Let’s talk about love, huh?
Love is a complicated thing to convey in the wrestling business. You are trying to entertaining, in the majority, a bunch of cynical men and children who don’t understand. Plenty of romantic stories have been successful, but way too many have been met with disinterest or straight malice from the paying public. Back in the era we are currently in for this retro diary, it was much easier, but not foolproof.
It is a testament to the characters of Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth that they are able to have a genuine wedding as a main event of a PPV in the most famous arena in the world and it’s a draw and treated with excitement. Could it be because the crowd is expecting some kind of swerve or typical wedding hijinks? Maybe. Is it the fact that the other “main event” features the dying breaths of the Iraqi heel stable? Probably.
I also wanted to talk about love in my own world: I’m writing this entry two days after being informed that I will be losing my job due to some major restructuring in my company and the COVID pandemic. You aren’t reading this until a few months later and I may very well be back on my feet already, but it doesn’t change the fact that this is a challenging time in my life and I lost something that I loved and aspired to for quite some time. That said, I encourage you reading this to do what you love both professionally and personally. When one goes bad, the other has your back. The retro diary you are reading right now is something I sure love doing and I hope you do as well.
Enough sappy shit…
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 42- WWF SUMMERSLAM 1991
Written on 9/24/20
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: The SummerSlam logo scrolls across the screen with inset images of wrestling and beach shit. The Match Made in Heaven is previewed, then “nuptials turn to napalm” with General Adnan and Colonel Mustafa backdooring their way into the main event of the second biggest show of the year. We go live in Madison Square Garden and the crowd is LOUD and ready. Gorilla Monsoon welcomes us alongside Bobby Heenan and Roddy Piper. Oh boy, this will either be glorious or messy as hell. Heenan says getting married is tying the knot around your neck while Piper gives a manic, but awesome, breakdown of the handicap match as well as the concept of brains and hatred.
-Cue the Fink and Ricky Steamboat…nay, “The Dragon” looking really stupid with some badly dubbed music as he breathes fire. Slick and his boys are in the ring without an intro. The Texas Tornado enters in what can only be describes as a bathrobe. The British Bulldog comes out third because they actually have plans for him compared to everyone else. The heels are now introduced and Hercules looks so much more bloated in a bad way since we last saw him at WrestleMania. Maybe it’s his hair?
MATCH NUMBER ONE: The Dragon, The Texas Tornado and The British Bulldog vs The Warlord and Power and Glory w/Slick
-Man, Bobby recapping the face team highlights how silly they are. They can’t just be Kerry, Ricky and Davey?
-Dragon and Paul Roma start as the commentators recap all of the matches on the undercard. This is definitely the best SummerSlam card.
-Dragon catches Roma with a flying arm drag deeper than ever after Roma was extra cocky.
-The commentators are mildly bickering and putting everything over except this match so far. It’s Tornado vs Hercules now and they are just trading wristlocks.
-Heenan admonishes Piper calling him “boobs” as the Bulldog knocks Warlord down and gets him up in a great vertical suplex. That makes Bulldog an early MVP threat.
-Roma has also looked good so far, but it’s Paul Roma, so who cares? Please read that in CM Punk’s tone talking about B-Boy in his famous Straight Shootin’ interview with Samoa Joe. Man, is that inside baseball? Oh well, it’s this week’s reference challenge.
-Dragon takes a lot of abuse including backbreakers and gorilla press slams. That will teach you to ask for time off for the birth of your child!
-The comeback gets cut off by a big Hercules Stun Gun and Warlord fucks it up soon afterwards. Tornado hot tags in while Piper and Heenan riff together to mixed results.
-Warlord sunset flip!!! He also gets to kick out of the discus punch and tag out to Roma. The timing may be off because Roma also kicks out of a finish in Bulldog’s powerslam. Or Bulldog wasn’t supposed to get the pin.
WINNERS: The Dragon, Texas Tornado and British Bulldog in 10:43 when Dragon pins Paul Roma with a flying cross body.
FINAL WORD: A fine opener that the crowd popped at the end for like Stone Cold entering the ring 7 years later.
-Sean Mooney is backstage with Mr. Perfect, his new haircut and the stupid Coach. He is an immediate LVP with his whistle. The champ cuts a great promo about excellence versus perfection. Oh shit, this is now! Bret Hart enters the arena to a good ovation in a cool, pink jacket. Stu and Helen Hart are shown in the crowd and the Brain is right on cue, making fun on their “great rhythm” on their clapping. Mr. Perfect is out to big heat and confidence. Bret gives his glasses to a cool kid in a TMNT shirt. Piper and Heenan have a good back and forth about strategies.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: IC TITLE MATCH- Bret Hart vs Mr. Perfect w/The Coach (Champ)
-An early hiplock make Hennig basically do a 630. He’s in so much pain, but still rocking it. Heenan antagonizes Piper by saying his folks ran away from home.
-A side headlock is worked over and over with two counts on flips and crucifixes early.
-Perfect is the new MVP by selling his ass off, kicking Bret’s attacks off and making the Hitman look amazing. He begs off on the floor and gets his singlet ripped.
-Cut to Stu with his tongue out. Heenan: “they’re nervous because they snuck in!”
-Big chops and kicks turn the tide in the champ’s favor. Bret gets slingshot to the floor and into the rail. He lands on a cameraman who doesn’t sell it, but the announcers cover well.
-I’m glad Perfect is finally getting some time…but this has underwhelmed me so far. It’s been 10 minutes and it’s good…but I expected more. The announcers are also working hard.
-Weird spot: both men climb to the top from the outside. Bret is punched down to the ring, his foot gets sorta caught in the ropes, then Perfect just falls down in exhaustion.
-Hennig slaps Hart in the face. That has cost him in the past.
-A second crucifix is blocked by a Perfect Samoan Drop and a good nearfall. The PerfectPlex follows soon after and also only gets a two. That’s a big shock that Heenan sells great and Coach jumps around like a goof.
-Bret hits the atomic drop, then hair mares Perfect 85% of the way across the ring before getting crotched on the post. Some WrestleMania 3 IC Title match levels of pin attempts and two counts on a Russian leg sweep, suplex, small package and second rope elbow. That’s also known as all of Bret’s shit.
-On the floor, Bret whips Perfect into the post for another epic sell. Two leg kicks in the ring and Perfect does his flip on the ropes. The Coach gets hit and bumps like shit as Heenan is incredulous that a man with glasses got hit.
-Perfect tries a low leg drop one too many times and it gets blocked and reversed from the ground. Before it’s completely on (and it gets really locked in), it is over.
WINNER: Bret Hart in 18:03 to win the title with the Sharpshooter
-Bret completely strips Perfect to his skivvies as the place goes “bananas” according to a correct Gorilla. Heenan is angry, but gives Hart props nevertheless.
-Lord Alfred Hayes is with the Hart Family. Bret comes up as Hayes tries to get a word from Stu. He asks him a question, Stu mutters for literally two seconds, then Hayes pulls away the mic and says “there you have it!” LOL so bad.
FINAL WORD: That was very good, but not a GOAT match that I’ve been led to believe. It is a great start for Bret’s singles run and the sad beginning of the end for Curt Hennig.
-A commercial plays for Hot Ticket: Hulk Hogan and the Real American Story. In other words, a jerk off PPV that I definitely made my mom buy in October 1991.
-Mean Gene is with the Bushwhackers and sad Andre the Giant complete with crutches. The clip from Superstars where Jimmy Hart claims Andre is his new client plays and Quake blindsides the Giant in his legs. Back live and the Whackers yell over Gene with their nonsense. Andre gets the last word in. What a scene. The Natural Disasters enter live and Typhoon is so much better than Tugboat. Piper says Quake is living proof that Chernobyl happened. The faces and Fezzik enter to a good pop. Luke and Butch are the tag team version of Jim Duggan. They are whacking way too much for my taste.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: The Natural Disasters w/Jimmy Hart vs The Bushwhackers w/Andre the Giant
-The faces sneaks behind the heels on the floor and poke their eyes. They tassle Andre’s hair and put their hat on him. Heenan claims he’d commit suicide if he managed the Bushwhackers.
-The first spot of the match: Butch bites Typhoon on the ass. Soon, they hit a double battering ram and double clothesline, somehow knocking both heels down. Were the Rockers unavailable for this?
-Butch eats an elbow from Quake, an Argentinean backbreaker from Typhoon and then transitioned into a Quake bearhug without being dropped.
-Brain leaves the commentary table as he gets word that Hulk Hogan had arrived. He’s going to tell him to “put up or shut up”. WE WANT FLAIR intensifies.
-Luke gets the hot tag and more shit offense. He whips Typhoon into Quake and hits the floor. Behind the ref’s back, Luke gets compacted. Cue the tremors…thankfully.
WINNERS: The Natural Disasters in 6:27 when Earthquake pinned Luke with the Earthquake Splash
FINAL WORD: 2K had the nerve to make you relive this in a game a few years ago. Think about that.
-The heels corner Andrew and the Legion of Doom come out to protect him. The heels get backed off to the ring and the Whackers help make them bail to the back. The Whackers’ music still plays?!?!? They lost handily!!!
-Cut to Heenan outside Hulk’s door (with a crude piece of white paper featuring “HULK” typed on it). Bobby has the Big Gold Belt! The door opens and Hogan is off screen. Heenan says Flair challenges him and the door gets slammed in his face. Bobby is embarrassed and mad and Gorilla and Piper laugh.
-Macho Man is shown backstage dressed like Billy Graham talking on the phone about the wedding and the honeymoon. It’s pretty worthless but entertaining because it’s Macho Man.
-Sean Mooney is with Ted DiBiase and Sensational Sherri. They recap the embarrassment Virgil has endured over the years. Ted cuts his typically great promo until it ends on a crying towel. What? The Million Dollar Man theme plays and the heels enter. Sherri looks out of it. Piper has a bad joke about kissing her and almost falling in. My work out mantra POETIC DEVASTATION!!!! That’s the name of Virgil’s theme. I swear to you. His bad boot tassels run to the ring and he high fives Piper before getting in the ring and attacked from behind.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: MILLION DOLLAR TITLE MATCH- Virgil vs Ted DiBiase w/Sensational Sherri (Champ)
-Virgil is ON FIRE to start! He hits a big clothesline over the top and does some dancing/juking/punching that makes Shane McMahon blush.
-Ted goes over the top again and he’s trying to outsell Hennig. Bobby is back and distracts the crowd. Ted pulls Virgil hard off the apron to get them back. Then, Virgil takes a big tumble off the steel steps.
-Some vintage fist drops and double axe handles as Ted stays in control. Virgil eventually counters with his own Million Dollar Dream. Sherri comes in and hits Virgil with her purse. The bell rings at 6:18.
-Earl Hebner talks to Fink, who announces that the official’s decision is that he has the right to DQ DiBiase, but is sending Sherri to the back instead and continuing the match. UHHHHHH…THE FUCK?!?! Tony Garea and Rene Goulet escort Sherri out.
-Virgil is really impactful. The crowd is digging him. What happened to him? The corner punches suck, that’s part of it. He’s probably looking for someone else to talk to as he talking about working in New York. That’s a ROH shoot reference, by the way. One to go.
-The ref gets bumped in the corner and Ted yells at Piper as he continues to attack Virgil with suplexes. Heenan hopes Virgil didn’t put a down payment on a boombox. Fuck…I laughed.
-Piledriver and the ref is still struggling to get up, so DiBiase kicks him down again. He removes the turnbuckle pad, yells in Virgil’s face and then gets sent into the exposed corner himself.
-This is a looooooong double down. Like WrestleMania XIX length, but the right result racially. A loooooooong crawl as Piper is about to expire.
WINNER: Virgil in 11:39 to win the title with a shot into the exposed turnbuckle.
-AN INCREDIBLE POP WHAT THE FUCK?!?! He does a forward flip in celebration and Roddy is amazing here. He’s the happiest man of all time. It’s an MVP worthy reaction. Heenan says the title will be hanging on the hood of a Cadillac soon.
FINAL WORD: Fuck it, I loved this. I referenced it back in the day in an old Podwoggle article about lost moments in time and it’s still the case here.
-Mean Gene is with the Mountie and some of NYPD’s finest. We get a replay of Mountie cattle prodding Big Boss Man as he handcuffed. The Nasty Boys help and Jacques cuts a yelling promo wanting “Mountie Justice” and bringing him to the “caboose house.” The Big Boss Man cuts a promo with Sean Mooney and says Mountie has the wrong “idear.” Thanks, Russo. I love this gimmick match idea. Mountie enters with Jimmy Hart. Boss Man comes out very, very quickly. Good Lord, he is so wet!
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: JAILHOUSE MATCH- The Mountie w/Jimmy Hart vs Big Boss Man
-The Mountie gets dropped with one hell of a right hand right away. That’s followed with a weird splash for two. Heenan says he’s going to get a pack of smokes for Boss Man so he can “pay the screws.”
-All Bubba early as he catches Mountie mid-air and holds him before a big spinebuster. The Mountie is really a wimp and it’s great.
-Both men are wearing the same pants? The Mountie axe handles Boss from behind as he chases Hart and collides with the steps.
-Jimmy Hart is so underrated: the crowd loses interest with Mountie on offense, so Jimmy runs and finds his megaphone and starts jawing on it and the crowd is back into it immediately.
-One ring curtain is totally down as Mountie attacks Boss Man on the floor and he lands on his head. Heenan says “oh, that’s fine.”
-Mountie tries three times before getting a piledriver on Boss, who sells hilariously with bad convulsions on his knees.
-Rougeau doesn’t cover, Hart distracts the ref and Mountie goes for the cattle prod as Boss avoids it.
-Boss Man Slam, but Mountie barely gets his shoulder up. That’s a shock. There’s been a lot of that tonight.
-The Mountie trips on the mat, both men get up and another piledriver is attempted. It’s countered into a first time move here. Call it the Cobb County Slam.
WINNER: The Big Boss Man in 9:37 with an Alabama Slam
FINAL WORD: This is a match all about the post-match shenanigans, but it was still quite good.
-The police are out to cuff and escort Mountie, who is yelling and complaining like gold. “You’re hurting me!!!” Eat your heart out, Bo Dallas! He is kicking in the back of a wagon and the crowd loves it. This is such a crowd-pleasing show as the car leaves.
-Mean Gene is backstage with Ted DiBiase and Sherri complaining. They have a good point on Virgil jumping him from behind at the bell, the DQ decision, etc. Okerlund just basically “eh’s” it off.
-Sean Mooney interviews a celebrating Bret Hart. It’s a Bret Hart promo. Get used to it.
-Mean Gene interviews Jimmy Hart and the Natural Disasters. Hart is upset about the Mountie and the Disasters yells at LOD. Quake is so much better than Typhoon.
-Mooney is with the Big Boss Man and he tells a jailbird joke. Man, jail is made to seem like a place to not be, huh? Some police reform might work?
-Mean Gene talks to Macho Man as he is still on the phone. Apparently, it’s the 900 number? I was about to say, is that a thing back in the day? Calling people before your wedding? Gene starts to talk about seeing Liz and Savage naturally stops him and it is intermission time. That’s unless you are in the UK, then you suffer through Lord Alfred Hayes’ updates.
-Back live with the commentators previewing the main event and what Sid Justice is up to. Heenan stirs the pot before cutting to the police station as Mountie shouts “you can’t do this to me”, “OWWW”, “I’m the Mountie”, and “we speak the same language!” He gets his rights read and this is amazing. What an MVP performance.
-Sean Mooney interviews Jimmy Hart and the Nasty Boys. Close ups of Sags and Knobbs yelling is a choice, but they are good promos at least.
-Back to the Mountie getting his mugshot. He is tricked into looking up. Is this the first comedy skit in PPV history? It has aged very well. Meanwhile, Mean Gene is with LOD before their Street Fight. Animal has one volume: LOOOOOOUD. Hawk’s “Well…” is officially a thing! His style and way with words is so underrated. It’s the Ultimate Warrior, but better.
-The Mountie gets fingerprinted and flicks the cops off while fighting them tough and nail. Now, Sean Mooney is with Sgt. Slaughter and friends. Slaughter’s beret is almost as bad as his delivery and material. He claims the Warrior is snake bitten and Hulk has a wound in his head. Whatever.
-More talking, my god! Mean Gene is with Sid Justice looking JACKED. It’s the most subdued he’s ever been, then he becomes Sid like THAT. Earlier in the day, the Trio of Terror try to convince Sid to join their group. I see a lot of Brock Lesnar in Sid’s face here. Think of that universe. Sid’s apparent new catchphrase: “Justice will be served.”
-The Nasty Boys enter and how the fuck did they get the titles around their waist? A lady is shown in the crowd with some Nastified Cabbage Patch kids. Gross. Road Warrior Pop for LOD and they jump the champs at the bell with their spikes on! Good grief, be careful!
MATCH NUMBER SIX: TAG TITLE NO COUNTOUT, NO DQ MATCH- The Legion of Doom vs The Nasty Boys w/Jimmy Hart (Champs)
-Animal powerbombs Knobbs 40 seconds in. Let’s go!!!!
-Despite the rules established, tags are still required? The Nasty Boys spray shit in Hawk’s eye behind the ref’s back? Why? Added drama?
-Sags loves concession trays! A whole one filled with ice and drinks nails Hawk in the back.
-Nothing bothers me more than “cheating” in a no DQ affair counted by the ref and stuff still being hidden from him. It hurts my suspension of disbelief.
-Jerry Sags is good, man. He hits a nice top rope elbow drop. Knobbs is caught mid-air with a boot and Animal is hot tagged in and all over the place with brawling and powerslams.
-A donnybrook breaks out (finally). The heels go for a helmet shot, Animal ducks, but Sags stops and hits him ducked anyway. Nice spot! Sags is an MVP threat.
-Jimmy Hart gets hit on the floor and Knobbs takes a protected shot to the face with the helmet. Sags takes one to the back, then takes one hell of a bump.
WINNERS: Legion of Doom in 7:45 to win the titles when Animal pins Sags after the Doomsday Device.
-Another big moment, pop and title change.
FINAL WORD: I wanted more chaos, but there was nothing wrong with it. Also, we dealt with NWA bait and switches for years with these two. Within one year, LOD are champs in MSG getting massive chants.
-The Mountie is still yelling like a bitch wanting out. He begs off to walk, then trying to make a run for it and wants his phone call. He finally gets put into the cell with some people.
-IRS! Yeah, let’s sign away Michael Wallstreet. He gets some mic time about finger pointing and cry babies regarding taxes. Eh, let’s not. Greg Valentine enters like it’s 1986 all over again. Heenan has a great line about this being the Figure Four versus the W4.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: IRS vs Greg Valentine
-Did someone go short and this needed to be added? It seems tacked on and rushed. All three commentators are good at pointing out each man’s ability and style.
-More talking of anything other than the match, which is fine. Undertaker and Jake Roberts are rumored to be in the building. I’d rather hear that discussion than IRS stalling and Valentine’s clotheslines and slams.
-Piper sings a “New York, New York” parody and Heenan makes fun of his voice. IRS hits his finishing flying clothesline, but it appears to be a transition move now.
-IRS does the Flair spot from the top and Greg works on his leg to set up his finish. The crowd wakes up for it, but Irwin quickly gets to the ropes.
-Gorilla says Greg is working over the “collateral lateral ligaments” and Bobby is great: “just sahy he hurt his leg, Monsoon!”
-Valentine keeps signaling for the Figure Four again, but doesn’t go for it. He finally does and gets caught.
WINNER: IRS in 7:07 with a small package
FINAL WORD: Real housewives of whatever city you choose have less fillers.
-Another Hot Ticket commercial and Heenan jokes that the wedding is the real Match Made in Hell. Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan and a soon to be fired Ultimate Warrior. Hulk has some emotion and feeling like he did when he won the title for the first time in this building (against Sheik ironically). Warrior talks cobras, tanks and a “coop of wildness.” Between that and his perm, he’s on LVP warning. Hulk covers by saying venom is coursing his veins, then does his catchphrase outro nose to nose to Warrior. Yo, make out!
-Sid’s theme plays and he enters in impressive fashion. The crowd is allowed to cheer for him and they do heavily. The drum corps theme plays for the Triangle of Terror. Why is Col. Mustafa Bushwhacking? USA chants start and, once again, remember when this was in a 2K game for no reason? Warrior enters with a shorter run than usual. Heenan says he makes coffee nervous. His pop is nothing to Hogan’s, though. HUGE. He nonchalantly throws the title to Sid and says “here, big man.” I totally believe he doesn’t know Sid’s name. That’s hilarious to me.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: HANDICAP MATCH WITH SID JUSTICE AS GUEST REFEREE- General Adnan, Col. Mustafa and Sgt. Slaughter vs Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior
-Gorilla calls Hogan the GOAT World Champ because Bruno probably did something to especially piss Vince off that week.
-90 seconds after the bell and Slaughter and Hogan still haven’t locked up yet. Sarge has some cloth, Sid rips it from his hand. 2:09: LOCK UP. WHAT A MAIN EVENT. Slaughter eats some punches and takes his big corner bump before a double clothesline.
-Double big boot and I notice Sid is almost as bad of a ref as he is a wrestler. He counts quietly and slowly.
-Hulk hits a second rope double axe handle because he has to be Macho Man. Mustafa has interfered twice by partially getting into the ring. Never change. Sheiky Baby.
-Sid stops Hulk’s punches in the corner twice and it’s awkward. This turns the tide and Adnan tags in for some eye rakes and back scratches. COOL.
-Sheik is so bloated and bad. He does manage to do a gutwrench and the Camel Clutch. Piper acknowledges 1984 and the crowd seems to get it as well. Warrior breaks it up.
-Sid breaks up action at the count of three instead of four or five. Will one guest ref not get LVP? If Adnan doesn’t do a move and just keeps biting and giving out cheap attacks, it may be him.
-Warrior pushes Slaughter off the top directly in front of Sid, but oh well! Warrior tags in and knocks Sarge down four times before running into Sid.
-Warrior suplexes Mustafa and I assume he shit himself on impact. He’s dreaming of coming to the ring in a gold cart to Big Pimpin’. I had to switch to the Punk and Cabana interview for this last one, but I’m still counting it.
-Adnan is worthless. LVP for sure. Just make it a tag match or something!
-Warrior oddly thrusts after a flying clothesline to Slaughter. Sid is counting like only Sid can. Hulk gets a hot tag and goes right into “YOU” and the big boot.
-All five guys are in the ring before Warrior gets a chair and chases the General and Colonel to the back. And that’s a season wrap on the Ultimate Warrior! Crazy times.
-Meanwhile, Hogan has fucking powder! Then, we get a fast ass count. That was actually cocaine. Piper calls it “victory powder.” It sure is.
WINNERS: Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior in 12:39 when Hogan pins Sgt. Slaughter after a leg drop
FINAL WORD: That was a match made in hell, all right.
-Hulk celebrates by giving some childish hand motions and mocking. He’s wondering if he can pose and taunt long enough to fuck up the wedding. He calls for someone in the back.
-Why is he asking “me?” Why is he shy and confused? Why? He comes back down and does the Brock leap onto the apron and gets his shirt ripped off by Hogan. Hulk teaches him how to pose and listen to the crowd. Man, parallel lives (that’s a minor bonus reference to the Joe and Punk interview). Heenan is great here: “this is the marriage, right?”
-One final look at the Mountie as someone in the cell tells him “shh…” It’s an effeminate biker who comes up asking if he likes the way leather feels against his body. AS bad as that’s aged, the Mountie sells it so damn well.
-Sid and Hulk leave and the commentators sans Bobby laugh about the Mountie. Macho and Liz in ring with Mean Gene is replayed. Savage is teasing a return to the ring at SummerSlam while Vince McMahon and Piper mutter as commentators and encourage him. They are also making weird noises and laughing. Randy tells Liz he loves her and presents her with a ring. He takes forever to get down on one knee and finally pops the question. Liz responds with “OH YEAH” and roll credits! Like WrestleMania XX, can we just call this the series finale of wrestling for the benefits of all parties involved?
-A VERY CHEESY LOVE SONG VIDEO PACKAGE PLAYS. This is a heel video in modern times. This cannot be the real song they played live. It sounds too modern and dubbed in. It’s BAD. If I wanted to track down the performer, he’s LVP worthy. The whole thing is in slow motion, by the way.
-Back live and the ring is set up. Macho Man comes out looking like a boss. Piper threatens Heenan to shut up with his comments. I’m surprised they converted the ring so quickly. Some totally random guy is the best man. What the fuck, no Hogan or Lanny? Heenan jokes about the second guy being the best man.
-Wedding march music with the flower girl and ring bearer walking down. Bobby claims the ring bearer is exactly a midget and I laugh way too hard. That’s a late MVP case. Elizabeth enters to a big pop. You know, you want a pop when getting married. Why not start the show with this, then show the reception and the story with Jake at the end of it?
-The officiant starts and he’s bad. It sounds like he’s doing the Lee routine from 1776. All I keep thinking watching this is the “I ain’t go no wife no more” line from Savage about never doing storylines with your wife. Macho gets cold feet at the actual “I Do”, but answers with an emphatic “OHHHHH YEAH.” Wasn’t this some kind of shoot? The nuptials are very weird. Talk of thee and them and troughs. Did Warrior write them?
-Macho doesn’t get a ring? Whatever, they are pronounced husband and wife in the quickest wedding of all time. Big kiss, balloons released with streamers and Heenan complains about stuff getting all over his suit. Piper is seen clapping on his feet as the couple wave to the crowd with Savage’s appropriate music playing. I am SHOCKED MSG behaved for this. As I said at the top, it was different times and it just shows how loved these two were.
-We linger as you expect someone to interfere, but they hug and kiss one last time as Gorilla signs off.
THE LAST IMAGE: Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth kissing
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP OF PPV: Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan were their usual selves, but The Mountie totally changed courses in his career and killed it in every segment and selling in his match.
FINAL LVP OF PPV: The Coach may have done nothing and Sid Justice may have done nothing, but General Adnan literally did nothing.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Bret Hart vs Mr. Perfect
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Natural Disasters vs The Bushwhackers
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a feel-good show that felt important. Some stuff let me down or wasn’t good, but it was FUN nevertheless. A great NYC crowd certainly helped. By far, this was the best SummerSlam thus far. MULLET RECOMMENDS
NEXT TIME: Forget fun and feeling good because it’s WCW 1991 and it’s October. That means Halloween Havoc and the Chamber of Horrors. What’s the opposite of love?