The holidays and wrestling are pretty far apart in my mind nowadays. That’s sad because both mean so much to me and it’s not how I grew up. I recently found a ton of pictures from Christmas morning when I was a child and almost every single one has me playing with loose LJN figures. After I’m done weeping at the money I could be making (because I naturally had some black cards), I found some more that include my sister holding some AWA Remcos and I tear up again.
My birthday parties? Hulk Hogan cake sitting on the table and gaudy 1990s WWF tablecloths. Vacations? Ultimate Warrior tank top and Hasbros on hotel beds? Thanksgiving? Nothing but the memories of eating dinner at 2 or 3 in the afternoon and then waiting for everyone to leave the house so I can snuggle up and watch the tradition of Survivor Series.
Even worse was the fact that the event usually emanated from the Richfield Coliseum, less than 90 minutes away from my house in Ohio. Alas, I have never attended a Survivor Series and I don’t watch wrestling on Thanksgiving anymore. Let’s reminiscence about those times, shall we?
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 26- WWF SURVIVOR SERIES 1989
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: Thankful videos!!! Hogan starts and is followed by Ted DiBiase being thankful for being rich. Highlights: Demolition is thankful they aren’t not fighting each other, Duggan is thankful for the USA (and not his eye), Dusty is thankful for his POLKA DOTS, Roddy Piper is thankful he isn’t Rick Rude, Bushwhackers are thankful for sardines and give each other weird looks and the Ultimate Warrior is ABSOLUTELY BAT FUCKING INSANE. Just go watch this whole opening. It’s amazing. That is followed by the classic team intro and breakdown that necessitates me forgoing the title card for one of the classic shots above. Once again, Jim Duggan’s eye is the early LVP of the PPV.
-I said the show usually emanated from the Richfield Coliseum, but this year is different because we are in Rosemont, baby. I expect a hot crowd. Gorilla Monsoon is joined by Jesse the Pilgrim. I’m going to miss these two very soon.
-The Enforcers enter to good heat. Brutus Beefcake’s theme brings the Dream Team out until Dusty Rhodes’ music hits and he enters wielding a nightstick. Chicago is HOT.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- The Enforcers (Big Boss Man, Bad New Brown, Honky Tonk Man and Rick Martel) w/Slick and Jimmy Hart vs The Dream Team (Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake, Red Rooster and Tito Santana)
-Santana and Honky start and Jesse claims this could main event anywhere in the country. Eh…
-Martel does Rene Dupree so much better.
-Red Rooster is the first real LVP just for his look and mannerisms alone.
-Some good fundamental heat and close falls early.
-Eight minutes in and Bad News Brown hasn’t tagged in. Good call out by Ventura.
-Tito gets a great hot tag which means bad things for him. TITO SANTANA is the 1st wrestler eliminated at 9:16 by a Rick Martel rollup counter holding onto the tights.
-Sapphire is in the crowd! She likes what she sees as Dusty hits a dropkick and an elbow which somehow only gets a two count.
-Rooster is definitely a step off. I’ll reiterate the LVP talk.
-Gorilla “will you stops” Jesse on a joke about pumpkin pie. That’s good foreshadowing for his time with Bobby Heenan.
-Boss Man nails Brown when Rooster ducks a punch attempt. Continuity! BAD NEWS BROWN is the 2nd wrestler eliminated at 15:29 when he is counted out for bailing on his team.
-“This is when Honky is at his best”- Gorilla Monsoon not picking his words carefully.
-HONKY TONK MAN is the 3rd wrestler eliminated at 17:24 by a Brutus Beefcake high knee. WCW 1996 can’t wait long enough.
-Martel loves fucking backbreakers. Call him 1980s Roderick Strong.
-RICK MARTEL is the 4th wrestler eliminated at 20:14 by a Brutus Beefcake sunset flip after the ref catches him cheating by holding onto the ropes.
-Boss Man is playing Honky Tonk Man from 1987 except confidently. RED ROOSTER is the 5th wrestler eliminated at 21:00 by a side slam.
-Dusty finally tags back in. He hasn’t done shit in this. Beefcake is naturally sloppy as well. Thankfully, we are going home as BIG BOSS MAN is the 6th wrestler eliminated by a Dusty Rhodes cross body.
WINNERS: Dusty Rhodes and Brutus Beefcake survive in 22:01
-Immediately after the match, Boss Man attacks Beefcake with the nightstick. He no sells until he is out of the ring. He then attacks Dusty and cuffs him to the ropes until Beefcake enters with his clippers for the save.
FINAL WORD: Good and sloppy when certain men were in there. So, a middling bukkake scene.
-Sean Mooney interview the Big Boss Man. He is way too southern here and says “boy” a LOT.
-Mean Gene interviews the 4X4s who yell “GO” together like assholes. Hercules and Ronnie Garvin’s promos make Bret Hart sound like Paul Heyman. JIM DUGGAN’S EYE IS ON ANOTHER LEVEL RIGHT NOW.
-Macho King enters with his team. The “Canadian” Earthquake is so weird. I’m glad that first name was taken off for once. Duggan’s team enter with no music. It’s so fucking awkward especially with those stupid boards. I swear, they do an entire routine. Duggan can’t catch his properly. I wonder why.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- The King’s Court (Randy Savage, Dino Bravo, The Canadian Earthquake and Greg Valentine) w/Queen Sherri and Jimmy Hart vs The 4X4s (Jim Duggan, Bret Hart, Hercules and Ronnie Garvin)
-Macho King’s purple tights 4 life.
-Hercules and Macho start and Herc hits a nice press slam. He also does good work with Valentine when he tags in. Hercules has been more underrated than I give him credit for. Mostly.
-After Garvin sells a little bit, Hercules is back in and I can’t believe he is the MVP right now with the good work he’s putting in. Naturally, that means HERCULES is the 1st wrestler eliminated at 3:56 by a Earthquake squash. Poor guy. Tenta’s nuts are right in his face.
-Garvin won’t take a back bump. What a little runt. There’s an awful spot where he rolls around his corner and still misses the tag. He’s fighting the Red Rooster for LVP right now.
-Garvin battles back with a stiff exchange with Valentine.
-GREG VALENTINE is the 2nd wrestler eliminated at 7:31 by a Jim Duggan clothesline off of a blind tag.
-Savage is on another level with his crispness and speed.
-The Garvin Stomp is fucking over. WOW! Dino sells it great, too.
-A big pop for Bret vs Macho. I’m popping, too. It just looks right. Their interaction is too short.
-RONNIE GARVIN is the 3rd wrestler eliminated at 11:17 by a Dino Bravo sidewalk slam. His shaking during the pin means he’s saved and Rooster is still the LVP.
-Duggan does the counter punch spot until the count of five because that’s as high as he can get.
-Duggan makes Hogan look like an angel with how much cheating he’s doing.
-What a great exchange between Gorilla and Jesse. Gorilla: “Duggan doesn’t know the meaning of the word quit.” Jesse: “He doesn’t know the meaning of much.”
-Weird: Bret finally makes the hot tag, Duggan takes a couple of shots, misses an elbow and Bret tags right back in.
-Bret careens into the buckle chest first HARD, Dino hits a shoulder breaker and, before you know it, BRET HART is the 4th wrestler eliminated at 19:06 by a Randy Savage flying elbow drop.
-Duggan clears all 3 men by himself to the pop of the night. Damn it, why does his shit work?
-Sherri pulls the top rope down on Duggan and Quake hits a double axe handle off the apron. JIM DUGGAN is the 5th wrestler eliminated by countout.
WINNERS: Randy Savage, Dino Bravo and Canadian Earthquake survive at 23:24
-Post match, Duggan gets heat back just like match one by hitting the heels with his 2x4.
FINAL WORD: Barely better than the first match just because Macho King seemingly did an extra line before he came through the curtain.
-Mean Gene checks in on Dusty Rhodes. This is a whole bunch of nothing.
-The Genius reads a Thanksgiving promo at a podium. It barely rhymes.
-Back to the ring where the Million Dollar Team already is located. Jeez, what a cheap millionaire. Zeus’ unibrow is on POINT. Jake Roberts and Demolition (champions again) enter separately to their own themes. Hulk Hogan enters and the Barbarian hits him to no effect and the heels won’t let the faces in the ring. Damien clears the ring and must be feisty because Jake keeps hitting his head.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- The Million Dollar Team (Ted DiBiase, The Powers of Pain and Zeus) w/Mr. Fuji and Virgil vs The Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Demolition and Jake Roberts)
-Zeus demands Hulk to start. Let’s get that work rate going, huh?
-Jesse hilariously explains the “Z” on his head and the “Z” on his belt: “That’s a Zeus belt!”
-Zeus no sells everything but an eye rake. He gets right up from a slam, snaps Hogan’s neck and starts choking him. The ref tries to stop him, but he can’t and gets thrown across the ring. ZEUS is the 1st wrestler eliminated at 3:20 by disqualification. His whole team can barely get him off of Hogan, who should be dead at this point.
-DiBiase and Roberts should probably work the rest of this match.
-Hulk doing the Demolition double axe handle spot is really cute.
-AX is the 2nd wrestler eliminated at 9:50 by a Warlord elbow drop after Mr. Fuji tripped him with his cane. That was a long time beat down to little heat.
-DiBiase’s no look second rope elbow drop should be stolen by someone today.
-SMASH is the 3rd wrestler eliminated at 13:42 by a second rope clothesline by the Barbarian after a blind tag.
-Jake is now beaten down systematically. Everyone but Hogan has had this prolonged attack. What an oddly structured match.
-A safe piledriver by Ted on Jake. You’re safe to watch, Rich.
-Hulk gets the hot tag and hits elbows and suplexes galore. Someone put their working boots on!
-Powers of Pain hit a SPIKE PILEDRIVER on Hogan. They are taking the Brain Busters schtick! For no reason at all, THE POWERS OF PAIN are the 4th and 5th wrestlers eliminated at 19:50 by DQ. Jesse is right with his bias. It’s shit booking to have three heels DQ’ed and not legitimately ousted. This is Super Cena levels of bad.
-Jake saves Hulk from the Million Dollar Dream and Ventura justifiably criticizes the ref again. It’s sad that it’s getting tiring.
-Jake gets the hot tag and Virgil interrupts a DDT attempt. He gets destroyed with one of his own and DiBiase takes advantage. JAKE ROBERTS is the 6th man eliminated at 23:52 by a Ted DiBiase fist drop and feet on the ropes for leverage.
-Hulk is really selling death in this one on one beatdown. His comeback shows he’s working his ass off. GASP…is Hulk Hogan the MVP once again?
-TED DIBIASE is the 7th man eliminated by a Hulk Hogan leg drop.
WINNER: Hulk Hogan survives in 27:31
FINAL WORD: A third straight middle of the road Survivor Series elimination match that suffered the most by illogical booking and eliminations.
-Some mid-show Hogan posing is very weird.
-Sean Mooney interviews Macho King and Zeus. Savage does his thing while Zeus beats his chest and yells. Mean Gene is with Beefcake and Hogan enters. Why the fuck did Beefcake change into NEW GEAR? Hulk oversteps Beefcake on the promo and puts everything over really well. Sherri enters the locker room and yells at them before throwing powder in their face and Macho and Zeus attack. A group of wrestlers peel them off as the presumed intermission begins.
-Vince McMahon previews the last two matches as he did at the top.
-Jesse and Gorilla talk and Jesse mentions dissension in the Heenan Family.
-Mooney interviews the Rude’s Brood. Rick Rude’s tights are another all-timer with his teammates on the front and his opponents on his ass. It’s an all around good, confident, obnoxious heel promo. Roddy Piper’s team enters with turkey bits, bones and a lot of yelling. Now they are singing. It’s just wrong seeing Snuka and Piper on the same side.
-All of the heels get their entrances, which is fine by me because of their themes. Rude enters alone and the announcers make a big deal out of it.
-The babyfaces enter. When I wrote my notes, it was weird because Jimmy Snuka had just been charged. It’s even weirded after Dark Side of the Ring now.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- Rude’s Brood (Rick Rude, The Fabulous Rougeaus and Mr. Perfect) w/Jimmy Hart and The Genius vs Roddy’s Rowdies (Roddy Piper, The Bushwhackers and Jimmy Snuka)
-Perfect and Luke start. Soon after, every member of Piper’s team bite Perfect on the arms and legs. There’s way too much hooting and hollering.
-Jacques is showing off his kip ups and Snuka is yelling. Riveting.
-JACQUES ROUGEAU is the 1st wrestler eliminated in 4:01 by a Jimmy Snuka Superfly Splash.
-Perfect sells a knee lift by Roddy Piper like he went up against a firing squad.
-Piper sells a thrust kick by Raymond Rougeau like he is an uncoordinated fish.
-RAYMOND ROUGEAU is the 2nd wrestler eliminated in 7:39 by a Roddy Piper piledriver.
-I’m really digging the insane teamwork of Roddy’s team. Everyone has looked good.
-Piper loves taunting like Rick Rude. He doesn’t get the ladies squealing though.
-BUTCH is the 3rd wrestler eliminated in 10:45 by a Mr. Perfect inside cradle reversal.
-The Bushwhackers bite more than Val Kilmer in Top Gun.
LUKE is the 4th wrestler eliminated in 12:15 by a Rude Awakening. Or, as Jesse calls it, “wrestling”.
-Snuka gets a prolonged beatdown with little heat except some great near falls on Perfect that the crowd believes. He is a borderline MVP candidate.
-They conk heads and Perfect does a 540 spin. He’s close…
-Piper and Rude tag in and they tear into each other. They brawl onto the floor and the back. RODDY PIPER AND RICK RUDE are the 5th and 6th wrestlers eliminated in 18:38 by countout.
-Another awesome sequence by Hennig, who is the best wrestler on the show without question. Gorilla undermines him with a “less than perfect” line for no reason.
-A fish out of water spot in 1989! The last couple minutes of this make it the best match on the show so far. There are 3 or 4 really good nearfalls.
-JIMMY SNUKA is the 7th wrestler eliminated by a PerfectPlex.
WINNER: Mr. Perfect survives in 21:22
-Post match, time to get more heat back! Snuka beats up the Genius and Gorilla says it’s okay that he is a sore loser and Jesse poo-poos that idea.
FINAL WORD: Mr. Perfect could carry a dog to a cat festival.
-Mooney interviews Rude’s team and Rude no sells the trouble with the Heenan Family. Good job showing the simple messages in the story.
-Mean Gene is with the Warriors and their captain can’t stop pacing. He almost breaks Neidhart’s glasses and beard. Now his back is to the camera and he talks about organ donor cards and flexes as Shawn Michaels has his head in his bicep.
-The Heenan Family is already in the ring and Bobby is in his wrestling gear. Gorilla is incredulous and claims this must be a mistake.
-Jim Neidhart is out first, then the Rockers and the Family jumps them already. Andre is simply choking Neidhart and the Ultimate Warrior charges to no music and the bell rings!
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- THE Heenan Family (Andre the Giant, Arn Anderson, Haku and Bobby Heenan) vs The Ultimate Warriors (Ultimate Warrior, Jim Neidhart and the Rockers)
-ANDRE THE GIANT is the 1st wrestler eliminated in 0:28 by countout after a lame Warrior clothesline that he sells like death on the floor. Jesse tries to cover for this, but it still sucks.
-Andre is kicked by everyone as he stumbles to the back.
-A weird spot as Neidhart barely knocks Arn down and then an equally soft spot ends his night. JIM NEIDHART is the 2nd wrestler eliminated in 3:30 by a Haku side kick.
-The Rockers wrench an arm and tag back and forth for 90 seconds straight.
-An original superkick party by the Rockers on Haku and Arn.
-Gorilla always says you aren’t going to beat guys a certain way.
-“Weasel” chant gets loud again and Heenan audibly tells the crowd to “shut your goddamn mouths”
-Legit LOL moment: Heenan tags in, gets one shot on Marty Jannetty, who hits back and Bobby immediately scampers out.
-After a Haku thrust kick, Bobby tags back in. MARTY JANNETTY is the 3rd man eliminated in 8:50 by a Bobby Heenan stomp and kick. He got a fucking pin!
-Arn is working like a madman on the level of Rick Rude against Warrior.
-Shawn Michaels was pretty good even in 1989.
-Gorilla is yelling “what a maneuver!” I’m guessing Vince was in their ears even back then.
-Haku tries a HBK springboard cross body and misses. HAKU is the 4th man eliminated in 12:52 when Shawn Michaels hits a springboard cross body of his own.
-Arn is made at Bobby for not helping him on a sunset flip. They’ve done a good job showcasing the family dissension throughout the entire show.
-SHAWN MICHAELS is the 5th man eliminated in 15:39 by an Arn Anderson spinebuster. Make that SPINEBUSTER CITY. Damn good sequence there.
-Warrior is immediately in with his crap, but Arn fights back.
-Warrior sends Arn into Bobby on the apron. ARN ANDERSON is the 6th man eliminated in 18:18 by an Ultimate Warrior press slam and splash.
-A neat moment with Warrior smiling and acting like a human bring sneaking up on Bobby. Then, he beats his chest and becomes a moron again.
-Heenan takes two big bumps as he tries to leave, but he is drug back into the ring.
-Heenan HATES this. BOBBY HEENAN is the 7th man eliminated by a running splash.
WINNER: The Ultimate Warrior survives in 20:28
FINAL WORD: Enough competent action and storytelling to be completely watchable in the midst of Jim Hellwig’s bullshit.
-Warrior gets a brief celebration as Heenan sells him way up the ramp. Warrior runs out of the ring and backstage, bumping Heenan down in the process. Stills from the show are shown as Warrior’s music continues to play.
THE LAST IMAGE: Bobby Heenan live again selling and falling up the ramp.
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: I don’t want the best participant in the best match to always get this, but you cannot deny Mr. Perfect here as the workhorse of the show and the company.
FINAL LVP of PPV: I cock a doodle don’t like The Red Rooster.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Rude’s Brood vs Roddy’s Rowdies
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Hulkamaniacs vs The Million Dollar Team
FINAL THOUGHT: The epitome of a show that is just there. The weakest Survivor Series so far because the formula was repetitive despite some decent stories attempted to be told. All in all, though, this Thanksgiving feast left an underwhelming taste in my mouth. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: The Network doesn’t have No Holds Barred: The Match/The Movie, so I move onto Starrcade 1989: Future Shock. I can’t wait for the Kyle O’Reilly and Adam Cole match.