Episode 16 - May 9, 1993: Guess Who’s Hack, Hack Again?

In recent weeks, Raw has been showing us the mounting tension between Shawn Michaels and Mr. Perfect, and this episode only adds more fuel to the fire. We start out with what seems like a real interview that Shawn Michaels is giving out on the street in front of dozens of fans. But out of nowhere, Mr. Perfect shows up and decks Shawn in the face, starting an all out brawl. The fans are going NUTS because at this point people still think wrestling is real and seeing Mr. Perfect slam Shawn Michaels into a car’s windshield is pretty crazy, even for New York City. Eventually we cut away and get our first match of the night, which is a real snoozer compared to this.

 A face even a mother would punch.

A face even a mother would punch.

The match is Bam Bam Bigelow VS Typhoon. Watching two big fat guys sweat on each other while breathing hard isn’t exactly my idea of a fun time. I do have to hand it to them though because they’re both way stronger than you might think. Both of them are able to pick up and body slam the other with what looks like no effort at all. Eventually Bam Bam comes out on top. I assume this is because he got a new outfit and the writers wanted to do something nice for him to celebrate.

 Deep vees are so hot right now.

Deep vees are so hot right now.

Speaking of big fat guys, next up is Yokozuna, who is certainly a heavyweight champion, if not the heavyweight champion. His opponent is PJ Walker who looks to be in incredible shape, which doesn’t stop Yokozuna from crushing his ribcage into dust with a Banzai Drop. We’re then informed that Yokozuna will be back next week and facing Kamala. Good lord, Vince must think we love seeing fat guys slap and wheeze at each other.

The final match of the night is the lumberjack match we were promised last week. Several wrestlers (including Mr. Hughes, Terry Taylor, Typhoon, Bam Bam Bigelow, Mr. Perfect, Bob Backlund, Tatanka, and Yokozuna) post up around the outside of the ring wearing red flannel shirts, presumably so any hunters in the audience will not mistake them for deer. Once they are in place, Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes crashing out of the locker room area and charges towards the ring, only to see Yokozuna and fly into a rage due to their history together. The refs break it up after a bit, which leads me to think it’s some sort of foreshadowing…

 "I heard deep vees were in."

"I heard deep vees were in."

Finally Shawn Michaels hobbles out on crutches. Well, I guess the match is off. Shawn got too beat up by Mr. Perfect earlier that day. Sorry, maybe next time! Mr. Perfect has other plans though and grabs the Heartbreak Kid and throws him into the ring anyway. Turns out it was a just a ploy to get out of the match, because Shawn seems to be just fine. Hacksaw changes that soon enough though and proceeds to beat him senseless for the next 10 minutes. Shawn may not be stronger, but he is smarter and takes control of the match by forcing Hacksaw out of the ring and into Yokozuna who coldcocks him and knocks him out. I suppose you could call this “Chekhov’s Sumo.” Shawn goes for the pin, but at the last second Mr. Perfect jumps in and interferes. The ref ends the match immediately, giving Shawn the win due to DQ and for absolutely no reason, all the lumberjacks jump into the ring and start brawling with one another. Smelling violence in the air, Hacksaw comes to his senses and starts swinging his signature 2x4 at anybody and everybody, clearing the squared circle in seconds flat. While the match itself was lackluster, at least they’re building up this HBK/Mr. Perfect feud. Things could get very interesting.

 Let's just pray we don't have to suffer through an HBK/Yokozuna VS Mr. Perfect/Hacksaw tag team match.

Let's just pray we don't have to suffer through an HBK/Yokozuna VS Mr. Perfect/Hacksaw tag team match.