First of all, this is a Halloween episode. So how come nothing spooky happens? This is total BS. I swear, there better be mummies and ghosts and frankensteins next year or I’m gonna be one mad scientist. The closest we get to any sort of monster is Bastion Booger, who I have to admit is pretty hideous.
Bastion Booger is what happens when Garbage Pail Kids become Garbage Pail Adults.
For some reason, he’s in the first match of the night against the Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon. I have no idea why this is happening and I spent most of the match just concerned for Razor’s hygiene. At one point referring to Booger, Bobby Heenan exclaims, “Is that sweat or grease?” God, dude. Hard pass. I do have to wonder if Razor Ramon is officially transitioning to a face role if he’s going up against guys like this. As the match reaches its climax, Razor signals for the Razor’s Edge. Despite not really wanting to see this matchup in the first place, I would like to see Razor Ramon lift Bastion Booger over his head and throw him because that would truly be a feat of strength. Unfortunately he just decides to roll him up for the win. Sometimes you just gotta end it.
And speaking of ending it, it turns out that Ludvig Borga was the one who ended Tatanka’s undefeated streak on Superstars over the weekend. This is truly shocking to me and bodes well for the staying power of Ludvig Borga. The Tatanka fans out there can take solace in the fact that Borga got the win by using a steel chair while the ref was distracted by Mr. Fuji. On today’s episode of Raw, Ludvig comes to the ring accompanied by the rest of his Survivor Series team, known as the “Foreign Fanatics”. Seeing Borga, the Quebecers, Yokozuna, Johnny Polo, Mr. Fuji, and Jim Cornette in the ring together at once is actually pretty cool. They don’t really do much beyond provoking the crowd into a “USA” chant, but I’m excited to see this match. Survivor Series may actually be great. One of the teams will just be four Doinks!
"Have a seat" doesn't translate into Finnish.
Next up is Mr. Perfect VS the Executioner. What in the world happened? Did Mr. Perfect make enemies with the writers or something? Remember when he was wrestling freakin’ Ric Flair?! Now he’s relegated to jobber matches. Perfect doesn’t even really wrestle, instead opting for a series of holds and open-handed slaps until he decides he’s used up enough time and lands a Perfect Plex for the win. I just feel bad for the guy. This can’t be any fun for him.
This actually loops pretty cleanly.
What’s that? No fun? How about another Jeff Jarrett promo? And you say you want him to just deliver basically the same promo for the third straight episode in a row with barely any deviation?
How about after that we follow it up with a couple of country boys that are actually fun to watch: the Smoking Gunns. They’re up against a pretty terribly named team known as “Well Dunn” consisting of Steven Dunn and Timothy Well. It’s Gunn VS Dunn. Not sure how that one slipped by the writers. If you think their names are bad, you should see their outfits, which consist of black singlets and blue banana hammocks.
"I ain't gonna ask you to put on pants again!"
The last match of the night is between Adam Bomb and Virgil. These are two wrestlers I don’t really care about, but I do have to appreciate that at least it’s two midcarders pitted against one another rather than the usual midcarder VS jobber. Ultimately Adam Bomb wins. I guess I’m okay with this because he’s the wrestler that’s closest to having a Halloween costume on. He still doesn’t deserve any candy though.