In today’s episode, Vince keeps the heel guest commentator streak alive by bringing in both the Quebecers to lend him a hand. They make sure to periodically speak to each other in French to remind everyone that they’re foreign. I’m just now realizing that they’re really pretty likable guys, but because they’re overtly Canadian they’re pitched to us as heels. Sure they might cheat here and there, but so does Lex Luger and we’re supposed to cheer when he does it.
Vince is in beefcake heaven.
And speaking of Lex, he’s up first tonight against Barry Horowitz. I don’t understand what the point of this match is, so I kept expecting the Quebecers to jump in and interfere, or maybe get another Yokozuna appearance. Nope. The match just ends with Luger giving Horowitz a superplex for the win. You wouldn’t have Hogan in a match like this, so why put Luger in one? I guess they’re trying to keep him fresh in people’s minds for the Royal Rumble coming up without bogging him down with a story. Also the phone lines (aka Vince’s pockets) are still open to let Jack Tunney know where we stand on letting Lex Luger compete in the Royal Rumble.
The next match is a surprising one between Marty Jannetty and the manager of the Quebecers Johnny Polo. This isn’t something we’ve seen yet on Raw. Paul Bearer and Harvey Wippleman aren’t getting in the ring anytime soon, I’ll tell you that much. I figure if the Quebecers didn’t mess with the last match, they basically have to for this one right? Or at least that’s what I think until I see that Johnny Polo is actually pretty jacked and can likely hold his own, even against Jannetty. Johnny Polo puts up a pretty good show, but the minute Jannetty starts turning the tide in his favor, Pierre is there to lend a hand, giving his manager the win but causing the ref to eject Pierre from the building. I didn’t know refs had that kind of authority.
Johnny Polo modeling the upcoming 1994 women's swimwear line.
Changing gears now we have Doink (accompanied as usual by Dink) VS a newcomer by the name of Spike Gray. Before the match gets started, Dink offers Spike some gum, but it’s a trick and it snaps down on Spike’s fingers. As Doink laughs at Spike, Dink runs circles around Spike before coming to a stop and just kicking him in the shin. Not a very good practical joke, but effective I suppose. Spike has had enough of Dink’s shenanigans but before he can do anything, Doink just suplexes him for what’s got to be the most low effort win I’ve seen yet.
Let’s take a break from the action to get a Royal Rumble update from Todd Pettengill. Apparently, Owen and Bret Hart have made up and are now going to be challenging the Quebecers for the Tag Team Championship. Either that was the most anticlimactic storyline ever or Bret’s in for a surprise double crossing. Also why are the Quebecers suddenly everywhere?
Let’s move on to the recap of the mysterious WWF Women’s Championship match between Alundra Blayze and Heidilee Morgan. The match looks incredible, but we’re only shown short snippets for some reason. Alundra Blayze wins, but it doesn’t feel like the WWF wants us to care or else we would have seen it on Raw or some pay per view or, you know, been made aware of it ahead of time.
Instead of this, we got Doink and Dink running around like idiots.
You know who they do want us to know about though? Kwang. Who is Kwang? The promo he cuts doesn’t help us figure it out. I guess we’ll just have to wait til he debuts. It seems that he’s supposed to be Japanese so that likely means he’ll be managed by Mr. Fuji. Hopefully he’s awesome and just replaces Yokozuna.
He's basically just a knock-off version of Shredder, right?
The last match of the evening is Razor Ramon VS another newcomer named Derek Domino. Jacques lets us in on a conversation that he had with Domino in the locker room, telling us “He promised me he would deliver Razor Ramon in 30 minutes or less.” That’s actually a pretty decent joke. Not to be outdone, Vince later says that “Razor is certainly no Little Caesar.” No Vince. Just stop.
Maybe Seth MacFarlane could have punched up that joke for him.
And with that, 1993 is all wrapped up. Next week we’ll get our first glimpse of what 1994 has in store for us. I’d like to see a good commentator (or two if I can be greedy) join Vince on the commentary team. I’d also like to see more storylines that have legs. And I wouldn’t mind seeing the Macho Man more often either.