First of all, Macho Man is back on commentary so I guess that dream is dead.
Anyway our first match of the night is between Tatanka and Mr. Hughes. This is an interesting booking because Tatanka is undefeated, but Mr. Hughes is supposed to be an unstoppable monster who was able to best the Undertaker (albeit by less than legitimate means). So what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Apparently a countout. Tatanka wins the match on a technicality. I’m really not sure what the outcome would be if it had to come down to a pin.
After this we get another Lex-Luger-in-a-black-room-talking-to-himself “interview”. This time his topics include “college”, “pro football”, and “life after football”. I love how varied his interests are.
AARGH Now there's two of him?!
To make up for the interview, our next match is a six man tag team featuring the Bushwhackers and the Macho Midget VS the Brooklyn Brawler, Blake Beverly, and Little Louie (who is naturally, another little person, but dressed as a farmer for some reason). This match is actually really fun and features lots of Looney Tunes-esque hijinks. I don’t feel bad enjoying this because I’m not laughing at midgets, I’m laughing at their shtick. It’s almost like a vaudeville act. It’s worth noting that this is the second time we’ve seen Blake Beverly without his brother. Did the other Beverly brother get fired? Or maybe they look similar enough that they’re just alternating matches, like the Olsen twins in Full House.
And these are Uncle Jesse's kids, right?
After the babyfaces win, it’s time for the long-awaited contract signing between Yokozuna and Lex Luger. As Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji come down to the ring, they’re accompanied by Jim Cornette, who informs us that he’s their new spokesman. Honestly, this is the best move they could have made because Jim Cornette is really fun to listen to which is something that Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji were sorely lacking before. Lex Luger comes out with “Stars and Stripes Forever” playing as his entrance music in case you forgot he was American. After both men sign the contract, Jim Cornette informs us that there is a stipulation in the contract stating that if Lex Luger doesn’t defeat Yokozuna, he will no longer be able to challenge him for the championship again. Wait, that’s it? Those are some pretty low stakes. This doesn’t make me any more interested in the match at all.
No one in the ring can figure out which of these two men is the most boring.
The last match of the evening features the arrival of Jim Cornette’s tag team The Heavenly Bodies, comprised of Tom Prichard and Jimmy Del Ray. Their opponents are Bobby Who and Mike Bucci. Unlike the last two tag teams that were introduced at Raw (The Smoking Gunns and Men on a Mission), these guys really don’t seem like anything special. Honestly the best thing about them might be that they’re associated with Jim Cornette. We’ll see if they get more interesting as the show goes on, but if Lex Luger’s push is any indication, let’s not hold our breath.