Coming off of last night’s “In Your House” pay per view, today’s episode of Raw is also live so that all bodes well for a good episode. Unfortunately I’m wrong.
The first match up is Jeff Jarrett VS Fatu, but they’re really only fighting so that Ahmed can interfere and get a few hits in on Double J as payback for what happened last night at “In Your House” when Jeff Jarrett hit Ahmed in the head with a folding chair. That’s a long explanation for a feud I’m not super excited about. The best thing about Double J was his Roadie, but he’s nowhere to be seen.
Maybe the worst storyline to begin at “In Your House” though is the one where Goldust is now just overtly gay and sent Razor Ramon a letter expressing how attracted he was to him. Nothing good will come of this, especially not in the mid-nineties. Tonight on Raw, Goldust says, “You claim that you ooze machismo? Well chico, let’s ooze it together.” I just don’t understand how Raw can be a show for kids and then have characters say stuff like that. Vince even says on commentary that it’s “one of the most appalling things we’ve ever had in the WWF.” Well, dawg, you wrote it!
During the Brother Love show, Ted DiBiase says that the Santa Claus from last night that beat up Savio Vega is actually “Zanta Klaus” who lives in the South Pole and who takes things instead of giving them. I guess we’re just filling time now.
Speaking of which, the final few minutes of the episode are a video package for Shawn Michaels which is just in case he does retire. So a pre-emptive in memoriam tribute? Why don’t we just do one for every wrestler now so we can save time later.
As if Raw wasn’t going to lose already, today’s Nitro starts out with the announce team getting interrupted by none other than WWF Women’s Champion Alundra Blayze who tells us her name is now Madusa. She then brandishes the actual WWF Women’s Championship belt and throws it in the trash can, announcing that if Nitro is where the big boys play, then it’s now also where the big girls play, too. Holy cow, WCW is absolutely out for the WWF’s blood and I love it. Raw isn’t even in the same league as them right now. Not to mention Raw won’t even be on next week, so not only will Nitro once again get a free week in the ratings war, Raw won’t even be able to rebut what’s happened here tonight. Savage.
Last month Ric Flair was too good to face Eddie Guerrero. Well, I guess he’s changed his mind because he gets in the ring with him to start the show off. Eddie does his best, but Flair gets him in the Figure-four and it’s all over. Except that Eddie never taps. He actually ends up passing out from the pain and the ref ends the match. I’m really surprised by this ending, but it makes Eddie look awesome without Flair losing or having a screwy ending so I’m very in favor of it.
The final match of the night is Macho Man VS The Giant, but Hogan runs out during the match, hits both the Giant and the Taskmaster with a chair and then shoves the ref out of his way. A second ref comes in to stop him and Hogan hits him with the chair. He’s going nuts so Mongo and his former teammate William 'Refrigerator' Perry who happens to be in the studio both come down to stop him which doesn’t really work. The crowd is chanting for Hogan and I absolutely hate them for it. After the smoke clears, the Hulkster gives an interview to Mean Gene saying that he’s sick of waiting and wants a title shot immediately. He also addresses Mongo and Refrigerator Perry, saying that he has a lot of respect for them on the football field, but they better not ever make the mistake of getting in his arena because he’ll take them out real fast. He is so obviously a heel that it’s maddening! I absolutely can not put myself into the shoes of a kid during this time that sees him as a hero. That’s what’s wrong with America today: it’s being run by kids who thought Hulk Hogan was a good guy.
Verdict: Raw decided that to compete with Nitro, they needed a weirdly homoerotic/homophobic angle. Meanwhile, their Women’s Champion jumped ship to their competitor where I bet she’ll get more screen time than she ever got on WWF programming. Raw’s ship is sinking and they’re rearranging deck chairs.
Winner this week: Nitro
Score to date: Nitro 14, Raw 1
(Television Ratings: Raw - 2.3; Nitro - 2.7)