The last time that I tackled WCW in 1991, I opened that diary entry with a hypothesis about my love of crappy entertainment. Today, I continue that trend as, spoiler alert, this is another abysmal show that continues an alarming trend in Ted Turner’s fledging purchase. I watched Halloween Havoc a lot as a child, but it took on a whole new meaning in high school.
That is when I met my silly wrestling muse, Andrew Zangre.
If you are reading this, odds are you have listened to Podswoggle or Married with Movies or personally know me. If you haven’t done any of those things and found this, allow me to introduce you to my best friend. We’ve known each other almost 20 years and much of our earlier years were spent scouring the internet for the worst in movies, videos, porn (duh) and wrestling. Definitely wrestling.
WrestleCrap became our bible and that site was a daily dose of knowledge in what sucked and what made us laugh. When one of us found The Christmas Creature, the other would find Mantaur eating a whole slab of ribs. To this day, I say good-bye to him by saying “Love you, Pop” like his favorite wrestler, Triple H, said awfully and out of character to Vince McMahon in 2011. I’ve looked up way too much Nasty Boys merchandise in the hopes of finding a “Don’t Break Heads” poster we’ve discussed for 15 years. You get my point!
So many footnotes in the annals of this crazy business became reoccurring inside jokes or references that nobody got but else. I’m sure it drove the rest of the friends in our circle nuts. To be honest, we were pretty lucky that we even had a circle of friends with our hobbies and proclivity to take time to laugh at Heidenreich’s misadventures or wonder how TNA survived past the Johnsons.
I bring that specifically ill-advised team up because they came up a lot alongside a one-off team that’s featured on today’s show: The Creatures. I wish I could go into details over the lengths we made each other laugh devising storylines and matches involving these two teams, but we have other things to get into. Halloween Havoc 1991 is the Creatures show, but it also has Oz, the Chamber of Horrors, the worst World’s Strongest Man, Eric Bischoff as a vampire and Van fucking Hammer. In other words, it’s the prototypical PPV to dedicate to my brother in arms…and by arms, I mean utter shit. Love you, Pop.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 43- WCW HALLOWEEN HAVOC 1991
Written on 10/1/2020
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: Spooky graves and animated wrestler ghosts! The one of Oz is the best because it’s clear Kevin Nash has given up already. When does Tony Schiavone’s corny commercial intro take place? I thought it was this year. Some bad October muzak and we get a hello from Chattanooga with some pyro and a DUMBASS cage set up in the ring. Poor Jim Ross and Schiavone introduce the show that will consist of 11 matches, four of which for titles and the debut of the WCW Phantom. It sounds like a Steve Guttenberg movie he’d make now to keep the power on.
-The announcers talk about an attack on Barry Windham earlier in the day and we watch the footage. Eric Bischoff is outside in the sun because he was still everyone’s bitch back then. Cactus Jack pulls up in a car and that’s the dumbest sentence ever! Even dumber: Abdullah the Butcher exits the passenger side in street clothes complete with a pocket protector, his walking staff and a stogie. A nicer car for DDP and the Diamond Studd comes next. Eric promotes something in between each car. Dustin Rhodes and Barry Windham enter and Barry gets his hand slammed with the car door by Arn Anderson and Larry Zbyszko. Bischoff’s delivery here is BAD; he’s not concerned at all. He’s an early LVP.
-Back live, GMC explains the Chamber of Horrors rules. I giggle at the phrase “instruments of torture.” The set looks like it’s for a middle school play. The graves have “funny” rhymes and jokes on them. One is a shot at the Minnesota Twins currently in the World Series with the Braves.
-The first person out is El Gigante. OH GOODY!!! He can barely walk down the stairs. I guess everyone is coming out to this general music and in no particular order because Vader is out next. Diamond Studd in leather gets girls to squeal by ripping his pants off. Cactus Jack is next with a fucking chainsaw. Man, it’s good to have him back. Next are the Steiners and boy, did Scott heal quickly! Rick has an orange and black singlet with blood and guts, but just the words “blood and guts.” Abdullah waddles down in his nipple-high tights. Sting’s theme kicks in and he enters wearing the U.S. Title to a huge pop. He’s rocking his classic blue and yellow look.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: CHAMBER OF HORRORS MATCH- El Gigante, The Steiner Brothers and Sting vs Big Van Vader, Diamond Studd, Cactus Jack and Abdullah the Butcher
-Sting, Jack, Rick and Abby brawl on the ramp at the bell. Rick tries to start the chainsaw and it fails. Get used to failure.
-UNPROTECTED CANE SHOT TO THE HEAD PARTY!!! Jack, Butcher and Vader each take two while Studd smartly takes it to the back.
-The referee has a fucking camera on his head!!! There’s some random goon that pops out from a casket and Scott Steiner beats him up. My hand cannot write my notes fast enough. This is ludicrous.
-Vader and Sting battle in a good preview of their coming years. Meanwhile, guys are climbing the cage for no reason.
-It’s called the “refer-eye” camera. Yuck.
-The chair is lowered while Mick Foley takes a doomsday DDT from the Steiners and almost gets FLATTENED by the chair. That’s your current leader for dumbest thing he’s done on this show. Spooky tones play while the chair comes down. That’s too cheesy even for me.
-Sting takes the casket lid, throws it in the air and it lands UNPROTECTED on Cactus Jack’s head. That’s hard wood. You idiot.
-Now some GHOULS with orderly clothes, a gurney and confectionery sugar come down.
-Vader adds two more UNPROTECTED SHOTS TO THE HEAD with the cane, then Scott runs and breaks it over Jack’s head from the ring to the floor. He is bloody as hell and a stupid ass MVP.
-The masked goon is now cuffed to the cage?
-Cactus is whipped out of the ring and the cage is too close, so he eats shit. There are too many dumb things to call to decide which wins. Just being there might have to count.
-Everyone is dirty. Why is there so much dust and shit? Great camera work on a close up of the level already flipped down as JR is supposed to explain it.
-Sting, Abby and Jack are bleeding. Have fun with hepatitis, everyone! You know a match is bad when you don’t notice El Gigante being bad in it. As soon as I write that, we get a close up on a bad sell of his.
-Abdullah hasn’t moved in minutes. He’s just stabbing/hug humping Sting against the cage.
-This is Scott’s fucking return from injury. He’s a wild man.
-Jack climbs up to the switch, it falls again as he climbs and he is very gross. The crowd is mostly over this. The ref climbs up and fixes the lever just by holding it.
-Butcher and Rick are by the chair while Jack hovers around the lever for too long. Rick belly-to-belly suplexes the man from the Sudan into the chair and takes forever to hook him up while Cactus pretends to not know.
-Oh, what a fun pyro show.
WINNERS: Sting, El Gigante and The Steiner Brothers in 12:37 when Rick Steiner puts Abdullah the Butcher in the Chair of Torture.
-The ring is on fire in parts. Abdullah sells as best he can, bloody and dead. Studd and Vader observe, then just leave. Cactus wakes him up and gets attacked. Butcher kicks a crew member fixing the ramp on the way out, then destroys the ghouls and falls down. They exit, terrified and bloody in a close up. The crowd chants “WE WANT STING” and they just had him.
FINAL WORD: It is an insult to clusterfucks to call that a clusterfuck. That is a bundlefuck.
-JR and Tony take it to Missy Hyatt as a flapper girl and Eric Bischoff as an unfortunate vampire (I won’t repeat what WrestleCrap used to call him here). His bad Dracula voice solidifies his LVP case. The Young Pistols enter and they are asked about the Phantom, which they promptly no sell. They are heels now and they are both good promos! What a surprise. They are gunning for the U.S. Tag Title from the Patriots. Watch out, Drew Bledsoe and Troy Brown!
-GMC introduces the aforementioned Creatures. Their weight is unknown. Just put them on a scale before the match!!! This is just two jobbers in a mask. One guy (portrayed by Joey Maggs) acts mysterious while the other man gives a generic arm taunt. They get Psychosis’ future theme. This is my life and I love it.
-Speaking of loving life, here is some rap music for PN News and Big Josh. What a team. Why do you give PN a wired mic? JR calls them the “Felix and Oscar” of WCW in a stale ass reference. News raps and the syllables don’t work correctly to the beat and rhyme structure. He even botches his “Yo Baby” catchphrase. Then, we see Christine Valver from Cape Coral, Florida in the front row. She wrote that rap for a magazine contest and got front row tickets?!?!? Kick her out!!!
MATCH NUMBER TWO: The Creatures vs PN News and Big Josh
-Sloppy brawling kicks us off because Big Josh is there. PN uses his size with a splash and a belly bump, then a dropkick. That’s a surprise.
-Nice spot with Josh jumping off PN’s shoulders for a double axe handle on one Creature, then Germans the other one. JR calls it a belly to back.
-PN News is a pleasant surprise. He’s not the plodding mess I expected. He has good speed and gives a good suplex.
-The commentators keep putting over the teamwork of the Creatures. One of them must have slid them a fiver to try and make this a reoccurring gig.
-Josh calls out timber, then hits his Northern Exposure butt splash before OH NO not from the top!
WINNERS: Big Josh and PN News in 5:16 when PN News pins the Joey Maggs Creature with the Rapmaster Splash
-Josh stands on PN’s back during the three count as the Creature underneath is dead. He took all of that.
FINAL WORD: That was not bad at all, so somehow it was light years ahead of the opener.
-JR and Tony preview the technical battle in the top 10 between Terrence Taylor and Bobby Eaton. Okay, let’s get into this! Eaton enters all business to a good pop and polite waves to the crowd. He even shakes the ref’s hand. Alexandra York accompanies Taylor to the ring and he’s wearing a sweet bedazzled jacket. Tommy Rich has finally been added to the group per commentary.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: Bobby Eaton vs Terrence Taylor w/Alexandra York
-JR calls them the Rodney Dangerfields of WCW. Yep, I get it.
-This is the best shape Bobby Eaton has ever been in that I’ve seen. Some taunting and scrappy chain wrestling begins.
-Eaton hits a nice arm drag block, then two of his own and a clothesline that makes Taylor powder.
-Eaton backdrops Taylor into the crowd and I can’t help but notice this woman dressed like the lead singer of 4 Non Blondes. Bobby is going hard with his good right hands.
-Taylor hits a weird jawbreaker to break an arm hold. Out to the ramp, Taylor takes a slam, then Eaton nails his knee from the ring to the ramp. Eaton gets another MVP run here.
-Bobby takes a knee to the back and flies into the steel rail from the apron. We catch a close up on the truly shitty computer that Taylor stupidly gets his game plan from.
-Good lord! Taylor hits a gutwrench powerbomb on the ramp! There aren’t a lot of jokes here just because this is awesome. What’s not awesome: the cheap “YORK RULES” banner some fan has in the cheap seats.
-Taylor hits a splash from the top for only two. He’s done enough to earn this rest hold.
-Bobby battles back with a top rope sunset flip for a very good nearfall. The crowd is along for the ride on this one.
-They trade knees up counters. Eaton’s on Taylor’s Vader Bomb attempt were the best.
-Nobody’s swinging neckbreaker is better. JR calls him “The Quiet Man” and I dig it.
-Taylor crotches Eaton on the top, but Bobby rebounds with a punch and his beautiful finish.
WINNER: Bobby Eaton in 16:38 with an Alabama Jam
FINAL WORD: PRO WRESTLING WITH PRO WRESTLERS.
-JR and Tony preview Jimmy Garvin versus Johnny B. Badd, who is somehow ranked eighth already. Michael Hayes is out with an injury apparently. I’m fearful what the crowd is going to chant here. Garvin enters with Hayes in a sling and both guys wearing Braves jackets and hats while doing tomahawks. JR chuckles at a “Michael PMS Hayes” sign.
-An old piano theme and a flashy robe for Badd alongside Teddy Long. The commentators still talk about the Phantom mystery on commentary as Badd gets more streamers and confetti than a wrestler leaving ROH. Who is the heel here? Badd thrusts and dances in a way that I never want to see again. Something to keep in mind here: Marc Mero is NOT black. SO, this is racist as fuck. A “Freebirds” chant answers my question from earlier. If they’ve officially turned, gross.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Jimmy Garvin w/Michael Hayes vs Johnny B. Badd w/Teddy Long
-Lot of injury talks. There’s no Windham update while they bring up Brian Pillman’s hurt shoulder for some reason. The bell rings, but Long is still doing boxing training and a full shitty routine with Badd for a full minute before leaving to a “Peanut Head” chant. That’s better than being a chicken head. Am I going for Chappelle Show “I Know Black People” references as my challenge? I feel it’s appropriate.
-Great sequence: over and over hip toss counters until Garvin throws Badd over the top rope. No DQ is called even though it was blatant. Hayes punches Badd with his bad arm, then winks on camera. So, he just didn’t want to work tonight, right?
-Garvin hits a STIFF forearm off multiple bounces on the ropes. He’s working like a fucking shooter.
-Badd takes over with some slugging, choking on the ropes and some decent offense highlighted with a HUGE top rope sunset flip 75% across the ring. It sorta gets botched into just a roll up for a two count. He goes to the top again, but gets caught on an axe handle attempt.
-Hayes gets called out for flat out slapping the apron with his arm in the sling. Badd takes an ugly tumble over the top on a missed knee in the corner. His mouth is now busted.
-Both guys try a leapfrog and they collide in mid-air in a neat spot.
-Long distracts the ref as soon as Garvin hits the DDT. Garvin turns his back and says goodnight. He stays strong with his foot on the bottom rope, but Long removes it.
WINNER: Johnny B. Badd in 8:26 with a right hook.
FINAL WORD: An interesting mix of personality and styles. I’m not sure if that’s a good interesting or bad interesting, though.
-JR and Tony send it to Missy Hyatt looking for the Phantom…in one spot. Bobby Eaton walks in holding a pumpkin on his way to celebrate. Is he going to fuck it? He mentions something about Dorothy and Myra. He’s name dropping like that Korean store owner knowing Willis and JJ Walker (one more to go). He ultimately just says “women…” about Missy’s prying and walks out in a complete waste of time.
-GMC introduces the TV Title match and Stunning Steve Austin AKA the original Titty Master with his manager, Lady Blossom. It’s crazy to see how not over he is and he forced his whole deal is. Dustin Rhodes enters in a yellow leather jacket to a different and worse theme than I’m used to. This is a battle of top five wrestlers in the rankings.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: TV TITLE MATCH- Dustin Rhodes vs Stunning Steve Austion w/Lady Blossom (Champ)
-Dustin is still 21 years old and Tony says Austin is the hottest wrestler in the company. JR says Austin is his number one pick in the world right now. That’s some continuity for you.
-Good, fast pace to start and Dustin hits a big clothesline and dropkick before calming things down with a headscissors.
-We get a close up of Dustin’s grandmother and it causes JR to commit blasphemy by saying “hook ‘em, Horns.” She’s exactly what you’d expect.
-The crowd is quiet for some good chain wrestling. It’s so weird seeing technical master Steve Austin. He gets clotheslined over the top and there’s no DQ once again.
-An accurate timer! Five minutes have gone by at exactly the right time! That only took eight years!
-JR with a good line about not being sure where Lady Blossom would hide anything in that outfit during a loooooong headlock.
-JR with another zinger about Blossom’s bosom needing a double fold out in the WCW Magazine. I’m watching a couple weeks after his Anna Jay comments, so this all checks out.
-Dustin misses a cross body and bounces out to the floor. He eats some stiff punces and comes up bleeding profusely. Was that hard way? He’s his dad’s kid. Steve hits a rare double axe handle, Macho style, to the floor.
-Ten minutes perfectly passed. The crowd is more interested than the camera than the match.
-A leaping clothesline off of a monkey flip is blocked by Austin. Blossom gives five slaps, including a backhanded on, to Dustin behind the ref’s back.
-Too many lariats. Right on cue, they brawl on the floor and Austin goes into the post. Now he’s bleeding. This is some random juice to try to give this match some.
-Dustin keeps counting with the ref on his pins. He keeps getting two. He’s done it three times and it bothers me. How about you hook the leg instead of slamming the mat?
-Ten elbows in the corner with 30 seconds to go. The countdown begins and Rhodes hits a top rope clothesline. The timer is one second off, so Austin kicks out and I actually like that better.
WINNER: Time Limit Draw in 15:00
-Dustin gets a dropkick at the bell as Austin bails.
FINAL WORD: A decent match that didn’t deserve the time and color it got.
-A Starrcade commercial previews BattleBowl and the Lethal Lottery with wrestler cards and a digital bowl. I hope you can read sarcasm because…cool.
-GMC announces Oz without his hat, mask and backdrop. It’s just Kevin Nash in a robe and black tights. Some lumbering music for a lumbering man: Bill Kazmaier with the literal world on his back. He seems to fucking struggle carrying it. Some World’s Strongest Man and some stupid visual. This should suck.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: Oz vs Bill Kazmaier
-Oz was Cactus Jack’s replacement. That’s somehow a miracle and a tragedy all at once. Some bad headlocks and shoulder blocks start.
-Bill hits a shitty slam and Oz wants a test of strength. You know, to up the workrate! Oz kicks Kaz to one knee and JR is shining on this show by making chicken shit into chicken salad. He’s on an MVP level.
-Some ugly blows are called “basic and elementary” by JR. A hip lock takeover is the biggest bump of Kevin Nash’s career to this point.
-JESUS CHRIST Oz fold Kazmaier up in a dangerous belly-to-back suplex. The catcalls start. Commentary mentions Oz is going to Japan to learn nothing, I guess.
-Bill skins the cat, then hits a bad knee lift, clothesline and steals Lex’s old finish.
WINNER: Bill Kazmaier in 3:58 with a torture rack
FINAL WORD: JR took care of this for me: “it wasn’t pretty.” Was it worse than Chamber of Horrors? It’s really six of one, half dozen of another.
-JR and Tony talk Ron Simmons briefly before Tony is forces to say nonsense like “Vantastic”, “Hammerheads” and “Hammer Hysteria.” This was supposed to be Michael Hayes’ match and it makes perfect sense why he bailed because bad rock music, pyro and guitar moves mean it’s time for Van Hammer. What a loser. Jackhammers are going off onstage and this is so uncool. His quotes of “Rock of Ages” and being called the “King of the Headbanger’s Ball” make it lamer. His headbanging is even awful. A doughy Doug Sommers is the poor victim. He looks like a pasty old Brit with a drug problem here. He’s a long way from the AWA Tag Titles.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: Van Hammer vs Doug Somers
-An incredible botch early: Somers ducks an expected leapfrog, but Hammer wanted a clothesline. Hammer then dangerously hits it.
-Hammer whips Doug so hard, he falls into the opposite corner. What an LVP performance in seconds.
-Van hits a couple of elbows, a couple of leg drops and a couple of OMG HE ALMOST FUCKING KILLED HIM.
WINNER: Van Hammer in 1:12 with a slingshot suplex.
-I tried finding a GIF and it doesn’t exist. Trust me: Van Hammer almost dropped Somers right on his head. The only thing he didn’t botch was stomping and clapping “We Will Rock You.” The girls scream at the end, but it’s still pretty apathetic. Tony calls the finish “Hammer Rocks” and I want to puke
FINAL WORD: I had to rewind this whole match. FOUR BOTCHES IN 72 SECONDS!!!! This is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. We’ve had three all-time worst match candidates two WCW PPVs in a row.
-Brian Pillman is cutting a promo backstage and he has apparently been reinstated apparently because of the fans. He considers the Light Heavyweight Championship a World Title. Sure. Richard Morton and Alexandra York are next and nobody says innovative offense like him, Bubba. He is a good promo, though.
-GMC announces Pillman to a good reaction. That camera on Nick Patrick’s head sucks. It’s just a shitty helmet! Tony can’t get the name of it right and just says “whatever.” Classic. Morton comes out dressed the same as he’s always been despite his gimmick change.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE TOURNAMENT FINALS- Brian Pillman vs Richard Morton w/Alexandra York
-Nice shot of both men’s feet and the mat with the first refer-eye shot.
-Bailing and computer stalling early because that’s how you establish a high-flying division.
-Brian slams and karate kicks Morton, who definitely hated bumping there.
-Too much refer-eye. Pillman with a good fake out in the corner to hit an anticlimactic double axe from the second rope. JR tells us the weight limit is 236 pounds!!! Good lord, that would be the entire business nowadays!
-JR can’t keep talking about Pillman’s football background. I may be able to recite it verbatim at this point.
-Commentary mentions Jushin Thunder Liger for the first time. He can’t come soon enough because this is boring.
-A tedious arm hold is so tedious that JR has to start talking about the camera work.
-Morton has two or three cutoffs when Brian comes back. Yippee. If Hammer didn’t already lock this up, Morton could be an LVP candidate.
-BIG overhand chop by the face, then an awkward collision mid-ring where they fall out of the ring on different sides. Pillman’s shoulder is still a story as it gets rammed into the ring post.
-Brian gets back in by going straight to the top and I’d like to thank the refer-eye camera for that shitty final shot.
WINNER: Brian Pillman in 12:44 to win the title with a top rope cross body.
-The replay shows the pinfall better and the refer-eye replay shows the move well, but also Nick Patrick’s hand during the count. We move on quickly and this isn’t treated like a big deal at all.
FINAL WORD: This was not indicative of what this division should be at all. Thanks, Richard.
-Ross and Schiavone talk up the Phantom some more. Good consistency throughout the show with this. Here comes the goddamn Z-Man. He is still here??!?!?! He yells “Halloween Havoc” to the crowd and JR tells us he’s lost 10 pounds to be quicker. He’s still a bloated 246. Spooky organ music for the WCW Halloween Phantom. He gets two bad flames of pyro and he looks like a bad, masked gangster. He’s trying to cover up his obvious moustache. The crowd is very indifferent.
MATCH NUMBER NINE: The Z-Man vs The WCW Halloween Phantom
-Phantom jumps Zenk at the bell with some good violence and a big clothesline.
-That mask is the fucking worst at hiding who this is. The man behind it tries to menacingly taunt to try and seem different.
-Z-Man gets one dropkick, but it’s no sold and he’s beat up again.
-YES SQUASH THE Z MAN ALL DAY PLEASE.
WINNER: The WCW Halloween Phantom in 1:26 with the Rude Awakening.
-Tony calls the move by name in the replay. Good job, Bozo.
FINAL WORD: That was a very effective squash. Z-Man did the same for Vader last year. That’s somehow the fourth best match on this show so far.
-Another Starrcade commercial and GMC introduces the WCW Tag Title match. What the fuck are the WCW Special Forces? It’s apparently the Patriots, the current U.S. Tag Champs. Here come Firebreaker Chip and Todd Champion and how many new jabrones are getting chances?!?! They look like a couple of dick dancers. The VERY underrated Enforcers theme leads Arn Anderson and Larry Zbyszko to the ring. Arn does the throat slit and they are badass together. The name sucks because it’s just Arn’s gimmick, though.
MATCH NUMBER TEN: WCW TAG TITLE MATCH- The Patriots vs The Enforcers (Champs)
-Chip and Larry start as the announcers talk about Windham’s injury. Chip is JACKED and Larry makes a lot of noise moaning and groaning.
=Arn tags in and gets a good reaction. He’s very confident and he’s the only thing anyone cares about.
-Chip is too oiled up according to Arn. He also looks lost spot to spot. He tags in Todd Champion and he looks like Sting without face paint and the Patriot without a mask. Maybe they tried to steal him from GWF?
-Nice slingshot from the ring to the floor with Todd on the apron to Arn. Hope that made sense, but I’ve never seen that before. Todd locks a high bearhug in, but Zbyszko breaks it up behind the ref’s back. Todd hits a double clothesline to a mixed reaction.
-Shout out to Impel Marketing for their WCW trading cards. That means I shout out Rip Camillucci and the Wack Pack on IG Live!
-Champion takes the heat as the announcers keep putting over Arn’s tag prowess. They aren’t wrong. Meanwhile, Larry Zbyszko is too fucking loud.
-The ref stumbles on Todd being clumsy getting knocked down from a double axe.
-Lukewarm tag to Firebreaker and he shows decent fire with some slams and dropkicks. A powerslam pin is broken up by Larry.
-A brawl develops and Chip collides into Larry leading into the most beautiful version of a move by that move’s inventor.
WINNER: The Enforcers in 9:51 when Arn Anderson pins Firebreaker Chip with a spinebuster
-The replay shows Arn being a boss and claiming “that’s it” before the pin. He’s the shit. It’s not enough for MVP, but it’s close.
FINAL WORD: A mediocre affair because of mediocre faces.
-Eric Bischoff interview Paul E. Dangerously and I wish I could hear their internal thoughts right here. Paul is with Medusa (in her first appearance I believe). He shouts his promo, but the words are top choice about his firing as co-host of the TV program. Oh well, he has his manager’s license and he’s going to bankrupt the company and take away the heroes starting with Sting. He introduces the Phantom and claims he was watching the World Series in the back. Don’t remind the crowd there’s something probably better going on.
-Paul has a rare, yet minor, verbal botch that he ignores as he puts over the Phantom beautifully. “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust” and a bad dubbed theme almost hurts the awesome introduction of Rick Rude to WCW. They couldn’t edit in his more permanent second theme instead? Rude cuts a promo about loving himself, women and money. We are almost out of the dark period of WCW 1991 and the glory days of 1992 here! This is a great promo that elevates Rude to the MVP hunt. He seems vicious and evil in a way I haven’t seen from him before. He’s treated like a big deal and the announcers put over this as the biggest news of the year and a top draft choice. That transitions into main event talk.
-Cut to a video of Ron Simmons preparing at Florida State University. I’ll try to be as nice as I can as a Florida Gator alum. He looks at his locker and a painting of himself before doing football drills. We get a Bobby Bowden promo. He fits as an FSU figurehead because he doesn’t talk like a smart individual. I couldn’t help myself. Ron and his little ass shorts work out and this is effective and needed as I’ve mentioned in the past. GMC does his intro while the video still plays and we go live for GMC to introduce Simmons again. He enters in FSU colors with Dusty Rhodes in tye-dye. Dusty is called his “one-time only manager and advisor.”
-Cardboard “LUGER” letters are onstage for the champ with Harley Race and Mr. Hughes. Man, he is finally champ. He gets a mixed reaction, but there are a lot of photos with his face crossed out in the crowd. The ref gives instructions and tells Hughes that he has to leave. Both guys get shown the belt and I assume the loser will be given bootleg DVDs and menthol cigarettes (and our reference challenge is done). This has a good atmosphere. I loved this match as a kid and it was second runner-up in PWI Match of the Year. Can it hold up?
MATCH NUMBER ELEVEN: WCW TITLE TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS MATCH- Ron Simmons w/Dusty Rhodes vs Lex Luger w/Harley Race (Champ)
-JR starts by talking up their history as teammates in the USFL because he can’t help himself.
-Chain wrestling at the beginning with Dusty shouting encouragement. Ron finally unleashes some big punches, but misses a dropkick and Lex takes over.
-Lex’s piledriver is called the Attitude Adjustment. You damn right it is. I loved his variation as a kid. John Cena is a thief!
-Simmons hits two big clotheslines and a powerslam. Then, he hits the second best spinebuster in the business.
Ron Simmons takes the first fall in 4:54 by pinning Lex Luger with a spinebuster.
-Wow, that’s so good and surprising. There is a 60 second rest period and the camera gets right in the corner with the advisors giving guidance. Dusty is particularly great talking about defense versus offense and his genuine encouragement.
-The match restarts and Lex really sells his back in the corner still. JR picks it up well as he eats a suplex and a backdrop. The crowd loves Ron and they’ve done a great job establishing him as a face in only eight months. He gets a good bulldog for two.
-Lex is great as the heel in peril and kicks out of a small package at two. JR randomly brings up John Smoltz in the midst of Tony’s baseball analogy.
-Lex throws Ron to the floor and takes over. Man, I hate Nick Patrick’s count. It has no force; there’s bad rhythm and it hurts the near falls.
-Luger looks very gassed and Schiavone points that out on his poor covers. A headlock with Lex using the ropes for leverage allows him to recoup.
-Two more good close counts on a Ron roll up and backslide. Race trips him up and Dusty comes over to slug him to a big pop.
-Race grabs Simmons’ tights, Lex charges at him and we naturally get a BS second fall.
Lex Luger takes the second fall in 16:25 by DQ when Ron Simmons backdrops him over the top rope.
-Judgment call my ass, this is such a booking crutch and it hurts my overall enjoyment of the match.
-On the rest period, Dusty talks about the fourth quarter and then the third fall starts with a Luger cheap shot. Simmons starts no selling to a big ovation and Lex is bleeding on one eye.
-Dusty keeps jumping on the apron on the close two counts. It’s a good touch, but it’s becoming obvious.
-Tony Schiavone is the cover king. He analyzes each one like Mel Kiper at the draft.
-JR is now sweating as more near falls for Lex occur. A second rope shoulder tackle knocks Lex to the floor. Ron goes for his finish, but he hits his shoulder on the post.
-Back in the ring, I finally notice how sloppy this version of the piledriver is. Don’t care, still love it.
WINNER: Lex Luger 2-1 in 21:59 after an Attitude Adjustment
FINAL WORD: That was very good, but not as good as I remembered. The crowd made it work more than it should have.
-That final fall was abrupt, but both guys are exhausted. The replay helps explain the sloppiness of the AA as focusing on the injured shoulder. Tony points that out, but fucks his credit up by calling it “one of the greatest matches ever.”
-JR and Tony recap the main event, Rude’s debut and Pillman’s win before signing off and the credits roll.
THE LAST IMAGE: Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone and a wide shot of the arena with pyro.
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Bobby Eaton is a bridesmaid again because Rick Rude earned this with his aura of importance, an explosive squash and an awesome promo that sets the tone for the company in the next year.
FINAL LVP of PPV: It’s crazy that Oz, Bill Kazmaier and El Gigante were all nowhere the mess that Van Hammer was.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Bobby Eaton vs Terrence Taylor
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Van Hammer vs Doug Somers
FINAL THOUGHTS: Yet another BAD WCW 1991 show. Three particularly embarrassing bouts combined with too much nonsense spoiled a few legitimately good things on this card. There is hope, but it’s still fleeting as of right now. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: What can be a graver challenge than Halloween Havoc 1991? How about the Gravest Challenge and Survivor Series 1991?