Mullet's Retro Diary 53: SummerSlam 1992

In my last Flairiod recap, I indicated that I was very excited for the next period in wrestling because it’s very famous for its in-ring action and great content/storylines. I’m starting to think it’s because everyone looks on it fondly when they watch wrestling in 1993.

That’s not to say that things have been bad; they’ve just been disappointing compared to the lofty expectations I’ve had. Many matches and events have fallen under that spell, but there have also been many that have met or exceeded what I was looking forward to. You will have to read on to see where this show falls, but I can’t necessarily blame many of these shows because I have a ringing problem in the back of my mind for most of them.

That problem is the investment the companies are making (as well as myself) in individuals in prominent positions…only for them to disappear before you know it. We just saw it with WCW and the Miracle Violence Connection. Spoiler alert: we won’t see that team together on PPV again after we just watched them dominate for two straight shows because Terry Gordy just stops showing up. Dr. Death only lasts a couple more months anyway.

SummerSlam 1992 is maybe an even greater example. The winners of the two main events on this show will be fired at the same time for the same problem before the next PPV three months from now (two weeks for you reading the diary). PLUS, the most popular tag team that opens the show will be gone because one of the members can’t keep their shit together either. It’s a sign of the times with personal problems, drug abuse and so many other factors at play, but it still hurts my overall enjoyment because of my wrestling knowledge.

Does that ultimately hurt the show as a whole when you watch it from beginning to end? Let’s find out.

PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 53: WWF SUMMERSLAM 1992

Poster.jpg

Written on 2/19/2021

THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: An ICOPRO commercial!!! It presents SummerSlam. Then, some regal British music as two girls wearing Ultimate Warrior facepaint argue over whose corner Mr. Perfect will be in for the WWF Title match. Then, the infamous kid saying the British Bulldog will win “whether he wants to or not!” That never gets old and makes me wonder what the hell he meant. Trumpeters play live as shots of Big Ben, Parliament and other English images are shown. Finally, the amazing crowd at Wembley Stadium is displayed. I think this is legitimately the biggest crowd besides Collision in Korea? I know other Manias have been announced as bigger, but it’s always disputed. I hear someone shout talking about “the grandeur and the pagentry!” That’s Vince McMahon’s voice! He’s calling the action with Bobby Heenan and the Brain is wearing a crown. They banter as Heenan won’t answer the Perfect question. Finally, Vince says this is the SummerSlam “you never thought you’d see!” Why the fuck is that?!?!

-Money Inc. enter and Jimmy Hart’s coat/attire is the right amount of loud. DiBiase in his white tuxedo was always a favorite of mine. The sound and the look of this event is different, but fits the volume of it all. IRS gets some mic time about British tax cheats and the burden placed on the royal family. Another LVP promo for him. SPEAKING of LVP, here comes ROCCO! Heenan screams that the dummy is driving the bike as Paul Ellering lead the Legion of Doom out on motorcycles. Vince is already insufferably growling and rooting on the faces. The gold trimmed spikes and pads for LOD are a great touch. Hawk is supposedly loaded here.

MATCH NUMBER ONE: Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart vs The Legion of Doom w/Paul Ellering and Rocco

-Hawk versus Ted to start and it’s just disrobing and taunting for the first 90 seconds as Vince laughs and we get a close up of Rocco talking. I’m in for a long night, I feel.

-DiBiase looks a little bloated here. Maybe it’s the white tights. He’s not at the “Tim Allen stung by a bunch of bees” level he will be at 20 years later. Animal attacks him on the floor with clotheslines galore.

-Animal versus IRS is highlighted by a tie step and Bobby calling it his tongue. That’s followed by a press slam.

-The crowd is chanting and cheering for everything. Another close up of Rocco chanting “Hawk” while he’s in a sleeper. Like…WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ADD A PUPPET TO THE ROAD WARRIORS?!?!?!

Rocco.jpg

-Hawk misses a top rope clothesline and he goes flying out of the ring. Then, he sandbags Ted on a bodyslam on the platform that the ring is on.

-Hawk is isolated with rest holds in the heel corner and why the fuck does Ellering have Rocco sitting in a fucking chair at ringside? Was he too heavy to hold the whole time?

-Hawk’s two comebacks are a little odd. He doesn’t seem to be in control of his body at points.

-So many tag tropes in this one: the face’s hot tag is missed by the ref, the heel fake tags behind the ref’s back, etc.

-Finally, Animal tags in and he’s always good in these situations. He hits a BIG shoulder tackle and double clothesline to become the early MVP.

-The Doomsday Device is called for, but IRS saves his partner with a dropkick. That causes Ted to take an Electric Chair anyway.

-Irish Whip and the heels collide before the end.

WINNERS: The Legion of Doom in 11:59 when Animal pins Ted DiBiase with a powerslam

-Heenan after the bell: “that stinks.”

FINAL WORD: Nothing technically wrong with it, but a few things (Hawk’s condition, Vince’s commentary, Rocco’s presence) that technically wasn’t right.

-Mean Gene interviews Ric Flair in full gear even though he’s not booked for this show. He’s ready for any kind of action. A big deal is still being made about Curt Hennig’s decision and Gene asks about the controversy. Flair just laughs every time a question is posed about it. This bit is beneath him.

-Speaking of beneath people, Sean Mooney interviews Virgil while he shadowboxes. He’s survived the toughest streets around the world apparently. This promo…is…EVERYTHING. Holy shit. His speech impediment/delivery! The fact that they set up two camera angles for it! His closing quote claims that he is “2 Legit 2 Quit!!!!” That’s an all-time LVP promo. I tried to find a video of it, but the internet told me to go fuck myself. It’s crazy that he’s still somewhat of a deal at this point. Not a big deal, but still a deal. It’s asked if he can survive the cruelest many in the WWF?

-My god, that cruel man is NAILZ. He’s already in the ring looking uglier than Vince McMahon after his confrontation with Nailz about his pay on this show in a few months. Virgil’s music hit and he’s still getting pops. He runs to the ring and he’s totally gassed now.

MATCH NUMBER TWO: Nailz vs Virgil

-Heenan talks about Virgil’s close friendship with the Big Boss Man, Nailz’s enemy who was taken out earlier in the year. Nailz poorly chokes Virgil, then takes two dropkicks and awkwardly stumbles without bumping before choking again.

-More uncoordinated choking before Virgil gets thrown to the floor.

-Heenan tries to joke about Nailz being in jail over a parking ticket as the heel locks on another choke that is apparently enough of a sleeper. Then, the bell rings?

WINNER: Nailz in 3:18 with a choke

-Post match, Virgil gets hit with the nightstick and choked with it to wrap the segment up.

Nailz.jpg

FINAL WORD: Man, does Nailz BLOW. Watch your back, El Gigante! Someone is coming after you as the worst wrestler ever! I’m erasing Vince, Rocco, IRS and even Virgil because Nailz is the LVP of them all right now.

-Lord Alfred Hayes probably insisted on having a prominent spot on this show, so he’s outside Macho Man’s dressing room investigating the Mr. Perfect situation. He says next to nothing as usual.

-Mean Gene interviews Sensational Sherri in a gaudy outfit. She looks like a bad chandelier. A replay of Shawn Michaels costing Rick Martel a match with Bret Hart plays followed by Martel winking at Sherri later on. She winks back, then watches him wrestle another time. The stipulation for the match is there are to be no punches to the face. She will stand by her man as HBK beckons her off-camera. This is another questionable allegiance match.

-The Model is already in the ring dressed like a swanky tennis player. McMahon is really into it, presumably because his mother is still playing tennis over the age of 100. Heenan and Martel both make comments about Andre Agassi before HBK enters with Sherri and a giant mirror. Bobby whistles the theme and Vince asks who is more conceited. The answer is “not Howard Finkel.”

The walk to the ring is loooooong. Sherri’s outfit has assless chaps and Vince is such a boob asking where the rest of it is and showing concern. Heenan makes a moon over Miami reference and the start of this show is ROUGH. The bell rings and Sherri undresses Shawn as Rick smiles and watches. Is he a cuck?

MATCH NUMBER THREE: PUNCHES TO THE FACE ARE ILLEGAL- Rick Martel vs Shawn Michaels w/Sensational Sherri

-The opening back and forth ends with Martel doing a cartwheel and jumping jacks to a pop. Is he the de facto face? I guess not because a Michaels dropkick gets a pop as well. The heel vs heel dynamic is fine so far.

-The first “WHAT A MANEUVER” I can remember by Vince on a Martel missed cross body.

-HBK is thrown over the top rope and Sherri checks on him. Martel grabs her and hugs her. She smiles broadly as he gets back to work.

-Too much Martel buttcrack and then too much Michaels buttcrack on dueling roll ups with the tights pulled.

-Sweet Chest Music and the ref keeps catching the cheating during the pins. The frustration starts boiling over as slaps to the face are traded.

-Sherri yells at them on the apron, then she melodramatically faints abruptly. This gets big laughs from the crowd and she falls off of the apron to a bigger laugh.

Sherri.gif

-Martel gives her chest compressions, but no mouth-to-mouth. HBK has had enough and hauls off with a punch to the face than Model sells great by falling off the platform.

-They brawl up the aisle as Sherri sits up to look. The bell rings and she lays back down.

WINNER: Double Countout at 8:08

-HBK comes back and picks her up as Vince calls her ass Jupiter and Bobby calls it the moon. Then, there’s Twin Peaks/Twin Cheeks references. Martel runs down and hits Shawn, causing Sherri to tumble. Model picks her up and rinse and repeat with Sherri eating shit again. She’s the MVP for bumping around and being funny in this messy, silly shit that never gets a payoff to my knowledge.

-Martel comes back AGAIN with a bucket of water. Is he a fucking Globetrotter? It gets thrown in her face and she is revived, but angry. The crowd loves this. Good for them.

FINAL WORD: It’s not a great match when the valet takes most of the bumps after the bell.

-A graphic previews the upcoming Tag Title match before Sean Mooney is shown with the Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart as they laugh about the situation with Sherri. Sags makes a River Thames reference. FUCK OFF. They get serious about the title situation and don’t see how they don’t have a show. They ask Jimmy and he’s nervous about it because of Money Inc., but says they will get one. Nice foreshadowing for the upcoming turn right down to laughing at another heel. This was somehow my favorite segment so far.

-The Beverly Brothers are introduced in the ring as the Genius reads his poem and it’s actually okay for once. A good pop for the smiling Natural Disasters as champs. They are so different from a year ago. Vince says the scaffolding over the ring weighs 50 tons and Bobby asks, “who? The Disasters?”

MATCH NUMBER FOUR: TAG TITLE MATCH- The Beverly Brothers w/The Genius vs The Natural Disasters (Champs)

-The heels jump the champs at the bell, but pay for it early with clotheslines and multiple compactors. McMahon says “talk about the Earl of Sandwich.” Okay, fine. I’ll give you that one.

-Typhoon tries the shittiest leg drop and misses Blake, who picks him up for a slam afterwards, but can’t finish it. That’s followed by a classically bad Vince “one, two HE GOT HIM no.”

-BIG kickout by Typhoon and he stays grounded as Heenan tells us Shawn Michaels has left Wembley Stadium.

-The brothers attack Typhoon on the ropes as Bobby and Vince have no real chemistry selling barbs and contradicting each other’s analysis and claims. Meanwhile, Typhoon has no chemistry with anyone.

-The face team tagging is missed by the ref and Quake complains by doing the tremor jump. That looked silly. Also silly looking is the Beverlys standing on the bottom rope choking the former Tugboat.

-Bad missile dropkick by Beau into Blake in Typhoon’s arms for a two count. A weird hair pull to stop the heel’s momentum, but Beau distracts Quake. The ref intervenes and Blake hits Typhoon with the Genius’ scroll. Quake comes in with a big elbow to stop the pin for a double down. Good sequence.

-Quake tags in to a big pop and a belly-to-belly. He’s slowed down a lot over the past two years. A double shoulder tackle and Beau is now isolated as Heenan claims this is now eight on one.

-Big powerslam, tremors, big pop and knocking the other heel off the apron by hitting the ropes. That’s good with me!

WINNERS: The Natural Disasters in 10:23 when Earthquake pins Beau Beverly with the Earthquake Splash

-The Genius is thrown over the top rope after the bell for good measure. Heenan says he can’t hear and I just watched Sound of Metal today, so now I want him to go spend time with Joe instead of getting implants (it’s topical, so our reference challenge will be films in the 2021 Oscar race).

FINAL WORD: That was a tag match.

Tag Titles.jpg

-Mean Gene interviews the Bushwhackers who are sweating for no reason. They are also talking about Mr. Perfect. Why are there so many promos for guys not booked? We get jokes about Luke getting a London Bridge for his teeth and Butch being invited to dinner with the royal family. This schtick goes on so long that it just fades out as they keep talking about what they’ll do at the palace.

-Lord Alfred Hayes is whispering outside the Warrior’s locker room. He thinks Hennig is inside and will breach his ethics and enter without knocking. He barely pokes his head in before getting it slammed in his face. He claims that is an act of rudeness. This show is an act of rudeness.

-Vince laughs and this is garbage. Speaking of garbage: REPO MAN! A graphic previews the upcoming battle of repackaged Demolition. He’s been in the ring so long that I can hear the second or third verse of Repo’s killer theme. A twangy guitar and another pop I don’t understand for Crush. He has such a 90s look with his purple and orange gear. How is he so popular when he just came back as a face?

MATCH NUMBER FIVE: Repo Man vs Crush

-The heel jumps at the bell again and it once again has no effect. Crush impressively does five presses on a Gorilla slam, then leaps over the top to the floor to continue to the attack. I will NOT be impressed by Crush!

-A thumb to the eye to stop offense as Vince says the WWF Title match is next.

-Crush goes up to the top and misses a knee drop. Then, there’s some weird edit (I think) as he’s already no selling and getting to his feet as Repo punches him.

-The commentators keep talking about the Perfect mystery as Crush catches Repo with a powerslam off the top rope.

-So…his name is literal? It’s no matter as that move sucks.

WINNER: Crush in 4:04 with the Cranium Crunch

-Vince says Crush is a proponent of ICOPRO and does a quick commercial for it. I can’t keep up with this.

FINAL WORD: I’m not a proponent of this show so far.

-Gene previews the WWF Title match and the faces are nose-to-nose yelling at each other weeks earlier. Perfect and Flair talk trash and Macho Man attacks them, but gets double teamed before Warrior saves. Interviews keep getting interrupted with Perfect and Flair stirring the pot. Warrior and Savage team up and they can’t get along against the Nasty Boys. Warrior’s painted on abs outfit is hideous. Sags destroys Savage in the back with Hart’s helmet as Perfect and Flair jump Warrior. Almost off camera, Sags hits Savage in the head with an UNPROTECTED chair shot. I’ll still count this on my all-time list, but it will get an asterisk as it didn’t happen live on the show. I would have missed it if not for the sickening sound it made.

-The four on two assault goes on for some time and I think the crowd is chanting for Hogan? Warrior is out on his feet, but runs after the heels. Gene reiterates that Perfect will be in someone’s corner. WHY?!?!? He just destroyed the Warrior!!! Vince says Bobby looks like a boy in a margarine commercial with the crown on as they keep discussing this mystery.

-Fink announces the title match and the Ultimate Warrior runs out. That’s quite a trek for him. I hope he’s breathing. No Perfect makes Heenan claim it’s Savage who sold out. Pomp and Circumstance for the WWF Champ and he sans Hennig, too. His pop has more boos/negative connotation to it plus I see people with their thumbs down. He’s still very popular, though.  Both gears here are iconic and Vince is good at these moments at selling the spectacle and importance of the WWF.

MATCH NUMBER SIX: WWF TITLE MATCH- Ultimate Warrior vs Randy Savage (Champ)

-I have to give the show credit for showcasing two face vs face matches as the main events as well as having a heel vs heel match. The bell rings and both men are still in full regalia mid-ring talking before a tenuous handshake. They get angry and rip their jackets off. At least they made it make sense.

PreMatch.gif

-Warrior throws Macho down and he answers back with clotheslines. He’s definitely getting booed some. Warrior catches him off top with a shot and the pace is good early. Vince calls an atomic drop a reverse piledriver.

-I’m very glad vuvuzelas aren’t a thing nowadays because so many people in this crowd are very obnoxious with them.

-It takes Randy two grabs of Warrior’s stupid singlet to pull him into the buckle, then clotheslines him to the floor as he keeps getting booed.

-Warrior gets amped taking a top rope axe handle, but a second one puts him down. I’m not looking forward to five years of Vince McMahon ruining false finishes for me. Warrior impressive catches Savage on a third axe handle attempt before a sloppy backbreaker.

-Irish Whip and a short bearhug means Warrior is gassed. He can barely lift Macho for a sidewalk slam. You still gotta appreciate these two being able to work so well together. There’s good nearfalls and offense variance by each.

-Warrior is selling his neck very well, but still dishes out punishment when he can. He misses a clothesline over the top and Macho hits the axe handle to the floor.

-Savage continues on offense as Flair and Perfect walk down the aisle.

-Savage gets his knees up on a Warrior splash. Soon after, there’s a double down on Warrior’s favorite double clothesline spot. Vince shout talks about Perfect’s allegiances.

-Savage hits the ropes and Perfect trips him behind the ref’s back. Vince loses his mind and can’t believe Warrior sold out. Macho yells down at the heels as Warrior hauls off with a punch. The crowd starts to buy it a little with more boos.

-Earl Hebner gets bumped with an Irish Whip in the corner. There’s no interference yet as Warrior hits his own top rope axe handle. The ref gets up, but it’s only a two count. Warrior complains and Randy knees him into Hebner, who falls out of the ring. This is now overbooked to the gills.

-The champ hits a piledriver and gets the ref. Perfect enters the ring and holds Warrior for a Flair loaded punch. Vince is confused and obnoxious as Heenan shifts to Savage. The top rope elbow drop still only gets a two because the ref has to crawl into the count. Great false finish.

-Warrior hulks up as the heels converse and Flair gets a chair. Warrior goes wild with a clothesline and rope shakes as the crowd goes nuts. He hits the shoulder tackle and press slam before hitting the ropes. Perfect misses the attempted trip, but Flair doesn’t miss a chair to the back.

-Vince is so bad at telegraphing the actual story. Nailz may still have competition as LVP.  Macho is upset and knows Warrior was attacked by the heels. He looks at them and second guesses his next elbow drop. He looks at the crowd and dives toward Flair, but gets nailed in the leg with the chair.

-Heenan says there are three different matches going on. Well, not anymore as the bell rings.

-Savage’s leg is brutalized on the floor and Flair locks in the Figure Four. Warrior rolls to the floor and interrupts a chair attack before chasing the heels down the aisle to the back.

-Vince claims both men are champions as Fink announces the official decision

WINNER: Ultimate Warrior in 26:16 by countout

-That reeks off of placating two egos. The crowd boos Savage being announced as still champ. Warrior grabs the belt and does his best Hogan impression of giving it to its owner. He helps Savage up and to the back as his own music plays.

Warrior Savage.jpg

FINAL WORD: No wonder why the Intercontinental Title match main events because this story sucked. The match was very good despite of it, almost in defiance of it.

-Vince growls like a goddamn dog about the grandeur of the show as Okerlund interviews Flair and Perfect. Their only plan and agreement were with each other. Flair says Plan B and that’s probably the sixth or seventh time that weekend. Watching these two make me think of the bachelor party in Promising Young Woman for some reason (one more reference to go).

-McMahon announces the attendance on commentary and steals Hawk’s catchphrase before Fink sarcastically introduces Harvey Wippleman. Man, why do they have to call it the “dark continent of Africa?” Kamala and Kim Chee enter. I think this is his PPV debut?!?! He’s never around long enough to make a PPV. GONG and Paul Bearer leads a hearse with Undertaker on the back of it. It’s very pimp. Heenan calls the driver an idiot because the wheel is on the wrong side of the car. Kamala looks on very confused. Even more confused are the white ass British people looking on at this weird shit.

MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: Kamala w/Harvey Wippleman and Kim Chee vs The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer

-The match starts again before everyone is undressed and ready.

-Kamala tries to sneak attack Taker, but it’s thwarted with throat strikes.

-Another odd edit and Taker hits Old School. He goes for it again, but Harvey distracts him and Taker gets knocked by Kamala.

-Taker double goozles the managers on the floor, but Kamala saves them and hammers him on the floor. Hard throw into the steel steps and that must have been hard for Mean Mark to no sell.

-Chokeslam! It didn’t look pretty, but it was still better than Hulk Hogan. A flying clothesline before Taker gets Kamala up for the Tombstone.

-Who hits a motherfucker with a hat?

WINNER: The Undertaker in 3:40 by DQ

-Taker dispatches Kim Chee quickly after the shot with his hat and Kamala slams and splashes Taker once before hitting another from the second rope. Then, from the top, he hits another ugly ass splash. He leaves the ring and Taker sits up. Kamala’s face might be the best part of the show. He falls in the aisle running away as Taker chases him.

Kamala.png

FINAL WORD: And so begins Mark Calloway’s next few years of servitude of handling nothing but shitty monsters.

-Sean Mooney interviews the British Bulldog acting confident, but quietly shitting his pants. He blames Jack Tunney for the family issues developing and then cuts a decent promo about not knowing Bret once the match starts, then reuniting the family afterwards. All of his words are deliberate because he really doesn’t want to fuck anything up.

-Mean Gene interviews Bret Hart and he says he works well under pressure even with family. He takes offense to Bulldog claiming not to know him, lifts his glasses up and shows good anger. This might be his best promo outside of the year 1997. He claims Bulldog’s big dream of winning in front of his countrymen will end up being a nightmare. That was an MVP promo by Bret Hart. That’s an odd thing to write.

-The Balmoral Highlanders (not Robbie or Rory) play as Heenan complains about bagpipes. This leads to an announced special surprise: Roddy Piper playing with them. He gets a big pop and it seems like he actually plays with them. The song is called “Scotland the Brave” apparently while Bobby asks for the hook and the gong. Vince just repeats the name of the group and the song and even the fucking show for that matter. He’s really, REALLY bad. This might be Piper’s last appearance in quite some time.

-Mooney is in the crowd with Diana Smith, Bulldog’s wife and Bret’s sister. God, she sounds SO Canadian. She’s about as good of a promo as the judge in Trial of the Chicago 7 was fair (and the reference challenge is done!) Mooney cuts her off because she’s taking too long to really say anything. He asks her for a pick and she won’t answer. She just claims love and BY GOD SAY SOMETHING OF VALUE! She’s the Nailz of promos AKA LVP as Mooney interrupts her a third time. Hell, he might be an MVP just for that.

-Fink introduces the British Bulldog to a massive ovation and he’s led to the ring by Lennox Lewis before most people really know who he is. Bulldog looks TERRIFIED. Bobby has a great line about having bats, not butterflies, in his stomach to emphasize his nerves. Hitman music hits and he gets a muted reaction as you’d expect. Vince oversells it as a great reaction right as Bret gets booed and he lets out a sly smile. Oh, he has them right where he wants them. Heenan calls Diana a typical woman who is just worried about who is going to give her gifts after this. Bret kisses the belt and gives his glasses to the one kid in the front row wearing his shirt. The bell rang one minute ago as the commentators talk about the amazing crowd.

MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: IC TITLE MATCH- British Bulldog w/Lennox Lewis vs Bret Hart (Champion)

-A shoving match initially and Davey wins the first lock up. Then, in their first real exchange, Bret takes a tackle and bounces immaculately out of the ring to the floor past the platform. He’s already busting his ass.

-Bret takes Bulldog over in a headlock and I think this is the spot Bulldog tells Bret he’s “fooked” and forgot everything. Bret answers with a series of pin attempts and chain wrestling.

-Great elbow by Bret to the face or the “fish and chips” as Brain calls it. He’s making a great, last minute case as usual for MVP by calling Diana “Mike McGirk” and claiming they all look alike. Meanwhile, Hart takes a great slingshot from halfway across the ring into the corner.

-Dueling roars of “Bulldog/Hitman” chants and an inset shot of Diana watching on as Bulldog keeps pressure on the arm despite Hart’s attempts to escape.

-Bret goes to the breadbasket on a knee to boos and Bret plays to it a little bit before going on offense. If I hear the horns before “let’s go” or “Bulldog” one more time…

-A second crucifix attempt is blocked into a Samoan Drop by Bret. Then, a close up on a headlock as Bret hides his mouth calling everything so well.

-Bret kicks Bulldog’s face off on a counter in the corner, then hits a bulldog ON the Bulldog! Hart goes to the top, but gets caught in the Ric Flair spot. Davey goes up for a Dynamite Kid headbutt, but misses in a rough landing.

-Bret evades an attack and makes Bulldog fall to the floor to a chorus of boos. Then, never seen before or again: Bret slingshots over the top to the outside, but Davey is out of position. So, Bret grabs his head like a Sling Blade and drives him back like Randy Orton’s backbreaker. HOLY SHIT. Bret Hart in this match lives up to the hype.

Bret.gif

-Hart backdrops Davey and he lands right on his hip. Davey also takes a weird bump on a dropkick. He’s getting carried like an infant.

-Vince drops the “WHAT A MANEUVER” and “1 2 HE GOT HIM NO” combo on a backslide.

-Diana is shown shaking her head as Bret yanks the hair as his offensive chunk continues. He locks in another headlock to catch Bulldog up on the plan.

-Hitman refuses to break the sleeper in the ropes and the ref counts to four THREE TIMES. Just disqualify him! He then reapplies it and Diana is emotional looking on.

-Bulldog’s arm stays up at the count of three, then backs Hart into the corner twice before a slugfest develops. He hits Bret with a Gorilla Slam on the run and almost kills the champ, but Bret manages to crotch himself on the second rope. Then, a series of clotheslines for a two count.

-Bobby doesn’t care who wins, but gives kudos to the match and counts down Davey’s delayed vertical suplex.

-Hart even begs off in the corner and takes his dumbass chest bump in the buckle.

-Davey hits the running powerslam, but Bret kicks out! Great spot and Davey is devastated! He rudely pushes Bret to the apron, but gets countered into a German Suplex with a bridge for two as Heenan can’t believe it.

-Even a superplex can’t get Bret down for the count of three.

-Double clothesline double down was the go-to spot in every big match back in the day. From the mat, Bret applies the Sharpshooter like a beast. The bridge of his nose is bleeding as Davey gets to the bottom rope. Diana is shown crying. Showing emotion might save her.

-Bret’s sunset flip is counter and why did I choose to wear headphones for this match because I’m now deaf from the pop.

WINNER: The British Bulldog in 25:12 to win the title with a sunset flip pin counter

-Vince is quiet initially to let the amazing pop tell the story before telling the tale. Bulldog gets the belt as Heenan calls him stupid for not putting it on. Bret is dejected and Davey is emotional. The new champ extends his hand and Bret turns his back to leave amidst boos. I think this gets botched versus what Bret wanted, too. He finally comes over to shake Bulldog’s hand and hug him to a big ovation. Diana and her frills come in to hug and cry and celebrate.

FINAL WORD:  That was state of the art wrestling and storytelling. Plus, the British Bulldog was there!

Bulldog.jpg

-Everyone holds their arms up and hug as McMahon keeps shouting “WHAT A SUMMERSLAM” and “WHAT AN EVENT.” Pyro goes off in the ring and above it as we are bombarded with more buzzwords. The crowd is impressively shown once again as more fire and pyro go off. A random “cherrio, everybody” from someone is played as Bulldog stands on the second rope to celebrate to close us out.

THE LAST IMAGE: A wide shot of the arena

 

THE WRAP UP

 

FINAL MVP of PPV: I’m surprised Bret Hart didn’t retire immediately after breaking his back carrying that match and this entire show. He EARNS the WWF Title reign he’s about to get on this show.

FINAL LVP of PPV: Vince McMahon was epically bad, but he does a decent job at setting the epic scale of the event. Diana Smith is not an actress, so I can’t punish her. Rocco is literally an inanimate object, but Nailz is figuratively one and ultimately gets the nod.

MY FAVORITE MATCH: British Bulldog vs Bret Hart

MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Nailz vs Virgil

FINAL THOUGHTS: With all due respect to the crowd and the main events, but everything else SUCKS. Everything wrong with the WWF in this time period is on display here: short matches, messy stories, bad wrestlers and inane commentary. The enormous feel of it all and two legendary battles will put this one much higher than it deserves on the overall ranking, but as an entire show, MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND

NEXT TIME: My parole from Bill Watts’ WCW is revoked for Halloween Havoc being main evented by a WWF refugee…in his only WCW PPV appearance. My introductions are very purposeful.