I’m very blessed to have a photographic memory. There are times when I can recall the furthest event from my mind just by closing my eyes and seeing it. Couple that with my encyclopedic knowledge of wrestling (#humblebrag), I can recall a lot about my life and how wrestling intersects it.
It’s getting harder with age and a child, though.
The long break from starting this diary and picking it up six years later has found yours truly struggling more than I did prior about connections to things. It took me a little bit to honestly remember if today’s show has been viewed by me before. Then, I get a vision of a cassette that featured this name on the spine as well as the next NWA show, Capitol Combat. WrestleMania VI, which takes place in between the two shows, was on a different cassette on its own, because WrestleMania always runs longer. Plus, I think my mom tried to organize the tapes by company because it was easier for me. Mind you, I had just turned three. I was a prodigy!
The actual show, however, is pretty blank for me. I know of a couple odd participants on this card and not much else. Let’s see if that’s a good blind spot or memories that will happily return to my brain.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 29- NWA WRESTLEWAR 1990: WILD THING
Written on 5/14/2020
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: What the fuck????!?!?!?! I should remember this!!!! The worst 1990 electro hip-hop song about “Wild Thing” plays with equally bad graphics and effects. This is the exact opposite of cool and nostalgia that the Survivor Series and Royal Rumble intros were last year. Don’t worry: I found the video for proof! Also, there’s a longer rap that’s equally bad for your ears to cry at!
-Jim Ross is with Terry Funk, who seems to be wearing a corsage. He is also wearing earrings, dangly ones like that guy in Home Alone complaining (that’s an early challenge for articles references, but it is accepted). Funk is naturally wild. They talk about another Skyscraper injury as Dan Spivey can’t compete tonight. They pick the winners of the matches and agree on everything. So, it’s really uninteresting.
-Gordon Solie is backstage with Teddy Long thuggin’ and buggin’ and ready to wrestle. He calls himself Sugar Ray Long and wears a cool leather cap. Nobody is talking well tonight except Solie who is cool as fuck per usual. Long talks in circles and shadow boxes in circles.
-GMC is in the ring introducing Buzz Sawyer, who looks real mean, and Kevin Sullivan, who is wearing a ponytail that could be worn by Naomi today. Some music plays making the girls squeal and the men ralph and it’s naturally the Dynamic Dudes. Shane Douglas looks mad and barely taunts at all. Johnny Ace is stupid and silly as usual. I gotta buy that terrible Dynamic Dudes shirt.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Buzz Sawyer and Kevin Sullivan vs The Dynamic Dudes
-Buzz and Ace starts. Just kill him, Buzz. All Ace can do is clap and try to get the crowd into it.
-Buzz is a very, very early MVP candidate with his good bumping and funny noises. He’s constantly howling like a dog almost. Ace hits a dive to the floor and I’m personally floored he didn’t fuck it up.
-Shane and Kevin are in. In a weird spot, Ace runs into the corner to block Shane hitting the buckle on an Irish Whip. Because it’s Johnny Ace, it looks dumb.
-The heels slap and fight in frustration to a good pop. They soon get back to business with loud chops to Ace.
-Shane is suplexed on the floor by Buzz Sawyer whom I officially love. He laughs his ass off afterwards.
-Shane has a masters in education according to JR. Don’t start this overly researched bullshit. Besides, we know he’ll end up using it in five years for kayfabe and 20 years for real.
-Buzz has some damn good suplexes. He hits a Saito and a Belly to Belly. He’s earned the MVP so far.
-Buzz is called out looking like Peter Boyle with a lobotomy by JR. Funk says he looks like his daddy. Okay, these two are good.
-Ace is a dolt coming in off of a Sullivan attack and the ref admonishes him as Shane is thrown over the top rope and beat down behind the ref’s back.
-Shane gets the hot tag under Buzz’s legs and Ace is the most competent I’ve ever seen with dropkicks. As soon as I finish writing that, he botches a headscissors.
-Buzz hits one suplex to fix it and it’s Jam Sandwich time according to Funk.
WINNERS: Buzz Sawyer and Kevin Sullivan in 10:15 when Buzz pins Johnny Ace with a top rope splash.
-The replay shows an impressive eagle-like wingspan while light in impact on that splash.
FINAL WORD: Buzz Sawyer is my spirit animal. That said, leave it to Johnny Ace to botch a move, injure him, I’ll never see him on a PPV again and he’ll be dead in 2 years. So, he still ends up LVP.
-Missy Hyatt is backstage in a tuxedo with Norman the Lunatic looking REAL dumb. He claims Missy looks like his sister, but smaller. Is he supposed to be mentally handicapped? He gets a hug and a kiss and tries for one more, but is rebuffed by a sucky Saved by the Bell joke.
-A hippie looking Cactus Jack enters complete with Manson last name. Some harmonica music plays for Norman without the Lunatic. Why does he get such a good reaction? He’s billed from the state hospital. He is carrying more teddy bears and autographed pictures than every fan outside an arena since eBay launched. This match is dedicated to Sting as most faces will do because of his injury. Norman throws a bear into the crowd and a rough looking trucker catches it.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Cactus Jack Manson vs Norman
-Cactus jumps Norman as soon as he gets in the ring. Holy thin, Mick Foley!
-Norman is wearing two different shoes and he doesn’t seem to bump normally. JR calls the match a “battle of nitwits.”
-The commentators are not taking this match seriously. JR mentions Jack wants to be the foreman at Funk’s Double Cross Ranch and Funk talks about Norman being a buffet buster.
-Norman is on fire and Jack GO FIGURE takes a huge bump over the top to the floor.
-Of course, Jack takes a back drop over the railing onto the cement floor. That is the first winner for our newest reoccurring segment: What’s the Dumbest Bump Mick Foley Took on This Show?
-Cactus starts a comeback with a shot into the post and a dropkick off the apron. I didn’t see the landing, so it can’t be the dumbest thing.
-It takes Funk 90 seconds to understand JR saying that Norman’s favorite movie is the Wizard of Oz.
-The crowd loses interest as Jack is on offense until Norman no sells some headbutts and awkwardly sells some more.
-Norman counters a camel clutch with an electric chair drop, then misses a big splash.
-More passable action leads to Norman blocking a piledriver and OH GOD, that’s always been his finish, huh?
WINNER: Norman in 9:32 with a jumping seated butt splash (later known as the Trip to the Batcave).
FINAL WORD: That wasn’t bowling shoe ugly. It was a regular old shoe ugly.
-Solie is with Jim Cornette and the Midnight Express who are all back to heels. Thank goodness. Hey, cool shades, Stan! Cornette cuts one hell of a promo about the Midnight Express vs Rock N Roll Express feud. Stan gets one line about the Day the Music Died.
-Ricky and Robert enter to pretty standard rock music and a good ovation. Midnight Express come out to their dubbed theme and JR claims this will be the end of their feud. Surrrrrrrrre. The sound is bad on the microphone as Corny intros his team to great heat. Stan Lane says Cornette stole Ivana from Donald Trump and JR says that he didn’t know Cornette liked girls. A weird joke about being a mixed doubles champ in prep school follows. There’s a great sign in the front row that says “We Have Herd Enough.” We got our first smart mark!
MATCH NUMBER THREE: The Rock N Roll Express vs The Midnight Express w/Jim Cornette
-The bell never rings FYI. I barely notice because of the sweet off purple gear than the M.E. are wearing. Stan and Robert start with some harmless wrestling. Stan jaws with the crow and we see a lot of empty seats again.
-Stan pushes Nick Patrick who pushes back and Stan takes a bump. Cornette gets upset and Nick pokes him in the chest multiple times. Cornette bumps and gets in the ring, challenging Patrick. The RNR untucks Patrick’s shirt and he squares up. The crowd loves it while I’m indifferent. Cornette is funny enough to be an MVP at the moment.
-Another heel double powder to the floor and partner frustration as Eaton and Lane shove each other down.
-Funk has some good analysis about moves as simple as an arm drag just like William Regal would spout in NXT.
-Bobby Eaton is so damn good. He might be the most underrated wrestler of all time.
-Awesome spot: Morton climbs up Lane while in a hammerlock and jumps off of his shoulders into an axe handle on Eaton.
-There are too many gay jokes: JR and Funk know than Cornette will update us on Lane’s bruises after Morton slaps him on the ass.
-After 12 full minutes of the babyfaces dominating, the heels catch a break when Eaton and Morton both fly over the top rope and Lane hits a big slam on the floor.
-The precision and chemistry and innovation of Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane as a team cannot be overstated. If Bobby Eaton was in the business now, he’d be Cesaro. You even hear scattered “Bobby” chants here.
-Morton is throat first on the bottom rope and Cornette naturally gets his shot in.
-A good blind tag and neckbreaker by Eaton while Morton hits a roll up on Lane. Bobby Eaton has entered the MVP conversation.
-Ricky Morton has spent more time in his life trying to get the hot tag than he’s spent money on his children, legitimate or otherwise.
-I just noticed that the WCW purple and yellow banner at the top of the entrance. It has begun!
-Morton is caught again and again. It’s a good, if too long, build to the hot tag. He finally gets the knees up on the Rocket Launcher and tags Robert after 10 minutes of a prolonged beatdown.
-Is Robert the powerhouse of the team? All 4 men are in and Gibson takes a BIG racket shot to the back, but still manages to kick out.
-M.E. goes for the flapjack, but Ricky sloppily takes Eaton down and is that our first of that move?
WINNERS: The Rock N Roll Express in 23:30 when Robert Gibson pins Stan Lane after a spear?
-The replay shows it was more of a cross body, but I’m still saying it was more spear than anything.
FINAL WORD: Very good, but scary to think they’ve had much better.
-Solie with the Road Warriors and Paul Ellering gearing up for the Street Fight. They talk about the Sting arm bands they are wearing. That’s good continuity for the whole show. Hawk gets insanely red yelling.
-That sweet Skyscrapers music plays for the No DQ Street Fight. HELLLLLLLLO, MARK CALAWAY! Man, 30 years ago. Teddy Long is dressed like a goof, but this Masker Skyscraper is an even bigger looking goof with his bad shirt and worse mask. Long tries to cut a promo about Spivey not being there, but the LOD comes out to the classic Road Warriors Pop with Iron Man playing and fire and motorcycles. Holy shit is this badass. Meanwhile, Teddy Long is the LVP because he won’t stop talking. Ellering calls him little man and challenges him to a fight. Long gets in, takes one punch and gets sent out of the ring and the match is on.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: CHICAGO STREET FIGHT- The Skyscrapers w/Teddy Long vs The Road Warriors w/Paul Ellering
-The Masked Skyscraper, in case you were confused, is literally called the Masked Skyscraper.
-Mean Mark with jeans and chaps will always make me cringe.
-Doom without their masks enter looking really nice in full tuxedos and stand with Teddy Long. Hey, they finally have their names back!
-Animal dropkicks Masked and gives him nothing while Hawk gives Mark some offense with punches to the leg and a stun gun. It’s better than getting your ass kicked.
-Good clothesline from the apron to the floor by Hawk on Mark.
-I had to look it up, mostly for the records I’m keeping. The Masked Skyscraper is Mike Enos. COOL. He’s stolen the style of the Brooklyn Brawler.
-Double clothesline sends Mean Mark out of the ring and he says “Screw it” and bails on his partner. Wise move.
WINNERS: The Road Warriors in 5:02 when Hawk pins Masked Skyscraper with a Doomsday Device
FINAL WORD: A nothing match that LOD looked good in and makes me want to see the alternate universe version where Dan Spivey or Sid Vicious take the Doomsday Device.
-Long is in the ring and gets military press slammed over the top onto Doom who catch and save him. They take their jackets off and get into the ring. Man, they already don’t miss Woman. All four men trade blows and Ron Simmons takes something out from his COWBOY BOOT. This is a bigger and better scrum than the match we just watched. JR calls Doom “big, ebony warriors” before LOD finally rids the ring of them for good. If that was the match, it wouldn’t be a near lock for worst of the night.
-JR and Funk preview all of the title matches still to come at the halfway point. Funk is really fired up, shilling at his best. I get the middle aged and crazy line now. They replay the Doom/LOD battle instead of anything from the match. JR asks Funk for his pick for the upcoming U.S. Tag Title match and he just picks Ric Flair again. He’s too wild sometimes. Auger it in, Terry, or you will be in the hunt!
-BADSTREET USA and has Michael Hayes ever dressed in just a plain polo in his life? The Freebirds are wearing loud black and silver robes with eyeliner. Hayes gets way too close to the camera. Pyro for the champs, Brian Pillman and the Z-Man. We are told they just won the tournament for the belts. Brian tells him mom hi, then slaps every fan’s hand. Oh, the change we will see. These U.S. Tag Titles look like off brand versions of real championships. Some buxom ladies come in to chat with the Freedbirds and the faces move them out of the way and sneak up on the Birds as they pose and jaw with the crowd.
-What is happening? The faces put the robes on and prance as they play Badstreet again. What a weird interlude. The faces starts a “Freebirds suck” chant and I don’t hear the bell ring again. I may give the timekeeper LVP.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: U.S. TAG TITLE MATCH- The Fabulous Freebirds vs Brian Pillman and The Z-Man (Champions)
-More chanting which leads to more stalling by Hayes.
-Funk calls JR “Bo Diddley as JR reads off Brian Pillman’s entire resume.
-The blondes wrestle the blondes and the brunettes wrestle the brunettes.
-Every time I want to give someone I normally rag on a compliment, they do something awkward. The Z-Man is the next one in line on that.
-Jimmy Garvin’s hair and makeup looks worse than Buzz’s girlfriend. WOOF! One to go!
-Pillman is too good only two years into his career.
-The crowd is tired and quiet so far.
-JR is really pushing it telling me that Tom Zenk has a communications degree. It’s WRESTLING! Tell me the story going on!!!!!! It adds nothing to his character unless he’s reading from a teleprompter while working! The crowd is interested in something else offscreen, might just be Hayes.
-A random sleeper by Hayes on Pillman 9 minutes in as the heels finally get the advantage. This has no real flow to it.
-WHAT A STRAIGHT LOUD PUNCH on a rebound by Hayes on Pillman.
-This is basically the same match as Express vs Express, but the faces are the better workers, so the match isn’t as good because the heels are dictating the action. However, the faces are less experienced, so they aren’t telling the story with the actions or emotions as well either.
-What the fuck is Roos? I see ads for it everywhere, even on the ring post.
-Z-Man gets hit from behind by Garvin when he has the sleeper on Hayes and the match basically resets.
-Garvin loves breaking the fourth wall and talking to the camera. He just did it in three different cameras while in the same headlock. Hayes comes in and takes over in a long sequence.
-This match suffers because the crowd doesn’t care about the Z-Man. Funk is talking about toothpaste and JR keeps bringing up Alice Cooper.
-Zenk blows his comeback moment with Hayes on the top rope. He’s the LVP because I’m blaming him for the lack of heat in this match. Hayes hits a bulldog and exclaims “YES” and it’s the only noise I hear.
-Zenk hits a shitty DDT and finally tags Pillman. Dropkicks galore until Zenk gets back around and seems lost, almost blowing Pillman’s double shoulder tackle.
-Hayes tries to get a belt shot in, but the ref stops him. Pillman runs into the camera man, but rebounds in time.
WINNERS: Brian Pillman and Z-Man in 23:22 to retain the titles when Pillman pins Jimmy Garvin with a flying cross body.
-Post match, Pillman eats a DDT as the Freebirds gotta get their heat back.
FINAL WORD: Despite being technically sound, this was too long and uninteresting and too inclusive of Tom Zenk.
-No time is wasted as the Enforcers music from next year plays for Arn and Ole Anderson. Arn is the TV champ and they get a good reaction despite being the heels. The Steiners enter to a weird rock song and Rick wearing a sign that says “Sting’s Revenge”. JR is cute promoting this as brothers vs brothers.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: NWA TAG TITLE MATCH- The Andersons vs The Steiner Brothers (Champions)
-Scott and Arn start. Fuck yes! Arn nails Rick, ducks a Scott clothesline, hits the floor and Rick is waiting behind him to nail him. Hot start.
-I love the Steiners’ gear as usual.
-Scott blocks a knee drop from Arn with both hands. Interesting.
-Rick and Ole are now in and a slugfest ensues that Rick wins. More repetition in this tag match with it being the third time the faces own the heels and they take multiple powders.
-JR says Rick was going to be an elementary school science teacher. I want a Breaking Bad reboot STAT! This time, the main character goes from Mr. Chips to Mr. Bean.
-A lot of favorite wrestler talk on this show. They did it with Pillman for someone I didn’t know and now Rick’s is mentioned as Dan Gable. Excuse me while I watch hours of Sheiky Baby interviews now.
-Arn is caught on the top rope, gets down and threatens to leave. We are 8 minutes in. Sound familiar?
-Scott locks in a Figure Four out of nowhere! That’s half of Flair’s match later.
-Ole seems out of place. Scott picks him up for a suplex and he sold it by looking rightfully terrified and taking the bump hard.
-The Andersons take control and work on Rick’s arm.
-Some miscommunication on the hot tag while Rick is in a hold by Ole. Scott and Arn come in just to cover. Scott clotheslines the ring post and starts taking the heat.
-FRANKENSTEINER! Scott hot tags Rick, who dishes out some Steinerlines and that’s out of nowhere!
WINNERS: The Steiner Brothers in 16:09 to retain the titles when Rick Steiner pins Ole Anderson with a small package.
-Another post match attack by the losing heels as they dive with a knee onto Scott’s arm and he sells it so well.
FINAL WORD: That was good, but why in the blue hell did it get the shortest amount of time of the three tag matches?
-Solie interviews Lex Luger earlier in the day. We know this because Solie tells us the exact fucking time. Lex is a face because of Sting’s injury and that’s unfortunate because his babyface promo is pretty bad. He emphasizes the powerslam and the rack.
-JR and Funk preview the match and Funk is bad at these in-betweens. He’s so up and down. Trust me: the ups are up and the downs are down. JR takes over and sends it to Solie with Ric Flair in pink accompanied by Woman for some goddamn reason. I hate missing the TV shows and the stories that got us here. No video packages hurt. This might be the most cocky and over the top we’ve seen Flair so far. It’s him at his most modern. Woman’s one line about engines stinks.
-GMC talks tragedy befalling the NWA on February 6 when the Horsemen sadistically took Sting out. That’s almost an exact quote. It’s a really over the top intro. If this was current day, the fans would have turned on Sting so bad. Sting enters with one major bandage on his leg and crutches. He gets a good reaction, but I expected better. Just as I expected better signs, even though I miss this cheesiness.
-Lex Luger enters with that badass theme, green tights, pyro and the U.S. Title. Why are there dozens of floor seats by the entrance empty and taped off? 2001 plays and Flair enters with Woman. Why did she get promoted? JR is good at promoting Flair’s birthday and winning the main event of Starrcade 1983 in the same building. Funk refuses to say Flair is better than him, but says he’s the best ever. That’s funny. Flair looks like a flamingo partying in Studio 54.
-We watch Nick Patrick giving instructions and the crowd chants for Luger. Flair talks trash and Luger mutters something.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: NWA TITLE MATCH- Lex Luger vs Ric Flair w/Woman (Champion)
-Headlocks and power takedowns to start. Patrick pushes Flair back at one point. Nick ain’t taking any shit tonight! Man…MVP?
-Flair yells in a test of strength like Marv with a tarantula on his face (I’ll take it!)
-Funk does a really weird voice, almost minstrel, about Woman not bothering him. Okay, I have to ask about his LVP case now.
-Flair goes to leave on a clothesline and Lex gets him and brings him back, but gets throated on the top rope. Lex no sells, gets back while Flair flexes and Lex press slams him. Amazing sequence.
-JR says Lex had a 3.7 GPA and received a marketing degree. Fuck off. Funk asks about his common sense. He is confounding on this show.
-Lex is on fire. Man, is he really going to be the MVP of this show? He hits the third press slam in 8 minutes, then gets a bearhug.
-Funk is mad that the camera man is focusing on Woman during a pin and complains very gravelly. Okay, he’s not the LVP for sure. I’d love to hear him complain about Kevin Dunn
-The tide turns when Lex makes a big miss over the top rope. Flair sends him into the rail on the floor.
-The loudest chop I’ve ever heard on Lex on the floor and telling someone to get off their ass: Flair at his best.
-The pace slows with knees and Lex battling back with punches until he’s cut off in the corner again. Flair keeps telling people to shut up while cheating.
-The ref stops Luger from a closed fist out of a hammerlock. Man, there are some odd ways to cut off comebacks back in the day. There goes any chance of MVP for Nick Patrick.
-20 minutes in and it doesn’t feel like it until just recently with some loud rest holds and the crowd incessantly yelling for Luger.
-BIG pop for the Flair flip in the corner and more no selling of chops on the floor with a chase ensuing.
-JR covers a Lex botch as a “power sleeper”. Nice.
-Lex Luger has no idea how to put the Figure Four on. That and his earlier promo have disqualified him as MVP. A weird double down is fixed with a powerslam and a close 2 count.
-Flair hits a big running forearm that Lex doesn’t bump for and Flair goes flying. You know, it could be Ric Flair as MVP this whole time.
-Flair off the top rope: SUCCESS! I’m not updating yet because Flair off the top rope again: SUCCESS! What a world. Oh, I’m still not updating. Read on.
-A sleeper on Lex around the 30 minute mark and he looks like he walked into a house victimized by the Wet Bandits (I felt bad about the earlier one, so you get a bonus 4th reference).
-Flair starts his leg attacks and slaps the Figure Four on a couple minutes later with the ropes used for leverage. The crowd gets on the feet, but it’s for Sting entering again on his crutches. Flair spits in that direction and Lex flexes and turns it over into the ropes.
-Sting grabs Lex’s head, yells at him to “WAKE UP” and slaps his, putting Lex in a trance. He goes ballistic and feels no pain even after being sent into the rail. He hits some more press slams afterwards.
-Flair to the top AGAIN. Third time no charm as he is caught. All time record: 7-17.
-Another close fall and no one in the crowd is sitting down. Lex hits the powerslam and calls for the rack. Woman slaps Lex and he grabs her. Another slap and Flair knees Lex and that smashes the ref into the buckle. Here comes the overbooking!
-Flair on the top rope ONCE AGAIN! It works…but he gets clotheslined in mid-air! Per the rules, it counts! All time record: 8-18. That boggles my mind.
-Lex hits a superplex, but the ref is down. He gets a ten count and the Andersons come in. Lex takes them out and puts Flair in the rack. Patrick gets up and the Andersons have Sting on the floor.
-Lex goes to save Sting and beats the Andersons up while the count goes on in the ring. JR has an aneurysm.
WINNER: Ric Flair in 38:03 to retain the title via countout.
FINAL WORD: Lex Luger was the worst booked superstar in wrestling history.
-Nowadays, the crowd would turn on Sting for sure with this. The Horsemen beat up Luger and Arn hits a DDT as Sting is helpless. The Steiners finally come out to help and Funk is very good calling the replay. The ref doesn’t DQ Flair when the Andersons are punching him on the floor, at least.
-There’s a weird edit as JR is signing off. We will see him next time for Armed and Dangerous? Man, RoboCop changed a lot. Funk walks back into the shot so excited. This trend of talking over the credits has to stop. At least they have inset photos of the show playing that I can count for…
THE LAST IMAGE: Sting with some cool sunglasses.
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP OF PPV: I had many cases shattered throughout the show, but I kept going back and thinking about Buzz Sawyer the whole time. He made a lasting impression and was poised to do big things.
FINAL LVP OF PPV: A manager was bad and a commentator was inconsistent, but The Z-Man drug down an entire match a couple of levels.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Lex Luger vs Ric Flair
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Road Warriors vs The Skyscrapers
FINAL THOUGHTS: Were there still some repetitive tropes or bad booking decision? Sure. That said, this show had a lot less fluff than some of the other NWA shows and the action is straightforward and the stories are simple and good. MULLET RECOMMENDS
NEXT TIME: I close my eyes and I see that Hulk Hogan banner looking at the Ultimate Warrior in the ring. This show may be Wild Thing, but WrestleMania VI may make my heart sing.