Episode 43 - December 12, 1993: Macho Madness

So last episode, Bobby Heenan was thrown out of the building by Gorilla Monsoon under the pretenses that Gorilla had finally had enough of the Weasel’s rude comments. Gorilla also made sure to pack the Brain’s bags for him, which he unceremoniously tossed out after him. At the time, I thought this was just another bit, but it turns out that that was the last episode of Raw with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan on the commentary team. It seems that an old neck injury had been wearing on him and so he made the decision to step away. With Randy Savage also taking his leave from the announce table, that leaves Vince McMahon looking awfully lonely. Luckily Bobby’s old friend Jim Cornette steps up to the plate tonight and gives Vince a hand with the commentary. Jim talks a mile a minute and is a fun break from the norm, but I’m not sure if he’d be a good fit long term. I’m interested to see who they get moving forward.

 A tennis racket dressed up like Santa Claus is not going to cut it as an announcer for long.

A tennis racket dressed up like Santa Claus is not going to cut it as an announcer for long.

Speaking of the Macho Man, he’s up first in his return match versus Fatu from the Headshrinkers. Fatu maintains the advantage for most of the fight. Savage tries to mount an offense, but unfortunately he keeps focusing on head-based attacks, which everyone knows have no effect on Samoans. He really just gets manhandled by Fatu, but he manages to come back with a vicious clothesline that sends Fatu spinning through the air and lays him out flat which sets up Savage perfectly for the big flying elbow drop and the win. This match made the Macho Man look like he’s got a little ring rust to work off, which is really great story-telling if it was intentional.

 The majestic Macho Man released back into the wild.

The majestic Macho Man released back into the wild.

After the match, Todd Pettengill introduces another call-in vote line. Clearly these things are just a license to print money. The survey today is entitled “Should Macho Man Be Allowed to Co-Host WWF Mania with Todd Pettengill?”. Why would they ask us this question during Raw? Shouldn’t they just ask the people who watch WWF Mania? What do we care if Randy Savage is on some other program, as long as they keep letting him wrestle during Raw?

Following Todd, we’re given a little PSA by Lex Luger about the dangers of drugs. He tells us to “Just Say No”. I wish Vince would just say no to Lex Luger segments.

Our next match is the Smoking Gunns VS Steve Smyth & Jim Massenger. This is a pretty typical squash match, except for some reason Captain Lou Albano is hanging around at ringside. Is he looking to be the new manager of the Smoking Gunns? That might be kind of an interesting development, but he seems like a weird choice for them.

 Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Let’s move on to my main man, the Undertaker VS J.S. Storm. During this fight, we find out that at the upcoming Royal Rumble, the Undertaker will be fighting Yokozuna in a casket match. I’m not sure if the Heavyweight Championship will be on the line or not though. All I do know is they’re gonna need a bigger casket for Yokozuna. At the end of the fight with J.S. Storm, Paul Bearer lays out a body bag for him that the Undertaker deposits his lifeless body in. Brutal.

 When is the WWF going to ban performance enhancing urns?

When is the WWF going to ban performance enhancing urns?

We’re then told that next week will finally be the debut of Double J Jeff Jarrett. After all this hype, we better get a big payoff. Maybe he can start a fight with one of the Smoking Gunns to determine who’s more country and/or western.