This is the 150th entry in my retro PPV diary, journal, whatever you want to call it. It shouldn’t have taken this long to get here, but I am happy that we are finally here and it just so happens that it is a milestone show to boot. Not only is it the first event of 1998, arguably the most pivotal year in the history of the business in terms of its popularity, but the event took place on my 11th birthday.
I was a pretty sheltered kid. My mom, bless her heart, was pretty worried about everything and I very rarely socialized with other kids outside of school. I really hit it off with one boy, Joey Rogers, and we hit it off about wrestling. So, I asked my mom if Joey could stay the night for my birthday and watch the Royal Rumble. She agreed and it was an amazing night. Having a buddy to yell and cheer and talk to while watching the action made it so much better. Sadly, Joey wouldn’t feel good around the time we needed to go to bed and his parents came and picked him up, but those 3 glorious hours will forever stick in my mind.
To honor Joey, my birthday and the 150th edition of this project, I’m going to attempt to switch the formatting up again because transcribing these things is just taking too much damn time. So, I will break down the matches into a few distinct categories and varying analysis. For something like the Royal Rumble match, however, I think the tried-and-true method is the only way to go. That should be the only exception, however. It’s a new frontier and I hope you enjoy it.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 150: WWF ROYAL RUMBLE 1998
Written on 5/23/23
THE OPENING HYPE: It’s another serious black-and-white video about winning the WWF Championship or the main event. It basically blows the Mick Foley twist later on, but it’s very good stuff. The sponsor is a nostalgic 1-800-COLLECT. I wonder if that’s still a thing. Live in San Jose, the place is packed, loud and covered in signs. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler welcome us, talk Mike Tyson and ignore a sign that says “Vince, your tag teams suck.”
MATCH NUMBER ONE: The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust w/Luna vs Vader
BEFORE THE BELL: There’s no way I can explain what Goldust looks like, so I’ll just have to show you. Dumping Terri and dressing up like a baby and Sable is recapping. Vader gets a good face pop.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: Even though Luna takes the best bumps in this match, Vader seems invigorated and puts in a solid effort here. On the flip side, Goldust is very slow and sloppy, particularly on a whip into the steel steps.
OUTSIDE THE RING: JR tells us Stone Cold hasn’t arrived yet. Another sign catches my eye: “Ted Turner is Gay.” That was timed as Goldust kisses Vader before some corner punches.
HOW GOES IT: These two are far from the heights of WCW in totally different ways. This would not be as plodding and noisy five years prior. Vader also wouldn’t have black shit all over him from Goldust’s paint.
THE GO HOME: A Vader Bomb is blocked with a distracted low blow. It’s not capitalized on and the Vader Bomb is set up again. Luna tries to intervene, but Vader doesn’t stop. Fuck yeah, I love this spot.
WINNER: Vader in 7:52 with a Vader Bomb
FINAL WORD: As an opener, it did its job. I still yearn for their past.
THE EXTRA STUFF: Jerry Lawler is doing a great MVP worthy job thus far with analysis and replay work. Michael Cole tries to talk to an arriving Stone Col, but gets cussed at. The Godwinns show up and ask Cole where Austin went. This is a good, consistent throughline for the show.
MATCH NUMBER TWO WITH SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE SUNNY: Battalion, El Torito and Tarantula vs Max Mini, Mosaic and Nova
BEFORE THE BELL: Sunny shows off the silly fact that her short shorts have zippers. The Fink’s accent on the minis’ names is very funny and borderline offensive. It’s worse than Aldo’s in Inglourious Basterds (and there is our reference challenge). I love that the combined weight of the babyface team is just what someone like The Rock weighs.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: Yo, Mosaic is DOPE. He should be signed today somewhere if he isn’t already. Battalion is almost too big to be a mini and might be Super Calo?
OUTSIDE THE RING: Jerry Lawler sadly makes me chuckle with a lot of jokes. He’s full of them, especially when Max gets his shit wrecked. JR gets a dig on Chris Candido in when Sunny accidentally helps Max, claiming she’s always had a thing for short guys. In the skybox, Mike Tyson is LOVING THIS.
HOW GOES IT: The crowd is mostly respectful, but this has too many arm drags. They pick it up with some dives near the end.
THE GO HOME: Sunny is exhausted once again because of the hard work of six guys at once. ZING!
WINNERS: Max Mini, Mosaic and Nova in 7:48 when Max pinned El Torito with an arm drag crucifix pin.
FINAL WORD: That was fun enough. Consider it a bite-sized candy. Damn it…
THE EXTRA STUFF: The Nation looks for Stone Col, but only finds a middle finger foam finger in the locker room. The McMahons are shown canoodling with Mike Tyson in his skybox.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: IC TITLE MATCH-Ken Shamrock vs The Rock (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: The pre-match package shows Ken tapping out all of the Nation and the Rock starting dissension already. Mark Henry’s heel turn was just the previous Raw. Cole, whose tone sucks and makes him an LVP, interviews Rocky about the Nation’s Free for All arguments. Rock calls him an idiot and gives Bill Clinton hilarious advice. He’s probably a permanent MVP threat from here on out. He gets big heat and looks hilariously paranoid at all of the jeers. One sign calls him a crack baby! Shamrock gets a great ovation and JR has a weird knife analogy. Just ask Utivich for one instead (reference challenge running strong!)
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: The Rock just owns the pace and the crowd. The match is meticulous at the start and it’s because he keeps trying to avoid contact, but gets briefly caught and then stalls. Then, he dishes out little highspots like a powerbomb counter into a Stun Gun or the beautiful float over DDT.
OUTSIDE THE RING: Nothing, they are locked into this one and taking it seriously as they should with two future stars of the company.
HOW GOES IT: Typical great fire and passion from both men. The nearfalls are good and the crowd is invested.
WHAT DOES THE ROCK SMELL LIKE: Because he’s involved in the Rumble later and the structure will be different there, I’ll tackle this now: Journey 2 because he’s putting a lot of the show on his back and carrying the weight like box office Viagara and doing the job damn well.
THE GO HOME: The Nation runs out and D-Lo gets awkwardly tied into the ropes. Rock gets brass knuckles, hits Ken and puts them in Ken’s trunks. Ken still kicks out and hits a belly-to-belly to win for a massive pop. However, Rock tells Mike Chioda about the foreign object and Chioda just puts his hands down Ken’s pants to find the evidence.
WINNERS: The Rock by DQ in 12:04
FINAL WORD: An inventive Dusty finish and good young talent on display? I’m happy!
THE EXTRA STUFF: Tyson and Shane-O keep getting along and Lawler makes blimp jokes. Los Boricuas find Stone Cold and beat him up, but it’s actually Skull from DOA. The rest of the group come in to brawl. They seriously can’t tell it was Skull when they’ve wrestled him like 900 times in the past couple months?
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: TAG TITLE MATCH- The Legion of Doom vs The New Age Outlaws (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: The champs finally have their famous name. The pre-match video highlights LOD as legends, then gets somber when they are beaten down and shaven. No need to carve out the gimmick section below for “How Billy is a Bitchcake” because repping an airbrushed Kyle from South Park shirt will do it! This package might be edited. The theme and catchphrase might not be over yet, but heel heat by wearing Packers jerseys sure will get the crowd riled up. Cole interviews the Road Warriors and mention Animal’s back injury due to a big table powerbomb. Hawk still only has half of his hair as well. It’s standard stuff and JR does heavy lifting putting them over.
THE BREAKDOWN:
MVP/LVP ALERT: Jerry Lawler plays a great devil’s advocate to LOD’s plight and makes a great Christian Slater reference, but that’s about it in terms of standouts here.
OUTSIDE THE RING: Nothing except the actual action that takes place because the heels try to flee and get brought back.
HOW GOES IT: Despite Dogg’s bloody mouth, this lacks the anger I expected for the story, particularly with Animal and Road Dogg. Hawk and Billy are better and the babyface even applies a fucking STF.
THE GO HOME: Animal is isolated, things break down and Hawk just beats both Outlaws up out of nowhere. He’s eventually handcuffed to the ring post, but Animal comes back on his own and hits an impressive catching powerslam. This causes Jesse James to bust out a chair and keep the heel hijinks going.
WINNERS: The Legion of Doom by DQ in 7:55
FINAL WORD: I’m very exhausted with the narrative of LOD being unable to capture/keep the straps, being old and dominating more impressive teams. Plus, the matches just stink as of late.
THE EXTRA STUFF: Hawk finally breaks the handcuffs to save his partner and blast Dogg with two UNPROTECTED chair shots to the head. They leave soon after because we have to give Mildred Powers Stone Cold’s pick-up truck! JR and King’s repartee is so damn good.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH FOR WWF TITLE SHOT AT WRESTLEMANIA XIV
BEFORE THE BELL: The video package highlights Stone Cold being a marked man, but still stunning/beating up everyone and literally drawing a bullseye on himself. It’s almost detrimental to the rest of the roster. Almost…In other news, “OH HELL YEAH” has begun. Tyson says “Stone Cold #1” in his skybox. CACTUS JACK is #1 and he throws shit everywhere. CHAINSAW CHARLIE is #2 and look at Terry Funk and his crazy ass idea. Chairs are thrown, sparks fly from the chainsaw and we are underway!
THE BREAKDOWN
-There’s a literal chair duel before gross UNPROTECTED chair shots. They literally invite one another to deliver them (making it the dumbest thing Mick Foley does on this night.) Take a hit from the Bear Jew, you cowards (still rocking and rolling).
-TOM BRANDI is #3 AKA Salvatore Sincere AKA WCW’s Johnny Gunn AKA Tom Brandi is eliminated at 2:05 by both men. No time for him when Charlie has to be suplexed onto two open chairs. The crowd is totally abuzz at the violence and Terry’s facial expressions are hilariously MVP worthy. Shout out to Matt White (inside joke).
-THE ROCK is #4 to equal heat as earlier. He eats an UNPROTECTED trash can shot and gets put inside it and battered. He’s so funny and gives way too much (even taking a chair shot inside the can). MOSH is #5 and gets a chair thrown at him. JR calls a damn good Rumble. Meanwhile, Charlie busts out a damn moonsault!
-PHINEAS GODWINN is #6 and Lawler claims Rock has the only brain in the ring. That fact continues when 8 BALL is #7, missing a funny Tye Dillinger opportunity. Cactus Jack is eliminated at 9:21 by a ducking Charlie. King claims someone got to Austin backstage and he might not make it into the ring. Charlie is still hanging around as BLACKJACK BRADSHAW is #8, entering to silence and making Ross cream himself over size and potential.
-OWEN HART is #9 and he gets quite an ovation, but Jeff Jarrett and Jim Cornette jump him as the NWA contingent. But why? Man, they really ruined Owen’s momentum that quickly, huh? Tyson was even all happy to see him until the sneak attack. STEVE BLACKMAN is #10 and Charlie makes him look like a million bucks right away. He also takes a piledriver by 8 Ball and powerbomb by Bradshaw. Boy, can Terry Funk steal this MVP away?
-D’LO BROWN is #11 and this starts to stagnate a little too much even when he attacks Rock. KURRGAN is #12 and he’s totally different than the last time we saw him. He either no sells everything or poorly sells punches. Mosh is eliminated at 18:39 by the big man.
-MARC MERO is #13 and he’s joined by a very busty and popular Sable. JR claims he needs a charisma bypass. Steve Blackman is eliminated at 20:14 by Kurrgan. KEN SHAMROCK is #14 as Lawler claims he’s the man who took Austin out. Instead, he leads almost everyone in the ring against the former Interrogator. Kurrgan is eliminated at 21:44 and becomes an LVP candidate just from his nonsensical shouting.
-THRASHER is #15 right after a transitional People’s Elbow. The crowd chants for Sable. MANKIND is #16 in an all-time moment everyone immediately recognizes as awesome. He goes right at his partner and Chainsaw Charlie is eliminated at 25:18 while his pants start to fall down. GOLDUST is #17 in a totally different outfit than earlier. He’s committed at least.
-Mero is constantly funny posing and shadowboxing. Mankind is eliminated at 27:46 by Goldust. JEFF JARRETT is #18 with the bogus NWA North American title. Owen runs out and beats Jeff’s ass to rapturous applause. Man, what an alternate universe it is where Owen gets a consistent face run. Jeff Jarrett is eliminated at 30:04 mid-strut by Owen.
-HONKY TONK MAN is #19 for reasons and he’s followed by Triple H on crutches and Chyna. He’s now the European Champ. Ken Shamrock is eliminated at 30:41 by Rock after a low blow. A crutch shot to the back by Hunter means Owen Hart is eliminated at 31:08. He seems cool walking to the back on one crutch, so I guess I’ll say HHH seems like the guy.
-Owen falls down as soon as he reaches the ramp backstage as AHMED JOHNSON is #20. He is SOAKING WET and nonplussed about everything. He’s a bonafide LVP by slowly rolling into the ring and having zero zip on anything. MARK HENRY is #21 still smiling, but then eventually scowling because he’s a heel. This is where JR’s infamous “handling the big Johnson” faux pas comes from.
-SKULL is #22, but he no shows and adds to the belief Austin got jumped. There’s a random powder spot that takes forever for Henry and Ahmed to accomplish. Ahmed Johnson is eliminated at 36:00 by D’Lo and Henry, then Phineas Godwinn is eliminated at 36:13 by Henry and he clips poor Jack Doan on the way out with his boot. Ahmed boots him, falls and has a wedgie. Woof. The Nation beats up Mark in-ring.
-KAMA MUSTAFA is #23 and he pushes Ahmed trying to leave. The crowd is definitely getting restless now. Naturally, STEVE AUSTIN in #24. The glass shattering blows the roof off. Everybody stops in the ring and Austin sneaks up from behind. Marc Mero is eliminated at 39:29 and 8 Ball is eliminated at 39:42. The crowd is in a frenzy and Stone Cold is beating, punching and choking everyone. Tyson is shown cheering.
-HENRY GODWINN is #25 and goes right at Austin. He looks like Le Petit, the milk farmer that gets questioned by Hans Landa, but he’s definitely not hiding Jews (how many more can I do?) JR keeps putting Bradshaw over and the Nation keeps attacking one another. SAVIO VEGA is #26 accompanied by all the Boricuas to beat up Austin. He handles them all and destroys Goldust with a clothesline. Of course, he’s an MVP threat.
-FAAROOQ is #27 and he goes right after Rock with some fire to a good pop. Austin and Rock brawl on the floor in front of some loud ladies. Austin gets thrown into the steps hard and Lawler insist he’s out.
-DUDE LOVE is #28 lightly jogging and Blackjack Bradshaw is eliminated at 46:36 by him. Goldust is thrown into the steps outside while Rock is beaten up by Austin. CHAINZ is #29 for no goddamn reason. D’Lo Brown is eliminated at 48:30 in the foreground by Faarooq. JR’s time on Rock’s longevity is off, but he’s still an MVP leader with his stamina and charisma.
-VADER is #30 and goes right at Goldust again. Honky Tonk Man is eliminated at 50:24 by Vader. Good riddance. Things continue to putter along until the bodies start flying. Thrasher is eliminated at 51:26 and Kama Mustafa is eliminated at 51:33 both by Stone Cold.
-Savio Vega is eliminated at 52:17 by Austin and Vader is eliminated at 52:25 by Goldust anticlimactically. Someone told them to go home because Henry Godwinn is eliminated at 52:35 by Dude Love and Goldust is eliminated at 52:46 by Chainz of all people. In turn, CHAINZ is eliminated at 53:08 by Austin and his head nails the ring steps.
-Mark Henry is eliminated at 53:18 in the worst stumble out ever courtesy of Faarooq. It’s the final four between the Nation and the former oddball champs. Austin turns on Love after Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT and Dude Love is eliminated at 54:24 by Faarooq.
-Rock doesn’t help the Austin elimination attempt. In fact, Faarooq is eliminated at 54:48 by his protégé. Down to these two rivals, Rock gives the double bird and they trade shots. Rock hangs on from one elimination attempt, but one Stunner does the trick.
WINNER: Stone Cold Steve Austin in 55:20 by last eliminating The Rock
FINAL WORD: A Rumble with one main story, but a lot of good, little ones in between makes this quite an underrated Rumble.
THE EXTRA STUFF: Mike Tyson is ecstatic and scaring Michael Cole. He says “Cold Stone is my man”, that he won a fortune tonight and calls Shawn Michaels a “young, up and coming hungry tiger.” So yeah, he’s an LVP.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: WWF TITLE CASKET MATCH- The Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels w/DX (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Cole’s stunted delivery on the voiceover for the video package makes me miss Todd Pettengill. Could he regain LVP from Ahmed? The feud is recapped dating back to Hell in a Cell and Taker’s casket history is detailed. They tried to add Kane to DX, but Taker interrupts and gets jumped. Kane saves the day and creates a legit moment of reaching out as an embrace between the two. It felt possible at the time because of how over Kane already was. HBK seems to be on one during his entrace. His pyro is late and the intercut clips in the entrance video are still obnoxious. The Deadman gets a great response and the lights popping on scares Shawn. Tyson vigorously crotch chops in his box.
THE BREAKDOWN
MVP/LVP ALERT: Sadly, this one doesn’t really stand out because Shawn’s infamous injury happens 90 seconds into the match. I had no idea it was that soon, but Taker dominates the first five minutes including a great catch off the top with Shawn’s throat. But yeah, the casket backdrop is rough.
OUTSIDE THE RING: Again, the commentators play it straight and I have to pivot the intention of this category. Shawn hits a piledriver on the steps and Hunter gets some shots in as well. This comes after another powder spot. It was probably cocaine. JR does put over Shawn’s accomplishments over other giants like Sid and Diesel.
HOW GOES IT: After some surprisingly long rest holds, Shawn hits his closing sequence including Sweet Chin Music. Standing over Taker in the casket, Shawn crotch chops and gets his dick grabbed. Both end up in the casket and stupid Earl Hebner closes the lid on them. Shawn crawls out and gets dragged back in.
THE GO HOME: Taker hits the chokeslam and a Tombstone into the casket (which looked lethal). The Outlaws and Boricuas run out to gang up on the challenger and the crowd wants and gets Kane immediately. JR is so epic in these moments. He clears the ring, does his pyro taunt to no effect and punches his brother to no real surprise. The crowd is deflated and DX takes advantage.
WINNER: Shawn Michaels retains in 20:36
FINAL WORD: Thus far, that’s their weakest match against one another. They always put in a decent effort against one another and this serves more as advancing the brother story.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Paul Bearer joins Kane and locks Taker in the casket, wheeling it to the entrance. Kane hits it with an axe and doses it with gasoline before setting it ablaze. Shoshanna would be proud (and I believe that’s our last one). My mom hated this! JR screams “THE CASKET’S ON FIRE!” Nowhere else to go from here.
THE LAST IMAGE: Kane and Paul Bearer
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: This show surprisingly had a ton of candidates, but this was the first time The Rock put the show on his back. Not only was he the Rumble Iron Man, he held down the undercard and did some great mic work.
FINAL LVP of PPV: On the flipside of burgeoning superstardom, Ahmed Johnson is so wiped and it’s sad. He knows it, too. In two years, he went from slamming Yokozuna and looking like the next guy to miserably brawling with Phineas Godwinn to the back.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: The Royal Rumble Match
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Legion of Doom vs New Age Outlaws
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a great show that built the upcoming WrestleMania and current era up incredibly well. With Tyson looming from above and the crowd into everything, almost everyone fought their asses off (like the war depended on it). The positive direction and momentum is captured well on this show and it’s palpable compared to WCW’s most recent blunder. MULLET RECOMMENDS
NEXT TIME: Here’s to another 150 entries and the new format! WCW kicks off their 1998 with Bret Hart’s in-ring debut and the fallout from Starrcade with Souled Out. Can’t be any worse than the first one!