Choo choo! All aboard the Lex Express! What’s the Lex Express you ask? Why, it’s WWF’s newest goodwill tour centering around getting Lex Luger over. Haven’t you heard that Lex is going to be the new Hulk Hogan! That’s how the Hulkster got popular, right? A company told everyone that they should like him? I’m sure it had nothing to do with Hogan’s charisma or cool look, neither of which Lex has. No, this is definitely going to end well for him for sure.

After that nice little video, we move on to Shawn Michaels defending his Intercontinental title against Marty Jannetty. As former tag-team partners turned bitter rivals, this match is instantly riveting. Throughout the match, Jannetty is able to anticipate several of HBK’s moves, stopping or even countering attempts at back body drops, backslides, and even a Rocker Dropper, Jannetty’s own finisher. Jannetty manages to hit Shawn Michaels with a DDT and covers him for the win. Jannetty is ecstatic, but it turns out HBK’s foot was on the ropes so Diesel jumps in the ring to let the ref know at which point the decision is reversed and the match continues. Eventually Jannetty lands a Rocker Dropper, but when he goes for a flying crossbody to pin HBK, Michaels ducks out of the way and Jannetty goes hurtling out of the ring and knocks himself out. While the ref isn’t looking, Diesel deposits Jannetty’s unconscious body back in the ring, allowing Shawn to crawl over for the cover and the win. I don’t know if this feud is over or not, but Diesel’s certainly proved his worth so far and I don’t see any single wrestler beating Shawn Michaels without first getting rid of Diesel somehow.

After that, Vince interviews Money Inc. who deliver a nearly identical promo to the one they cut last time, mentioning their impending rematch with the Steiner Brothers and calling out Razor Ramon for losing to the “1-2-3” Kid. This time though, Razor Ramon is in the building and he confronts Money Inc. in the ring. After exchanging some heated words with Ted DiBiase he manages to throw both men over the ropes before beating a hasty retreat back to the locker room. Ted is furious and when he gets back on the mic he challenges the “1-2-3” Kid to a match to show Razor Ramon how easy it is to beat the Kid and therefore proving how weak Razor Ramon is. That’s a weird, roundabout way of proving your worth, but hey if it means more screen time for the Kid, I’m all for it!

Our next match is the debut of Men on a Mission, or M.O.M., a tag team made up of 2 dudes named Mabel and Mo and then a guy who just raps. Not sure what he does beyond that. The crowd seems to love them though and at one point start a “Whoomp, there it is!” chant. This is like, the whitest thing ever right? Or definitely the most 1993 thing ever (that song had just come out about a month before this episode so it must have been burning up the charts already). They go on to win against Rich Myers & Hank Harris, but not before the rapper guy name checks Money Inc. and the Headshrinkers. It seems that they have their sights set a little higher than these jobbers.

This guy looks like a literal rap wizard.

We then get a Bastion Booger match that is still surprisingly interesting to me despite how gross he is, followed by the King’s Court with Jerry Lawler who spends the entire interview with Tiny Tim mocking him and finally ends it by grabbing his ukulele and smashing it. Someone needs to teach that guy a lesson.

Sure Lawler, only one of you looks ridiculous.

Perhaps the “1-2-3” Kid can. He seems to be in high demand now. The Kid brings the show home by fighting Chris Duffy, a man with a face in need of punching. It’s no surprise that the “1-2-3” Kid used to be called the Lightning Kid because he is incredibly fast and constantly jumping around to deliver drop kicks or flying leg drops or any number of other really fun moves. I’m glad that this is the wrestler they decided to push on every episode because I can’t imagine having to sit through Lex Luger on every show. All aboard the Lex Express! Next stop? Who cares.