This episode we jump straight into the action and spoiler alert: it’s all downhill from here. Bret “The Hitman” Hart squares off against Fatu from a team called The Headshrinkers while their manager/shaman stalks around the ring with a shrunken head in his hands. Seriously, how many untamed savage characters does one company need? The WWF is the worst thing to happen to Aboriginals since the Dutch East India Company. The Headshrinkers seem like pretty good wrestlers, but it feels like a waste of time to pit Bret Hart against either of them.
After Bret wins, we get our first shot of the announcers for the night and discover that Rob Bartlett has decided to dress up like Elvis and call the rest of the show in character. And by “call the show” I mean provide absolutely nothing of value. What could be worse than this?
Great. Doink’s back, this time against Koko B. Ware. It looks like they both buy their outfits from the same Party City outlet store. Somehow Doink gets the win by submission because I guess Koko’s only allowed to win when he’s teamed up with Owen Hart. After Doink’s win, Rob Bartlett/Elvis decides to interview him. Great, my two favorite people on screen together. The interview ends when Doink hits Elvis in the face with a banana cream pie. This is the truly the height of comedy.
Once the audience’s laughter finally dies down, we’re treated to a very long promo from Money Inc. They’re the only guys I care about in this entire episode and they don’t even get to wrestle. During their promo, IRS refers to his attache case that he clobbered Brutus Beefcake with as “the Beef-case” which is pretty funny. He also shows us that they’ve taped a picture of Hulk Hogan on it to indicate that he’s next.
After that Lex Luger shows up to pulverize PJ Walker who looks young enough to still not know which colleges he should be applying to. What’s the point of this match? Lex Luger is obviously going to destroy this kid so why even book it? I have to assume matches like this are to give the announcers some time to “be funny” since they use this time to call up Bobby Heenan and shoot the breeze with him. I guess at this point in time the WWF isn’t really concerned with storylines and plot.
The last match of the night is another dud as the Steiner Brothers easily beat the team of Barry Hardy and Duane Gill. When the matches have no stakes, I just can’t be bothered to get into them. I do like the Steiner Brothers though and wish they would give them real matches. Is it fun for audiences in 1993 to just watch 2 dudes beat up 2 other dudes?
Why are they pushing Doink so hard? He’s even got a match at Wrestlemania 9.
Is Money Inc. a heel team because they’re arrogant or because they’re rich?
Will we actually see a decent match next episode? I sure hope so.