How do you make Ted DiBiase look even better on the mic? By having the Beverly Brothers cut a promo right after him. God bless those little knuckleheads, they’re trying.
"Grr we're the Mean Boys!"
After that little vignette, our first match of the evening is Razor Ramon up against Virgil. After Virgil’s match with Bam Bam Bigelow, I’m not super excited about him, but luckily putting him in the ring with someone who’s actually interesting does wonders for Virgil. He actually gets the crowd chanting his name 3 times during this match. I’m not totally sure though if that’s because the crowd likes him or if Razor Ramon is just good at his job. Virgil winds up losing, but this is a great match that makes both wrestlers look fantastic.
Two fantastic wrestlers? Let’s break that pattern before it starts by bringing out Giant Gonzalez and L.A. Gore. Here’s five minutes of my life I’ll never get back. The one interesting thing that happens is that L.A. Gore leaves the ring and refuses to fight when he sees who his opponent is, but Giant Gonzalez reaches down, grabs him by the skull, and throws him back inside the ring. What follows is a predictable squash match that earns Gonzalez an arena full of boos. I’m honestly not sure if that’s because he’s a heel or because he’s just the worst.
More like L.A. Bore.
Speaking of boring, here comes Tatanka. God, I want to like him so badly, but the bookers are doing a great job of giving me no reason to. His opponent is Art Thomas and of course he gets creamed. The announcers keep touting the fact that Tatanka has never been beaten. Well yeah, because his matchups are against tired dads and history teachers. Call me when he wrestles someone named Boomerang Kid or Death-Man 5000.
Next up is the main event of Money Inc. VS the Beverly Brothers. Unfortunately the Steiners have the night off so we have to make due with the Beverlys. Towards the start, Vince even says “Nobody cares who wins this match I think.” Way to sell, Vince. The Beverly Brothers cheat pretty heavily throughout the match, so when the tables finally turn on them, it leads to a pretty funny moment between the ref and Irwin R. Schyster.
Ref: "Did you tag out according to the rules?" IRS: "Yes, we are trustworthy fellows."
The last match of the night is preceded by an interesting interview, but I want to talk about the match first because it is now my vote for worst match yet. In the ring are Bam Bam Bigelow and that dummy Phil Apollo again. Who cares about these guys?! It’s so bad that Doink shows up to distract the crowd from realizing they paid for this. After Bam Bam wins, he keeps going to the top rope to leap off and deliver a flying headbutt to the supine body of Phil Apollo. Luckily for him and unluckily for us, Friar Ferguson shows up to chase him off. That’s right he’s back. With back to back episodes, this brings our Friar Ferguson appearance count to 2, which is 2 more than he deserves.
There's only enough room in this ring for ONE terrible wrestler!
Ok back to the promo. Vince is in the center of the ring as he brings up Bret “The Hitman” Hart. Bret is fresh off a bitter defeat at Wrestlemania where he lost the World Heavyweight Championship to Yokozuna (who then immediately turned around and lost it to Hogan within minutes because why not). Bret talks about being the underdog his whole life and how he’s eager to climb his way back to the top. To do that, he’s come up with a hit list and the first person on it is The Narcissist Lex Luger. He also calls out by name Yokozuna and Hulk Hogan. Could Bret’s climb back to the top be our first actual storyline? They keep teasing us with dead ends, but this could legitimately be a multi-episode saga as he goes on a historic run back to winning the championship belt. Or it could just end next week with his defeat. Don’t let me down, Bret!
The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be (hopefully)