Doink the Clown, baby. Let’s just rip this band-aid off right out of the gate. And once again he’s doing the double Doink trick. His opponent for some strange reason is Mr. Perfect because I guess the ratings are just too good when they have him feuding with Shawn Michaels. Anyway Perfect pins Doink, but both clowns gang up on him anyway and beat the tar out of him. Luckily Crush is waiting in the wings to rush in and save Mr. Perfect from these bozos.
Mr. Perfect would rather play dead than watch this garbage.
Afterwards, Money Inc. comes out for a squash match against Mike Bell & Tony DeVito. The match is whatever, but beforehand they ask who in the audience wants to make a hundred dollars. They bring up some teenager who proceeds to shine their boots for them. They only give the kid 30 bucks for the job though, keeping the rest for “Uncle Sam”. IRS strikes again! What scoundrels! Although really $30 in 1993 is like what, a thousand now right? That kid probably owns stock in Apple too. I don’t feel bad at all.
This kid is your dad's boss now.
Since we saw Crush earlier in the program, he’s obligated to wrestle a match against Bobby Who. The commentary team just can’t help themselves and fall right back to the Abbott & Costello references. Timely stuff, gentlemen. Vince McMahon presents The Colgate Wrestling Hour! Speaking of Vince, he interviews Razor Ramon about the surprise defeat he suffered at the newly named “1-2-3 Kid”. Razor isn’t too happy about it and offers the Kid $2,500 to get back in the ring with him. Lots of cash being thrown around in this episode for some reason. Anyway we don’t see the Kid this time, but I’m sure he’ll be back. We do get Bret Hart though, who comes out to talk smack to Razor Ramon, since they’ll be facing each other in the upcoming King of the Ring pay per view coming up in a couple weeks. That should be an interesting match. Who should win: the underdog Bret Hart on his journey to winning back the Heavyweight title, or Razor Ramon who needs to look good after coming off a defeat by a jobber? That’s a question I’m looking forward to seeing how the writing team answers.
Razor Ramon had to sell his shirt to get that money.
The last match of the night introduces us to a newcomer named Adam Bomb VS my favorite jobber, Phil Apollo. Adam Bomb looks kind of like a super villain with his welding goggles and his big nuclear symbol on his chest. He actually seems alright, except that when we see his face close up after his win, he keeps doing weird creepy stuff with his mouth that I think he thinks makes him look cool. Strangely, he’s managed by a guy named Johnny Polo who wears a Hawaiian shirt and carries a golf club. This pairing makes absolutely no sense. Bobby Heenan seems to know this guy though, so maybe we’ll get some sort of explanation down the road. For now though, we’ll just have to use a power even greater than nuclear energy - our imaginations!
Let's start now: imagine this guy is actually a cool wrestler.