I write before you a beaten man. For the first time in my life, I’ve missed a writing deadline. However self-imposed it may be, this is going online after its planned May 6, 2022 release date. That was inevitable with my crazy life at the moment. I only watched this show three days before it was supposed to be completely posted. Why, you ask?
Oh, how about selling my house and being in Key West for a wedding and work and a car accident and Mother’s Day?
Yeah, things have been wild. Not as wild as HOG Wild, but you get the point. I had a mental plan of dedicating this opening to shows with unique venues or how hubris can backfire (because Eric Bischoff was the sole reason this show happened simply because he was on top and wanted to go to the Sturgis bike rally). Instead, we end our seventh Flairiod with yours truly all over the place.
These things always work out.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 112- WCW HOG WILD
Written on 5/3/22
HOW WE START: Shots of the South Dakota hills and Mount Rushmore as Tony Schiavone talks about Sturgis in terrible audio quality. 250,000 motorcycles!!! Good lord. Wrestlers are shown riding their bikes on the way to the show before a black screen makes me think we’re getting a cinematic opening. Instead, it’s just the title card and a helicopter shot shows us the rally. God, I’m annoyed at the horns and revving already. Look at the fucking announcers! Dusty Rhodes’ denim! Tony Schiavone’s hat! Bobby Heenan somehow remains looking cool in leather. Tony’s tattoo is pointed out. The discussion is all about the Giant and Hollywood Hulk Hogan main event.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH- Ultimo Dragon w/Sonny Onoo vs Rey Mysterio Jr (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: This is the PPV debut of “Ultimate” Dragon. Onoo has a bad leather outfit on (get used to that phrase). Mike Tenay joins the announce team while Rey, the new champ, enters to tepid whistles. This crowd knows nothing. The New World Order attack on Rey is mentioned and Tony signs off of TBS and we are now live only on PPV? Why the hell did they just get the entrances on free TV?
WHAT STANDS OUT
-I have to give Mysterio a shout out for his Spider-Man gear. Chain wrestling starts us out and Heenan is the first LVP for seeming off right away and relying on the masked wrestlers are ugly trope. Rey is noted as being the first person to confirm there’s a fourth member of the nWo.
-Sturgis shows its intelligence with a “USA” chant. The wrestlers don’t care with a great double Asai moonsault/kip up into a standoff spot. It gets no pop. Thanks, Sturgis.
-Dragon hits a running Liger Bomb and really tries to get the crowd invested by heeling directly to them. A Figure Four is applied to silence. Tenay is the first MVP by crushing the news in Japan and calling moves seamlessly.
-The first pop is given to a springboard dropkick, then a springboard dive into the dirt (because the ring is on a pedestal). That’s some impressive distance. Bobby has been shockingly bad thus far. The follow-up sequence is great with Dragon hitting a dive and skinning the cat.
-Another moonsault leads to a nearfall. There’s a bit of a set up and a bit of a block and a bit of an anticlimax.
HOW DOES IT END:
Rey Mysterio Jr retains in 11:36 with a second rope Frankensteiner
FINAL WORD: The crowd hampered everything and the guys seemed to rush, but there will never be a match between these two that isn’t great.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Mean Gene pimps the hotline in denim. Did he dye his moustache? He doesn’t interview anyone. Schiavone talks about the rally and the “odd people.” The camera is all over the place. Finally, back to wrestling (kind of)!
MATCH NUMBER TWO: SPECIAL CHALLENGE MATCH- Scott Norton vs Ice Train
BEFORE THE BELL: Norton’s color scheme is…something. Train is all bandaged up because he was beaten up by the Giant on Main Event. He looks serious and his singlet is bland enough to show it.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Scott goes right after the injury, but Train battles back temporarily. He ends up getting rammed into the post. Teddy Long isn’t there because he was also attacked by the Giant.
-There’s a hope spot with a powerslam, but Flash is right up and back on offense. Man, Norton is frustrating to watch.
-This whole match is rinse and repeat: Train gets some one-armed attacks, but gets cut off with chops or arm attacks. It finally wraps up in the worst way.
HOW DOES IT END:
Scott Norton wins in 5:05 via referee stoppage with an armbar
FINAL WORD: Did that really need to be on PPV?
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: No replay or recap for the last match (thankfully), so it’s straight into a pre-taped package for Ric Flair talking about the attack on Arn Anderson. This is very good and necessary for Flair, but why isn’t he over the top in THIS situation? It’s like a shoot interview tone. The message is solid, though. Sturgis is discussed by the commentators more and Brain makes fun of the people of South Dakota. The Hog Wild merchandise ad almost gives me a heart attack because the denim jacket is $90.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: BATTLE OF THE BIKES- Bull Nakano w/Sonny Onoo vs Madusa
BEFORE THE BELL: Oh goody, show specific stipulation matches. Onoo rides a Honda out to lead Bull to the ring. Madusa enters in a Harley and dubbed a “motorcycle enthusiast” by Tony. Madusa is the most popular person on the show thus far because she’s wearing a USA top and she’s a woman.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Dusty freaks out at Nakano’s nunchuck attack. Him saying the word over and over again is hilarious. BIG hair whips by Bull starts this one hot. Madusa’s comebacks keep it going.
-SCORPION CROSSLOCK…almost. Dusty questions Bobby’s claim of a 200-pound woman’s strength equaling a 400-pound man. Think about that.
-Nakano has either been a half step off or completely murderous in her execution thus far. Heenan’s gimmick is claiming “she got her” on every pinfall. Tony seems legit annoyed. The counts are messy on dueling German suplexes. On the third one, an arm comes up and the loser celebrates because that’s how that spot always goes.
HOW DOES IT END:
Madusa wins in 5:09 by getting her arm up in a German suplex with bridge
FINAL WORD: Their WWF battles were much better, but the crowd finally seemed pleased.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Sonny starts smashing Madusa’s bike with a sledgehammer because that’s what was at stake here. Madusa throws rocks at them and starts hitting the Honda with the hammer awkwardly. It barely does any damage, so she just pushes it over. Buy a Honda, I guess? Did they have a Joe Isuzu? You know, David Leisure hawking bad cars? I volunteer if not. Oh, and celebrities as spokesmen is our reference challenge. Forget all of that shit! The Steiner Brothers are in denim and leather on CompuServe making noises!!! Rick on a computer is the only time he makes me swoon more than Scott.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Dean Malenko vs Chris Benoit w/Woman and Elizabeth
BEFORE THE BELL: There’s more broadcasting issues and it takes Malenko forever to walk out. Jimmy Hart talks to him about taking Benoit out in the aisle. Benoit follows and the most notable thing is Liz looking bustier than Sable here. Tony talking about the kayfabe arguments between Woman and Benoit and I physically squirm.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Brawling to start gives the announcers time to put over both men. The crowd couldn’t care less. Some chops wake them up a little, but it quiets down again despite several fish out of water pins, bridges and counters. It’s probably hokey to these hayseeds.
-I have no idea what Rhodes is saying for a full minute before settling on Benoit being the new Arn. Meanwhile, Bobby makes fun of a biker caught talking on camera.
-Do Woman’s screams of “Chris” count as knowing the future? If not, the flying headbutt that he landed flush on Malenko’s midsection does. A Tombstone by the Iceman gets four kickouts and continues Bobby’s unfunny “that’s it” bit.
-The Crippler takes a rough landing on his neck from a superplex. I don’t want to play anymore. Then, he takes another one on a high angle release German. His head literally bounces.
-They keep trading suplexes and two counts with five minutes left. Benoit applies the Liontamer and hits a dive to total indifference. They are gassed and frustrated. Rhodes is making fun of everything Bobby says, particularly “sea of heads!”
-There’s a bunch of pin attempts and Chris hits a powerbomb for two (Bobby: “he got him!”) and another superplex still can’t do it. The crowd counts down to zero and bike horns blare at the bell. Oh, now you all boo?
-The ref calls for five more minutes and IT GETS FUCKING BOOED AND GROANED AT. Heenan says “look at the gams” about Woman. Yuck.
-Malenko is put in the Cloverleaf and Woman is begging for it to be over. I am too at this point. More submissions are traded as 60 seconds is left again. The bell rings during one last cradle, but Nick Patrick insists there must be a winner. Is he trying to kill them? The crowd is a little more receptive, but still annoyed.
-Dean applies the Cloverleaf himself and Woman pulls at him, but he transitions to a STF. He grabs Woman on another distraction and I can’t believe all of this ended so shitty.
HOW DOES IT END:
Chris Benoit wins in 26:44 with a roll up
FINAL WORD: That was a match that deserved any other crowd, but was extremely long in the tooth.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Out of that whole match, only Woman’s interference is shown on the replay. This company is wild. At least there’s no filler.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: TAG TITLE MATCH- The Steiner Brothers vs Harlem Heat w/Sherri and Col. Parker (Champs)
BEFORE THE BELL: Rick almost trips walking through the curtain and Scott looks very disheveled. The champs come out talking all of the trash. Both managers look a lot different to me. Go figure, the two black men are the biggest heels thus far. I’m holding my breath here.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-There’s almost three full minutes of crowd antagonizing to Harlem Heat. Booker T and Scott finally start amidst tons of revving and honking. I wish this was directed in a different way because it would be cool if it didn’t feel wrong.
-Pop of the night: Scott hits a big Tiger Bomb and some suplexes to cause a double bail. He’s an immediate MVP. The crowd loves him just as much as they hate Heat.
-Stevie Ray enters and immediately messes Scott up with a lock up botch. Rick tags in and the crowd barks. So, they know the Steiner schtick? On the flip side, Stevie is still glaringly bad and LVP caliber. His little spin kick angers me.
-Rick takes a beating, but still hits a nice, catching powerslam to tag out. Scott hits a great dropkick and locks in the STF. The faces tag behind the ref and the crowd supports their claim, so it’s allowed. That’s a fun switch of a cliché.
-The Dogfacd Gremlin takes a big tumble over the top and you can hear the wood making up the pedestal hurt him. It’s so unforgiving. Both champs lock in rest hold. I like that their tag outs are just touching fingertips as if they are too hot.
-Scott gets another hot tag and clotheslines the crowd into a frenzy. All four men brawl and the managers set up a powder spot. Booker accidentally takes it first, but Sherri has a back-up. Parker has something, too.
HOW DOES IT END:
Harlem Heat retain in 17:53 when Booker T pins Scott Steiner after a cane shot from Col. Parker
FINAL WORD: Pure tag team wrestling that works for even the most idiotic of crowds.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The heels have garbage thrown at them upon leaving. The replay shows the cane breaking over Scott’s head, but it was protected. More wide shots of Sturgis including a hot air balloon before a highlight video of the rally. The ride started at the Mall of America and Mongo has his dog decked out in an absurd biker outfit. Bischoff, Big Bubba, Paul Orndorff and others are shown riding the road. DDP with a cigar in his mouth is cool as fuck. A quiet and weak voiceover of wrestlers during some kind of press conference is used over the clips. I hate this culture. It’s all ridiculous and focuses on scantily clad ladies a lot.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: US TITLE MATCH- Eddie Guerrero vs Ric Flair w/Woman and Elizabeth (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: From the neck up, Eddie Guerrero fits right into this crowd. Flair enters with a baller white robe. Does he count towards the reference challenge because of all the bad commercials he does now? I intended it to be celebrities playing character. What about Wilford Brimley for diabetes? Between the two, I think I’m good. The sun begins to set.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Lots of shoving early including the ref to Flair. Slaps follow and Flair bumps for them. Is he back to MVP form finally?
-A very rare and awkward double botch from a leapfrog into a belly-to-back messes up Ric’s shoulder and Eddie’s leg. They settle down with some chops.
-The lights fuck up during a back and forth, but we are outside so it’s okay. This has mostly just been chops and punches anyway.
-Heenan has said “gams” way too much. He’s such a runaway LVP. He’s probably loaded. An eye poke and low blow stops Eddie’s rally.
-Guerrero applies the Figure Four, then hits a great springboard hurricanrana for a two count. A tornado DDT makes me realized he’s always an MVP threat.
-Flair goes up top and gets CAUGHT again. Bobby is overblowing everything. A butt shot off a sunset flip pops the crowd. The challenger hits the frog splash, but hurts his knee on the landing. The champ hits a big clothesline and locks in his finish while cheating using Woman and the ropes. The face doesn’t submit, he just can’t get up.
HOW DOES IT END:
Ric Flair retains in 14:16 via Figure Four pin
FINAL WORD: The in-ring action continues to be solid and the crowd has been invested twice in a row. Do we have momentum?
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: After the replay, Mean Gene finally has an interview with The Giant and Jimmy Hart. The champ is confident and all business. He talks idolizing Hogan and claims to be his biggest fan as a kid. This is pure face energy. It’s his best promo thus far.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: The Outsiders vs Sting and Lex Luger
BEFORE THE BELL: The first instance of the iconic New World Order music! It fucks so hard. The Outsiders coolly walk to the ring. Does Nash’s vest have a rejected early nWo logo? Dusty foreshadows the Bischoff turn by claiming someone in their midst is behind all of this. Lex and Sting enter with a lot of shitty pyro. Sting’s bandana is almost as silly as Ultimate Warrior wearing a hat. I’m totally convinced Heenan is drunk. The pyro is in three places. That makes Cody Rhodes so hard. This just doesn’t have the energy of the Bash.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Hall and Luger start, but Sting still takes the toothpick to the face. Lex gets humiliated a couple times early, but bounces back quickly and confidently.
-Nash tags in and wants Sting. It leads to a big showdown punctuated by a big shot from each man. A decent sequence ends with Sting poking the eyes and slamming the big man.
-Sting is isolated and Bobby struggles not being the heel by slipping and saying he doesn’t care who wins.
-This is pretty barebones stuff. Nash in particular has been awkward in some spots, almost becoming an LVP threat.
-More “accidental” rooting for the Outsiders. After the big boot, the Edge is set up and blocked. Lex gets the hot tag and comes in blazing. I hope this is him turning a corner. The Stinger Splash connects on Nash and they brawl on the floor leading to the Scorpion applied outside for some reason. Lex applies the Torture Rack in ring, but Nick Patrick gets hit in the eye. He stumbles down and Dusty snuffs this out right away.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Outsiders win in 14:36 when Scott Hall pins Lex Luger after an “errant” chop block by Nick Patrick
FINAL WORD: The cheating referee development would be interesting if the crowd cared. This wasn’t a strong follow up to last month.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: We are moving right along. Not much of a discussion about the war we have, but Fall Brawl next month is mentioned.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: WCW TITLE MATCH- Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs The Giant w/Jimmy Hart (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: The New World Order music errantly plays before Michael Buffer can do his intro. He seems to want to be anywhere else with all the motorcycles going off. He’s another actual pitchman now, but I want to come up with something else. I’m surprised he’s not talking faster than the Micro Machines guy. There we go! Coming out in all black is Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The crowd loves him because they don’t know the current story. His body language ain’t there yet, either. Giant is out next and the “Hogan” chants make me angry. He’s playing chickenshit and won’t get into the ring. I think Bobby is slurring his words? At least he’s still raking Hulk’s name in the mud.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Hogan tries to leave right at the bell, but he runs back. There’s lots of stalling in between the early spots AKA Hulk going to the floor every time the Giant attacks.
-There’s way too much schtick here. The fans are told to shut up, there are claims of hair pulling, Hulk puts his whole body through the ropes. This is approaching minute five.
-Hollywood wins the test of strength and the crowd loves it. The announcers just ignore the response. It’s reversed and transitioned into a wristlock. Yawn.
-All of the heel dynamics on this show have sucked. Jimmy Hart is complaining about hair pulls? Come on. At least Hulk can keep raking backs and it makes sense now.
-Giant no sells and hulks up. The crowd doesn’t dig it at all. He does a good job at it, chops his opponent and hits the big boot.
-He calls for the chokeslam and Hall comes down, but gets thrown off the top rope. Dusty wants to know where WCW is. The chokeslam hits and Hogan is a sack of shit taking it. Nash runs down and takes it better somewhere. He was trying to attack with Hart’s megaphone and got thwarted. Hollywood won’t be thwarted.
HOW DOES IT END:
Hollywood Hulk Hogan wins the title in 14:56 with a title shot to the face
FINAL WORD: The first month of heel Hogan roared out of the gate and comes across the finish line incredibly lame.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Schiavone is distraught and the nWo are shocked and thrilled. The Booty Man comes down with a ridiculous cake and two security guys. The cake is still decked out in red and yellow. It’s Hogan’s birthday apparently. There’s a wrapped present (obviously a can of spray paint) sticking out like a candle. The Giant is still out in the ring like a starfish. Hogan on the mic: “yo yo yo, nWo is the way to go!” Booty fucking talks and pisses Dusty off by claiming it’s the nWo Championship now. Tony is right on the money: where’s the fucking Dungeon when they are needed? Hulk kisses Booth (surprisingly not on the mouth) and wants to bankrupt Ted Turner. He razzes Flair for his soft spot to Arn and makes his point by taking Booty out in a gang attack. Thank goodness. The Giant has been unconscious for more than five minutes. “If this is what I’ll do to my best friend, imagine what I will do to you.” They open the spray paint and mark the belt in an iconic moment.
-Just keep him out of matches and we will be in business here. Tony and Dusty are disgusted as the celebration continues. The bizarre people in Sturgis are mentioned again and they have nerve to say that when they look the way they do back on camera. Dusty sets the tone and Bobby can’t get a final word in before the credits roll just with a wheel spinning behind them.
THE LAST IMAGE: Dusty Rhodes, Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: I’m so glad my boy Scott Steiner is back! He woke the crowd up, showed the most passion and fire of anyone on the show and looked great as usual.
FINAL LVP of PPV: I cannot believe that our all-time MVP leader in Bobby Heenan had one of the worst commentary performances I’ve ever heard on this show and now finds himself on the multi-time LVP list. His reputation in this era is being on the sauce and it was definitely the case here. I hope it’s a one off being this wretched.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Rey Mysterio Jr vs Ultimo Dragon
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs The Giant
FINAL THOUGHTS: There’s so much of this show that I hate. It’s crazy because half of the matches are good to great. The other half aren’t and the crowd and atmosphere make it worse to watch. Everyone on the production side took a night off and creative was a fucking mess. It’s such a bad venue for such an important follow up show. I really don’t want to have to sit through three more of these shows in the coming years. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: We’ve reached another recap point. Who are the biggest winners and losers in the seventh Flairiod? After that, it’s SummerSlam 1996.