There are a lot of reasons that this show could be notable. It’s the last Mania before the official start of the Austin era. It features an infamous replacement wrestler that was one of the biggest letdowns in company history. It’s the beginning of the No Way Out PPV title that will go on to feature some of the greatest moments and matches of the Attitude Era.
For me, it was the last PPV I ever watched in Ohio before we moved to Florida.
My photographic memory isn’t what it used to be, but I can still see that couch and TV because my butt was parked in that seat and my eyes were glued to that set for so much of my first 11 years on this planet. I can smell the heater that I would sit next to in the winter when catching up on Raw Tuesday mornings. The number of wrestling moments in my life that laid the groundwork of the rest of my life happened at 102 East Archwood Rd in Akron, Ohio.
That house burned to the ground a couple of years later thanks to the incompetence of the following owner and I wish it was still standing because I would love to be able to drive by it and get all nostalgic. That’s part of the reason why this project has been so good up to this point because it’s been contained within that home the entire time. Now that the nostalgia is ending in that sense, it’s time to get nostalgic about my growing adolescence at that time.
For now, let’s see how little Mullet’s finale in the rubber capital of the world goes.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 152: WWF NO WAY OUT OF TEXAS-IN YOUR HOUSE
Written on 6/5/23
THE OPENING HYPE: This show is still surprisingly listed as TV-PG. There’s no real theme to the opening video and it just mentions how everyone tries to achieve success. It’s more of the same big words with ominous tones without direction. Western Union is the sponsor and the show notably has “Texas” tacked on the end of the title. Long, loud pyro for the hot Houston crowd. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler welcome us and mention the looming mystery of whom will replace Shawn Michaels in the now unsanctioned eight-man main event.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust and Marc Mero w/Luna Vachon and Sable vs The Headbangers
BEFORE THE BELL: Sable gets a pop and looks like she could any second. She’s admonished for waving. Goldust is in bad Marilyn Manson cosplay in another immediate LVP look. It appears he’s done it a lot lately based on the Raw recap shown when Sable got physical with Luna. Mero sends Sable to the back. Mosh and Thrasher get a decent reaction.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: Goldust doesn’t seem like he wants to be there. Meanwhile, after getting errantly busted open thanks to the ring steps, Thrasher puts in one hell of an effort powering through and taking the heat for most of the match.
OUTSIDE THE RING: The true highlight of the match is Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross totally cooking by doing ad reads, elevating the story of the match and bickering. It’s much better than the match itself.
HOW GOES IT: The action is mundane, but the crowd works hard constantly chanting for Sable. Mosh gets the hot tag after Thrasher counters the TKO with a DDT.
THE GO HOME: Sable bounces out to confront Luna when Mero has the match won. The Headbangers pull the Killer Bees spot and it works despite one member bleeding like crazy.
WINNERS: The Headbangers in 13:52 when Thrasher pins Marc Mero with an inside cradle
FINAL WORD: It was mid by action’s definition, but it was a good opener in terms of story and crowd reaction.
THE EXTRA STUFF: The men keep their respective women from one another something fierce. Both are pushed down to massive pops. Luna is carried to the back and Sable’s face is more screechy than her voice. There’s an odd edit to Michael Cole interviewing new European Champ Owen Hart about teaming with Stone Cold Steve Austin. There are guys loudly talking in the background, so it’s not very good.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE-Pantera vs Taka Michinoku (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Sunny is the special guest announcer in all pink. She growls some crowd work before the challenger comes out to no reaction despite loud music. A Raw replay shows a foreign object headbutt with the mask gives Pantera the cheap win over the champ. Taka gets a muted response, but a kiss on the cheek that disgusts MVP Lawler. Brian Christopher comes out to observe and join commentary.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: Christopher is a surefire LVP threat here by being more over the top than Sly arm wrestling. He calls Pantera’s dive a “burrito buster” and a dive a “taco twister” before flat out dropping a slur. JR admonishes and makes fun of him, so he’s in the MVP lead now.
OUTSIDE THE RING: Pantera hits two unique moves involving the floor: a headscissors off the top to the apron and a dive through the corner sending Taka into the guardrail.
HOW GOES IT: It’s dive-a-riffic! Taka gets his ass kicked for minutes and hits two moves for a good two count.
THE GO HOME: Roll-ups near falls by the challenger lead to Taka finally nailing his finisher to win.
WINNER: Taka Michinoku retains at 10:12 with the Michinoku Driver
FINAL WORD: This division is already not a priority, but everyone involved is still trying.
THE EXTRA STUFF: Taka dives onto the Lawlers and bolts through the crowd when they try to attack him. Kevin Kelly is on AOL with Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie in a hilarious visual. It’s a very subdued promo by both. All of the backstage tones feel odd. Cactus almost forgot his BANG BANG!
MATCH NUMBER TWO: The Quebecers vs The Godwinns
BEFORE THE BELL: It’s not the Quebecers theme (so they might be mounties now), but it’s the Quebecers. WHAT THE FUCK AND WHY?!?!?! They aren’t anywhere remotely close to Canada and they are both out of shape. Jacques wishes Patrick Roy and Wayne Gretzsky luck on his way out. What about Julie the Cat Gaffney or Dwayne Robertston? I know I did a Mighty Ducks reference challenge before, but I’m going to focus on random characters instead. This feuded on fucking Shotgun Saturday Night! The Godwinns are still heels. This is mind-boggling even before the bell. So many people are up and getting snacks.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: It’s shocking how Phineas Godwinn keeps getting worse. His moves are awful, but even his covers look like total shit! He may finally take the LVP crown.
OUTSIDE THE RING: King asks where Lee Harvey Oswald is to take care of Bill Clinton. That’s how boring and technical this match is.
HOW GOES IT: I’m supposed to be working and I’m literally falling asleep in this. Jacques refuses contact. HOG slaps his own partner. Wristlocks are traded. You get the picture?
THE GO HOME: The cannonball and even a Jacques dive don’t do a damn thing, so they seemingly end it.
WINNERS: The Godwinns win in 11:14 when Phineas Godwinn pins Pierre after a Henry Godwinn clothesline from the apron.
FINAL WORD: If anyone even cared or remembered that this happened, this would be considered an all-time dud.
THE EXTRA STUFF: Post match bucket attacks…hooray. Dok interviews the New Age Outlaws and they are frustrated by not knowing who their fourth man is going to be.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: NWA NORTH AMERICAN TITLE MATCH- Bradshaw vs Jeff Jarrett w/Jim Cornette (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Look at them giving Jarrett a bullshit title to appease him. He’s flanked by Cornette, Barry Windham and the Rock N Roll Express. There’s somehow less noise than the last match. Bradshaw is the prerequisite Texan in this case and gets a decent response. He’s angry enough to justify his spot. The ref sends the NWA crew besides Cornette to the back.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: Bradshaw puts his all into this, whipping Jarrett with his chaps and noggin knocking Cornette as well.
OUTSIDE THE RING: In between Jim Ross trying his darndest to get Bradshaw over talking about his background, Cornette keeps getting involved behind the ref’s back or gets beaten up to pop the crowd.
HOW GOES IT: Well, Jarrett just started working the leg…so I’m yawning again.
THE GO HOME: After a powerbomb, Jarrett hits Bradshaw loud in the chest with the tennis racket.
WINNER: Bradshaw by DQ in 8:58
FINAL WORD: The NWA deal is so tired and lame, so the match was despite Bradshaw’s best efforts.
THE EXTRA STUFF: Bradshaw gets revenge with the racket on Jeff and the RNR, even slamming Cornette, but gets overwhelmed by Barry and the rest of them. LOD runs down to assist for undetermined reasons. There’s more talk of the eighth man with Michael Cole interviewing Triple H and Chyna. It’s fluff. Chyna is more dolled up that usual. Haitch claims no one can take Shawn’s spot and is fine with a handicap match. Cole throws in the fact that they’ll get on appointed then. This throughline for the show is a big turd.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: WAR OF ATTRITION MATCH- The Nation of Domination vs Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson and the D.O.A.
BEFORE THE BELL: Dok interviews the Nation and I cannot make The Rock more of an MVP with his facial expressions, body language and promo about being the leader and pulling the focus. The chair shot to Ken’s face on Raw is shown and Rocky is a made fucking man eye rolling Faarooq. They enter and Rock is rightfully the focus. There are no bikes for Ken and Ahmed, so I’m guessing they’d look worse than Averman skating through the mall.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: Rock is the only person the people are amped for and he’s fired up once he finally tags in and hits a nice DDT.
WHAT DOES THE ROCK SMELL LIKE: I’m going to say Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. He’s a star and everyone around him feels bigger and better at this point.
OUTSIDE THE RING: King and JR argue over the definition of attrition, but there’s no stipulation here. The crowd gives Ahmed vs Mark Henry a very weird and loud reaction.
HOW GOES IT: D’Lo is great at getting his ass beat as well as delivering the Lo Down, even though it’s awkward on the permanently awkward Johnson. Despite this and his interactions with a green ass Mark, Skull takes the heat for the longest time even though he’s the clumsiest one.
THE GO HOME: After a sweet missed moonsault by D’Lo, Ken gets the hot tag and all ten people brawl to get the people out of their seats. The IC Champ gets isolated.
WINNERS: Ken Shamrock’s Team in 13:46 when Ken submits The Rock with the ankle lock.
FINAL WORD: That was house show shit, but good house show shit thanks Rock, Ken and Brown. Also, farewell to Ahmed. What could have been!
THE EXTRA STUFF: Rock gets into Faarooq’s face and pushes him, leading to the group skirmishing in a way. Maivia goes to leave, but Faarooq forces him back to step in line and begrudgingly pose. Further good seeds are planted. Michael Cole interviews Stone Cold and he doesn’t care who his opponents are while being sorta happy to be back in Texas. He does stumble over many words in veiled excitement. After mentioning the attendance record set, King claims to have a report card about Austin and it says he doesn’t play well with others.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: Vader vs Kane w/Paul Bearer
BEFORE THE BELL: Both men get a hype package merging into one another. Vader hit Kane with a weird piledriver thar Kane no sold and ended up impressively Tombstoning Vader. A clock with Vader’s face on it gets burned as well. Vader gets a great pop and there was nothing like the early aura of Kane.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: Another great part of early Kane is his athleticism (hitting a top rope clothesline) and how well he dominates.
OUTSIDE THE RING: This one goes to the floor quickly and often including Kane taking fire extinguisher smoke.
HOW GOES IT: The match starts to plod with face grinding and both men seemingly gassed about eight minutes in. Vader does hit the moonsault and Kane sits up in a good spot.
THE GO HOME: Another immediate sit up when Vader hits the powerbomb and punches Paul Bearer. The chokeslam lands and leads to the finish.
DOES KANE’S TOMBSTONE LOOK LIKE DEATH: No, but it will never fail to be impressive.
WINNER: Kane in 11:00 with the Tombstone
FINAL WORD: It was rough at times, but it was still entertaining in a Godzilla way.
THE EXTRA STUFF: Kane retrieves an oversized wrench and bashes Vader’s head in UNPROTECTED. It looked devastating and was sold as such. Medical helps the Mastodon get stretchered out.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: UNSANCTIONED 8 MAN TAG MATCH- The New Age Outlaws, Triple H and Savio Vega vs Cactus Jack, Chainsaw Charlie, Owen Hart and Stone Cold Steve Austin
BEFORE THE BELL: The video package talks about people going too far and limits being pushed. Examples shown are the dumpster throw and Vince McMahon being grabbed by Owen. The video has a contradictory message about Shawn picking his replacement. The iconic shot of Austin tied in the ropes with Michaels in his face is seen. The tag champs enter first and people have started copying them. They have Oilers shirts for cheap heat and they have their official intro on PPV for the first time. They announce HHH and it dawns on me that him and Chyna are the wrestling equivalent to Guy and Connie. The Fink introduces Savio Vega to such indifference and boos. What a fucking stupid decision after building it up. He holds a ring of barbed wire. After that all-time stinker of a choice, Owen is out first for the faces and he’s shaking hands like crazy (it’s crazier to see it). Cactus brings a wheelable dumpster of weapons with Charlie and throws items at the heels. The glass shatters and it was wise to start the shot with the crowd exploding out of their seats. It’s deafening when he walks out. He nails Billy to start and all eight begin to brawl.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: The unbridled fire and energy of Stone Cole feeding off of the crowd is insane. He starts the match off HOT. He later jumps into the lead with an incredible overhead throw of a trash can into an interfering Billy.
DOES BILLY EARN BITCHCAKE STATUS: Oh yeah because of the way he scampers away from a Stunner attempt.
UNPROTECTED SHOTS TALLY: This one is naturally wild. Chainsaw Charlie leads the way with 12 from lids, chairs, cans and even a table piece. Dogg is next with eight including one from a mysterious trash bag that makes a loud sound. Savio takes six, Cactus takes four, Austin takes three, Billy and Trips take two and Owen somehow remains unscathed.
OUTSIDE THE RING: Earl Hebner is knocked down by an errant Funk can throw and he’s picked up by the collar. Things finally settle into a traditional tag match after the two chair powerbomb
IS TRIPLE H THE GUY/DO SOMETHING SURPRISING: Not at all; he’s a conduit for Shawn Michaels here and he blends in with his team doing the usual brawling shit he does.
THE STUPIDEST THING MICK FOLEY DOES: I thought it was going to be the stairs thrown into her face after a hot tag and double Mandible to the Outlaws. Nope, it was getting wrapped in barbed wire (in a first for PPV and WWE) and beaten up, even taking it in his mouth! Savio gets nifty gloves and everything!
HOW GOES IT: This is Anarchy in the Arena levels of crazy and it’s hard to keep up with in the best way
THE GO HOME: One errant chair from Gunn to Dogg lets Austin get the hot tag and moves faster than Luis Mendoza!
WINNERS: Stone Cold’s Team in 17:41 when Steve Austin pins Road Dogg after the Stone Cold Stunner.
FINAL WORD: What an underrated donnybrook. It was too messy to a point, but still great.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Billy takes a Stunner and Triple H is knocked off the apron onto a table. Austin celebrates and Chyna gets in his face, pushing the Rattlesnake. They should have made her the teammate! She gives him double birds as Stone Cold tries to leave, so he comes back and awkwardly Stuns her to the biggest pop I think I’ve heard up to this point on PPV. What a mega, super-duper star! He gets the mic and yells out a HELL YEAH. The final moment is replayed like 4 times before we sign off.
THE LAST IMAGE: Stone Cold Steve Austin
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: The facial expression of the Rock aside, Stone Cold Steve Austin is the most electric wrestler of all time and he IS NOT EVEN WORLD CHAMPION YET. This ties him back up with Bobby Heenan on the all-time list.
FINAL LVP of PPV: A pig in shit is forever a pig in shit. In this case, it’s PIG or Phineas Godwinn
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Owen Hart, Chainsaw Charlie and Cactus Jack vs Triple H, Savio Vega and the New Age Outlaws
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Godwinns vs The Quebecers
FINAL THOUGHTS: That wasn’t a show that made a lot of sense and I don’t mean from the story aspect as we are on the Road to WrestleMania, but from the sense of who could have fun watching the first hour of this show. The second half got pretty good, but the D-level of the beginning almost ruined the whole show. It was the epitome of the Vinces’ (McMahon and Russo) bad tendencies. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: It’s the sequel to Sting vs Hollywood Hogan at SuperBrawl VIII. I may or may not already be in Florida. Well, I am now, but back then. Now I just made it confusing. Whatever.