Growing up, I devoured every WWF Magazine, Pro Wrestling Illustrated, Inside Wrestling and any other rag to enhance my wrestling brain. It was through these publications that I learned about things like the 1988 Royal Rumble, Ring of Honor and some guy named the Prototype.
That being said, I vividly remember the PWI Wrestling Almanac and Book of Facts and its Supercard result section. I would read those results word for word every year just to memorize the cards so I could be called sick by friends 20 years later. What always stuck out of me was their listing for the first “pay-per-view” ever.
That event was the Wrestling Classic.
I’m not lying when I say that this was in my personal top 10 reasons for getting the WWE Network. I’ve never seen this show and I’ve heard incredibly mixed things about it. For every decent review, there is an entire WrestleCrap induction. I guess I just have to be my own judge then.
I mean, what could go wrong with a one night tournament in 1985?
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 4- THE WRESTLING CLASSIC
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: The classic WWF “Recognized Symbol of Excellence” intro followed by whatever the hell “WrestleVision” is and the Fink’s voice giving a rundown of the entrants in the tournament. Also, they are giving away a Rolls Royce?!
-Oh, boy. We finally see Vince McMahon as well as the Rosement Horizon. They aren’t amped like Money in the Bank 2011. Vince walks over and joins that verbal dolt, Lord Alfred Hayes, and whoever the hell Susan Waitkis is. They have a giant tournament board done up with photos and black markers. Hayes rambles and Vince basically cuts him off so he can coherently run through every match. Waitkis stands there in an ugly ass wedding dress.
-We see a pretape segment of wrestlers drawing their opponents’ names out of a fish bowl. Ricky Steamboat says “Wow…” incredibly unconvincingly after drawing Davey Boy Smith. Miss Elizabeth draws Ivan Putski and Macho Man immediately tells her she messed up and critiques her job so hilariously that he sets a record for earliest MVP of the PPV. Finally, Mr. Fuji is a stereotype.
-Vince and Hayes send it to Mean Gene with WWF President Jack Tunney. We are treated to a classic Tunney promo, which makes a Ricky Steamboat promo sound like an Ultimate Warrior promo. Tunney boringly summarizes the rules of a tournament and we are finally thrown to Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura. Gorilla is wearing a loud, red jacket and Ventura looks like a botched fifth grade art project.
-Adrian Adonis is waiting in the ring before he was Pinkburied (which is the greatest pun I have ever come up with). Jimmy Hart accompanies him and is dressed like Chester Cheetah. Patriotic music brings Cpl. Kirchner into the arena. Chicago loses some street cred cheering for this loser.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: OPENING ROUND MATCH- Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart vs Cpl. Kirchner
-Fourth PPV in a row where it is an eternity from the bell ringing to a manager leaving the ring.
-Kirchner hits a shitty armdrag. Adonis is fat, but doing everything he can to make this watchable.
-Gorilla mentions that the opening round matches have ten minute time limits. Those are sorely missed in wrestling.
-Adonis wakes the crowd up with a great belly to back suplex and some good elbows as he finally gets on the offense after Kirchner’s rest hold.
-JESUS!!!! That looked awesome! Adrian Adonis is the NEW MVP of the PPV and here is why.
WINNER: Adrian Adonis in 3:21 after a suplex counter into a DDT.
-It’s hard to describe what Adonis really did (in essence, he drove Kirchner straight down from a suplex set-up position), but the replay shows that he really drilled him.
-Fink announces Adonis’ victory long after Adonis has left the ringside area.
FINAL WORD: Don’t fuck with Adrian Adonis.
-Mean Gene interviews Hart and Adonis after the match. Hart is breathing like he worked the match. Thankfully, Adonis cuts one hell of a promo and doesn’t need the Mouth of the South at all. He has made me a big fan already.
-There is no wasting time here. The Fink is introducing the next two wrestlers already.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: OPENING ROUND MATCH- Dynamite Kid vs Nikolai Volkoff
-Volkoff has to get his goddamn singing in. It still gets nuclear heat. Volkoff’s crappy presence gets nuclear heat from me in general.
-The bell rings, Volkoff starts cutting a promo after wrapping up his song and there goes King Kong Bundy’s “record” from the last PPV.
WINNER: Dynamite Kid in 0:08 with a top rope missile dropkick.
-The replays have been badass thus far. Dynamite really nailed him with that kick.
FINAL WORD: You won’t hear me complaining about a Nikolai Volkoff match that lasts the length of a bull ride.
-Mean Gene is backstage with Macho Man and Liz. Savage is wearing a Vegas-style bathrobe, by my estimation. Macho admits that he is ready, hyper and nervous in one sentence. He proceeds to put over the tournament, Putski and anything in general. Liz chimes in, but her words are always unnecessary. Savage’s promo needed more cocaine.
-Ivan Putski is already in the ring, looking old and ripped. It is graduation time as Macho Man enters to little reaction. I know he was new, but was a multiple cop escort needed to help him out?
-I didn’t mean to notice Liz’s chest, but I did. I’m not proud of it.
-Ventura is putting in good work thus far, talking about his assistance in Savage’s training and calling Putski “Paduski”.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: OPENING ROUND MATCH- Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth vs Ivan Putski
-Cat and mouse game so far. That ends when Putski slaps on a full nelson and then spits in Savage’s face.
-Putski’s booby bounce might be his best offensive move.
-The ring is LOUD.
-Putski is really punching the shit out of Macho Man. That has to mean that he is about to lose, right?
WINNER: Randy Savage in 2:47 after a roll up with his feet on the ropes.
FINAL WORD: I’m glad that I’m going to see more of Randy Savage later when Ivan Putski isn’t involved.
-We get a replay and Vince and Hayes analyzing the results so far. Their lackluster job isn’t helped by Nikolai Volkoff running in and cutting an angry promo that I can barely understand even though he is speaking English. Yep, he is LVP of the PPV again. Let’s see if he can hold on.
-This should be good…
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: OPENING ROUND MATCH- Ricky Steamboat vs Davey Boy Smith
-Davey Boy gets booed a little during introductions.
-32 awesome opening seconds of chain wrestling followed by fast paced action that makes me think I’m watching ROH in 2003 or something.
-While the pace is rapid and exciting, the referee is slower than TNA’s payroll schedule.
-Gorilla calls Steamboat “the Steamer” at one point. I’m not touching that.
-Davey Boy is one strong SOB. I would legitimately watch Cena, Cesaro, Mark Henry and Bulldog compete in a World’s Strongest Man event on ESPN.
-Steamboat hits an impressively long delayed vertical suplex on Smith. Smith rebounds with a big splash counter and a sweet dropkick.
-What?
WINNER: Ricky Steamboat in 2:52 via ref stoppage after Davey Boy Smith crotches himself on the ropes with a missed dropkick and appears to be “hurt.”
-Noooooooooo!!!! I want more of that now!!!!! At least the replay does show Davey’s balls bouncing off the ropes a little bit.
FINAL WORD: I’m legitimately bummed I will never see any more of those two working against one another. That was phenomenal.
-Mean Gene interviews the Junk Yard Dog, who is unusually subdued. That said, he does say that he wants to be “WW Champ” and congratulations “the Chicago” for something he never reveals.
-I thought the pacing of Starrcades were bad. We are about to begin the fifth match already. Sheiky Baby is still hated and Grab Them Cakes plays. I think that should be Kimye’s wedding song.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: OPENING ROUND MATCH- Junk Yard Dog vs Iron Sheik
-Sheik jumps JYD prior to the bell. This guido referee is terrible. In 1985, NWA had Tommy Young and Earl Hebner while the WWF had Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets.
-Sheik bows and begs for mercy like a great chickenshit heel.
-Gorilla says that Sheik has to have some smarts in order to win all of the titles he has held. If only he lived to see what Sheik does today…
-What an awful clothesline by JYD.
-I’m not sad that Sheik didn’t get a raging boner before applying the Camel Clutch. It just would have been funny to write about.
-I’m confused about what happened. The ref sort of dropped JYD’s arm for a third time and the Sheik lets go of the hold, but it isn’t over.
-Sheik keeps moving the referee out of his way to induce punishment. That probably won’t end well.
WINNER: Junk Yard Dog in 3:27 after a headbutt.
FINAL WORD: I’m sad the Iron Sheik is done for the evening. Chicago’s drug dealers weren’t.
-A very quick cut to Mean Gene with Jimmy Hart and Terry Funk. It has all the trimmings of a crazy ass Terry Funk promo. Gene doesn’t even want to conduct it because of the stench of Funk’s tobacco, which is spits into the camera to close. Even I think that is fucking gross.
-What in the blue hell is a Moondog?
-I want to visit the Double Cross Ranch.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: OPENING ROUND MATCH- Terry Funk w/Jimmy Hart vs Moondog Spot
-The referee is a Hebner. Vince finally forked over the dough. I might be talking about food instead of money.
-Funk cuts a promo in the ring, proposing to Spot that they both leave and take the draw so they don’t have to fight. Spot agrees and they leave the ring. The bell rings and Funk double crosses Spot.
-The psychology of this is brilliant and ridiculous all at once. And now it is 100 percent ridiculous
WINNER: Moondog Spot by countout in 0:27 when Funk backdrops Spot and he slips in between the ropes into the ring.
-I guarantee that is the only time Moondog Spot will be cheered.
FINAL WORD: I…why…huh…jeez…wha?
-Mean Gene interview Mr. Fuji and the Magnificent Muraco, who is wearing his awful ass shirt. Mr Fuji starts and calls Tito Santana “boy-san”. Muraco’s promo somehow confirms that he was a big cocaine addict. It wasn’t wired or anything; it was just weird.
-Tito Santana is already in the ring. No entrance for the current Intercontinental Champ. It’s just like watching nowadays!
-Don Muraco enters and I realize he is the second Hawaiian wrestler on this show. That doesn’t happen anymore.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: OPENING ROUND MATCH- Magnificent Muraco w/Mr. Fuji vs Tito Santana
-Don Muraco has the worst Irish Whips in the history of the business.
-Don Muraco just did the Ric Flair turnbuckle flip. He is a weird dude.
-Quite creative license is being shown by Gorilla and Jesse. Gorilla called Muraco’s nose “schnauzola ” and Jesse naturally calls Santana “Chico.”
-Every other move Muraco delivers is awkward looking to the hilt. I honestly don’t know if he is any good or not. I’m going to name him LVP of the PPV for right now just because I’m confused.
-There is no fancy way to say that this is bad.
WINNER: Tito Santana in 4:15 with a small package after the referee restarts the match when Muraco pinned Santana, but Santana’s foot was on the rope.
FINAL WORD: That gets the babyface IC Champion over strong! Seriously, these crappy restarts were way too overused in the 1980s.
-Mean Gene is backstage with Bobby Heenan, who sadly isn’t represented by any of his wrestlers in this tournament. Even without the comedy, the chemistry between Gene and Bobby is undeniable. The main purpose of this segment was to put over the $50,000 bounty Heenan placed on Paul Orndorff’s head.
-50 minutes into this PPV and we are about to finish an entire round of a tournament.
MATCH NUMBER EIGHT: OPENING ROUND MATCH- Cowboy Bob Orton Jr. vs Paul Orndorff
-It is awfully weird to hear Paul Orndorff heavily cheered.
-Orton is called a mechanic by Jesse and he is correct. Let’s go ahead and call Randy that, too. It’s the closest compliment I can give him.
-Orndorff is going after Orton’s cast, which deserves its own spot in the Hall of Fame.
-There has been great chain wrestling in this match thus far. Orton and Orndorff came to work.
-Jesse continually questions Orndorff’s character, saying he knows who he truly is. Knowing the future of Orndorff, that is great foreshadowing.
-Gorilla and Jesse are going out of their way to put Orton over heavily as a great wrestler. By my eyes, it isn’t unwarranted.
-Orndorff goes for a sunset flip and we get BLURRED ORTON ASS!!!!!! I thought this network was uncensored!!!! BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
-Great sequence in what is becoming a really good match. Orndorff counters an Orton headscissors into a pin which Orton bridges out of into an immediate backslide. The crowd is hot and the work is flawless.
-Did nobody want to be pinned on this show?
WINNER: Paul Orndorff in 6:30 by DQ after Orton hits Orndorff with his cast.
FINAL WORD: I wanted to see 10 more minutes of that. That is one of the best things you can say about any match. Great job by all parties involved sans the DQ finish.
-We revisit Vince and the big bracket as Lord Alfred Hayes seemingly tries to assault Susan. Good grief. Hayes gives his analysis on the matches thus far. Lord Alfred Hayes’ analysis is to wrestling what mayonnaise is to rap music. Vince proceeds to clumsily preview the next round with awkward pauses. I presume it was to wait for Terry Funk to interrupt, pissed off. The highlights of that rant include a bleeped “WWF” and Funk calling Hayes a “big-eyed jerk.”
MATCH NUMBER NINE: QUARTERFINAL MATCH- Dynamite Kid vs Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart
-The time limit is now 15 minutes. I’m sure that will be a factor…not.
-Jesse leaves the commentary table to go backstage and talk to Macho Man before his match with Ricky Steamboat.
-Considering I was excited about this before the bell rang, I am utterly bored until Dynamite nails a gutwrench suplex on the much larger Adonis.
-Adonis applies the first PPV Sharpshooter! It sucks, but it is better than The Rock’s! Also, screw you, Konnan.
-The near falls are getting really good, even on sunset flips. The second rope knee drop makes sense.
-Yep, that is where Benoit got his clotheslines, snap suplexes and demeanor.
WINNER: Dynamite Kid in 5:28 after Kid pushes Adonis into Jimmy Hart and his megaphone on the apron and a roll up.
-Adonis throws a Christian-like tantrum after the match. The replay shows Adonis was justified in his tantrum because his foot was on the bottom rope.
FINAL WORD: Two great workers in a good match that was hampered by lack of time. That seems like a growing theme on this show.
-Mean Gene interviews Jesse Ventura backstage. It is a totally unnecessary promo about Jesse’s prejudice for Randy Savage, but it allows Mean Gene to call Ricky “The Steamer” again. Did Steamboat poop on someone’s chest in 1985 and I didn’t hear about it?
-Macho Man naturally enters with a different outfit. His inspiration this time: St. Patrick’s Day and Mardi Gras all at once. Elizabeth’s dress is different as well, but I will be respectful now.
-Let’s see how this goes two years earlier.
MATCH NUMBER TEN: QUARTERFINAL MATCH- Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth vs Ricky Steamboat
-Before the bell rings, Steamboat attempts to go after Savage, who hold Elizabeth in front of him until Steamboat turns his back, allowing Savage to jump him. It is a hot start, especially when Steamboat launches into his early comeback.
-Macho Man is wearing his classic purple and yellow trunks.
-Okay, these two just have a chemistry together. I wonder if they tirelessly practiced this match, too.
-Jesse returns to the commentary table. Of course he returns while Savage is getting his ass kicked.
-It probably should have happened in an earlier PPV, but Steamboat is the MVP of the PPV right now. He does everything great. This is a make good for his previous efforts.
-Savage kicks out of Steamboat’s top rope crossbody. That would have been treated as a big deal at any other show.
-Dave Hebner is the referee. I just felt like I needed to say that.
-Macho Man really dug into the front of his tights for that foreign object. Thankfully, it was worthwhile.
WINNER: Randy Savage in 3:18 after hitting Steamboat with a foreign object as Steamboat was attempting a belly-to-back suplex.
FINAL WORD: It should be a crime in every state when Randy Savage vs Ricky Steamboat gets less than five minutes.
-Mean Gene talks to Moondog Spot backstage as he chews on a bone. All Spot does is growl and mumble. Delirious does the same thing, but at least he makes sense with it all. Spot just sucks (hence his new status as LVP of the PPV).
-Spot enters and the crowd is back to booing him. JYD still gets a good pop. Chicago sticks with their boys after multiple appearances.
MATCH NUMBER ELEVEN: QUARTERFINAL MATCH- Moondog Spot vs Junk Yard Dog
-There was no bell. There is no referee. There is no reasoning at all.
WINNER: JYD in 0:31???? Spot jumped JYD, who countered with a headbutt, pinned Spot, counted his own pin and the Fink announces it.
-Gorilla tries to justify what just happened because “the ringside judge said it was okay”.
FINAL WORD: It is going to be pretty damn difficult to top that as the worst match/situation/presentation ever.
-Mean Gene is with Bobby Heenan again. Heenan tries Tito Santana turning heel to collect the Orndorff bounty. Was Santana ever a heel? Probably could have used that money now.
MATCH NUMBER TWELVE: QUARTERFINAL MATCH- Tito Santana vs Paul Orndorff
-The crowd sounds like it favors Orndorff over Santana, who sort of gets booed during the introductions. The two babyfaces shake hands.
-Jesse calls Tito “a taco salesman” and says “anyone from Tijuana can be bought”. 1985 racial sensibilities!
-The action has been solid, but fairly unspectacular, thus far.
-Gorilla and Jesse do a great job of teasing tension as Santana and Orndorff are evenly matched, but continually clenching fists for a big fight.
-It’s funny watching guys have to sell injuries during four minute matches. Santana really sells his leg as Orndorff begins to be a dumb babyface and look worried.
-The crowd begins to get restless during a LONG leglock.
-Here is the slugfest that was being teased throughout!
WINNER: Double Countout in 8:06
-The crowd has totally lost interest and the segment ends with an awkward standoff.
FINAL WORD: It is a travesty that these two got the most significant time thus far because they didn’t have the chemistry of Adonis/Dynamite and Savage/Steamboat
-Back to Vince McMahon with Hayes, who is flat out kissing Susan. This isn’t Mean Gene and Fifi’s schtick at Battlebowl 1993; it is even worse.
-Hayes is so mind numbingly crappy at speaking. He has wrenched the LVP of the PPV away from Spot. Meanwhile, Vince announces that JYD has a bye to the finals. What a babyface thing to have happen.
-Gorilla and Jesse discuss the show thus far. Gorilla’s pink tuxedo shirt reminds me to watch Party Down. I am awakened by my daydream by the bagpipes in the background. I can’t believe this match is now. The crowd can because they awaken and begin to loudly boo.
-Gene interviews Hulk Hogan, decked out in his white American Made t-shirt. Hogan claims to have gotten ready for his match by watching the tournament. I doubt he entered the building before the quarterfinals. Sadly, this isn’t as crazy of a Hogan promo as it could have been.
-Hogan enters and the police surrounding him get ripped apart as people try to touch the Hulkster. I get sad all over again because Hogan looks like his Wrestling Superstars 1986 LJN figure and I remember how much money it is worth.
MATCH NUMBER THIRTEEN: WWF TITLE MATCH- Hulk Hogan (Champion) vs Roddy Piper
-Jesse tells the truth: we aren’t going to see a lot of wrestling in this match. I just hope it is better than anything that did together from 1996 on.
-Piper steals Greg Valentine’s front bump.
-Chicago is on fire for this. Poor choice of words or has the statute of limitations on that joke passed?
-Hogan has the worst belly-to-back suplex I’ve ever seen, but he is giving the biggest effort in the ring I’ve ever seen him exude (sans Japan).
-It wouldn’t be a PPV diary without a ref interfering in the proceedings. He grabs Hogan’s hand in the corner and Piper takes control. At least Gorilla and Jesse argue about it.
-Great catch by Hogan into a bearhug as Piper leaps towards him from the top rope. That was impressive considering Piper’s offense consists of nothing but eye rakes and gouges.
-Piper applies the only real hold he knows: the sleeper.
-Hulk Hogan is the master of waking up at two during a sleeper. The crowd eats out of his hand during the whole thing.
-Someone in the crowd with horrible aim tries to throw a drink at Piper.
-Ref bump leads to Piper immediately grabbing a chair and hitting Hogan on the back. Nobody holds a chair right in 1985, as evident by Hogan hitting Piper with the chair upside down.
-How nice of the referee to wake up just in time for the end of this match.
WINNER: Hulk Hogan in 7:14 by DQ after Bob Orton Jr. interferes and hits Hogan with his cast.
-A big beat down ensues until Orndorff enters to save the day. Hogan recovers and the faces pose while the crowd celebrates (namely one dad holding the original Hogan LJN figure and his clueless song).
FINAL WORD: This was on the better end of any Hulk Hogan or Roddy Piper matches, mostly because it was less than eight minutes.
-ANOTHER JYD PROMO!!!! This go around, JYD talks like the Micro Machines guy. He claims that he has dropped 18 pounds in the past two weeks, which can’t be healthy. Jimmy Hart interrupts the promo and threatens JYD, who retaliates by threatening to expose Hart’s red underwear.
-Savage attire number three: red, white and blue cape. He looks like “Macho Man” Apollo Creed. Elizabeth is in red and I announce “MEOW” while alone.
-I’m glad these two are the ones wrestling three times in a night.
MATCH NUMBER FOURTEEN: SEMIFINAL MATCH- Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth vs Dynamite Kid
-These two absolute nutcases are going to try and kill each other.
Jesse humorously suggests JYD do 200 push-ups before the tournament final.
-Gorilla calls this “the greatest tournament ever” and I let out an exaggerated “HA!”
-Gorilla questions the usefulness of Miss Elizabeth and Jesse insinuates that her use is something very dirty. 1985 sexual sensibilities!
-Dynamite Kid is way too fast. There was one hell of a collision mid-ring.
-Savage does Earthquake’s butt drop to counter Kid’s sunset flip attempt.
-Dynamite Kid was so obviously on another level at this time. I’m sorry, Ricky, but we have a NEW MVP of the PPV.
-Right after I make that decision, Kid hits a perfect dropkick on Savage as he climbs the top rope and hits a GIANT superplex which the crowd popped huge for. This match is over, but not how you think.
WINNER: Randy Savage in 4:52 after countering the superplex with a small package
-Savage is basically carried backstage as the crowd buzzes about the end of that match.
FINAL WORD: A unique finish (that screamed 2011 ROH no-sell) to another match that deserved so much more.
-Vince is with Susan as Lord Alfred Hayes is probably cleaning up in the restroom. They are about to give away the Silver Cloud 3 Rolls Royce and Susan tells Vince she has never rode in a Rolls Royce before. Vince, in no uncertain terms, suggests she get screwed in the back of one.
-The Fink is in the ring with four people who are going to talk about this damn car.
-First up is Jack Tunney, who thanks the crowd for the terrific response that didn’t exist.
-Secondly is Basil DeVito, who I’ve always heard of, but never seen. He looks like a slimeball and sounds like one, too.
-Third up is THE GUY THAT REPRESENTS THE FIRM THAT HANDLED THE ENTRIES. REALLY?!?! They are really trying to make this seem legit. His name, I think, is Ed Fibershoft from the National Judging Institute. Chicago starts to really boo this weasel.
-Finally, Lord Alfred Hayes prepares to announce the winner. Yes, let’s give the guy that can barely talk the job of announcing the contest winner. That job should have gone to the person in the crowd who JUST MISSED HITTING LORD ALFRED HAYES WITH A BANANA.
-Hayes yells even though he has a microphone. Man, he is the shits. This segment has been longer than at least five matches on this show.
-The winner is Michael Hanley from Illinois. Gorilla says "Say again" and I honestly don't know if there was a tech problem or not. Hayes asks Chicago to congratulate the winner from Illinois. The crowd revolts.
-Mean Gene is with Hulk Hogan. Gene tells the cameraman to stay waist high because 'men are changing in here." Hogan proceeds to cut a promo into the wrong camera. He brings in Orndorff and calls him "Orndoff" just like he did at WrestleMania XXX. This is the crappy Hogan promo I've been waiting for, mostly because Hogan keeps saying, "Ring-a-ding-ding!" Orndorff cuts a good promo, Hogan gets back into it and then it is abruptly cut off.
-Gorilla and Jesse talk about the whole situation. This $50,000 bounty was a big story at the time.
-Macho Man limps out with a simple tye-dye shirt. Elizabeth is in purple. This crowd has to be tired of Pomp and Circumstance at this point. I will never tire of Grab Them Cakes.
MATCH NUMBER FIFTEEN: TOURNAMENT FINAL- Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth vs Junk Yard Dog
-I can already tell that Dave Hebner is a better referee than Earl.
-Elizabeth is used as a shield again. Macho Man grabs a chair before the match, I wouldn't be surprised if this is how this whole thing ends.
-Savage throws the chair at JYD, who catches it and hits his head half a dozen times with it. That's a heavy fine now.
-Savage has successfully stalled the first two minutes of this match just by jawing with people at ringside.
-After Macho finally bumps, he gets locked in a bearhug. Rich isn't with me and I can still hear him groaning.
-Mean Gene joins commentary because why the fuck not? I guess we needed one more person to argue about the fairness of JYD's bye.
-Savage has had zero offense so far. Again, can anyone explain to me how JYD is still the face in this scenario?
-Macho finally hits a clothesline and JYD barely bumps for it.
-Macho hits a huge flying axe handle from the ring to the floor. You know what? After four matches, I think Randy Savage has earned MVP of the PPV. He has told a wonderful story all night long and he is carrying JYD something fierce right now.
-A long battle has developed on the outside. I think Hebner is just saying the same number over and over again.
-Savage hits another axe handle and then hits JYD with a CHAIR! No DQ?!?!?!
-The count is broken again and JYD is choked and elbowed again. How has JYD not been counted out yet?
-Macho Man has some Ziggler-sized bumps after JYD's comeback dog butts and pull from the corner.
-Savage gets stuck in the ropes and JYD continues to hammer him. Jesse's complaints are starting to become justified.
-Savage takes a BIG back body drop over the top rope. He is struggling to get up. No.....
WINNER: Junk Yard Dog by countout in 9:43 to win the tournament
FINAL WORD: I thought the WCW Title tournament in 1999 was screwed up. The match was okay, but the psychology of each wrestler was ass backwards.
-Mean Gene interviews JYD in the ring. Jesse interrupts the promo and reiterates his points from commentary. Was Jesse going to try and wrestle JYD? JYD circles Jesse, who runs away.
-We return to the commentary table and Jesse has rejoined Gorilla. Edit much?
-Vince, Alfred and Susan are shown again and Susan finally reciprocates a kiss to Alfred. Things are so weird that I want to call SVU for Susan. Vince signs off and a still shot montage begins with credits.
-Highlights of the credits: I recognize the names Kerwin SIlfies and George Scott. KEVIN DUNN is listed even back then as an Assistant Director. The Fink is listed as an Administrative Assistant.
THE FINAL IMAGE: Hulk Hogan grunting in a headlock.
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: It bounced around quite a bit, but Randy Savage is the correct answer. I don't see why a heel couldn't win this tournament and Savage deserved it by the end of the night.
FINAL LVP of PPV: I feel no qualms about Lord Alfred Hayes receiving this.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Paul Orndorff vs Bob Orton Jr.
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Junk Yard Dog vs Moondog Spot
FINAL THOUGHT: This was one weird ass show. The booking was insane, the pacing was all screwed up and the crowd's sails were deflated on too many occasions. That said, there are some really good matches, no matter their length, and performances. For those moments, and for the sheer ridiculousness of some of this show, MULLET RECOMMENDS.
NEXT TIME: The break from NWA ends with Starrcade 1985. Excuse me while I grab some cakes.
