Spoiler alert: Both shows suck this week. Once again, Raw isn’t even live so therefore nothing good is allowed to happen.
Our first match is the British Bulldog VS Jake the Snake Roberts. Jake loses the match by countout when he chases Jim Cornette away from the ring with his boa constrictor, probably for not being the only one not named after an animal.
Then Fatu fights Goldust. Who cares?! Fatu has nothing to do with anything.
We then get a video from the day before of a tag team match between Shawn Michaels & Diesel VS Bret Hart & the Undertaker. Sounds like a killer match, right? So why not show it live then? Why do we instead get a Diesel/Barry Horowitz match? Oh and I should mention that during that tag match, Diesel uses a chair to beat down both the Undertaker and Bret Hart before he turns and betrays his friend Shawn Michaels. Oh, but that’s cool, I’d rather see him fight Barry Horowitz for no reason. It’s not like you’re competing for ratings or anything.
When Nitro starts, the Giant is already beating up Loch Ness on the ramp to the ring. Lex Luger, who is supposed to be fighting Loch Ness, saunters past and enters the ring. The ref signals for the match to begin and after a ten count awards the win to Luger since Loch Ness has been counted out. Cool start to your show.
After that is the only redeeming thing all night for either show: the Steiner Brothers VS Public Enemy. It’s not the best match you’ll ever see, but at least it’s fun.
After that is Arn Anderson VS the Booty Man. I hate this so much. Booty Man, a man whose gimmick is having a booty, is fighting the Enforcer of one of the baddest wrestling stables of all time. The fact that Arn Anderson doesn’t just eat this guy alive is absolutely confounding. And somehow Arn gets distracted enough by some commotion outside the ring to lose to the guy. Arn Anderson lost to The Booty Man. This is insane.
The show ends with the same match we’ve been seeing: Ric Flair & the Taskmaster VS Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage, but this time it’s a Texas Tornado Match, which just means all four men are in the ring at once. Obviously both sides have all their buddies wind up interfering. It’s worth mentioning though that Hulk Hogan’s one-time nemesis Zeus now seems to be a part of the Dungeon of Doom. So I guess that’s kind of neat.
Verdict: Can I just pass on both of the shows this week? No, you know what? I’m giving it to Raw because at least they’re not jobbing out Arn Anderson to the Booty Man.
Winner this week: Raw
Score to date: Nitro 18, Raw 7
(Television Ratings: Raw - 2.9; Nitro - 3.6)