with Tommy Rich. Before I die, I must own the epically bad Captain Mike Rotunda shirt.
-Tribal music plays for the Samoan Swat Team still comprised of The Samoan Savage and Fatu. Fatu talks trash right to the camera even though you can’t hear what he’s saying. So much for not knowing any English.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: Captain Mike Rotunda and Tommy Rich vs The Samoan Swat Team
-Savage does the Iron Sheik’s line except he replaced Iran with Samoa. SST is still doing their ritual 90 seconds after the bell rings. JR and Caudle are really putting over Lex being in the hospital with a 103 degree fever with an apparently knee infection. How dumb is that? A high fever for a knee infection? Only Luger.
-Two minutes in and we are still trying to complete this ceremony. The bell rang! Just DQ them for being in the ring together! This is the cheapest of cheap heat. Finally, at 2:41, Savage and Rich lock up.
-SST switch out without a tag and the poor ref has to act like they look similar. At least he made a face.
-Rotunda and Fatu are in the ring together and I finally pay attention with some wrestling five minutes after the bell.
-The ref notices the SST switch on the second attempt of it.
-Powerslams were the early 1990s DDT. Everyone did one and they all meant nothing.
-Fatu accidentally hits Savage and they hug it out. Man, people suck. 2 brothers can’t hug without booing!
-SST are very crisp and intense when they want to be. I don’t want Samu back.
-Tommy Rich just won’t give up on clapping for Rotunda and the crowd isn’t following suit. The tag happens behind the ref’s back and the only reaction is Caudle’s almost sarcastic “oh no!”
-Fatu hits a sweet superkick flush on Rotunda’s face. A looooooooong front facelock brings the match back to boring catcalls from the entire crowd. I’m currently working from home and I’m more entertained by fixing my out of office template.
-Don’t zoom in on Savage’s dirty ass feet! Two straight blind tags are missed for the faces and I’m wishing I was blind.
-Finally, an ice cold tag to Tommy Rich and Wildfire has never been more inappropriate of a term. Rotunda is totally fine helping seconds after the tag and Rich locks on a sleeper. Rotunda distracts the ref and Savage wraps this up in the typically BS NWA tag team heel win way.
WINNERS: The Samoan Swat Team in 17:54 when Fatu pins Tommy Rich after Samoan Savage hits a top rope double axe handle.
FINAL WORD: Insert an Ark of the Covenant GIF here. Actually don’t. It’s not gross enough.
-Schiavone is with the Steiner Brothers. Rick plays stupid TOO stupid sometimes with his delivery. His backwards hat is good enough. Scott calls Schiavone “Tommy” and I am in HEAVEN. God, why don’t they have a manager? What’s Ellering doing? No, scratch that. Do NOT give them managers. Let this insanity continue until the end of time.
-GMC acknowledges the sweepstakes winners again. They are a couple of yokels. Now it’s time for the hair vs hair manager match. HOORAY. Missy Hyatt enters with more glitter than a Sam Goody clearance bin in 2002. She’s accompanied by Jay Tapper, a renowned hair dresser. He…is a hair dresser all right. He looks like he cuts Bumble Ward’s coif (there’s a second Kevin Smith reference that nobody will get, but it makes me happy in the middle of this shitshow). Missy takes the microphone and deepthroats it. Just making sure you’re paying attention.
-Paul Ellering is already in the ring wearing a jacket. Doom’s music plays and Teddy Long enters wearing boxing gloves, some hilarious tights and he doesn’t have that bad of a physique. Caudle just laughs at him.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: HAIR VS HAIR MATCH- Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long
-Long throws the worst punches ever on Ellering.
-Ellering gets his hand on Teddy’s throat, the ref stops him and Long retrieves a foreign object from his glove that Ellering stops.
-Ellering slams Long, who can bump at least. Ellering uses the loaded glove and Teddy is out.
WINNER: Paul Ellering in 1:57 with a punch with the foreign object loaded glove.
-Tapper is in and he starts shaving quickly. JR is correct when he says it won’t take long. All he does is remove the long part in the back. That was rushed as shit. Long tries to hid his head and he’s really good here.
FINAL WORD: As abysmal as you’d expect with two managers, but it was short and I’d rather that than a long ass chore of a tag match.
-Schiavone is with the Horsemen now featuring that brand-new Sid smell! Ole handles the bulk of the talking when Arn Anderson is standing right there. Sid looks like an overgrown child at a wedding in that suit. Ric Flair enters and yells his ass off at Luger. He says the half the man line Sid will screw up in 9 years and Sid obviously wasn’t listening. Arn wraps the promo up like a boss.
-JR and Caudle preview the rest of the show. Caudle makes the opposite of points. He’s still the LVP. He points out the Horsemen won’t be in the cage with Flair. Really, Bob? We needed that spelled out.
-Jim Cornette and the Midnight Express enter to save this godforsaken show. The dub ruins Cornette’s intro again. Hell yeah, Brian Pillman has his classic theme now! The fucking Z-Man runs out with him. Look at the colors of the gear in this match…and the Z-Man. GMC announces Cornette will be locked in a cage at ringside.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE- U.S. TAG TITLE MATCH- The Midnight Express w/Jim Cornette vs Brian Pillman and The Z-Man (Champs)
-Cornette won’t go in the cage as all four men brawl. Cornette runs and gets tripped by the ref and forced into the cage by the faces. JR really likes making the same mixed doubles joke.
-Eaton and Pillman start with some chops, punches and another brawl with the faces hitting double monkey flips and a slingshot clothesline. Eaton and Lane bail and talk to Corny in the cage.
-Corny yells at the camera, but he isn’t mic’d at all, so we hear nothing. How do you not mic Jim Cornette?
-I’ve never wanted Tony Schiavone on commentary more. Bob Caudle says NOTHING. LVP of the year. JR’s facts are bad, but they are substance.
-I’m starting to see some bad repetition in Midnight Express matches. They’ve been on defense for 8 minutes and keep getting bumped into each other. It’s not bad, just old hat.
-Eaton takes a huge back body drop, then another over his own partner in the corner.
-Pillman does a nice bridge and flip before missing and flying over the top rope 12 minutes in. He takes a neckbreaker from Eaton on the floor and Lane send him into the rail. That’s when I notice the nice, hardwood floor.
-A prolonged beatdown on Pillman includes some nice Eaton elbows finished by one off the top for a close two count. JR talks about the courage of Lex Luger again.
-Eaton goes to the top once more and hits the Alabama Jam to a big pop and Pillman kicks out! WOW! Brian begins his comeback with a sloppy tilt-a-whirl slam, but he gets it finally.
-Zenk gets the hot tag and hits a couple back drops and a sleeper before the heels take over again and nail the Rocket Launcher. Zenk kicks out of that! WTF?!?!?
-Pillman is in to help out of the double team and we get another cheap end from behind the ref’s back.
WINNERS: The Midnight Express in 20:16 to win the titles when Bobby Eaton pins The Z-Man after a karate kick by Stan Lane and a small package
FINAL WORD: That was nothing beyond plain good. So, it’s the best match so far by default and a country mile.
-Solie is backstage and something big has happened. The smoky room of RoboCop opens and some interference and snow take the screen. You make out Sting and RoboCop emerge and then the camera cuts out.
-Sting’s music plays and GMC gives him a very heavy-handed intro. Sting enters wearing some bomb pink Zubaz and a white tank. GMC introduces “the ultimate police officer: RoboCop!” A lot of ridiculous adjectives are used to describe him and he slowly…and I mean slowly, walks out.
-The Horsemen appear and lock Sting in the cage that Cornette was put in. RoboCop takes his sweet ass time and this lives up to the hype of being very, very bad. JR screaming “here comes RoboCop” is so deliciously awful. RoboCop pulls the door off of the cage as Ole threatens him. The crowd reacts and the heels retreat from fucking RoboCop. I always thought this was during the main event. That’s obviously not the real actor being RoboCop. I imagine Prince requesting the RoboCop outfit at 4 AM like a camel (and I’ve completed my Kevin Smith trifecta!)
-GMC botches the Great American Bash announcement regarding Sting’s return and takes it to Schiavone interviewing the Junkyard Dog. JYD barks and cuts a decent promo about his ups and downs. Cornette interrupts and complains about the new champs not getting time to celebrate. JYD says he’s been to Cornette’s momma’s house and Jim tries to distract him to get a racket show, but JYD blocks. This show has had more misses than a game of batless baseball.
-The Rock N Roll Express enter on a moving platform with a jukebox. Badstreet plays and the Freebirds enter being announced as “the greatest rock and roll band of all time.” All wrestlers are announced to being tied to one another and there’s once again no backstory to this happening with a video or anything. The commentators don’t even tell us why.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: CORPORAL PUNISHMENT MATCH- The Rock N Roll Express vs The Fabulous Freebirds
-Soooo…they aren’t tied to each other! The straps are just attached to the ring posts. Even JR didn’t know. Meanwhile, Hayes moonwalks and some rather unfortunate looking fans in the front row taunt him.
-An awkward spot where Hayes stalls on a punch to Gibson, then just tags out to Garvin. Morton is in soon and there’s a good double team in the face corner as RNR whips both Birds. Morton stomps like he’s punching. The strap shots are not impressive.
-RNR do the heel spot of faking tags for no reason at all. Then they slap double Figure Fours on the Birds.
-Dueling whips of the straps by Hayes and Gibson with the latter winning out. Hey, the faces are still in control 8 minutes into the match! Sound familiar?
-Jim Herd is in attendance! So, I hope everyone enjoys the Pizza Hut in catering!
-The Freebirds finally get heat on Gibson for a couple minutes until he gets a quick tag to Morton. A big left hand by Hayes means it’s time for a usual RNR match to start. Hayes’ punches are louder and better than the sounds of the straps.
-Morton is choked on the floor with the strap by Hayes. He probably likes it. Which he? Both.
-Morton grabs Garvin’s cock on the top rope for like 15 seconds before throwing him off. He probably likes it. Which he? Both.
-Morton blocks a Hayes bulldog and gets the hot tag to Robert. It’s crazy to me that three of these four guys still look like this. All 4 men are naturally in the ring now. The DDT is set up and hit on Gibson and the crowd goes wild. Hayes struts instead of going for the cover.
-Another DDT is attempted while Morton sends Garvin into the post and gets in to definitely win the match as the illegal man.
WINNERS: The Rock N Roll Express in 18:31 when Ricky Morton pins Michael Hayes with a top rope sunset flip.
FINAL WORD: What was the point of the goddamn straps?!?!?!?!
-Tony interviews the World’s Strongest Man Versio 5.0: Doug Furnas! He just talks about Lex Luger in a hospital again. That could’ve been a fan realistically.
-Sting walks into the interview and warns Lex about tonight. He stumbles with some of his words and it’s a worthless promo. Nothing can save this show.
-Teddy Long enters with Doom. His head is covered, but he’s still happy and dancing. It’s good to see Doom without the masks. Another new and random rock song plays as the Steiner Brothers enter with pyro. They are wearing their classic jackets and singlets. Scott’s mullet makes me whole. Hell, it’s MVP worthy.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: NWA TAG TITLES MATCH- Doom w/Teddy Long vs The Steiner Brothes (Champs)
-Rick runs over and grabs Teddy’s do-rag off and he legitimately looks so much better than he did with hair earlier. Don’t be man, Theodore!
-Once again: we are two minutes after the opening bell and nothing is happening. Butch Reed is cutting a promo to the camera on the floor about stupid geeks while Teddy ties his do-rag back on.
-Ron Simmons and Scott Steiner finally kicks us off. Scott pushes the referee down hard before they tie up. WHAT THE FUCK? That was so unnecessary and definitely DQ worthy. Or not!
-HUGE powerslam and release German by Scott. Oh baby, we are getting peak Scott Steiner right now!
-JR breaks down all four men’s football career and educational background without telling me a damn thing about this rivalry or why this match is happening.
-It’s never easy to be impartial, but Scott Steiner is the surefire MVP so far. Hair joke aside, he’s been killing it. Even pushing the ref down was interesting and intense. He hits some great clotheslines and back drops on both members of Doom. God, he had a chance to be the GOAT.
-Who’s kayfabe dumber: Rick Steiner or Norman? Rick has two different boots on. At least they are both boots. Norman always wears two different types of shoe.
-Reed blocks a Steinerline or it was a botch that knocked both men down.
-Rick hits a DANGEROUS kneeling piledriver on Simmons. Nine minutes with the babyfaces in charge? SHOCKED!
-The faces cut off the heel advantage on Rick before Scott takes the heat on a great HHH style kneed by Reed.
-Nice cut off with a double axe handle off the top onto Scott as he was walking towards the hot tag.
-Good, varied offense on the beatdown of Scott and the cutoffs have a different flow and style. Reed has impressed me with some bulldogs, leap frogs and knees. Then he hits a solid piledriver. Welcome to the MVP race, Butch!
-Scott hits an odd waistlock takedown counter that they rerun as a backdrop and all is forgiven with a FRANKENSTEINER. The crowd loses it and Rick gets the hot tag before taking Doom to Steinerline City.
-Double suplexes and Scott looks very gassed. Doom hits a Hart Attack from the second rope as the brawl rags on and Scott is sent into the post.
-The finish happens and we get two degrees of emotions: JR is very mad and Caudle just doesn’t seem to care.
WINNERS: Doom in 19:13 to win the titles when Butch Reed pins Rick Steiner after Ron Simmons pulls both of them off of the second rope together and Reed falls on top.
-The replay does a nice job of showing Rick’s head bouncing off the mat.
FINAL WORD: That was my cup of tea: a big, athletic battle that this show desperately needed.
-JR sends it to Tony with the new tag champs. Teddy has been very good on this show and has a great line: “I lost a little hair, but gained the world!” This package of three men work. Reed cuts an okay promo before Simmons cuts a better one. He reiterates that it was largely a clean win. Long wants Jim Herd to throw a party. Good luck with that!
-Lex’s music plays and he enters with pyro. He is not smiling, but slaps hands. He definitely seems off. The announcers again reiterate that he left the hospital against doctor’s orders. 2001, big sprinkler styled pyro and Flair enters with Woman. More pyro as the cage is lowered. This cage sucks; it’s sorta like the Thundercage again, so it’s way too big. I do like the indent at the top so that you can’t escape. The ref shows off the beautiful gold belt and gives the wrestlers instructions. Why is Woman still in the goddamn cage? Flair complains about the camera being too close to him twice.
-The ref wants to check Woman for objects. This is bonkers. He finds a foreign object in her glove, he confiscates it, the bell rings and Woman IS STILL INSIDE THE CAGE. HE DIDN’T EVEN CHECK HER OTHER GLOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: NWA TITLE CAGE MATCH- Lex Luger vs Ric Flair w/Woman (Champ)
-BOOMING chop to start from Flair. Lex’s knee injury and staph infection is reiterated for the 43rd time.
-A big clothesline and close two count 90 seconds in. Lex is either selling his knee wonderfully or he is really hurt. In other words, he’s really hurt.
-Something is off early. They are going through their usual routine, but neither man seem to be doing anything but going through the motions.
-Flair climbs the cage to avoid Lex and kicks him off in the chase, then chops him and throws him into the flimsy cage.
-Flair takes his corner bump, runs and climbs the rope, flies off, but gets caught with a clothesline. Per the rules, it counts! I may need to start a separate total! All time top rope record: 9 for 19.
-Flair’s head is sent into the cage four times halfway up the cage. Caudle: “you can’t get a three up there!” REALLY, BOB?!?!?! Flair comes up bleeding after being sent into the post, not the cage.
-There are rope breaks…in this cage match.
-Ric Flair missed his calling as a professional bleeder. Lex missed his calling as a professional no seller. If he had a quota, he’d always meet it.
-A superplex by Lex and he writhes in pain on the impact. Sigh…here we go. Ric is now on offense.
-Nothing but attacks on the knee and suplexes. Flair slaps on the Figure Four and I still don’t think he’s won with it on PPV yet. Flair has to use the ropes behind the ref’s back. What the fuck are these weird cage rules?
-The crowd stirs as the Horsemen enter with Flair in control. Naturally, Lex takes over soon after and the Horsemen start trying to climb in the cage.
-Sting runs out and attacks Ole and Arn as Sid does basically nothing. El Gigante enters and his outfit is somehow almost as bad as his Giant Gonzalez uniform. He just pushes Ole around. Oh yeah, a match!
-The cage is somehow raised enough for Barry Windham to roll in and hit Luger while he has Flair in the Torture Rack. JR says Ole has the switch to the cage off screen!
-IT IS A FUCKING CAGE MATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
WINNER: Lex Luger in 17:20 by DQ
-Jim Ross: “Someone patch me through to the cage guy!”
-The Horsemen beat Lex up and throw the ref out of the ring. Where are Sid and Sting? Arn hits Lex with the DDT and Sting is finally trying to get in. Where is RoboCop now?!?!?! Security have apparently gotten to Ole and Sting gets in. The Horsemen bail and Gigante just stares at them.
FINAL WORD: Even beyond all of the excruciating booking decisions, that was the worst match Lex and Flair have had against one another on PPV.
-With second to spare, Ric Flair puts in an MVP case with an insane, shrieking promo. He is yelling and bleeding like a fucking madman. It’s unintelligible, but certifiably awesome. Sting walks up and attacks. The Horsemen separate them and El Gigante is incredibly almost the LVP just by doing nothing. Sting and El Gigante walk back to the ring and the credits roll with some bad robot sounds.
THE LAST IMAGE: The Capitol Building
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP OF PPV: Ric Flair was a tad too late and was underwhelming in his match, Butch Reed had a weak promo and Cactus Jack didn’t do enough. You know what that means? It’s the first trophy in Scott Steiner’s case, BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEE. Watch him on this show. He earns it.
FINAL LVP OF PPV: I don’t want to sound especially mean or insensitive…but is Bob Caudle dead yet?
MY FAVORITE MATCH: The Steiner Brothers vs Doom
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Samoan Swat Team vs Mike Rotunda and Tommy Rich
FINAL THOUGHTS: What an absolute train wreck. There are enough bad decisions, bad matches and lack of self-awareness on this show for an entire year’s worth of PPVs. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had a show this bad. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: The NWA tries to rebound with the Great American Bash. It’s Sting’s return versus Ric Flair. Unfortunately, Peter Weller is already booked.