I do believe this is the penultimate two hour In Your House and it feels like yesterday that I was jumping up and done at this new advent. It was going to save me all of this time and I haven’t noticed at all. If anything, I noticed that most of the shows were throwaways and few have been anything to recommend.
Wouldn’t it be nice and fitting if we went out with a bang for the two-hour In Your House era? Let’s see if this show can do its part.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 131: WWF IN YOUR HOUSE-COLD DAY IN HELL
Written on 10/10/22
HOW WE START: Stone Cold Steve Austin is in the moon; the Undertaker’s cross is by a grave and the champ performs a voiceover with slow motion damage from both top faces. Austin talks some trash as well. Using the name of the show gets a big thumbs up from me. The full house set up is back at the entranceway and it is Mother’s Day in Richmond. JR and The King handle things without Vince. They talk about the main event, Ken Shamrock’s first match with Vader and the Nation gauntlet.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Flash Funk vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna
BEFORE THE BELL: I’m shocked Funk still gets pyro at this point, but he is without the girls now. He’s billed from Philadelphia. Tito Santana is on Spanish commentary instead of Hugo. Ray and Jean are still rocking it as the French team. Jim and Jerry’s rapport together without Vince is already great. The Funkette’s absence is debated and possibly attributed to Chyna and she enters with her man. There’s a ramp going down to the ring, but the rail is still normal and it makes everything looks weird. There’s a little of DX Hunter here as he teases Funk about his size and gives him scared fingers. Mankind’s turn just started with Chyna hitting him low on Shotgun Saturday Night twice as of late.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Ross is our first MVP by breaking down the difference between Flash working hard in a dojo and Hunter having a wrestling tutor at the age of three. He also mentions the Hart Foundation have purchased five ringside seats for later tonight.
-It’s all Funk early and he hits a nice diving clothesline from the second rope to the floor. On a ref distraction, Chyna blasts him from behind. King asks if she wears boxers or briefs and Ross says “ask Eddie Murphy” to date this extremely.
-The commentary is all pop culture focused. Chyna sneaks another punch in and Lawler is the first LVP for an overload of jokes at his fellow heel’s expense. There’s also an overload of high knees by HHH and he hits one to send Flash off the apron to the steel ramp. That’s new. He’s definitely positioned here like a future top guy.
-A big boot and flying offense turns the tide, but one too many chances are taken and the “Funky Flash Splash” is blocked into a top rope belly-to-back with a full backflip. JR calls him “Triple H” and Funk goes to the Kane school of taking the Pedigree.
HOW DOES IT END:
Hunter Hearst Helmsley wins in 10:04 with a Pedigree
FINAL WORD: An uneventful, but technically sound, opener
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Chyna picks Funk up and walks around with him before crotching on the top rope. She’s already very over. Trips laughs. That could be a deadly bump for Scorpio based on the size of his hog according to Foley’s first book (and Have a Nice Day is our reference challenge).
-Clips of Shamrock in UFC are shown. That’s crazy to me and shows how far away those two worlds are at the moment. Ken is interviewed by JR via video screen and the attack of Vader and Mankind on the Free for All is shown. He’s in the zone and ready.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Mankind vs Rocky Maivia
BEFORE THE BELL: Mankind enters to a mixed response and a fully working smoke machine. His childhood is mentioned and the fireball to Taker is shown again. Paul Bearer’s injury is brought up. Todd Pettengill interview Rocky backstage and his MSG debut is shown, then winning the IC Title and losing it to Owen two weeks ago. Todd is all over the place and does an LVP job setting this all up. Rock messes the promo up (not like it was anything good anyway) and he enters to an equally mixed response. At least he got married last week!
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Mankind stays sitting and rocking until Maivia turns his back. It doesn’t matter because Mankind is knocked out of the ring quickly. It is rest holds and grappling after that. JR is great when talking about the fire and barbed wire in Mankind’s past.
-Foley hits a cannonball flip off the apron. His fatherhood claim is put into question. A double down clothesline happens quite early. They leave the leave and I’m about to be surprised that Mankind hasn’t done anything stupid UNTIL HE TAKES A ROCK BOTTOM ON THE STEEL RAMP. God damn it! That makes him an immediate MVP. He somehow kicks out in the ring. JR mentions the people’s feelings towards both men for the first time.
-Rock takes Mankind’s head off with a clothesline from behind and hits the shoulderbreaker to boos. He hits a top rope crossbody, but it’s rolled through and the finish gets big cheers.
HOW DOES IT END:
Mankind wins in 8:07 with the Mandible Claw
FINAL WORD: They’ve already shown great chemistry together and there’s more to come! This go around, Rock smelled like The Tooth Fairy: he’s still going in the wrong direction, but change is coming soon.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Nothing because we have a gauntlet next! There are individual bells and decisions for each part, so I’ll consider three separate matches.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: GAUNTLET MATCH TO DETERMINE IF NATION DISBANDS- Ahmed Johnson vs Crush w/The Nation
BEFORE THE BELL: Crush is shown wrestling three matches on Raw and of course Ahmed won the third in disguise. For the Nation’s full entrance, PG-13 is soooo off beat with their rap. They fix it on the second verse. Faarooq is still in a sling. Pettengill talks to Ahmed about the stacked odds and he wants Faarooq first. He must snore like hell because he has a big strip on his nose. He gets a good response for his entrance and he’s the wettest man on the planet. As the Nation discuss their strategy, Gorilla Monsoon comes out to make everyone but the first participant leave. It’s Crush and trying to jump Ahmed doesn’t work.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Johnson hits a weird scissors kick. The Nation stays up by the entrance door/screen. JR keeps mentioning King using a Henny Youngman book. Meanwhile, Crush’s slams and second rope clothesline suck.
-A rest hold and background talk mean I browse my phone. Crush signals for help when they are forced to stay away? The worst piledriver in the business means LVP honors for Crush. He asks for help again to confusion. The heart punch is avoided and the finish lands right on the button.
HOW DOES IT END:
Ahmed Johnson wins in 5:31 with a spin kick
FINAL WORD: I know what JR means by “bowling shoe ugly” now.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: GAUNTLET MATCH TO DETERMINE IF NATION DISBANDS- Ahmed Johnson vs Savio Vega w/The Nation
WHAT STANDS OUT
-There’s no second bell actually, but I’ve classified it, so fuck it. Savio has been feigning an ankle injury and jumps around totally fine to take over on Ahmed.
-Prolonged beatdown and taunting by Savio. The crowd starts an “Ahmed” chant. He comes back only to try a weird headbutt from the second rope and misses.
-Bad punch, but better belly-to-back from Johnson to turn the tide. He calls for the Pearl River Plunge, but Vega rolls out and hits a superkick before using a chair to end the match.
HOW DOES IT END:
Ahmed Johnson wins in 11:29 (total time) by DQ
FINAL WORD: More set up than a match, but it was still better than whatever happened with Crush
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Savio hits more chair shots and Faarooq gets ready on the ramp and saunters down still in a sling. He takes it off in ring.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: GAUNTLET MATCH TO DETERMINE IF NATION DISBANDS- Ahmed Johnson vs Faarooq w/The Nation
WHAT STANDS OUT
-The heel just slaps the back of Ahmed’s head until he’s caught in a small package for a near fall. JR mentions Ron Simmons’ FSU background and past life. Johnson explodes with a spinebuster and calls for the Plunge to a big pop. He hits it, but takes too long to cover and Faarooq kicks out.
-Ahmed complains to the ref and gets chop blocked. I always hate a dumb babyface.
HOW DOES IT END:
Faarooq wins in 13:32 (total time) with the Dominator
FINAL WORD: Not sure how the shortest of the three rounds is the best, but it was. The overall story was fine, but ultimately anticlimactic.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Ahmed is exhausted after the replay. That’s about it.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH- Vader vs Ken Shamrock
BEFORE THE BELL: Vader beat Goldust on Raw this past Monday and goaded Shamrock who was doing commentary to brawl in the ring. Pettengill interviews Vader backstage and the Free for All attack is shown again. This is an old school badass WCW Vader promo. I’ve missed this. The Fink explains the rules of the match: no pins, only knockouts and submissions, no standing eight count. Vader enters and JR is great at mentioning his experience in this sort of match in Japan. Ken doesn’t have the cool “Lion’s Den” music yet, but he does get the pop of the night. He seems amped and ready.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Kicks to the leg early and Vader screams bloody murder in an armbar before breaking the hold. Lawler calls UFC junk and JR takes offense. After a waistlock takedown, the upcoming UFC PPV gets an add. Crazy times.
-Shamrock hits a German and Ross makes Lawler break or mute with a gladiator movies question. An ankle lock is quickly avoided by Vader.
-Vader tries to calm down Ken’s errant shots down with his word, but a clothesline works instead. He gets caught in an arm lock, but deadlifts and almost throws him out.
-Shamrock is suplexed over the top and forward. Ouch. He’s thrown into the steps a couple times. King loves bringing up Ken’s wife, Tina, and his four kids. Vader’s own ankle lock and rear naked choke don’t work.
-The Vadersault is mostly missed and Ken hits an impressive powerslam and leg lock into a rope break. Stiff elbows, forearms and knees in the corner until Vader HAULS off and almost legit knocks Ken out in one hell of a receipt.
-Straight out of that, Ken rolls Vader down and up. I think that’s the first man to tap out on PPV right there.
HOW DOES IT END:
Ken Shamrock wins in 13:21 with an ankle lock grapevine
FINAL WORD: That sure felt fresh and different. That’s a great debut bout (making Ken a minor MVP threat) and a reaffirmation for Vader.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Vader limps to the back with help from a ref and he angrily kicks the steps over. There will be a hospital trip for him, but at least it won’t be German and an ear isn’t on ice (one more reference to go).
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: WWF TITLE MATCH- Stone Cold Steve Austin vs The Undertaker (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Todd interviews Austin, who doesn’t care about Hart’s seats. He hit a Stunner on Taker two weeks prior, then takes a chokeslam after some taunting. The glass shatters and he enters to a great response. JR calls him the Rattlesnake for possibly the first time, insisting he’s not a role model. The GONG gets an equal pop (maybe even bigger when the lights go out) and there’s a big bang when the lights shoot back up. Austin’s reaction is great, but he goes right up to him and talks trash. Right on cue, the Hart Foundation walk down. Jim Neidhart and Brian Pillman (wielding crutches) are in tow now. Bret is in a wheelchair. They take their seats and Austin gets the match started.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-While running the ropes, Austin randomly bails and pulls Owen over the rail and beats him up. Taker throws him into the steps and also hits Owen and Bulldog. Awesome stuff.
-Taker is on top and JR puts his presence over as equal to Andre. A long headlock on the mat is worked, interrupted and worked again. Ross calls out Lawler’s allegiance to Bret now and it’s just typical heel shit.
-Someone messes with the Harts and it distracts the action and crowd. Anvil is just yelling. Austin backflips out of a headlock counter and chop blocks the champ. He gets unloaded on by Taker punches and heads to the floor to give his enemies the double bird. They laugh when he’s sent into the post.
-An STF confuses King and JR scolds him. I’m so glad this is the new norm now. All of the submissions and ground work is surprising, but works well in a face versus face match and the energy.
-JR calls out King’s comments about Stu and Helen in the past and it’s explained away. Austin keeps attacking the leg and hitting random offense like a suplex or crotching the champ on the top rope while blocking Old School.
-A blatant low blow and behind the ref’s back double bird gets a great pop. Taker gives a low blow of his own and Austin tries to tell Hebner and gets double birds back, then a chokeslam. Great sequence. Out of nowhere, Stone Cold hits a Stunner and Pillman rings the bell before the count can start. Off the distraction, Taker sits up. The Tombstone is countered, but it’s recountered and that’s a drop right on the head to me!
HOW DOES IT END:
The Undertaker retains at 20:07 with a Tombstone
FINAL WORD: Great, main event style match that the crowd ate up even with the face versus face angle.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: The heels jump right in and gang up on Taker. Austin takes that chance to go after Bret. He pushes him over and gets the crutch to save Taker and beat the rest of the group up until they retreat. After the official announcement, Austin hits a second Stunner on Taker even with his music playing in victory. Stone Cold chases after the Harts and Taker sits up and chases after Austin. JR signs off and sends condolences on behalf of the McMahon Family to the family of Rose Anderson. Okay then!
THE LAST IMAGE: Wide Shot of the Arena
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: It makes such a difference for Jim Ross to be telling the stories, bringing the passion and calling moves. He elevates Jerry Lawler and starts to solidify his all-time great status with performances like this.
FINAL LVP of PPV: How uninteresting, goofy and sloppy can Crush get? Brian fucking Adams can’t fucking hit a fucking piledriver to save his fucking life (this is a parody of the JJ Dillon bit in Foley’s first book, so the reference challenge is done).
MY FAVORITE MATCH: The Undertaker vs Stone Cold Steve Austin
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Ahmed Johnson vs Crush
FINAL THOUGHTS: It wasn’t flashy or anything, but it was a totally inoffensive fun time. Major debuts and stories were all taking place and the crowd was responsive to all of them. That was not a bad way to spend two hours at all. MULLET RECOMMENDS
NEXT TIME: We’ve spent a little time in WWF’s house, but let’s see what’s shaking in WCW’s backyard with the return of Ric Flair at Slamboree 1997.