May 13, 1996 - Monday Night Wars 32

Raw 159

  • Tonight, Raw finally figured out how to make the Bodydonnas interesting. For weeks, Vince hasn’t been able to tell the two men apart, so I guess the writers decided to embrace it. Skip (or maybe Zip) begins a one-on-one match with Ahmed Johnson, but the ref keeps getting distracted by Sunny, allowing Zip (or maybe Skip) to switch places with the other one, effectively creating a handicap match for Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed still ends up winning, but hopefully the Bodydonnas can keep up this gimmick.

  • After that is a commercial for something called “Warrior University”. Is it a school? A training center for aspiring wrestlers? A scam? It’s hard to say.

I'm not even sure if that's the Ultimate Warrior talking to us or not. What is happening?!

  • Moving on, Vince interviews Paul Bearer while the Undertaker stands silently by. For some reason though, Goldust and Marlena decide now is a prudent time to interrupt them. After being provoked by Goldust, Taker begins beating him senseless until Mankind attacks him from behind and paralyzes him with the mandible. But of course, he’s the Undertaker so he doesn’t stay down for long.

 Good Link and Dark Link.

Good Link and Dark Link.

  • We then get a little video showing us that the WWF went to Kuwait to bring some sports entertainment to the people there. I have no idea why. They mention that the Gulf War happened there five years ago, so maybe that’s good enough.

  • Finally, the main event is a non-title match between Shawn Michaels and Hunter Hearst Helmsley. For some reason, Mr. Perfect is also watching from the ramp. Maybe we’ll find out why later. Or maybe it’s another false start to a storyline that never takes off. Still, Hunter looks very good in this match. This is certainly his highest profile match he’s had yet so things are looking up for him, even though he loses tonight.

Nitro 35

  • Nitro meanwhile doesn’t feature much in the way of story, but it’s got some decent wrestling at least. The Steiner Brothers against Public Enemy is always a good time. And following that up is Chris Benoit who is great no matter who he’s in the ring with (in tonight’s case it’s Squire David Taylor).

  • The one storyline they choose to follow up on is the loose cannon Macho Man one. He’s now barred from entering the venue altogether. Mean Gene tries to make sense of what’s happening with him and accuses him of having gone crazy. Savage tells him that he’s going to take the WCW and turn it upside down, whatever that may mean. I’m really not sure if we’re supposed to be rooting for him or not.

  • Next up is Ric Flair fighting VK Wallstreet who hasn’t been seen since like, the first week of Nitro. Obviously Flair wins. I have no idea why this match was even booked.

  • The final match is Lex Luger VS the Giant who is defending his World Heavyweight Championship. The fight spills out onto the floor where Ric Flair is sitting enjoying a fancy meal with Woman and Miss Elizabeth for no particular reason. The Giant sweeps away the food and the tablecloth and the candelabra and chokeslams Luger through the table.

Ummm...check please!

Verdict: Both shows are pretty decent this week and both have some fun spots. I’m going to give it to Raw this week though because even though it’s taped, they still managed to have more interesting matches and story development. It's interesting because I'd expect more from Nitro since it's heading into Slamboree.

Winner this week: Raw

Score to date: Nitro 22, Raw 10

(Television Ratings: Raw - 3.5; Nitro - 2.3)