Well, well, well.
When the WWE Network launched in 2014, I established a lofty goal: watch every PPV available in chronological order. I knew it was going to be a lengthy, potentially perpetual, task but I hit it hard and fast. I whizzed through the first six years and had more momentum than Daniel Bryan kneeing John Cena right in the face. Then, I was Pedigreed from behind by life.
My wife and I moved cities. I received a new job that took up a lot more of my time than I anticipated. We bought a house that always needs work and care. We had a FUCKING CHILD. There have been innumerous life events that have taken up my time and taking time to continue my historical journey became a victim.
Everything I’ve ever written for Podswoggle was seemingly lost when my original external hard drive crashed sometime last year. I paid to get it recovered and took some time to go through it. Once I did, I found all of the past diaries and began reading them and the stats I had accumulated.
That passion, that fire…it was back. THEN…I found my notebook and remembered that I had actually watched almost all of the shows in 1989 already. I just hadn’t sat down and typed them up.
So here we are. The PPV Retro Diary of Chris Mullet is back. This is my destiny. Bear with me: it’s been quite a long time since I’ve done this. My handwriting sucks and I may have a hard time reading and accurately transcribing my notes. Some of the reoccurring gags and gimmicks will take some time getting back into (or won’t come back at all). I hope you are happy with whatever this will be. I know I will be because I’m writing and hopefully making people laugh and entertained while watching wrestling. That’s the dream.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 22- NWA WRESTLE WAR 1989: MUSIC CITY SHOWDOWN
Written on 4/15/2020
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: A country music styled guitar and stills of some of the wrestlers coming up in the show AND The Oak Ridge Boys.
-We are live in Nashville, TN (hey Whidden!) and we are joined by Jim Ross and Bob Caudle (uggggggh) as they set the stage and send it to GMC who introduces The Oak Ridge Boys singing the National Anthem. What a hodgepodge of dudes. One guy looks like Chappelle as Prince. Another looks like that one guy from thirtysomething. One has a DEEP ASS voice. One thing I will say: they are better at the National Anthem than Rockin’ Robin.
-JR tells us there will be a whole concert later! He also tells us that a Hair vs Hair stipulation will not be happening in the U.S. Tag Title match. We rundown the entire card and it is a doozy. JYD vs Great Muta! The debuts of the Dynamic Dudes and Ranger Ross! The Iron Sheik is here! The NWA Title match isn’t main eventing. WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!
-Doug Gilbert is in the ring and Jerry Lawler is with a 13-year-old girl somewhere! Self-high five! I guess JYD didn’t want to do the job because The Great Muta enters with Gary Hart. I’m immediately reminded of being scared as shit as a kid. JR claims “circumstances beyond control” led to JYD not being there.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: Doug Gilbert vs The Great Muta w/Gary Hart
-Muta is still undefeated at this time. He kicks and mists into the air and the crowd digs it.
-Gilbert gets offense in that send Muta to the floor and I AM floored.
-The announcers call out Doug’s connection to Eddie Gilbert and Muta busts out a handspring back elbow in the corner. Nashville has never seen anything like it.
-Eddie comes out while Muta misses the moonsault, but lands on his feet. Then he slingshots himself over the top to the floor. You best believe I’m calling him the early MVP.
-Second time is the charm.
WINNER: The Great Muta in 3:03 with a moonsault
-Muta blows red mist after the match. The replay shows why his finished became the Shining Wizard later in his career. Holy knees.
FINAL WORD: The Great Muta can FUCK.
-LANCE RUSSELL with Ric Flair in the back. I’ve been thinking of him instead of Bob Caudle this whole time. I’m much more open to him. Flair puts Steamboat over, but vows to kiss his boots if he can beat him one more time. Kinky.
-Funky synth brings out Hacksaw Butch Reed. The ref looks like Tom Atkins. Thrill me! (I do remember the themed trio of references in as many diaries as I could, so I guess Night of the Creeps is the candidate this go around). Patriotic music and marines accompany Ranger Ross: “A True America”. He’s apparently a real Ranger. Let’s hope he’s a real wrestler, too.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: Butch Reed vs Ranger Ross
-Is Byron Scott the ref? I’ve seen that motherfucker courtside enough in my life and I’m pretttttty sure that’s Bryon Scott.
-Ross does the Rick Rude hip swivel early. Now I’m confused.
-You know what’s unnecessary? Showing 2 black guys in the crowd watching 2 black guys wrestle.
-Butch hits a nice clothesline and Teddy Long comes to ringside. He was apparently fired by the NWA as a ref, but no reason is given. He shows a NWA “visitor” card. So, the NWA is like a doctor’s office that gives excuses out?
-Butch shows the weakest example of using the ropes for advantage ever. He makes up for it with a much better chin lock than he showed at WrestleMania 3.
-Ranger Ross is now doing martial arts? Then a silly leap over the top just to land on his feet on the floor.
-Man, what a big introduction that leads to a big nothing.
WINNER: Butch Reed in 6:58 with a top rope shoulder block.
-The replay shows what a good block Reed lays on Ross and how poor Ranger Ross is at his job, making him the current LVP
FINAL WORD: Different rangers, but I hope Yogi Bear steals Ranger Ross’ picnic basket.
-Lance Russell with Lex Luger who seems like he’s going to screw up any word at any moment. He’s wrestling Michael Hayes tonight. Wasn’t he a face the last time I saw him?
-Time for a random ass bullrope match! Dick Murdoch appears as “Captain Redneck” which means you dress like the Ultimate Truck Driver. His opponent is Bob Orton alongside Gary Hart. Where did this feud or even their individual presences in the NWA come from?
MATCH NUMBER THREE: BULLROPE MATCH- Dick Murdoch vs Bob Orton w/Gary Hart
-Was Dick Murdoch an affirmative action hire with Dusty gone to the WWF now?
-Both guys are second generation. How about that?!?!
-Orton tries to run away on the floor and gets jerked back, then hits the floor.
-Feels good to bring this back: Cowboy boots, Rich.
-The NWA loves random cuts to awfully dressed girls in the crowd.
-Dick takes his boot off and hits Orton with it as the crowd gives them a good reaction. Now Dick uses the boot like a glove and it makes a loud smack on Orton’s face.
-Let’s go home!
WINNER: Dick Murdoch in 5:01 with a elbow drop and a hogtie.
-Gary Hart attacks Dick after the bell until Orton gets up and takes over and Hart holds the ref back.
-Orton chokes and hangs Murdoch over the top rope, surely pissing Mattel execs off. It looked legit, too.
-The replay is great just to see the lack of Dick’s front teeth.
FINAL WORD: I’ve seen worse heat in more important matches. Nothing wrong with it!
-Lance Russell is earning his pay! He’s interviewing Michael Hayes in the most tactful rob ever, especially compared to some of his modern Hall of Fame outfits. I guess he is a heel now, but he does say he’s going to beat Luger on his own without cheating or any of the other Freebirds’ help.
-Back in the ring and Paul E Dangerously is on the mic representing the Samoan Swat Team and I’m excited. He claims they took the Midnight Express out and the FUCKING Dynamic Dudes interrupt with their skateboards. The Dangerous Alliance theme plays for them for some ungodly reasons. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: The Samoan Swat Team w/Paul E Dangerously vs The Dynamic Dudes
-Paul wearing a lei is funny. Girls shrieking at the Dudes ripping their shorts off is the opposite of funny.
-Johnny Ace and Fatu start, so this match begins with two big asses.
-Ace does 1 minute of blah and Shane Douglas throws 1 dropkick that shows he’s infinitely better right away.
-Ace gets catapulted into a perfect Fatu savate kick right to the throat. Hell yeah!
-LOUD chop by Samu and then Ace screws up the takedown afterwards. He’s the new LVP beyond general principle.
-JR promotes a special video, then the concert, then the next 5 matches. Hip hip hooray.
-I’m surprised Nashville is so positive for the Dudes. Granted, there’s no reason to like the Samoans.
-A good build to the hot tag is ruined by Ace being right under Shane and still missing his hand even though it looked like it happened.
-Paul grabs a mic and shouts to Ace, “You are as worthless as a woman from Nashville!” Fucking awesome.
-Shane finally the tag and nails a bunch of dropkicks, a leapfrog and then gets cut off with a Samu clotheslines.
-Fatu has entered the MVP race with a great top rope splash, showing shades of his future.
-Why did this result get such a good pop??!?!?!?
WINNERS: The Dynamic Dudes in 10:59 when Shane Douglas pins Fatu after a Johnny Ace missile attack.
FINAL WORD: 75% of that match was great and 25% was 100% Johnny Ace.
-Lance Russell is with Lou Thesz, Pat O’Connor and Terry Funk. They will be the judges for the NWA Title match. Thesz’s promo work is naturally old and meandering because he hates putting Flair over in any way. Pat adds nothing and Funk is not convincing in this role, either.
-Badstreet plays, so we avoid the concert! Hayes enters with Hiro Matsuda, who insists on not leaving this company. Pyro above the ring for the guy who stunk the joint out at the last PPV, huh?
-OMG, that sick Luger joint! Luger jogs to the ring accompanied by 4 random black dudes jogging alongside him like Secret Service agents. What a great pop for Lex, but I will attribute that to the song.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH- Michael Hayes w/Hiro Matsuda vs Lex Luger (champion)
-Hayes removes his robe in the least sexiest way possible. He looks like a suggestive X-Men with blue and yellow frills.
-Hayes off of his feet in the air is always a surprise. Hayes then hits a craptastic Russian leg sweep because Lex fell back like he was falling into bed.
-Buddy Roberts and Terry Gordy are getting a lot of verbal love despite the fact that they probably won’t show up.
-Luger blocks a DDT, but still takes a back bump out of it. Oy…
-Hayes is barely able to get over Lex for a sunset flip attempt.
-I’ve just noticed the difference between the NWA and WWF as it relates to commentary: the heel/face dynamic and opinions are much more paint by numbers here. JR is good, but he doesn’t express emotions in the negative or positive towards the actions of the wrestlers.
-Lex builds momentum with a no sell and a top rope cross body attempt! Lex Luger?
-Yep, this is Lex Luger. He just took a front bump after being thrown in the post more exaggerated than WrestleMania social media numbers.
-Hayes hits a good stiff punch and bulldog to stay on offense. Matsuda slams Luger into the railing, so there goes the build of Hayes trying to do it on his own.
-Hayes gets some air on Lex throwing him up after another bulldog attempt.
-Why does Lex only go up to 5 on the corner punches? Can he not count to 10? The crowd does it for you!
-A rare good exchange between these two: Lex hits 3 press slams in the row and then a Rock style floatover DDT counter bringing both men down.
-The ref kinda bumps and Terry Gordy IS there wearing pink!
WINNER: Michael Hayes in 16:28 to win the title after Gordy and Luger’s heads collide and Gordy throws Hayes on top of Luger.
-During the pin, Gordy continually pushes Lex’s leg off of the ropes. The replay displays and the awful, awful combo that is Gordy’s pink shirt and cowboy boots.
FINAL WORD: The match itself was better than the fact that Lex Luger can’t keep momentum if it was glued to his forehead.
-Lance Russell is earning his pay tonight as he interviews Sting and all of the frills on his jacket. It is a Sting promo all right: frantic, but charisma filled.
-The Iron Sheik is already in the ring and that cool 80s Sting theme gets me amped and the kids running to the front. Another guy is in the ring wearing a headdress with Sheiky Baby. He’s announced as Rip Morgan. I was going to name him Spanky (one more to go). Speaking of announced, Sheik insists he’s announced as a former World Champ.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: TV TITLE MATCH- Iron Sheik w/Rip Morgan vs Sting (champion)
-Sheik hits Sting with a flag before the bell behind the ref’s back.
-Man, I don’t know what’s more obvious: how much Sheik has slowed down or how little Sting is selling Sheik’s punches.
-It pains me to name Sheik as a LVP candidate, but he is so bloated, old and just OFF. He got his side suplex off, but it’s still not as good as before.
-I think Sting knows because he gets the quick advantage, nails the Stinger Splash and…
WINNER: Sting in 2:09 with the Scorpion Deathlock
FINAL WORD: That was quick and mostly painless for everybody except the Iron Sheik.
-Lance Russell has worn out 6 mics tonight. He interviews Ricky Steamboat about his match that is being billed as Ric Flair’s last chance. It’s a good Steamboat promo, which is saying something. I’m so stoked for this.
-Flair’s theme begins, pyro blows, some fine looking ladies arrive and a big ass pop for the Nature Boy! WHY IS THIS NOT THE MAIN EVENT?!?!?!?! 40+ women accompany him down the aisle and you best believed he fingered every one of them.
-HO. LY. FUCK. ING. SHIT. Ricky Steamboat enters alongside his wife and his song, Richie, who is RIDING A TINY HORSE. This is the cheesiest thing that has ever cheesed. Just for this brief moment, Richie Steamboat is the LVP for the combination of that outfit and horse. God knows he won’t be winning any LVPs as a wrestler.
-GMC makes the official introductions of the judges and competitors. Thesz outpops Pat and Terry while Flair gets a mixed reception versus Steamboat’s mostly cheers.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: NWA TITLE MATCH- Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat (champion)
-Flair by himself is refreshing.
-Steamboat’s arm drags get me hard.
-The first chop thrown in the match makes Tommy Young noticeably wince. LET’S GOOOOOO!!!!
-A chopfest develops across all 4 corners.
-The announcers talk about Steamboat being the only man who has made Flair submit. Oh, that will change.
-In the midst of a long arm lock, Flair singles a fan out to tell him to shut up. He’s the GOAT.
-Flair is using some elbows and forearms for his standing strike game. That’s unique for him.
-Thesz jots down some notes after a classic Flair flop. I’m sure those notes weren’t positive.
-The pace is purposefully slower than their first match. They are making us wait for the insanity.
-After the first 15 minutes, the judges give their scorecards at the moment and all three of them have Steamboat winning. That makes this all seem so much realer. What a good touch.
-Flair throws Steamboat to the floor and that pisses him off, so he runs back in with a flurry and Flair takes his typical corner bump.
-Steamboat is sent over the top and a fan tries to push Steamboat up. Uhhhhhhh….security?
-A brawl breaks out on the floor and that means they have to chop harder!
-Here comes the pace! They start catching each other on the apron, Steamboat misses his finish and flies out of the ring again. The crowd buys into a nearfall off of a belly to back suplex. That would elicit no response today sadly.
-Flair drops the crispiest elbow of all time. It’s safe, but it is right on Ricky’s neck.
-Suplex to the floor!!! Flair is now winning via split decision.
-Flair hits a cross body on Steamboat and they both fly over the top rope.
-Flair on top…and caught! All time top rope record now sits at 4 for 12. A solid 25 percent so far! A really good roll up near fall follows.
-People are starting to stand and buzz. Ricky superplexes Flair, but doesn’t make the cover.
-Steamboat tries the chicken wing, but Flair blocks it in the ropes. Steamboat hits a top rope chop, goes for another and Flair falls on the ropes, causing Ricky to hit the arena floor.
-Ricky sells the leg, so it’s Figure 4 time! Dead center of the ring. 30 seconds past and Ricky finally makes it to the ropes.
-Steamboat answers with an enziguri and then tries a bodyslam, but he forgets about WrestleMania 3!
WINNER: Ric Flair in 31:32 to win the title with a small package
FINAL WORD: There will never be a bad Flair/Steamboat match…but I’m ever so slightly let down by this match. It didn’t surpass Chi-Town Rumble, but who really cares? It’s still incredible.
-Pyro goes off and the two warriors shake hands and Steamboat raises Flair’s arm in victory before waving and leaving.
-JR joins Flair in the ring and he puts Steamboat over right away. Terry Funk bolts into the ring to be the first to congratulate the new champ and kisses his ass about the vote like anyone around Donald Trump in 2016. JR and Flair try to blow Funk off and he makes the first challenge to Flair. Flair dismisses it by saying Funk has been acting with Stallone and he goes by the Top 10. Funk takes offense and Flair tries to leave, but Funk plays dumb so greatly. Finally, Terry sucker punches Ric and we are off! Funk is a madman putting the boots to Flair, shaking the railing and yelling. He slams Flair’s head on the table, climbs onto it and piledrives Flair on the table (with Flair’s hands protecting himself, but it still looks great). Funk blasts Flair with a chair as he’s under the table, then calls a fan a son of a bitch and tries swinging at people. Yeah…Funk is now in the MVP race. He grabs JR and calls Flair horse toothed and banana nosed. Funk is DEFINITELY in the MVP race.
-The replay shows how good that piledriver looks, so avert your eyes, Rich.
-Joe something is with Nikita Koloff, making his triumphant return as a referee. He says he won’t be intimidated and I believe him because of the weird pattern in his hair.
-Varsity music means Varsity Club. Cheerleaders are in the ring waiting for Mike Rotunda and Steve Williams. This gimmick is dying with me. Some Iron Man-esque music brings the L.O.D. out.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: NWA TAG TITLE MATCH- The Varsity Club w/Kevin Sullivan (champions) vs The Road Warriors w/Paul Ellering
-LOD jump the champs at the bell with their spikes still on and the pyro hitting over the ring. Jimmy Bower DANGEROUSSSSS.
-Doc and Animal officially start and Sullivan immediately jumps on the apron and gets thrown out by Nikita.
-Nikita also gets in Doc’s face as JR does a first: talk about Jim Herd’s good decisions.
-Animal catches Rotunda with a powerslam off the top rope.
-Hawk clotheslines Doc from the apron to the floor and this one has had some good, hard hits as expected. Speaking of which, Hawk tries another clothesline on the floor and misses, making a LOUD smack on the ring post.
-The challengers aren’t in danger long because Animal gets the hot tag and cleans house. All four men are in the ring soon and Doc gets set up with the Doomsday Device. They hit it! Naturally, it’s run-in time.
WINNERS: The Road Warriors by DQ in 6:03 when Kevin Sullivan and Dan Spivey interfere and beat up Nikita Koloff.
-Total chaos erupts as the bell takes forever to ring and the clusterfuck plays out including a replay of the entire mess.
FINAL WORD: Yeah, that NEEDED to be after Flair/Steamboat III.
-The U.S. Tag Titles are the main event?!?!? Eddie Gilbert, Rick Steiner and Missy Hyatt enter. Varsity Club: your dates are here and they aren’t dead! (I knew I’d make it, Creepers!) It’s good to see Missy remembered to take that cock out of her mouth before coming to the ring. In my defense, she’d make the same joke. There’s a great Rick Steiner drawing in the crowd.
MATCH NUMBER NINE: UNITED STATES TAG TITLE MATCH- Eddie Gilbert and Rick Steiner w/Missy Hyatt (champions) vs Dan Spivey and Kevin Sullivan
-Sullivan hits Eddie before the bell and Spivey nails Steiner into the post shoulder first and does more damage with a shoulderbreaker on the floor.
-Once again, why is this closing the show especially with the hair stipulation off the table?
-The crowd is burnt out and mostly silent as Steiner gets a cheap shot from Kevin when he’s almost to his feet and Gilbert gets beat down in the ring.
-Spivey hits a good front dropkick and over the shoulder backbreaker and Gilbert eventually counters him with an impressive backdrop.
-Eddie breaks up a pin attempt with an eye rake. That’s different.
-All Missy has done at ringside is yell “EDDIE!”
-Steiner finally gets tagged in, but the ref doesn’t see it. That doesn’t stop him from interrupting a Sullivan piledriver attempt.
WINNERS: Eddie Gilbert and Rick Steiner in 6:48 to retain the titles when Gilbert pins Sullivan after a Steinerline.
-More post-match shenanigans AKA a heel beatdown. Spivey gives Rick Steiner an UNPROTECTED CHAIR SHOT to the head before dishing out two more to his arm.
-Sullivan pulls Missy and Eddie saves her. Based on the Great American Bash last year, are we supposed to believe Sullivan has a rapist gimmick?
FINAL WORD: I have more of a need for 4 more fingers than this match needed to be the main event.
-JR and Caudle recap the show and announce that the Varsity Club was stripped of their tag belts due to the blatant interference earlier. That’s strange, but it hopefully serves a purpose. There’s no update on Flair, but they replay the Funk attack before wrapping up, signing off and cutting to some music, credits and still photos.
THE LAST IMAGE: The World Title held in the air.
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Sure, Flair and Steamboat had an all-timer, but Terry Funk immediately set the stage for the next rivalry in spectacular fashion by being violent, loud and INSANE.
FINAL LVP of PPV: He didn’t ride a horse, pretend to be a ranger or just be Johnny Ace, but being a shell of himself was enough for Iron Sheik.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Ranger Ross vs Butch Reed
FINAL THOUGHTS: There were some of the usual NWA overbooking moments, but the presentation was mostly straightforward and it featured one of the best singles matches of the decade. That’s going to be a thumbs up from me. MULLET RECOMMENDS.
NEXT TIME: It won’t take me 6 years to see where all of this is going. It’s the 1989 edition of the Great American Bash. It’s good to be back.