It’s really hard to enter some of these PPVs without preconceived notions. It could have been decades since I’ve last watched an entire show, but I damn sure know what happens on them. Sometimes, you just have to lean on them and hope that the context of the whole show helps solidify or deconstruct those preplanned thoughts.
For this show, I’m like Babe Ruth because I’m calling my shots: The Undertaker will be the MVP and the Gobbledy Gooker will be the LVP.
Survivor Series 1990 is the most dichotomous PPV in WWF history. In less than 3 hours, one show will debut the greatest character in company history and the worst character in company history. That will never happen again. Hardly anybody remembers anything else that happens before, in between and after these events.
I’ve been wrong in the past, though. Take Sting as an example. I assumed that his coronation at Great American Bash 1990 would lead to an easy MVP for him, but Vader outshined him in a squash match and easily took the trophy. Sting got 2 MVP awards early in his career and you could see him be a big star, but he was still surprisingly outstanding. What did he do in our last PPV, his first as the champ? He totally shit the bed and got his first LVP.
You cannot preplan anything in this diary and you cannot preplan in the wrestling business. I’m sure Vince McMahon thought that he would have finished airing The Last Cluck on his network and constantly poking fun at the Deadman character he made that totally whiffed.
Will these notions hold up? There’s only one way to find out.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 35- WWF SURVIVOR SERIES 1990
Written on 6/12/20
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: The classic Survivor Series logo and theme as Vince McMahon runs down every match. This is always a treat. Hmm…I wonder who that mystery partner will be? Nikolai Volkoff is a fucking captain? I don’t know what’s more WOW: the fact that Shawn Michaels is at the same level as Paul Roma here or Demolition in their bondage masks. I’m going to try and post most of the match promo pictures below, but It’s so difficult not to post every brick wall team photo, too (that includes Rick Rude instead of Haku and Bad News Brown instead of the MYSTERY PARTNER). No egg promo at the start is not a good sign.
-Hartford, Connecticut is loud and ready as Gorilla Monsoon welcomes us alongside Roddy Piper in a cool leather jacket. The Grand Finale Match of Survival is previewed. Gorilla finally mentions the “Brontosaurus Rex” egg. That’s not a thing! Piper talks absolute insanity. He first announces the WWF are sending the PPV to their Armed Forces, then says they are making Saddam Hussein play double through the nose. I don’t think anyone else should pay through the nose except for you right now, Roddy.
-Mr. Perfect’s theme plays for the Perfect Team. Mr. Fuji accompanies Demolition again because that will help their cause. Crush walks like a fucking robot. Perfect and Bobby Heenan enter. Hogan naturally didn’t want to jerk the curtain.
-Mean Gene is backstage with the Warriors. No facepaint, Kerry? Hawk and Animal and Tornado say nothing while shouting. The Warrior claims he asked skeletons for their sacrifice. Warrior’s voice is hilarious here. Less hilarious: the fact that Warrior is standing so close to Mean Gene that it appears he is getting impaled by Animal’s shoulder pads.
-The face team gets their individual themes and entrances. There is no real stage or entrance- just the actual building’s curtain. The Texas Tornado takes forever to come out which makes LOD come out very quickly and the Warrior naturally runs out like a mental patient track star. I’ve never seen him act like such a babyface, slapping his teammate’s hands.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- The Perfect Team (Mr. Perfect, Ax, Crush and Smash) w/Bobby Heenan and Mr. Fuji vs The Warriors (Ultimate Warrior, Texas Tornado, Hawk and Animal)
-Animal takes Smash down from behind as everyone sizes each other up to start. Smash takes a shot from all four faces in the corner, then Animal gets the same from the heels. The pace is very fast to start.
-Perfect gets the shit beat out of him including an atomic drop by Animal into an inverted atomic drop by Hawk. There are more atomic drops than Space Force.
-Ax’s hair is a little crazy. It doesn’t matter because AX is the 1st wrestler eliminated at 3:22 after a flying tackle and splash by the Ultimate Warrior.
-I think the Warrior’s tights say “Only Warrior”. Is that a shot at his whole team (Kerry Von Erich being the Modern Day Warrior and LOD being the Road Warriors)? If so, what a typical dick move! Crush hits a nice top rope knee on Warrior for a two count.
-Hawk hits the post and starts taking the heat. He doesn’t take it for long before clotheslining Smash’s head off from the top rope. Crush stops the pin and Animal jumps in. A brawl breaks out and the ref gets pushed down. CRUSH, SMASH, HAWK AND ANIMAL are all eliminated at 7:34 by DQ.
-Man, if you squint, I can totally see how people thought Texas Tornado became the new Ultimate Warrior in 1992.
-Perfect takes a 360 in the corner over the top rope from a discus punch. Then, he gets thrown over the top rope again. That’s an early MVP once again for Curt Hennig.
-Warrior attacks Heenan on the floor and throws him over the guardrail. Everyone is bumping like crazy for this buffoon.
-The turnbuckle pad got removed somehow and Tornado just got sent into it. TEXAS TORNADO is the 6th wrestler eliminated at 11:00 with a PerfectPlex. Warrior runs in and jumps into the exposed buckle. Another PerfectPlex, but of course the Warrior kicks out at two. Piper keeps marking eliminations off for some reason.
-The pace is so much crazier than the previous three Survivor Series shows. They gotta save time for that egg!
-Warrior’s tights actually say “Only Survivor”. Okay, good. I don’t have to make him LVP then. Perfect takes 3 crazy bumps on clotheslines, then a tackle, then a three second nap. MR. PERFECT is the 7th wrestler eliminated with an Ultimate Warrior splash
WINNER: The Ultimate Warrior survives in 14:20
-Piper thankfully lost his pencil, but keeps shouting. That’s a chance of three straight LVPs so far. The Warrior celebrates quickly and leaves.
FINAL WORD: The pace would make a coke binge seem tame, but it was fine all things considered.
-Sean Mooney is with the Million Dollar Team sans their mystery partner. Ted DiBiase cuts a great promo cutting down the face team. I’m glad because it let me ignore how stupid Greg Valentine still looks.
-Common Man Boogie for Dusty Rhodes without his polka dots. He’s wearing basic black and red gear. Koko B. Ware enters without Frankie! At least The Hart Foundation get their sweet jackets and Jim has his hat and Bret has his shades. Piper puts over Bret wrestling a day after his brother, Dean, passed away and says that Bret dedicated the match to him.
-Hunka Hunka Honky Love leads Rhythm and Blues to the ring. How is that song even worse recorded than it was live at Mania? DiBiase enters with Virgil and takes the microphone to introduce Brother Love and the mystery partner: The Undertaker. Piper’s first line about him: “Look at the size of that ham hock!” That is an LVP line if I’ve ever heard one. Gorilla is better, saying “holy cow” a bunch and trying to sell how impressive he looks while Piper buries it by saying he looks tired and needs coffee. The audience is concerned and buzzing, that’s for sure.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- The Million Dollar Team (Ted DiBiase, Honky Tonk Man, Greg Valentine and The Undertaker) w/Jimmy Hart, Virgil and Brother Love vs The Dream Team (Dusty Rhodes, Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart and Koko B. Ware)
-Taker and Bret start. Someone in the crowd has a vuvuzela, I think? Taker hits a nice power down chokeslam on Bret, then backs the ref down with a stare. Anvil is in and he doesn’t budge Taker and gets slammed himself.
-Koko tags in and acts like a big idiot, leaping at Taker and getting hit with a Stun Gun. KOKO B. WARE is the 1st wrestler eliminated at 1:43 after getting killed by an Undertaker Tombstone. NEW SEGMENT: did it look like Undertaker actually killed the person getting Tombstoned? So far: he’s 1 for 1! Gorilla is really good at putting Taker over and Taker is perfect already in the role. He’s got the character down pat. He’s earned the MVP quickly.
-Valentine looks nervous even tagging Taker. Greg and Dusty square off now and they lace in some hard chops and strikes.
-Even Taker standing stoically on the apron and not touching the ropes is brilliant.
-The commentators keep calling Valentine “boxcar.”
-HONKY TONK MAN is the 2nd wrestler eliminated at 4:22 after a running powerslam by Jim Neidhart.
-Dusty finally gets his hands on DiBiase and hits 10 elbows in the corner and a dropkick.
-Virgil gets a trip in and JIM NEIDHART is the 3rd wrestler eliminated at 5:55 after a sloppy clothesline by Ted DiBiase. Piper is (hopefully) going to yell his voice out.
-Ted tags Taker in and the crowd is already digging it. He hits a nice, leaping kick on Dusty and we get a close up of his psycho look as he chokes Bret. I never noticed that Taker has black gloves here instead of gray.
-DUSTY RHODES is the 4th wrestler eliminated at 8:30 after a top rope double axe handle by Undertaker. He made that move look so easy. Bret starts punching away at Taker to no avail, but gets a good pop doing it. Dusty takes a kick from Brother Love and chases after him, leading Taker to attack him up the aisle. THE UNDERTAKER is the 5th wrestler eliminated at 9:23 by countout.
-The Figure Four is signaled for and GREG VALENTINE is the 6th wrestler eliminated at 10:00 by a Bret Hart small package. Piper is so over the top and obnoxious cheering for Bret. Howard Ratner isn’t that annoying watching KG at the opening tip (Uncut Gems? Really? I’ve only seen it once, but I’ll try it!)
-Bret and Ted brawl on the floor and Ted is eventually sent into the steel steps. The crowd is really behind Bret for the first time I’ve seen. This might be the match that convinced Vince.
-Bret takes that chest corner bump harder than usual. I was going to give him an MVP shout, but that’s too dumb to encourage. A good near fall follows on a backslide.
-Bret trips on DiBiase and sells his knee, but is actually playing possum and gets another near fall. Virgil holds Bret, but Ted misses a knee and Bret gets a third close two count.
-What a great closing sequence by two absolute legends. BRET HART is the 7th man eliminated after a Ted DiBiase roll through on a cross body.
WINNER: Ted DiBiase survives in 14:00
-Bret is dejected after the match, but he gets to his feet and gets a great ovation.
FINAL WORD: I can’t believe I get to relive the Undertaker’s whole career now. That was more newsworthy and had better action than the first match.
-Tomorrow night on the Main Event: it’s Ultimate Warrior vs Ted DiBiase for the WWF Title. These poor guys get no breaks for the holiday.
-Mean Gene is with the Vipers in the shower. Jake Roberts has that blind eye still. His promo is a little too Warriorish, talking about the sands of time as Jimmy Snuka just makes dumbass noises and the Rockers look legitimately uncomfortable.
-The Model enters with his big, obnoxious button. Power and Glory enter with their cutoff shirts and shades. The Warlord enters with his…I still don’t know. Is he a future Phantom? They all walk out to Martel’s music. Jake’s music hits and his mustache looks bushier than usual. The Rockers run out with their Wiz Khalifa best. Jimmy Snuka looks like Captain Cavemen wearing Quagmire’s couch. Gorilla calls Snuka the Phenom. Not for long. I love these team names.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- The Visionaries (Rick Martel, Paul Roma, Hercules and The Warlord) w/Slick vs The Vipers (Jake Roberts, Marty Jannetty, Shawn Michaels and Jimmy Snuka)
-A blurry overhead shot of the ring to start. That’s probably because it’s Marty vs Warlord right now. Piper calls Warlord a walrus several times.
-There is way too much Warlord almost off his feet spots early. He is too clumsy for that.
-Now it’s Martel vs Shawn. We can stay here for a little bit. Jake tags in and Martel bails very quickly, tagging Roma in.
-Snuka wearing long tights and boots just sucks. So does his interaction with the Warlord. The Macy’s balloon that is the Warlord is quickly supplanting Piper as the LVP. A bearhug does it.
-MARTY JANNETTY is the 1st wrestler eliminated at 5:16 after an impressive Warlord powerslam, catching Marty off the second rope. Piper’s pencil brings him back to the LVP chase.
-Slick looks like the kind of guy who would buy a blinged out Furby (one to go!)
-Michaels gets amazing elevation on a backdrop which means Piper does a pilot bit.
-Are atomizers still a thing?
-Shawn takes the Flair corner bump with triple the velocity and crispness. He’s amazing. He has almost passed Perfect as the best bumper.
-JIMMY SNUKA is the 2nd wrestler eliminated at 9:42 after Rick Martel pins him on a cross body roll through and hooks the tights. Martel manages to avoid Jake again.
-Shawn gets the crowd behind Jake and he responds by beating Hercules down. He signals for the DDT, but it is avoided. Piper does a good job selling Jake’s struggles with his eye and not being able to see his feet or peripherally.
-Piper slips and calls Martel a cheap ass on a clothesline from behind Jake on the apron. Mike Chioda is the ref and admonishes him. Is he fucking 15 here?!?!?!
-Roma misses a top rope fist drop and Shawn gets the hot tag, hitting a great back elbow, a snap brainbuster and a second rope elbow. Okay, here’s an unexpected MVP run.
-The heels get some quick tags and an elongated beatdown on Shawn. He gets no hope spot and SHAWN MICHAELS is the 3rd wrestler eliminated at 15:18 by Paul Roma after the PowerPlex. It’s now 4 on 1 and the commentators put over the ugliness of the situation and the strategy and teamwork of the heels.
-Warlord gets another bearhug and the crowd is trying to will Jake on. He gets the DDT on Warlord while the ref is distracted by Slick. Martel tries to spray Jake in the face again, but Jake gets Damien and chases Martel to the back. Martel is not the legal man, so he’s good. JAKE ROBERTS is the 4th man eliminated by countout.
WINNERS: The Visionaries survive at 18:05
-This is the first time a whole team has survived and Slick sells it beautifully by going nuts. The Warlord rightfully has no idea where he is.
FINAL WORD: That was the biblical epic of Survivor Series match: too long and too many stretches of blah action.
-We get a promo for the Royal Rumble which takes place one day after my fourth birthday! Gorilla and Piper are onscreen and Piper is without his jacket and sweating like he’s going through a serious withdrawal.
-Sean Mooney is backstage with the Hulkamaniacs. No Mean Gene, so Hulk calls Mooney “little dude” instead. He builds up his teammates and keeps talking about the battleship Missouri. One of the first words out of Jim Duggan’s mouth is, naturally, turkey. His 2X4 has yellow ribbons tied to it and he’s dedicated this match to the military fighting in the Middle East. Hulk offers his services to President Bush and cuts one final line on Saddam Hussein.
-Earthquake’s music hits and he gets a good heel reaction coming out alongside Jimmy Hart and Dino Bravo while Piper calls him Baby Huey. The commentators mention the Grand Finale is currently 5 on 1. Haku and Bobby Heenan enter before the Barbarian walks out looking like a truck stop rug. Why did they give the Powers of Pain such bad looks?
-Boat noises mean Tugboat is here. He gets a good response. Duggan enters to his natural pop minus one kid with a mullet putting both thumbs down for him. I like that mark. Boss Man enters (all the faces enter to their own music) and he’s covered in sweat already. Hulk enters and I notice his hair looks especially stupid here. Think HBK at Survivor Series 2002. He also looks leaner. Zahorian must be on vacation.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- The Natural Disasters (Earthquake, Dino Bravo, The Barbarian and Haku) w/Jimmy Hart and Bobby Heenan vs The Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Tugboat, Jim Duggan and Big Boss Man)
-The heels hold Quake back at the bell. I love that he’s still looking strong. Duggan and Haku start with some big USA chants. It’s a slugfest until Haku misses a cross body and takes 3 clotheslines, making Duggan look like a million bucks.
-Duggan falls while tagging in Boss Man. HAKU is the 1st man eliminated in 3:15 after a particularly unimpressive and light Boss Man slam.
-Heenan gets thrown into the post from the apron by Boss and Barbarian hits an impressive suplex.
-Goddamn it, Duggan always looks lost and clumsy. IS THAT ON PURPOSE? Is he a genius? It can’t be. I’m naming him LVP just because he made me consider it.
-Jimmy Hart pulls the rope down on Duggan and he chases after him with a 2X4. He gets in the ring with it and hits Quake with the board. JIM DUGGAN is the 2nd wrestler eliminated at 6:11 by DQ. What a perennial fucking goober.
-Hulk enters while Quake is hurting. He slams all 3 heels including Quake. Piper tells him no, but when he hits it, he claims that it’s the first time he’s been wrong since 1954. Okay, he’s settling in.
-Quake hits Hulk with the powerslam and tags Dino in, who hits 3 elbow drops. Before you know it, DINO BRAVO is the 3rd wrestler eliminated at 7:58 after a Hulk Hogan large package. I’ve seen the tape.
-HOLY SHIT. Boss tries a top rope cross body (which is impressive enough) and Quake catches him in mid-air. EASILY. Quake needs to be in the Hall of Fame. He’s got another MVP chance.
-BIG BOSS MAN is the 4th man eliminated at 9:08 after 2 elbow drops by Earthquake. Piper gets revenge on his slam attempt as Quake falls on Hulk with another slam attempt.
-Quake misses a weird splash and Tugboat is finally tagged in. The crowd toots and roars. Quake and Tug bounce off of each other, then slowly lumber out of the ring and brawl on the floor. TUGBOAT and EARTHQUAKE are the 5th and 6th men eliminated at 11:32 by countout. Tugboat barely did anything.
-Barbarian beats up Hulk after Quake throws him into the post. He also hits a sloppy and horrifying piledriver that the announcers cover well.
-They hit a double down clothesline and Barb is up first, hitting his top rope clothesline. Hulk kicks out almost at one and he’s Hulking up. Why am I still writing shit down? You know that BARBARIAN is the 7th man eliminated after a Hulk Hogan legdrop.
WINNER: Hulk Hogan survives at 14:48
-Hulk catches Heenan after the bell and punches him and throws him into the opposite corner. Bobby naturally takes a hellacious bump. No wonder he retires soon. Hulk poses and we get the recap of the 5 on 2 situation for the main event at the moment.
FINAL WORD: Like a pregnant lady hitting the gym for the first time in months, it was fine but lacked athleticism.
-Another Rumble promo plays as Hulk continue to pose. Finally, we go to Mean Gene on a live stage with the Macho King. Why is he not booked? He is carried out on a throne, but he’s not wearing any king shit. Gene talks Thanksgiving and Savage says Gene doesn’t know him. His eyes are on the Warrior. When Gene claims Sherri has done all of the work, Savage talks like Yoda a little in response. It’s your typically good Randy Savage promo with a hint of foreshadowing as he threatens to retire when he wins the WWF Title again. There’s surprisingly very little reaction from the crowd for this promo.
-Speaking of very little reaction, Nikolai Volkoff enters to patriotic music. Piper makes a joke about Milli Vanilli laying an egg, then shits on 2 Live Krew. Easy, Roddy! That’s two of my favorites! Tito Santana and the Bushwhackers enter to the same music to a tepid reaction. Sgt Slaughter enters to military music and all of his men have camouflage face paint. Gene interrupts their entrance and tells them that the armed forces find them despicable. Slaughter takes forever to talk and, when he does, it’s about maggots and pukes and the Iraqi flag. You know why this whole angle sucked? It’s because Sgt Slaughter sucked. Never mind the Iraq War shit. This is another LVP promo as it kills the audience even more than they’ve just been killed by lukewarm babyfaces. I answer two texts while he keeps talking and his music plays. This crowd is REST. LESS. He finally finishes and the heels come to the ring.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH- The Alliance (Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana and the Bushwhackers) vs The Mercenaries (Sgt Slaughter, Boris Zhukov and the Orient Express) w/General Adnan and Mr. Fuji
-Piper goes hard on Slaughter with a promo. He has settled nicely as this promo is passionate and not over the top.
-Boris starts and eats a double clothesline from the Whackers. BORIS ZHUKOV is the 1st man eliminated at 0:48 after a Tito Santana flying forearm. Why does he even have a fucking job at this point?
-Sato is in and he falls after two kicks. He accidentally gets kicked by Tanaka and SATO is the 2nd man eliminated at 1:47 after a battering ram and pin by Butch. Yeesh, this is nuts.
-TANAKA is the 3rd man eliminated at 2:10 after a Tito Santana flying forearm. It’s already 4 on 1 less in about 120 seconds and Piper loves it.
-Volkoff comes in with some atrocious kicks and punches and shrieks. Slaughter catches his foot and hits a stiff and bad clothesline. Slaughter hits four elbow drops and the weirdest punch to the bread basket as Volkoff rebounds off the ropes.
-NIKOLAI VOLKOFF is the 4th man eliminated at 5:24 after a Sgt Slaughter elbow drop and some “deliberate” offense. That’s also known as slow and boring.
-Luke gets caught off the top rope with Slaughter’s knees. LUKE is the 5th man eliminated at 6:30 after a Sgt. Slaughter gutbuster.
-BUTCH is the 6th man eliminated at 6:54 after Slaughter whips him into the corner and clotheslines him.
-Tito is a house of fire and manages to wake the crowd up. Slaughter is bumping and working hard at least. Tito kicks out of a neckbreaker and takes an awful backbreaker, still kicking out at two. Piper talks about Latin people and manages to compliment them while still sounding insulting.
-Tito is thrown into the ref and Shane McMahon on the floor may have to take over! Tito hits the forearm as Shane checks on the other ref. Adnan hits Tito with the flag and Slaughter puts the Camel Clutch on. The ref comes up and taps him to break it up. Sgt Slaughter celebrates, but SGT SLAUGHTER is the 7th man eliminated by DQ.
WINNER: Tito Santana survives in 10:48
FINAL WORD: It was smart to protect Slaughter and not have the faces down 6-2 in the main event. That said, that was the worst Survivor Series elimination match of all time up to this point.
-Sean Mooney is with Ted DiBiase and the Visionaries backstage. Martel and Ted cut good promos highlighting their chances and possible dissension between Hulk and Warrior.
-Mean Gene is standing with…the egg. There are some cracks forming in that bad art project. Gene says “this cracks me up.” He asks if it could be a dinosaur or a rabbit or BALLOONS??? Why the fuck would it be balloons? It possibly being the Playmate of the Month gets a pop. The immortal words: “I think that egg is ready to blow!” Out pops the Gobbledy Gooker and the boos rain down immediately. Piper’s laugh is so damn good. He knows it sucks and he’s going to have to make this work.
-Poor Hector Guerrero makes some bad gobbling sounds and grabs Gene against his will. Bad music starts and they walk to the ring. Nobody is making noise. Like…when you watch the whole thing…the question of “WHY” is not enough. Gorilla promotes its agility as he jumps over the top rope. Piper locks not getting LVP by trying his best here, being hilarious and trying to claim kids love it.
-Kevin Dunn is working hard, too. He finds a couple of old ladies dancing in the crowd. Gene runs the ropes and falls down. This is a group of professionals trying their best. If the previous match was hotter, does this do any better? The Gooker rolls around and Gene tries, too. One kid on camera yells “get down!” Man…is this worse than Jim Duggan or Sgt. Slaughter? That’s a fucking question.
-The cartwheel spot finally says yes and I name the Gooker LVP. Piper says he can take him home and his kids won’t know the difference. The Gooker flips over the top rope and Gene doesn’t even try. MORE dancing and moves as we pass seven minutes. It finally ends at 7:15.
-Mooney interviews the face team backstage. Hulk talks up his team and their odds. Tito cuts a decent little promo and the Warrior ruins it with more skeleton talk. Mooney and Hulk give him a look like “what the fuck is he saying?” He ends by saying “arrivederci” for some reason.
-You know what? Just for fun: here’s it what every Grand Finale would look like in Survivor Series history up to this point if they did it besides this one time. I kept it to faces vs heels. I’ll try to remember this every year.
1987: Andre the Giant vs Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, Ricky Steamboat, The Jumping Bomb Angels, The Killer Bees and the Young Stallions (yikes)
1988: Ultimate Warrior, Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan vs The Powers of Pain, Mr. Perfect and Dino Bravo (don’t like the faces’ chances)
1989: Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake, Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior vs Mr. Perfect, Randy Savage, Dino Bravo and Earthquake (that’s just dope)
-The Model enters to his music. Paul Roma looks good enter to that song, but not so much for Hercules and Warlord. They’ve put over their team accomplishment very well. Why couldn’t DiBiase be put with the faces to make it 4 on 4? There’s never any blurred lines. Hulk enters and a sign says “Yo Homey Hogan Kicks”. That won’t age well because it’s definitely something Hogan has said before. You can tell Gorilla and Piper legitimately love Tito Santana. Making Warrior work twice in one night is cruel.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: GRAND FINALE MATCH OF SURVIVAL- Ted DiBiase, Rick Martel, Paul Roma, Hercules and The Warlord w/Virgil and Slick vs Tito Santana, Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior
-Warlord and Tito start. Hogan gets one punch in and WARLORD is the 1st man eliminated at 0:27 after a flying forearm by Tito Santana. Yeah, fuck that guy. Can he eek out the bird in the end as LVP by being so worthless that he was protected earlier, but then jobbed so quickly because he sucks here?
-DiBiase enters and gets his ass kicks by Tito. One missed forearm and TITO SANTANA is the 2nd man eliminated at 1:50 after a Ted DiBiase Stun Gun. Someone had to fall for the faces.
-Hogan takes some shitty bumps for Ted, Herc and Roma.
-An extended beatdown as Piper does a good job analyzing the heel team’s strategy and correctly gets the order of their upcoming tags correct.
-Hercules sets Hogan up for the PowerPlex and they actually hit it! Of fucking COURSE Hogan kicks out at two!!!! PAUL ROMA is the 3rd man eliminated at 5:36 after a Hulk Hogan Axe Bomber. That might be the first really egregious Hogan thing I’ve seen on PPV so far.
-Warrior takes the hot tag and he kicks Martel’s ass. He gets blown up in a minute and tags Hulk back in. Martel takes the big boot and a rough clothesline out of the ring. RICK MARTEL is the 4th man eliminated at 7:15 by countout when he leaves. It’s smart keeping his strong for Jake. DiBiase is PISSED.
-TED DIBIASE is the 5th man eliminated at 8:36 after a Hulk Hogan legdrop.
-Hercules comes in and takes an immediate powerslam. Warrior gets tagged in. Clothesline, tackle and sheer, stupid domination. This is how they win (I knew this was where I was headed for my Uncut Gems trifecta). HERCULES is the 6th man eliminated after an Ultimate Warrior splash.
WINNERS: Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior survive in 9:08
FINAL WORD: This match was created just so Hulk can stand tall at the end of the show with Warrior, right? No other face needed this ego boost in Survivor Series history, huh?
-Slick is in the ring just to get beat up and thrown over the top rope.
-Hulk and Warrior trade offers to open the ropes for one another. They ultimately do it together. They are probably calling each other cunts under their breath.
-One more Rumble promo and we are back live to end the show.
THE LAST IMAGE: A wide shot of the arena
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: I admire what Earthquake and Shawn Michaels did, but the debut of The Undertaker holds as I expected. He was born to do that from day one.
FINAL LVP of PPV: Look, this award ultimately falls on the performer behind their role. Hector Guerrero really tried to be a fucking turkey and couldn’t help he was given the shittiest deal of all time. Jim Duggan did too little, Sgt Slaughter carried some offense well and Roddy Piper was actually good by the end of the show. So, congratulations Warlord! You are somehow worse than the Gobbledy Gooker!
MY FAVORITE MATCH: The Million Dollar Team vs The Dream Team
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Alliance vs The Mercenaries
FINAL THOUGHT: Survivor Series is officially a filler show that occasionally has accidental legendary moments. The matches are fine, but repetitive and problematic as they try to keep guys strong and end up making them look weak or stupid. It’s worth the watch for the two debuts you knew were coming, but as a whole, MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: I see your Gobbledy Gooker and raise you a Black Scorpion at Starrcade 1990.