Episode 50 - January 31, 1994: The Coin Flip Heard Round the World

Well, it was a good run, JR. I was sad to see that Jim Ross did not return this week on Raw, instead being replaced by maybe my least favorite person to listen to in the whole company, Irwin R Schyster. Yeah he’s definitely the guy that needs more mic time. I keep forgetting if I’m a tax cheat or not. I’m glad IRS is here to set me straight for an entire episode.

 No, Vince. Thumbs down.

No, Vince. Thumbs down.

The first match of the night was scheduled to be the 1-2-3 Kid VS Johnny Polo, but when the Kid makes his entrance, he’s on crutches and sporting a brace that covers his entire right leg. The Kid hobbles over to the commentary team and instead his good friend Marty Jannetty takes his place in the ring for a spur of the moment rematch against Johnny Polo. Marty gets off to an early advantage when he takes a microphone cable and ties up Johnny Polo’s legs and beats him up. Eventually Johnny manages to extricate himself and leaves in a huff to go back to the locker room but Jannetty chases him down and brings him back to the ring. With no outside interference from the Quebecers or anyone else, Jannetty wins clean in the middle of the ring. IRS declares that Jannetty was cheating, to which the 1-2-3 Kid shoots back “It takes one to know one”. Ooh, sick playground burn! I’m rubber, you’re glue.Well IRS doesn’t take kindly to that and shoves the Kid to the floor which causes Jannetty to run over to help his friend and leads to a tussle right there at the announcing table, much to Vince’s dismay.

 Only a monster like IRS would fight somebody so lovable. Look at that smile!

Only a monster like IRS would fight somebody so lovable. Look at that smile!

In the confusion, the 1-2-3 Kid manages to steal IRS’s briefcase, containing Razor Ramon’s stolen gold chains, and runs back to the locker room with it. IRS finally realizes what’s happened and tries to run the Kid down, but just as he gets to the curtain, Razor’s music hits and he emerges from the back, now complete with his signature gold chains around his neck and accompanied by Jannetty. IRS decides he’s had enough for one day, tucks his tail between his legs, and returns back to Vince and the announcer’s table.

After all this commotion, we move on to the coin-tossing ceremony that will decide who will be facing Yokozuna at Wrestlemania X. Jack Tunney has determined that the World Heavyweight Championship will be defended twice. Whoever wins the coin toss will face Yokozuna. The loser of the coin toss will face an opponent of equal challenge. If Bret loses the coin toss, he must face his brother Owen. If Lex loses the coin toss, he must face Crush. The winner of that match will then face the winner of the Yokozuna match. It’s fairly straightforward, but at the same time it’s pretty needlessly complicated. They keep having to show diagrams to us so we can understand what’s going on.

 Don't tell grampa we used his fancy quarter!

Don't tell grampa we used his fancy quarter!

I really don’t understand why Jack Tunney flips an actual coin, leaving the outcome of the match up to chance. From my point of view, there are much larger stakes in a Bret/Owen match as opposed to a Lex/Crush match. I have to imagine it’d be a much better show overall if we saw Bret defeat Owen and then go on to fight either Lex or Yokozuna, both of whom he has history with as well. Luckily that’s the way the coin flip went, so that’s the story we’re working towards.

After that, we get the Raw debut of Kwang. He’s accompanied by his manager Harvey Wippleman which is surprising to me. I would have expected him to be with Mr. Fuji. He’s wearing a hood over his head and when he gets in the ring, he pulls it off to reveal that he’s wearing a mask underneath anyway. It’s unintentionally hilarious and stupid. He does however spit that really cool green mist in the face of his opponent which is just the best.

 Yo dawg we heard you like masks!

Yo dawg we heard you like masks!

We end the night with a promo featuring Paul Bearer in a cemetery telling us that the Undertaker will return. I can’t wait. When he finally shows back up, it’s going to be pandemonium.