It’s here! The 20 Man Over-The-Top-Rope Intercontinental Battle Royal is here! With such a catchy name, I’m surprised they don’t happen more often. Unlike most Battle Royals, this one will declare the last two men left standing in the ring as the winners. The winners will then have a match next week against each other for the Intercontinental title. Most of today’s program is devoted to this event, so I’ll be doing likewise. First up, the contestants, in order of who I’d least like to see as one of the two finalists to who I’d most like to see:
Giant Gonzalez - Has no personality and his morphsuit makes me hate him.
Bastion Booger - Fun at first, but ultimately too gross and weird.
MVP - I’ve never seen this guy before. He is basically just the mascot Mr. Met.
Adam Bomb - I might like him more if they put him on the mic, but for now this bomb is a dud.
Mabel from M.O.M. - He’s only wrestled like, twice. I could stand to see his hype man Oscar more, though.
Bam Bam Bigelow - He’s fine, but never really won me over, but I think that’s the fault of how he’s booked.
IRS - His stock has really been falling with me lately.
Tatanka - Boring matches with predictable endings. We can do better!
Superfly Jimmy Snuka - I have no idea why they brought him back. I don’t think he does either.
Rick Martel - I remember him having a fun match with Mr. Perfect once. That’s about it.
Owen Hart - This could be a good chance to show him some love finally.
Jacques (from the Quebecers) - This is the one that got stretchered out, right?
Pierre (from the Quebecers) - This is the one that didn’t get stretchered out, right?
Bob Backlund - I love Bob, but he needs to be given mic time. If he won the IC title, he would likely get it.
1-2-3 Kid - I love this guy, but it’s probably still too early to put the title on him.
Marty Jannetty - He’s a solid wrestler who has history with Shawn Michaels. That could lead to some interesting feuds in the future.
Mr. Perfect - Like Jannetty, there’s a lot of bad blood between Perfect and HBK. But Mr. Perfect is way more fun to watch. And he does that cool gum thing.
Razor Ramon - He’s the Bad Guy, but he’s probably the most entertaining wrestler on this list in every way.
Diesel - HBK’s bodyguard. This could lead to some great shenanigans with Diesel and HBK colluding to retain the belt between them.
Macho Man Randy Savage - Please dear God let the Macho Man win this thing.
The match gets underway with my top pick Randy Savage sneak-attacking my bottom pick Giant Gonzalez just before the bell rings. In his stunned state, Giant Gonzalez is easily picked up by several wrestlers at once and dumped outside of the ring. Good riddance. Now we can all have fun! As the match progresses, Bastion Booger eliminates the 1-2-3 Kid early on which feels like a big fat disgusting let down. Superfly Jimmy Snuka basically eliminates himself when he goes flying over the top rope in an attempt to nail someone else. As it turns out, this is the last appearance of Jimmy Snuka on this program, so I guess we’ll never know what the point of it all was. Near the middle of the match, Jannetty helps Macho Man get untangled from the ropes, only to be eliminated immediately by Adam Bomb for his trouble. As the match nears its conclusion, MVP finally gets eliminated by Owen Hart who then turns around and gets eliminated himself. Why in the world did MVP last this long? Did people just forget he was there? It wouldn’t be hard to believe. We’re then left with Macho Man and Razor Ramon teaming up against the Quebecers, Rick Martel, and Adam Bomb. Savage manages to eliminate Adam Bomb, only to be eliminated in turn by the Quebecers. Things are looking pretty grim for Razor Ramon who proceeds to just get the crap kicked out of him for the next five minutes. Eventually, and for no reason, Razor Ramon just gets fed up and eliminates both Quebecers, leaving himself and “The Model” Rick Martel as the winners. All I can say about this is that Razor Ramon better end up with the belt because it would be a travesty if they brought in Rick Martel just to give him the title. I guess we’ll find out what happens when, as Vince puts it, “Machismo meets Magnifique!”