I will not be deterred. I will not fall behind. I will move forward. I will do this.
If you’ve ever wanted insight into my internal monologue throughout this entire process, there you have it.
For the first time since the diary came back, I’m writing this on a deadline crunch. All of my preplanning and work to stay ahead didn’t account for a crazy, temporary job among other things. Before I knew it, I was trying to finish watching a show I started almost one month ago and typing this out before I head to another city to see family before starting a new, tamer job.
Life got in the way years ago and I won’t let it happen again. I’ve never missed a deadline and I don’t intend on starting now. Once you set the habits, it’s almost impossible to change them.
That seems appropriate as we watch the second of three WCW PPVs in a row and the first in a new era. Whatever is established in this show will probably keep happening or being expected from now on. For better or worse. Let’s see if this show won’t be deterred, moves forward or misses the deadline of being a real show for a real promotion.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 51- WCW Beach Blast 1992
Written on 2/9/21
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: Some 1992 beach graphics previewing the big three matches AND a bikini contest. A wave akin to a Wayne’s World dream sequence and we are live in Mobile, AL. Nothing says summer like Mobile and nothing says immediate LVP like Eric Bischoff’s Hawaiian shirt. Tony Schiavone is rocking a blue Polo and introduces the Executive Vice President of WCW, Bill Watts. OH FUCK here we are! We says we are opening with the Light Heavyweight Title match and ending with the WCW Tag Title match. Interesting. He puts over the high fliers, which is ironic, and the Iron Man Challenge as having managers barred from ringside. He’s boring, but he’s not Jack Tunney boring. Stipulation emphasis is REAL fun and he closes with “Hook em up!” No Bischoff talking is fine by me.
-Jim Ross’ Hawaiian shirt!!! OMG please go back to Jim Ross’ shirt! (Fun note: I started this weeks ago and initially was going to tackle a NBA Dunk Contest reference challenge, but I ultimately changed my mind and went with something else. As I write this, I may still try and do it plus the other one I started. When it doubt, just watch this video of Damon Jones’ coat.)
-The Steiners vs the Miracle Violence Connection gets more promotion before lame rock music plays for Jesse Ventura as he lays on a deck chair surrounded by bikini-clad girls. A couple of them are…very nice ladies. Jesse is wearing very short shorts, a tank top and 2 bandanas. Fuck, I love the 90s. I’m putting as many pictures of the commentators at the end of this paragraph. Jesse speaks and JR looks like he runs a Margaritaville car dealership. No GMC announcing as Tony Gillian is on the stick. I knew a Tommy Gilliam and I was not a fan.
-Scotty Flamingo enters with a stupid hat and stupider clothes. I don’t like this announcer. Flyin’ Brian Pillman enters to a big ovation and big energy. Some jaw-jacking before the bell as Scotty asks for a ring boy to take his shit.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE- Scotty Flamingo vs Brian Pillman (Champ)
-Man, Raven being a light heavyweight is hilarious to me. That thyroid problem was handled here. Some taunting and waist lock counter chain wrestling starts us off.
-Jesse shits on Miami, Ohio for the third straight month. He’s not wrong. JR mentions Johnny B. Badd hosting the bikini contest and Ventura is mad. I am, too, because I had to listen to all of that talk last month.
-Pillman hits a nice tilt-a-whirl roll up and has great fire. He’s always an MVP threat. You can tell Scotty is green with some of his movements and bumps. For example, it looks like he just jerked off Pillman’s butthole on a cheating roll up.
-Long rest hold, then a series of moves leading to Flamingo being hung by the feet on the ropes, then getting dropkicked onto the concrete. Thanks to Bill Watts, there are NO PADS on the floor.
-Jesse reiterates that point as Scotty hits a cross body from the ring to the floor. JR calls it their new trademark. Gross. Classic WCW time issues as their clock is off 90 seconds according to me.
-Second rope fist drop by the heel as Jesse mentions the new top rope DQ rule. WAAAAAAAAATTTTTS!!! Think Khan in Star Trek, but worse. It’s the first match and it’s already driving me crazy.
-Good slingshot near fall, then a cutoff with a big Flamingo cutoff that Pillman sells well.
-Several rest holds and cut offs before Scotty misses a big splash in the corner for a double down. Then, we go back to rest holds.
-Double down again on a double punch spot “halfway through” the time limit and this match has definitely suffered with Watts’ restrictions. Pillman catches Scotty mid-air with a dropkick.
-Brian gets sustained offense including his trademark chops and spin kick, but gets caught with a powerslam for a good two count. Brian’s knees buckle on a whip attempt, but he’s playing possum and ultimately hits a second rope belly-to-back for two.
-Clothesline over the top to the ramp and Pillman tries a big dive, but Scotty misses and the face takes a header. JR calls it a kamikaze move to justify the loud thud.
-Back in the ring, Scotty gets little impact, but there was enough impact before to end it.
WINNER: Scotty Flamingo in 17:31 to win the title with a second rope knee drop to the back.
-The replay shows Brian’s head really hitting the ramp like a maniac.
FINAL WORD: That’s on the lower end of Pillman’s matches in this era, but it wasn’t bad by any means.
-JR and Jesse talk the bikini contest and Jesse thinks Badd should be in it. Not sure he means that. Johnny B. Badd enters and he’s wearing a tuxedo-like attire. He is taking this seriously apparently. Ventura questions his sexuality and if only he knew. He is two years away from marrying Sable. His mic work is…fine. His accent is not. We have three stages of this contest: evening gown, swimsuit and THEN bikini. What a jip. The audience and the 900 number will decide the winner. Yeah, Badd’s accent is a little too minstrel for me considering he’s white. LVP. Missy Hyatt comes out with brownish hair and an evening gown. I don’t know how to break this down. Badd says “shake it” and that’s not gown appropriate. Madusa enters in a big veil and wedding-like attire complete with dead roses. Speaking of dead, this crowd is definitely deceased for this. Missy is shown peeking out from her cabana curtain disapprovingly. We have two more of these, huh?
-JR promotes the Great American Bash next month with Sting vs Vader before going to Tony and Eric to preview Ron Simmons (forever directionless) against the Taylor Made Man. Tony mentions Ron getting the key to the city of Tallahassee. He should change the locks.
-Taylor enters in his bootleg DiBiase suit as Ventura calls the face announcers tourists. Simmons enters in green and I really want a figure of this look. Taylor is also in green trunks. Poor coordination as Jesse questions the point of a key to the city as JR questions his powers as a former mayor. Hey, actual repartee!
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Taylor Made Man vs Ron Simmons
-The highlight of the first minute has been Bill Alfonso’s voice.
-Ron explodes with a couple of three-point stance tackles. Wasn’t that his finish at one point? Taylor bails to the ramp and Ron press slams him back into the ring with some impressive distance. Jesse has a good line about it not being a DQ from that direction.
-A bearhug alongside an incorrect time announcement. I’m in temporary hell.
-Simmons goes for a football block again and flies onto the ramp. Lot of ramp work so far.
-A chin lock rest hold is interspersed between middling heel offense. Soon after, there’s a big spinebuster than JR still calls a sidewalk slam to turn the tide.
-Taylor barely gets over on a leapfrog, then doesn’t go over at all when the match ends.
WINNER: Ron Simmons in 7:09 with a powerslam.
FINAL WORD: Did Terry Taylor fuck everyone’s wife? He’s good, but he’s the most notable jobber to the stars ever. That said, this was a good enhancement affair.
-JR interviews Ron post match and they discuss his feud with the Super Invader and his ultimate goal. He’s gassed after a seven minute match, but it’s still a good, fiery face promo about hard work and the color of your skin not mattering. It’s good to see why he’s getting the strap soon (Spoiler alert).
-Marcus Alexander Bagwell is out next to some girl squeals. His opponent is Greg Valentine to a more well-rounded pop. This announcer and Valentine make me feel like I’m watching a VHS of an indy promotion in 1996.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: Marcus Alexander Bagwell vs Greg Valentine
-One year of experience versus “over a decade of experience.” That’s underselling it. Bagwell is crisp early.
-Odd single leg attempts back and forth before two dropkicks by the face. Greg bails and begs off for a bit.
-HAMMER is right as he pummels Marcus with heavy clotheslines, forearms and chops.
-The timer is now two minutes ahead as Valentine misses a second rope elbow. He recovers by working on the leg, slaps Bagwell in the face and calls for the Figure Four like a face. He gets kicked off and cradled for two.
-These two are just a half step off with each other on multiple two counts and roll ups as Bagwell sells the leg fairly poorly.
-Shin breaker, then Figure Four is applied. The face fights valiantly, but eventually relents.
WINNER: Greg Valentine in 7:15 with a Figure Four
FINAL WORD: Well…what? That’s not the decision I’d expect. I’m not a Bagwell apologist, but why does submit CLEAN to fucking Valentine when he beat Taylor before?
-The commentators preview the “Falls Count Anywhere on the Gulf Coast” match and show clips of Cactus Jack vs Van Hammer fighting in some stables at the Clash of the Champions in January. Abdullah is wearing some hilarious clothes and has a shovel. I do and do not miss him. Cactus enters more subdued and focuses than usual. JR calls him a hitman and Jesse doesn’t know the backstory with Lex Luger, but JR can’t elaborate because he’s gone. Sting enters to a loud ovation and Jack is waiting for him on the ramp. There’s a standoff and the brawling starts.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: FALL COUNT ANYWHERE NON-TITLE MATCH- Cactus Jack vs Sting
-Jack takes a backdrop and a facebuster on the wooden ramp within the first 30 seconds. I’m really going to be struggling to catch up on what the stupidest thing Mick Foley does here.
-Sting misses a splash and gets tangled in the ropes near the ramp, then takes an elbow from the apron to the concrete.
-Loud smacks from a swinging neckbreaker on the floor.
-God damn it, we may have a winner: Cactus does a sunset flip from the apron to the hard floor and his feet and ankles SMACK the fuck out of the rail. Disgusting. He follows it up with three throws into the rail.
-Jack is the MVP thus far by making Sting look incredible. He just took a backdrop over the rail to the floor THEN a suplex on the concrete. THEN he gets Irish Whipped over the rail back into ringside.
-They are finally in the ring and Jack hits a discus clothesline (RIP Brodie) after getting his foot caught in a kick attempt.
-Sting fights out of a body scissors as Jack receives praise by JR and Jesse for focusing on Sting’s injured ribs from Vader.
-Jack gets a chair and hits Sting in the back three times.
-Belly to back on the floor and Jack always sells his head so scarily and sadly.
-Sting gets Stun-Gunned into the steel. His selling has been lackluster in this. JR explains away a weak piledriver follow-up by Cactus by claiming his knee is injured.
-Jack flies from the second rope, but kind of gets caught by Sting in mid-air, so all of his knees slam onto the floor.
-Slam on the ramp and Sting has the chair now. Thankfully, there’s only shots to the back, then one swing in the leg. The Scorpion is attempted, but the heel rolls off the ramp to avoid.
-The Double Arm DDT on the ramp only gets a two count. The crowd didn’t buy it anyway.
-Sting powers up with a running clothesline, then gets some impressive air on the finish. Like Vince Carter’s windmill, it’s OVER (Fuck it, one more to go)!
WINNER: Sting in 11:20 with a flying clothesline from the top rope to the ramp
-Jack squeals after the bell as Sting is winded as fuck.
FINAL WORD: This is another classic match that’s admittedly very good, but ultimately underwhelming compared to the hype due to the changing times. It was Foley’s favorite for quite some time.
-Tony and Eric recap the match and preview the Iron Man Challenge. Eric talks about the 19-pound weight difference and the advantages of that. That wasn’t totally stupid! Easy E is on the up and up! GROWL and out comes badass Rick Rude to big heat as the announcer breathlessly explains what an Iron Man match is. Rude does his pre-match promo and calls the crowd “beach loving bozos.” Weak sauce. What’s not weak are Rube’s abs and the women that are way out of his league booing him. Ricky Steamboat enters with his wife and little Richie. Jesse makes fun of it. It’s great to see Richie Steamboat on PPV in 1992, but not in 2012 like he was supposed to be. JR makes an Ice-T policemen’s ball joke which means Cop Killa just came out. Richie waves to the crowd, Rude approaches him and the Dragon goes after him.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: IRON MAN CHALLENGE NON-TITLE MATCH- Rick Rude vs Ricky Steamboat
-It’s all Steamboat to start with attacks to the ribs as Jesse complains about Richie’s presence.
-A clock on screen means WCW is accountable for being on time for once.
-Everything about Rude has been off so far: his demeanor, his tights, his coordination. He’s selling the injured midsection well, though.
-Rude taps in a Boston Crab, but I remember that taps aren’t a thing yet. Then, Steamboat basically invents the Liontamer.
-Ricky is very passionate and Jesse calls it sadistic early. He fires up to wake the crowd up.
-Inverted suplex by Steamboat as he is really varying his offense up. He’s now on my MVP radar.
-Rude gets a stiff knee to the face out of the corner and gets a pin out of nowhere at 7:43 to go up 1-0. That’s weak psychology considering he was getting his ass kicked that entire time.
-Rude Awakening and Rude goes up 2-0 at 8:39. Now that makes sense. The crowd is not into it as Rude sells his stomach like death.
-Rude comes off the top rope with a knee straight to the throat and gets DQ’ed because WATTS. Rude is still up 2-1 at 9:36. Rude puts on a small package and gets another fall at 10:11 to go up 3-1. I’m never a fan of this sort of thing in Iron Man matches except in Brock Lesnar vs Kurt Angle.
-Rude tries taunting with his hurt midsection again like SuperBrawl, but can’t do it. It’s more of the same with him. Two long Camel Clutches sadly put him in the LVP hunt.
-Electric chair to get back in it by Ricky, but Rude gets knees up on a splash and he’s back in control.
-A third rest hold as the commentators discuss the fact that there’s no sudden death.
-Beautiful piledriver by Rude that’s somehow only a two count. I hate the falls in this.
-Rude tries a Tombstone, but Steamboat powers out and hits his own for a fall at 17:38 to make it 3-2. He’s no Undertaker, but it was pretty good.
-BIG superplex by Steamboat that JR has to explain as legal somehow and the crowd roars for the face. It’s still only two.
-After a double down clothesline spot, Steamboat counters a pin attempt with a backslide nicely and ties it up 3-3 at 20:22. A flurry of offense and two counts before Rude cuts him off again. Steamboat is putting in great work.
-Rick Rude is my age here. That’s a kick in the dick. I honestly had to think about what my age was again and now I’m thinking of Rick Rude prank calling a wife (Blink 182 was my back-up reference challenge and now I’m going to try them both.)
-Steamboat hits the Rude Awakening on its creator, but only gets a two count. That was a good near fall for an Iron Man match.
-Rude locks a sleeper on and climbs onto the back. His head gets driven into the buckle hard a couple of times, but hangs onto the hold.
-Rude keeps lifting his leg up to stop Ricky’s hand from reaching the ropes as this sleeper reaches a deadly length.
-90 seconds left and this sleeper is still on. Does Rude have no gas left? That’s a double entendre.
-The Dragon awakens as the ref lowers his arm and he kips up in the corner like Bret Hart and gets a pin at 29:25 to go up 4-3.
-Rude hits several clotheslines and a small package and gets nothing but two counts. Body slam, only two. This is an awesome finish.
WINNER: Ricky Steamboat in 30:00 by a score of 4-3
-Ricky sells death after the bell. He’s so great at putting this over as an exhaustive affair.
FINAL WORD: It was tedious at times and had some weird decisions, but it was still good. Steamboat carried that shit.
-JR and Jesse introduce the second round of the bikini contest and it is swimsuit time. Badd is back and looks like an extra in Coming to America in white before forcing the crowd to make some noise. Madusa comes out first with a biker jacket before removing it and making Badd say something about a caboose. She seems to hate this. Missy appears in a two piece that’s absolutely a bikini. So, she’s cheating. JR makes a comment about gravity and Badd mentions her two big beautiful…eyes. SWERVE! We have one more stage and this has officially died with me. JR previews Great American Bash next month and the crowd boos as a ref enters the ring.
-The ref was Ole Anderson as the senior official for some reason. It’s six-man tag time and Paul E Dangerously walks Bobby Eaton, Arn Anderson and Steve Austin to the ring. Paul looks good and thin here. He’s faking expense reports on Bill Watts like crazy right here. Austin is the TV Champ again. Eaton’s hair is short and bad. Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham and Nikita Koloff enter each wearing a ring jacket. They are all popular, but have redundant looks. Something, it’s about all the small things (one more to go, Blink boys!)
MATCH NUMBER SIX: The Dangerous Alliance w/Paul E Dangerously vs Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham and Nikita Koloff
-Barry starts with a nice second rope Japanese arm drag on Austin.
-Dustin and Bobby are a little sloppy with one another in a couple exchanges. Arn tags in and JR talks about his request for a WCW Title shot. It’s a shame that won’t happen. He slaps Nikita and the mean Lithuanian goes crazy. We also get more top rope hijinks.
-Arn gets clotheslined over the top rope and naturally, a judgment call comes up about it not being a DQ. Jesse calls out how “chintzy” it is as Paul blows a gasket. This happens after JR explains away journalists complaining about the top rope rule without giving a reason for it. There’s too much of this rule shit.
-Ole is seemingly favoring the faces. There’s no mention of the fact his kayfabe brother is in this match.
-This match is full of Southern tropes. Up next is the atomic drop into the corner and the heads of the participants collide for a double down.
-Dustin tags in and beats up all three heels before Arn uses Eaton’s head as a weapon to take him down.
-I wonder what answers if you call 1-900-909-9900. JR says Madusa is up 51 to 49 in the voting and the graphic says it, too. That has to be kayfabed.
-Damn, Austin’s clotheslines are so explosive and his fire is apparent.
-The match timer is three minutes fast. There’s no visual to hold them accountable as Dustin endures a long beatdown.
-A Stun Gun helps Dustin fall into his corner and Windham tags in. The match breaks down immediately afterwards. Arn comes off the top and gets caught in mid-air, but Ole misses it. Barry superplexes Austin and Arn successfully comes off the top again, but Ole sees it.
WINNERS: Barry Windham, Dustin Rhodes and Nikita Koloff in 15:32 by DQ
-The scrum continues after the bell and JR finally mentions that Ole DQ’ed a family member. Windham really gets beat up by Austin at the rail, but recovers as Jesse leaves to finish the bikini contest.
FINAL WORD: Take a tablespoon of boring, a pinch of no heat and a dash of bad finish and you have the recipe for a big disappointment.
-Bischoff interviews Ricky Steamboat and he thanks the fans while talking about the struggles about allegations towards his family. Did Rude claim Steamboat was putting up Wilt Chamberlain numbers on the side or something? It’s a typical passable promo until Dangerously interrupts and puts over his performance before claiming he will never get a title shot against Rude again. Cactus Jack comes out to jump Ricky and they brawl. Our 2 MVP leaders duking it out! Jack is so unhinged that he may eek it out as security breaks it up.
-JR takes it to the Body onstage who keeps complaining about the hosting duties. Badd enters dressed like a cowboy and his schtick is tired even as a new character. Jesse says he’s going to get a closer look after asking if Badd even likes girls. These two have the chemistry of a groundhog and Wesley Snipes.
-Madusa comes out in a bikini complete with stirrups. It’s not as skimpy as Missy’s swimsuit in the last round. Her energy is LVP worthy, but I refuse to penalize any woman for having to do this. Missy complains behind her curtain about her bikini being stolen out of this letter envelope before stealing Jesse’s scarf and hat. Ventura’s hair is revealed to be quite shitty. More unfunny bits until Hyatt comes out wearing Jesse’s scarves. She’s more covered than last time!!! The crowd is lukewarm and Badd claims Missy won. What about the fan voting?!?!
-Madusa pushes him into the ten, then he comes back out with her top in his hand. Jesse goes to investigate and I AM SO FUCKING GLAD THIS IS OVER. Ross explains that the results will be announced on the Main Event the next day. So, watch our other show to get results from the show you paid for. COOL.
-Dr. Death and Bam Bam are already standing at the top of the stage, BUT Tony and Eric have to talk again. This shit is so uncoordinated and bush league at times. They say nothing as usual previewing the main event before the Miracle Violence Connection finally get the cue to walk down the ramp in their Japanese robes. They get a tepid reaction. It might have been better if they didn’t spoil their entrance. The Steiner Brothers enter to the best pop of the night. JR picks the heels to win in an upset. He was a Doc front-runner even then! Just take off your pants and jacket already for him (and that one is done!) It’s like picking Jason Richardson every year (and the other one is done!)
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: WCW TAG TITLE MATCH- Terry Gordy and Steve Williams vs The Steiner Brothers (Champs)
-Gordy and Scott start with chain wrestling as Ventura and JR talk about the time with Madusa in the tent. They trade slaps and tackle one another in a brawl that seems real. There’s a reset and Williams tags in. More sloppy grappling follows.
-Rick finally gets in to loud barks and JR mentions the Varsity Club history between the two. It took six minutes for our first power move and it’s an overhead belly-to-belly by Rick on Doc.
-Doc has some unimpressive offense to no heat before being demolished by a Steinerline. Gordy comes in and eventually hits a dangerous belly-to-back.
-Rick takes some punishment including a shoulder tackle through the ropes and a half crab. He’s still suplexing when he can before tagging his brother in.
-Considering the pedigree of these four in amateur wrestling, I’d expect these parts of the match to not be so messy. They don’t seem to know how to work them. Our clock is about 90 seconds behind.
-A really long stretch of the heels isolating Scott and focusing on his injured leg.
-Lance Storm watched this show and match in particular and got inspired with all of these half crabs.
-Miracle Violence works in Japan, but I’m dubious about it in the USA.
-Now, we’ve graduated to a full crab. Rich Camillucci would get very hungry watching this match.
-Rick is tagged in as a house of fire and powerslam and bulldogs Doc while isolating Terry on the floor. A double team is thwarted and Scott gets his leg caught in the turnbuckle.
-Gordy hits a second rope powerslam that I thought was going to be a Tombstone on Rick. There’s some tag confusion and there’s a kick out.
-More of the same on Rick and the crowd tries to get up for him, but they are tired and bored. Three minutes left and Rick keeps kicking out of things like a tilt-a-whirl powerbomb.
-Oklahoma Stampeded interrupted halfway through and a double down has Gordy tag in quickly, but he eats a loud Steinerline with one minute left. It’s obvious what’s going to happen. Scott tags in and he’s not selling the leg at all. Slams and backdrops and clotheslines galore.
-Nothing like signaling for your finishing move when the announcer is counting down from five.
WINNERS: Time Limit Draw in 28:22 (supposed to be 30:00)
-Gordy is drilled with the Frankensteiner at the bell. The crowd is rightfully disappointed, but happy when the Steiners announced as still the champions. The teams stand in the ring and that’s really it.
FINAL WORD: That was fine, but you’d have to be Scott Steiner 2021 levels of crazy to not be incredibly letdown by that after the hype and looking at the matchup on paper.
-Tony and Eric recap the show before JR and Jesse do more of the same. How about we give this time to other things? Jesse claims his voice is going, but he sounds fine to me. More Bash pimping with Sting vs Vader and the TV shows coming up. Good night, Mobile and pyro sends us off with most of the floor seats already empty. Roll credits.
THE LAST IMAGE: A wide shot of the arena
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: He might not be able to buy a win, but Cactus Jack has finally bought this award by standing out as the most unique and passionate person about his craft and role.
FINAL LVP of PPV: Eric Bischoff’s streak is over as Johnny B. Badd was not the right character or guy for all of the time he received hosting the worst segments on the show.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Cactus Jack vs Sting
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Greg Valentine vs Marcus Alexander Bagwell
FINAL THOUGHTS: There were several good matches, but I’ve come to the conclusion very quickly that Bill Watts wrestling is not my cup of tea. The rules, the presentation and the booking leave a lot of be desired. It feels stale and old already while being brand new. That’s not a good sign. Drape all of that with a poorly aged and staged bikini contest and more redundant stuff and I’m left with a show that I personally didn’t enjoy. It’s technically good, but MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: The WCW trifecta concludes with the aforementioned Great American Bash. Despite Bill Watts’ presence, it’s classic WCW as it’s a gimmick show for no reason. Maybe I will miss this deadline for once.