There have been plenty of benchmarks in this project that I’ve been looking forward to and today’s show is one of the oddest.
I believe I referenced in a previous opening that I was forced at a certain point to choose which PPV I wanted to get each month because it just wasn’t practical financially to buy both. It caused some difficult decisions, but at least I saw something. However, in 1997, my family was looking to make a big move from Ohio to Florida. We spent about a month in the Sunshine State as we visited other family and looked to make a decision on where we were going to plant our flag.
In the condo we were staying in, there wasn’t the ability to order PPVs because we didn’t control the cable bill. However, if you left the PPV channel on without making a purchase, you could still HEAR the show amid a totally scrambled screen. Most kids were seeking out porn. Here I was sitting in the living room of an apartment with my ear to the audio for almost three hours to try and follow along.
When you’re a fan, you’ll do whatever it takes. That sentiment seems to be the M.O. of the WWF at the moment as well. Perpetually losing to WCW in the ratings, the Attitude Era hasn’t been given a name yet, but you can feel a change on the horizon.
With change comes some growing pains. Now, I’m able to visually follow along for the first time. Was it worth the wait?
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER 133: WWF KING OF THE RING 1997
Written on 10/28/22
HOW WE START: A black-and-white video of firsts: tag champs battling one-on-one (oh yeah, Shawn Michaels is back), a possible black WWF Champ (wow, they went there) and haunting pasts with Undertaker back with Paul Bearer. Almost as an afterthought, someone will also win King of the Ring. Super Soaker is the sponsor and the show theme is some cool, regal music. We go live in Providence, RI (like that court show) and Vince McMahon welcomes us and puts over the WWF PPV crowd. It’s just him and Jim Ross because Jerry Lawler is wrestling. Vince gets out of his seat to introduce the French and Spanish team, the latter with Tito Santana for some reason.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: KING OF THE RING SEMIFINAL MATCH-Ahmed Johnson vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna
BEFORE THE BELL: Ahmed gets a good pop and drenches himself with a bottle of water. He slaps all of the hands and holds up an “Ahmed Johnson Rules” sign. Both commentators call him the odds-on favorite. Trips is out next and Chyna is put over huge by JR as a threat. Hunter is carrying himself like more of a start on this entrance. He lost to Ahmed by DQ in the first round, but got put back in on a technicality and beat Crush. That’s random.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Ross is talking ad nauseum about their differences in background. It’s interesting that Ahmed used to be a Blood, yet still wears red. Maybe he should just wear gold and become a Latin King like Ben and Allison in Knocked Up (and the reference challenge is set). It’s all Ahmed early with power strikes and no selling. Nice press slam with two overhead pumps.
-A throw into the steel steps turns the tide. Chyna is pointed out as almost smiling. Trips hits a sloppy baseball slide and I’ve definitely don’t remember seeing him do that! He’s running the match for sure. Right on cue, Johnson botches an Irish whip and hits a ridiculous scissors kick the wrong way and a bad spinebuster to become the first LVP.
-Chyna stops the Pearl River Plunge on the apron and Ahmed takes a running knee to the back. Looks like he went to the Kane school for taking Pedigrees.
HOW DOES IT END:
Hunter Hearst Helmsley wins in 7:42 with the Pedigree
FINAL WORD: That wasn’t much of a match at all just like it’s not much of a bracket or tournament.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Ahmed runs after the heels, but stops to slowly walk through the entrance. What a goof.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: KING OF THE RING SEMIFINAL MATCH- Mankind vs Jerry Lawler
BEFORE THE BELL: Mankind gets quite a positive pop for his entrance. This is in the midst of JR’s exposé. He advanced over Savio Vega last week and immediately attacked Jerry Lawler. He gets mic time asking for Uncle Paul, but won’t be stopped without him. He claims he’ll be whatever kind of king the crowd wants him to be. It’s a pretty batty promo about the emperor without clothes and Lawler being naked and more frightening. He does a BANG BANG and gets some laughs before wrapping up with Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.” This whole thing was an MVP moment. Todd Pettengill interviews Lawler and they show him beating Goldust by cheating to advance and then rolling down the entire ramp. Todd is lame and ill-fitting of the product nowadays aka LVP. King takes his mic and walks out to cut the same silly promo with audience insults and jokes about Foley and McMahon being ugly.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Gouging and brawling on the floor to start. JR is giving full backgrounds again and says Lance Russell discovered Lawler when he was a DJ and then he was trained by Jackie Fargo.
-Jerry starts cheating and takes over amidst chants of “Lawler sucks” and “Burger King.” More brawling on the floor and Mankind actually protects himself when going into the steel steps. Then, he doesn’t against the rail twice UNPROTECTED. Cactus Jack gets a mention.
-A short piledriver on the floor and a rare dropkick by King. He seems proud of himself. A piledriver in the ring only gets a two count. Why is he even in this tournament? I think he’s contractually obligated to wrestle on every King of the Ring PPV.
-Total botch from both men misunderstanding a DDT/neckbreaker, which was supposed to be Jerry’s cutoff of Mankind’s comeback. It doesn’t matter because his sunset flip attempt is cutoff by Mankind’s finish for a good pop.
HOW DOES IT END:
Mankind wins in 10:23 with the Mandible Claw
FINAL WORD: That clash of styles worked well enough.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: Pettengill is with Brian Pillman backstage asking if he feels responsible about Stone Cold vs HBK. Austin sneaks up behind the good promo and beats the shit out of his former partner. He gives him a swirlie and talks trash like only he can.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: Crush w/The Nation of Domination vs Goldust w/Marlena
BEFORE THE BELL: No PG-13 rapping, but there are more dudes in suits with Crush. JR is really going crazy with the background info and mentions Demolition as part of Crush’s past for the first time, I think. Goldust gets a decent reaction and his facepaint is WILD. Marlena is gregarious, smiling and slapping hands. It’s a total difference in presentation because it’s also post JR interview, so all of the Dusty slander and Dustin Rhodes talk is out there. Boy, this is all so sudden, but not that bad. I think Goldust tweaked Marlena’s nipples playfully?
WHAT STANDS OUT
-A bum rush by Crush is stopped by an UNPROTECTED head smash into the steel steps and Goldust takes over. He rubs himself and uses Crush to rub him on corner punches to a confused cheering crowd. He kisses him, too. Crush fucks up a neckbreaker.
-Crush takes over on offense AKA he applies a lazy camel clutch and causes the match to grind to a halt. Ross talks about the non-PPV King of the Rings that took place in Providence. God, he’s so detailed and better than Vince, but he’s probably driving him crazy. They wish an ill Gorilla Monsoon well. Oh no, it’s started. ☹
-The clutch is finally broken with an errant low blow. JR says “if you will” to make Vince laugh. The comeback is cut off by a nice press slam into a gutbuster by Crush.
-Dusty punches, jiving and elbows by the son. The Nation advances on Marlena to distract Goldust after a bulldog. He hits D-Lo, come back inside and just wins like nothing happened.
HOW DOES IT END:
Goldust wins in 9:56 with a DDT
FINAL WORD: That wasn’t even house show worthy let alone PPV worthy.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: All kinds of canoodling after the bell. Too much kissing IMO. Goldust is wrestling for the European Title on Raw tomorrow night. D-Lo gets his first name drop on PPV during the replay.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: The Hart Foundation vs The Legion of Doom and Sid
BEFORE THE BELL: Dok Hendrix interviews the faces backstage. This should be good. Hawk talks revenge, Animal talks about tight units and Sid just says his regular shit. Todd interviews the Foundation. Bulldog’s promo stinks, Owen’s is good and Anvil is back and crazy as usual. They enter first and look at all the gold Owen is carrying between the Slammys and IC strap. LOD get a pretty tame pop. Sid’s is surprisingly better and has one lady screaming like crazy. Nice five o’clock shadow on him. He loves it. You couldn’t tell this will be his last WWE PPV. His “unpredictability” is a cover for “unreliability.”
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Animal versus Owen to start, so Owen naturally gets his ass kicked including a slingshot into the other two opponents and two powerslams. Sid almost falls on a second rope axe handle.
-Davey Boy lures Sid on a test of strength and hits a delayed suplex that’s no sold right away. Hawk versus Neidhart is really messy all due to new LVP threat Neidhart. He didn’t really need to be brought back. Ross is on his collegiate shit tonight. I don’t care that Neidhart studied political science at UCLA!
-There’s so much no selling in this match! Hawk no-sells a piledriver by Bulldog. It takes a spin kick on Animal, shots with a chair and the steps and a silly celebration to turn the tide for the Harts. Anvil needs help doing his slingshot tackle on Sid.
-Animal takes a prolonged beating. Owen is on the MVP hunt with his execution and keeping this mess together. Hawk gets the tag and he stumbles and looks silly throughout his attack. Neidhart refuses to bump normally. Sid tags in and everything has broken down.
-Bulldog takes a chokeslam, but Owen is the legal man and stops the powerbomb with a victory.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Hart Foundation wins in 13:37 when Owen Hart pins Sid with a top rope sunset flip
FINAL WORD: The Rocket tried, but that was an uncoordinated disaster.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The Road Warriors double clothesline Neidhart after the bell, but he no sells it to leave and celebrate. The commentators discuss Stone Cold’s past year since winning KOTR. A quick recap video is shown.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE: KING OF THE RING FINALS- Mankind vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna
BEFORE THE BELL: Todd interviews Mankind. He says Hunter will need a train to run him over to win, then quotes The Lion King. Awesome. He gets just as good of a pop as his first match entering, which is rare. Triple H is next and Chyna stares down a rocking Mankind in a good visual.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Actual wrestling to start and Mankind keeps up. JR mentions Dude Love and the interviews apparently haven’t ended yet.
-In both matches, Hunter has been running things, but the other guy is the story. He does seem to be a bigger deal, though. Chyna sneaks in an elbow, but Mankind sneaks in a low blow to H.
-Mankind gets hung in the ropes and his mask comes off. He puts it right back on and gets hit with a baseball slide into the steel rail. There are some boring catcalls as Hunter slows the pace with knees in the ring. Foley comes back, but both men botch a double leg pick up spot.
-On the floor, Helmsley takes a backdrop on the “concrete” floor. The elbow from the apron lands. He hits the double arm DDT, but Chyna’s distraction allowed time for a kick out. The Mandible Claw is applied in a sunset flip set up. Chyna pulls him out and Mike Chioda has to act stupid. The mask is removed again and the Claw is reapplied on the top rope.
-Things are picking up a little bit with an over-the-top clothesline. The second apron elbow misses and Mankind takes another nasty backwards fall into the rail UNPROTECTED and another UNPROTECTED landing on a step throw.
-PEDIGREE THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Ain’t no knee planted there. Allow me to reiterate Mankind is the MVP of this show. He throws a chair getting up and has a scepter broken over his back by Chyna. He’s then kneed off the apron onto the floor and into a photographer. Jesus Christ. It’s like he’s doing the dice thing too much (one more reference to go).
-Amid “Mankind” chants, he kicks out back in the ring. He won’t kick out of the next one even though he took it on his knees.
HOW DOES IT END:
Hunter Hearst Helmsley wins in 19:26 with the Pedigree
FINAL WORD: These two are destined to do this from here on in.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: The crowd is deflated and Hunter wants his crown. Chyna throws Pettengill down! Wow, I’ve never seen him roughed up. He goofily presents the robe and Chyna applies it. The crown itself is silly, so Hunter continues a beatdown of Mankind before a curtsey and triumphant exit. Mankind crawls up the ramp and won’t quit.
MATCH NUMBER SIX: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Shawn Michaels
BEFORE THE BELL: A recap video shows a bunch of chair shots to the Hart Foundation (UNPROTECTED, but we don’t count them retroactively anymore). They shockingly won the titles together, but Austin doesn’t help Shawn in a gang beating because he goes after Bret instead. The video doesn’t really do a good job being clear about this issue. Todd’s narration doesn’t help. Vince and JR, behind a broken table, put Mankind’s effort over before Bret leads his group out to do commentary. Nope, Todd is interviewing them in the ring. Nope again, Bret waves him off and tells the people to shut up. It’s almost time for him to no longer be an “invalid cripple” anymore. He cuts a so-so promo putting his group over and setting up a 10-man challenge for Canadian Stampede. He calls the PPV “In Your Hace” but fixes it. The announcers aren’t sure how they are going to join them with the broken table and officials come out to force them back. Gerald Brisco is the most vocal and Dave Hebner is almost attacked by a wild Pillman. They slowly leave and Dok interviews Austin in his locker room. He claims to be the captain of the team, but won’t cripple his partner in order to keep the straps. He pours water on himself and the camera follows his walk to the ring while the Harts continue to make a commotion as he passes. Vince doesn’t understand his popularity with the propensity to cheat. There are so many 3:16 signs and he gets quite the reception. Ross says he has the personality of a rattlesnake. Dok interviews Michaels and it’s such a laisse faire promo. His entrance gets big shrieks and he does his trademark pose with pyro at the entrance. Someone gives him flowers and another gives him a Wolfpac “Too Sweet.” There sure are a lot of girls up front for him.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Shawn gets double birds after one shoulder tackle. The match stops because security is attending to a mentally challenged fan who came over the barricade. Austin says “fuck it” and attacks Shawn before double birds back and Shawn returns to the floor to help the scene. It’s a rare nice guy moment for him and he makes sure the guy is helped to the back along with their guardian (who takes forever to arrive). Wild stuff.
-Things settle into a standard wrestling match and Austin mocks the HBK taunt after a big shot. Shawn leans on a chin lock and grounds Steve. He is also overselling (not the SummerSlam 2005 levels against Hogan) on everything. Meanwhile, JR is talking about their dads and horses.
-You can tell Austin still wants the boos and hopes that this match can make it stick. He calls Shawn a chicken on a test of strength spot. Stone Cold moves so fast that he knocks a cameraman off the apron. They show great chemistry during a fish out of water pin attempt stretch culminating in a bridge up and big over-the-top throw by Austin.
-Shawn is sent into the rail a couple times. Stone Cold exposes the concrete, sends his partner into the steps and press slams him onto the exposed floor. As usual, Austin is an MVP. Even Shawn botching a clothesline leads to a big sell and good cover up.
-HBK starts dishing out similar throws and attacks to Steve. Ross calls out the difference in bass for the cheers both men are getting. They start cooking with gas after a post hit, good near fall from a crossbody and big clothesline for a better two count.
-Right on cue, the ref gets bumped and the Stunner lands. No count for the cover, so Austin tries to wake the ref up. Scratch that, he stuns Tim White and turns into Sweet Chin Music. Chioda comes down, brains himself on the top rope and checks on his peer instead of counting the fall. He naturally takes a superkick. White is up enough to count to two on the Sweet Chin Music pin. What a mess.
-Earl Hebner comes down to yell at both man and calls it off. He technically just throws them both out?
HOW DOES IT END:
Double DQ at 23:16
FINAL WORD: That was a stupid ass finish for a stupid good match.
THE STUFF IN-BETWEEN: No bell rings. Austin tries a cheap shot with the belt, but gets caught and they stand off and get separated by more refs. “Bullshit” chants ring out. Both men pose on the buckle and get in each other’s faces before just walking out together. Shawn calls everyone a jackass. This is so odd.
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN: WWF TITLE MATCH- Faarooq w/The Nation of Domination vs The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer (Champ)
BEFORE THE BELL: Todd interviews Faarooq and the whole Nation. They attacked Taker after he beat Sid again on Raw. They are really pressing this first black champ thing. Faarooq says Taker shouldn’t be worried about Paul Bearer’s blackmail; he should be worried about THIS black male. Nice line. Todd does a corny wrap-up. Boy, he’s pushing it and being way too prevalent tonight. The whole Nation enters and have more force behind their arm raise. Dok interviews Taker and Bearer. Hendrix says everyone loves Taker no matter the secret Bearer is holding over him. Paul cuts him off and enters the LVP hunt with some annoying, over-the-top words. GONG, lights and the champ enters. McMahon mentions that Taker said he wouldn’t go to hell when he passed because he’s living it right now. He’s already dead! Kayfabe!!! Vince also discusses Faarooq playing the race card. I mean, it’s not like he’s doing it for Eric Bana in Munich or anything (and we are done). Taker refuses help from Paul with his jacket.
WHAT STANDS OUT
-Faarooq blindsides before the bell, but Taker answers back quick. JR talks about Ron Simmons and Paul complains about the lack of leg hook on a pin attempt. Boy is he obnoxious.
-The Nation attacks Taker, but Faarooq can’t really capitalize. Taker goes for Old School, but does a Coffin Drop back onto the Nation on the floor and beats them all up. Nice spot.
-He goes for it again and a distraction means the Nation shakes the rope and Taker is crotched. He’s thrown to the floor, but boots the steps back into Faarooq’s chest.
-Big piledriver by Faarooq for two. He applies a chin lock on the mat with his feet weirdly on the ropes trying to cheat, but it’s blatantly not doing anything. Taker gets out with a jawbreaker that was more Stunner than anything.
-Crush randomly pushes Clarence Mason down and jaws with Savio. It distracts their leader and it leads to the finish. His head is tucked in, so it doesn’t look like death.
HOW DOES IT END:
The Undertaker retains in 13:43 with the Tombstone
FINAL WORD: That was fine, but a weak PPV main event.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: Savio and Crush take chokeslams after the bell. Paul wants more damage to Faarooq, so Taker begrudgingly chokeslams him. It’s not enough and Paul forces another. Bearer says one more and the tone is all so odd. Faces and heels shouldn’t be this muddled. On the third chokeslam, Ahmed Johnson runs out to yell at Taker about Bearer. He sticks up for Faarooq, claiming that’s a human being. What the fuck?!?! They’ve been trying to kill each other for a year! Faarooq gets out of the ring and Ahmed hits Taker with the Pearl River Plunge when he won’t listen. Garbage is thrown and I agree. Taker sits up and stares at Paul to cheers, but nothing happens and Paul skedaddles like a funny fat guy. He's backed up the ramp. There’s a prominent sign that says “Vince, don’t ruin Sasuke.” We sign off.
THE LAST IMAGE: The Undertaker and Paul Bearer
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Sure, his body always takes a licking, but Mankind is getting his character to tick and he’s the only one that can make some of the words work as well as they do.
FINAL LVP of PPV: Jim Neidhart was surrounded by a mess, but Todd Pettengill just doesn’t fit the product anymore and he was all over this show. He hampered everything he was a part of.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Shawn Michaels
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: The Hart Foundation vs The Legion of Doom and Sid
FINAL THOUGHTS: This show should have been awesome with its shades of grey, but it was just confusing and too grimy. The crowd was hot, but I was not because most of the matches lacked any energy and the stories just weren’t fun to follow. I think Vince Russo is officially in charge here. MULLET DOES NOT RECOMMEND.
NEXT TIME: I was still on vacation in 1997, so this will be the first time I watch Great American Bash instead of listen to it as well.